


The Simplicity in Happiness

by Minnie_Mochi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Asexual Character, Body Image, CHUBBY SEUNGKWAN, Chan has hearing disorder, Established Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Eventual Smut, Everybody is LGBT, Flirting, Fluff, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Man I love chubby Seungkwan, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Fandoms Not Mentioned in Tags, Panic Attacks, Romance, Underage Drinking, supportive friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2019-10-31 19:12:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 117,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17855396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minnie_Mochi/pseuds/Minnie_Mochi
Summary: Seungkwan's senior year is quite frankly going just as horribly as the previous years of high school. He still has body image problems, a difficult home life, a horrible past, and not to mention a huge crush on Hansol. It's not fair. But at least he has his friends and brothers by his side, everything will be okay... right?Hansol's senior year seems to be going perfectly fine. But just like his previous years in high school, it never really is. He still is struggling with guilt from the past, annoying ass friends, and not to mention the huge "sexuality crisis" he's going through at the moment. It ain't fair! But it'll all pass. Just leave it alone until it fixes itself... right?





	1. Chapter 1

Jeonghan lied to him. He lied to Seungkwan with that reassuring smile on his face, and if he didn’t love Jeonghan so much, he’d probably have the desire to fight him for it. “Your senior year is your best year,” Jeonghan had said. “It’ll be a breeze, just try your hardest.”

And because Jeonghan was his big brother, of course he believed him. But he lied. Even if it was just a month into his senior year, Seungkwan decided that he still hated school just as much as he always did.

Alright, maybe senior year was a _little_ better than his previous years. One of his best friends, Wonwoo, had a car now, he had more freedom, and he was just that much closer to leaving the hell hole everyone liked to call high school. But it still sucked for all of the same reasons that Seungkwan _really_ didn’t want to talk about. Just thinking about it made his stomach churn.

The day was already off to a bad start because he woke up ten minutes before his alarm and he _really_ could’ve used those extra ten minutes. But when he had finally drifted back into a decent sleep, the alarm was going off. Seungkwan whimpered.

“I hate my liffee,” Seungkwan sang along softly to the tune of his ringtone as he reached to his side table to stop the music. It was starting to annoy him. Seungkwan loved the Wonder Girls, he really did, but he didn’t appreciate them for waking him up on the daily basis. He’d have to remember later to change his ringtone.

Blinking a few times, Seungkwan managed to drag himself out of bed and maneuver around his room in the dark since there was only the faint light of early dawn lighting the room through the curtains. His feet seemed to automatically take him to his little brother’s room out of habit from doing the same thing every morning.

Get out of bed at 6 in the morning, go to Chan’s room and wake him up, brush teeth, wash face, and the rest was pretty self explanatory.

“Channie?” As soon as Seungkwan called the ten year old’s name, he couldn’t help but roll his eyes at himself. Chan wouldn’t be able to hear him very well, even if he was awake. Not without the boy’s hearing aids on at least. And Jeonghan has yelled at Chan enough times about wearing his hearing aids while sleeping, so hopefully Chan happened to listen this time.

Seungkwan attempted to walk around carefully in the darkness of Chan’s room so he didn’t step on any toys. But even with his cautiousness, Seungkwan still kicked a few of Chan’s toy cars and stepped on one of his dolls since Chan lacked any cleanliness. Hopefully that wasn’t his favorite he'd stepped on either.

Even with Seungkwan’s loud groans of irritation filling the space of the room, Chan didn’t move a bit. Okay, then that meant that Chan actually followed directions last night and didn’t fall asleep with his hearing aids in.

With his toes aching and bottom of his left foot stinging, Seungkwan finally made it to the the boy’s bed and leaned over to shake him. Chan sniffed and reached out a hand to feel Seungkwan’s arm. He couldn’t see in the dark and he couldn’t hear without the aids so the next best thing was to touch.

Seungkwan quickly turned on the bedside lamp and grabbed the hearing aids from their case to secure them on Chan’s ears for him. The hearing aids were customly made and adorned with white flowers all over it. It looked more like one of those decorative earrings that framed the ear than hearing aids, but Chan insisted that there were flowers on them. If he was happy then that was all that mattered.

Still half asleep, Chan gave a small smile of gratitude to his older brother as Seungkwan sat on the edge of the mattress and fiddled with Chan’s ear just to get him to laugh. This was something Seungkwan also did every morning.

“I love you,” Seungkwan uttered when he’d secured one hearing aid in, knowing that Chan could hear his voice now. Shifting to lay on his other side so Seungkwan could put the other aid on, Chan breathed back a response even in his mostly sleeping state. “Love you too, Kwannie.”

With both of his hearing aids in now, Chan was a bit more awake but far from being fully awake.

“Okay, now get up.”

“Mmm. Alright.” Almost zombie-like, Chan moved slowly to sit up and weakly stretch his small limbs. Even for a ten year old, Chan was still pretty small.

“Okay, I’m gonna go take a quick shower. I’ll be out in ten,” Seungkwan told him. Chan only groaned in response. As soon as Seungkwan stepped out of the room, there was the light sound of something falling on Chan’s mattress. He was sure Chan had literally just collapsed back into bed for a few more minutes. And he couldn’t blame him.

 

***

 

Stepping out of the shower, Seungkwan tried with all of his might to avoid the mirror. But with the small space of the bathroom, he couldn’t help but catch a glance, even if just a small one. And once he did, it was like he couldn’t take his eyes away from the sorry excuse for a body he had. The mirror was foggy from the steam floating around the enclosed space of the bathroom but it was clear enough to see all of his shortcomings.

Seungkwan always had plump, chubby cheeks. But now, his chubby cheeks weren’t the only plump part about him anymore. His tummy was pudgy and there were patterns of faint stretch marks on his thickening thighs. The logical side of Seungkwan’s mind always reminded him that he wasn’t fat.

His friends always called him _fluffy_ and Seungkwan took pride in that. Or at least tried to.

But the emotional side of Seungkwan-- and he was more of feeling type of guy anyway-- always made him feel like he _was_ fat. If someone slapped any part of Seungkwan, he would jiggle. It was embarrassing that his weight would fluctuate like this. Sometimes, Seungkwan would lose a bit of weight and he’d be skinny _enough_ but then he’d end up like this again. Give it another month or two and his weight would be fluctuating yet again.

Gosh he hated his body.

Not being able to help it, Seungkwan poked at his belly. He grimaced immediately and moved out of the way of the mirror. He didn’t want to see what he was. That day, Seungkwan wore the biggest hoodie he could find in his closet.

 

***

 

“Bagels. We have bagels. Right? Where the hell are the bagels?” Jeonghan moaned in exasperation as closed the fridge a bit too hard when he found zero freaking bagels stored there.

“We gave the last one to Chan yesterday,” Seungkwan said as he strolled into the kitchen, feeling a bit better now that he was completely covered and hidden in this hoodie. Even though the feeling of bitterness still lingered in his chest, he didn't have the overwhelming desire to hide. Which was a good thing.

Jeonghan groaned again and shook his head in disbelief before moving to search through the overhead cabinets.

“I really need to go the store,” Jeonghan huffed when he found nothing for them to eat for breakfast in the cabinets either. “I asked Seungcheol to go last night but I guess it slipped his mind or something. I swear he’s so freaking forgetful and it’s just ridiculous.”

Even though Jeonghan was talking to himself, Seungkwan still wrapped his arms around Jeonghan and hugged him tightly. Letting his older brother know that he was listening to him and his worries. Jeonghan buried his face in Seungkwan’s hair, inhaling the scent of fresh citrus from Seungkwan’s shampoo.

Seungkwan and Chan came to live with Jeonghan and his boyfriend, Seungcheol, after their mom had lost custody of the two of them about two years ago.

Seungkwan had noticed all of the signs of her being addicted to morphine but never said anything. Afraid of being teased. Afraid of changed. Afraid of losing everything. Even if all he knew at that point was a drug addict mother, it was still better than having an unknown future.

It wasn’t until Jeonghan visited that he realized and through the biggest tantrum Seungkwan had ever seen from him.

Jeonghan’s voice, no matter how angry he would get, was always incredibly soft. Sometimes, you couldn’t take him seriously because his voice always failed him. But that day, the last day Seungkwan and Chan was with their mother, Jeonghan blew up in anger. It took Seungcheol to literally hold him back from destroying the house.

From what Seungkwan knew now, his mom was in a rehabilitation program but there was no way he could confirm that.

Even though Jeonghan was their legal guardian now, he was also still trying his best to finish his graduate program and get his masters degree in video programming and computer science. To say it was difficult was an understatement but Jeonghan was determined to get through it. For himself and to show his two younger brothers that determination, support, and a lot of hard work can truly pay off.

“There you are, Hannie,” Seungcheol said as he ambled into the kitchen with his button up shirt carelessly unbuttoned. Seungkwan let Jeonghan go, already feeling that there was a fight that was coming. Taking a seat at the island, he watched as Seungcheol moved to press a kiss against Jeonghan’s forehead.

“I thought I asked you to go to the store yesterday?” Jeonghan asked, his tone soft but passive aggressive, completely ignoring the sweet gesture.

Seungcheol stopped before bringing a considerably large hand to palm his face. “I completely forgot, Han. I’m so sorry. I was so busy last night.”

“Doing what?” Jeonghan’s lip was upturned as if he didn’t believe Seungcheol’s excuse of being “busy.”

“There’s a deadline coming up with the video game. I’ve been trying to fix a few bugs in its design before we send it off to the development team.”

Unlike Jeonghan, Seungcheol had already finished his graduate's degree last year and was now working at a video game design company. One of the biggest in Seoul, in fact. From what Seungkwan could tell, Seungcheol loved his job.

“I thought this game was supposed to be released in like a year?” Seungkwan said, absentmindedly speaking his thoughts. Seungcheol shot him a warning look, telling him _not_ to get him into more trouble than he already was in. But Jeonghan seemed pleased by the reminder.

“He’s right, though,” Jeonghan continued.

“The development process for a game takes a long time, sweetheart. Look, I’ll go to the store today as soon as I get off of work and pick up Chan from his dance classes. I promise. Promise, promise, _promise,_ ” Seungcheol reassured. This time, he pressed a kiss to Jeonghan’s lips that Seungkwan faked a gag at. But they ignored Seungkwan, only pulling away from each other when Chan came into the kitchen.

“Eww, Cheollie and Hannie are trying to do the nasty in the kitchen,” Chan whined, dragging his backpack behind him.

“No, we aren’t. Just sharing the love,” Seungcheol said. He rounded the island grabbed Chan from the floor and held him in his arms. “People give kisses to show how much they love each other. Like this.”

Chan already knew it was coming but was too slow to avoid Seungcheol’s kisses that were being pressed all over the skin of his face. Chan pushed and pushed but couldn't escape the kisses. “I give up!” Chan pleaded. “I need no more kisses! The kiss meter is at 100!”

Seungkwan was giggling along with Jeonghan as Seungcheol finally put Chan to his feet and fixed the hearing aid that had shifted around in the struggle.

Chan was diagnosed with Otosclerosis when they were a lot younger. And while he could get surgery to fix it, the surgery was way too expensive for Jeonghan and Seungcheol to afford right now. So for now, Chan was stuck with his custom hearing aids.

“Since I forgot to go to the store last night, here’s some cash. Stop somewhere and grab something quick to eat before school,” Seungcheol said, reaching into his pants pocket to pull out a random bill.

“What about you guys?” Seungkwan asked.

“We’ll be fine. Just take it.”

While Seungkwan was still thinking about it, Chan had already made his decision. He grabbed the bill from Seungcheol’s hand with a proud, “Thanks!” and was running towards the living room. Count on him to be the inconsiderate one. But he was Chan so Seungkwan expected nothing less of the youngest of the house.

“Wonwoo is driving you guys to school, right?” Jeonghan asked.

“Yeah, I think he’s here actually.” Seungkwan looked at the time on his phone. It was 7:14. He was usually here around this time. “We’ll go outside and wait,” Seungkwan said, pulling his backpack onto his shoulder.

“Okay. What’s the rule of the day?” Seungcheol said.

Seungkwan rolled his eyes and stomped his foot. “Don’t do this.”

“Come on, Kwan,” Jeonghan pushed. “Tell us.”

“Ugh. It’s to be confident,” Seungkwan mumbled.

“I didn’t quite hear you,” Jeonghan teased. “Did you hear him, Cheollie?”

“No, I didn’t hear him either, baby.”

“Be confident!” Seungkwan groaned louder.

“Good. Now go. Have a great day,” Jeonghan laughed, curling his arms around Seungcheol’s waist. Almost like parents watching their kids go to school for the first time. “Have a great day, Chan!” Jeonghan yelled so Chan could hear him from the living room.

“You too!” Chan hollered back.

With a smile, Seungkwan left the house.

 

***

 

“Hey, Seungkwan. You’re lucky that you had the privilege to miss that gag fest between Wonwoo and Mingyu over the phone just now,” Jihoon groaned from the passenger seat as Chan and Seungkwan climbed into the back seat of the car with Minghao.

“It wasn’t that bad,” Wonwoo muttered, starting the car again. “You both buckled in?”

“Yeah!” Chan shouted before occupying himself with Minghao’s phone that Minghao allowed him to toy with every morning on their way to school.

“Yeah, it was that bad, Woo,” Minghao huffed. “You guys are just so disgustingly in love. Especially Mingyu. He’s so freaking in love with you that he probably believes in fairy tales now.”

“Probably does. He’ll be talking to all the rats and shit like Cinderella in a bit,” Seungkwan chuckled along. Jihoon burst into laughter, slapping at his thigh as he doubled over. Even Chan chuckled but Seungkwan was sure that it was only because he cursed and not because he understood the joke.

“Shut the hell up y’all. He loves me. You should be happy for me.” Despite Wonwoo’s attempt to be serious, his voice was wavering from the desire to laugh too. Looking at the rearview mirror, Seungkwan could see Wonwoo’s eyes creased as he failed to hide his smile.

“I am, WooWoo!” Chan exclaimed. “I’m happy for you. You and Mingyu are so cute! It's a little nasty but still cute.”

“You always had a way with words, Channie,” Wonwoo said, flicking on his blinker to make a turn onto an intersecting street. Chan mumbled his thanks before he returned his attention to the mobile game again.

“Oh!” Seungkwan remembered. “Wonwoo, can you stop at a store really quickly? I need to get Chan a muffin or something for breakfast. We didn’t have much food at the house.”

“I have Jianbing. My mom made it for me but I’m not hungry,” Minghao said. “He can have it. You want a piece, Chan?”

“What’s Jeanbean?” Jihoon scoffed, seemingly mocking the Chinese dish.

“That’s racist, Jihoon,” Wonwoo warned.

“I was seriously asking though.” Jihoon’s voice was instantly defensive as he curled within himself from sudden guilt. Jihoon was someone who could easily be described as blunt and brutally honest. And sometimes it could be seen as him being rude, mean, and purposefully offensive. But once you truly got to know Jihoon, anyone could see that he was none of those things. And he definitely didn’t _want_ to come off that way either.

But when anyone did suspect him of being malicious, Jihoon immediately would curl and make himself seem smaller from the guilt that someone saw him that way. Jihoon was a lot of things-- picky, blunt, indecisive, short tempered, dismissive, and a lot more-- but he was not, by any means, a mean person that enjoyed making others feel bad.

Knowing this about Jihoon, Wonwoo reached a hand over and squeezed Jihoon’s thigh reassuringly. “I know. Just making sure is all,” he mumbled. Jihoon sighed inaudibly.

“Well, it’s kind of like an omelet. It’s a popular breakfast in China,” Minghao explained. Seungkwan watched as Minghao pulled the carefully foil wrapped breakfast wrap from his bag and holding it out to Seungkwan.

“It’s really good. You guys can split it in half,” Minghao smiled.

“You’re so sweet to us,” Seungkwan gasped.

“So do I still have to make a stop at the store?” Wonwoo asked. “Because we don’t want Chan to be late to school, do we?”

“Ugh! I wish I never had to go to school,” Chan whined, taking the half of the Jianbing that Seungkwan had split for him.

“Don’t we all,” the rest of them all said as Wonwoo turned into the parking lot of Chan’s elementary school. Jihoon, Minghao, Wonwoo, and Seungkwan all bid the little boy a goodbye and watched him munch on his Jianbing as he ran to one of his teachers who was standing outside.

 

***

 

Seungkwan considered himself pretty lucky to not have calculus as his first period. Not only did he not have the mental capacity in the morning to do calculus, but he also was safe from the cheesy, cliche romance that was Wonwoo and Mingyu’s relationship.

Minghao wasn’t as lucky because he _did_ have class with the two.

It wasn’t like the two of them were _that couple._ The couple that would make out and fondle each other in class and in the hallways as if no one else was around. Seungkwan _hated_ that.

Matter of fact, Mingyu and Wonwoo weren’t very open about their relationship at all. They walked right past each other in hallways, only shooting each other loving glares that only Seungkwan and the rest of their friend group noticed.

Being that Mingyu was on the basketball team and one of the popular guys in school, it would just ruin the reputation that Mingyu worked so hard to build if everyone found out that he had a boyfriend. The fact that this boyfriend of his was Wonwoo-- the nerdy boy with the deep voice-- wouldn’t really help his case either.

It literally was a cliche romance. The popular basketball player madly in love with the sharp tongued, nerdy bookworm.

But even if Seungkwan acted as if watching them was the equivalent to sitting in the middle of a garbage dump, he genuinely was proud to see Wonwoo happy. They all were happy for him.

“I fucking hate this class,” Jihoon scowled as he collapsed into the seat next to Seungkwan, who was trying his best to shrink within himself.

Seungkwan hated these small desks because his thighs were literally expanding from sitting on these small chairs. He refused to press his back up against the back of the chair, afraid that the students sitting behind him would see the pudginess of his torso.

Luckily, Jihoon’s angry complaint brought him out of his thoughts.

“I thought you loved literature,” Seungkwan said.

“I do. But it’s this _classroom._ Why does it have to be so cold all the time?” Jihoon growled.

Seungkwan rolled his eyes at the complaining about something so small and insignificant. “Do you need a hug? What’s got you all upset?”

“Nothing,” Jihoon said quickly. “I’m fine. Just don’t wanna be cold. No one wants to be cold so- yeah.” Jihoon cut himself short. Something he usually did when he felt like was starting to ramble.

Just to tease him, Seungkwan reached over and pinched his cheek. Jihoon glared at him in warning, but Seungkwan only giggled.

“Good morning, class,” Mr. Park greeted with a sweet smile on his considerably young face as he rushed into the classroom. Mr. Park was very tall and very… puppy-like, if that made any sense. Simply put, he was such a happy man. It’s no wonder he was such a popular teacher here. “Before we start class, I would like to introduce you to someone.”

Mr. Park placed his suitcase down behind his desk and quickly made his way to the back of the class where there was a cage that was covered with a thin, white sheet. Seungkwan hadn’t even noticed it back there.

“We have a class pet now,” Mr. Park said excitedly as he pulled the sheet from on top of it, revealing a brown and white bunny. A cute, small, fluffy bunny.

“Where did you get it from? It’s so cute,” A girl marveled. Seungkwan was sure that she went by the name Umji.

“My spouse got this little guy from a friend. I thought it would be nice to bring him into class for everyone to give him some love,” Mr. Park said as he opened the cage and carefully scooped the bunny into his arms.

“You’re married?” Umji gasped.

“Yes, I am happily married.”

Ignoring the fews disappointed sighs and curious giggles, Mr. Park introduced the little bunny to the class. “So everyone, say hi to Kwan.”

Seungkwan raised an eyebrow, wondering if the resemblance to his name was just a coincidence. But then, Mr. Park looked up to meet Seungkwan’s surprised stare with a knowing smirk of his own. Was the bunny named after… him? Mr. Park’s grin was the only confirmation he needed.

“I named him Kwan because I couldn’t help but think of Seungkwan, here, when my spouse brought him home. I swear this isn’t an act of favoritism but simply picking a name that fits this little guy the most.”

Seungkwan’s cheeks were burning and most likely tinted the most obvious shade of red, but he couldn’t find it within himself to care. The cute, fluffy bunny was named after him because Mr. Park thought of _him_. Of all people, he thought of Seungkwan.

He was beyond flattered, his heart swelling delightfully in his chest. Jihoon chuckled at Seungkwan’s giddiness.

“I mean of course, you’d name it after him,” a familiar voice chuckled. Seungkwan’s delight faltered a bit at the sound of it. “Look at the bunny. It’s _fat._ So of course you’d name a fat bunny after the fat boy of the class.”

Seungkwan’s glee quickly plummeted into the ground. Crashing and burning. The feeling in his chest quickly turned into mortification. Seungkwan’s throat closed as he kept his head low to avoid everyone’s stares that he knew had been redirected to him.

“Yong Sool, that’s unnecessary, and I won’t tolerate-” Mr. Park began but didn’t get to finish before Jihoon butted in.

“I swear you’re asking for a serious beat down,” Jihoon chuckled menacingly, slowly turning around to face the boy who was sitting not far from the two of them.

“What’re you gonna do? You probably wouldn’t even be able to reach me,” Yong Sool scoffed.

“I’m tall enough to kick you in the balls you wish you had. You’re a legit waste of space and an even bigger waste of my time,” Jihoon said. Damn. When Jihoon insulted someone, it seemed like he chose words that pierced straight through the chest.

“That’s enough, you two,” Mr. Park demanded, his voice raising a bit. “Yong Sool, another comment like that and there will be consequences. Jihoon, there are better ways to handle a situation. Understand?”

“Yup.” It was obvious, Yong Sool wasn’t taking this seriously.

“Whatever,” Jihoon huffed under his breath.

Still feeling utterly embarrassed, Seungkwan took a deep breath and raised his head a bit. He was still hiding inside of his hoodie, but he wouldn’t let everyone else know that he was bothered by the stupid joke.

The only one who didn’t fall for Seungkwan’s act was Jihoon, who kept a hand on Seungkwan’s leg the rest of the entire class period.

 

***

 

When class ended and Seungkwan and Jihoon were about to head to their next class which was biology, a guy stopped them. Seungkwan hasn’t really spoken to him all that much--maybe one time a year or two ago when they were partnered for a project-- but Seungkwan was sure that his name was Soonyoung. He occasionally saw him at Chan’s dance school, helping the little children learn the routine. From what Seungkwan knew, Soonyoung was Chan’s favorite teacher.

Soonyoung was also friends with Hansol. How lucky was Soonyoung that he got to see Hansol’s face up close on a daily basis, Seungkwan thought.

“Hey, I wanted to ask if you were okay?” Soonyoung’s question was directed at Seungkwan but his gaze was obviously set on Jihoon.

“Y-yeah,” Seungkwan mumbled, wanting to forget about the incident completely.

“Yong Sool is a friend of mine and I know he can be-”

“Of course he’s your friend! How can you be friends with someone like that anyway?” Jihoon snapped. “It’s just so ridiculous that I can’t even- yeah.” Yet again, Jihoon cut himself short with a brief “yeah.”

“He’s not always like that,” Soonyoung chuckled, scratching at the back of his head nervously. “He’s cool… most of the time.”

“We- um… We kind of have a class to get to,” Seungkwan said, wondering why Soonyoung stopped them in the first place.

“Oh! Yeah, yeah. Alright, just wanted to check on you, is all. Well, I’ll see you around, I guess.” Before Seungkwan could thank him for his concern, Soonyoung was rushing off. Jihoon just rolled his eyes and started walking again.

As Seungkwan started walking with Jihoon to the their next class, he pondered on the single thought of Soonyoung looking at Jihoon. So flustered and jittery as he tried to talk to them. He seemed to get even more nervous when Jihoon cut him off with his angry outburst.

When Minghao came running up to join them in their journey to class, Seungkwan decided not to think about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! Hi! Thank you for starting this. I'm just gonna be blunt here, I might update this a bit slow because college hates me, you know. But don't worry! 
> 
> I don't know how long this will be or anything either so just be patient with me please. Feel free to leave feedback and all because it's always appreciated by me. 
> 
> Love you!


	2. Chapter 2

“I’m _starvinggg,_ ” Minghao sang randomly as they stopped at Wonwoo’s locker so he could switch out his books before they were going to start heading to the cafeteria. They all took several advanced level classes and with advanced classes came an extra ten pounds in supplies and textbooks. However, Wonwoo’s schedule was literally a death sentence. All of his advanced classes were one after another so he was stuck carrying all of his necessary textbooks on his back during the first half of the day.

“I know, I know. I’m gonna hurry up,” Wonwoo groaned as he paused for a second to remember the combination number into the his locker lock. Seungkwan realized immediately how much Wonwoo was struggling so Seungkwan took his backpack from him and held it while he focused on his putting in the combination.

“Thanks,” Wonwoo said, out of breath. “I swear these teachers want me to break my back.”

“I don’t know why we take all these advanced classes anyway,” Jihoon scoffed, leaning against the metal lockers with his eyes low as if he was ready to sit and sleep. “It’s just regular classes with more work.”

“Everyone knows that,” Minghao chuckled while throwing his hands up in the air.

“We all know that the only reason anyone takes advanced classes is so colleges will take a second look at your transcript,” Seungkwan said. “There’s no one who would take an advanced class for the fun of it.”

“True that,” Minghao agreed. “If I wasn't so serious about getting into this college next year, I'd be taking all of the standard classes and that's it.”

After a few tries and huffs of annoyance, Wonwoo finally got the lock open. Opening his locker, a folded piece of paper fell out. Jihoon, Minghao, and Seungkwan all rolled their eyes, knowing exactly what this was.

Apparently Wonwoo knew too because he was smiling brightly before he even leaned down to pick it up.

“What _romantic_ thing did that big goof say this time?” Jihoon teased.

“Something cheesy, I bet,” Seungkwan laughed as he took it upon himself to store Wonwoo’s books in the locker while he swooned from the contents of the note. With a giddy smile, Wonwoo read the letter aloud.

“‘Hey, Wonwoo. I want to ask you a question. Is it normal that you are on my mind every day and every night? There’s not a time in the day when I’m not thinking about being with you. I know you’re probably going to yell at me for writing this in class and not paying attention to the teacher but I can’t help it. You’re just sitting in my thoughts with the beautiful smile of yours. I love you too much. Hugs and kisses, sweetheart. From, your amazing, sexy boyfriend.’”

“I would actually coo at that if he didn’t include the last part,” Jihoon sighed.

“He’s a lost cause,” Minghao commented. Seungkwan laughed at them shoving Wonwoo’s much lighter backpack into his hands again.

“I think it’s sweet. I love that about him,” Wonwoo marveled before folding the paper again. “Thanks for putting my books away too, my little fluff ball,” Wonwoo added, prodding at Seungkwan’s soft stomach. “Now let’s go get lunch.”

“Great because-” Minghao began but was quickly interrupted.

“Because you’re starving. Yeah, we heard you the first time,” Jihoon said, pushing himself off of the lockers to follow the rest of them.

As they made their way down the corridors of the hallway, they walked past Mr. Park’s classroom. The door was open too so that meant Mr. Park was definitely in there. “We should visit Mr. Park,” Seungkwan suggested.

“We saw him this morning,” Jihoon drawled.

“I have his class after lunch,” Wonwoo said.

“I’m hungry,” Minghao added for literally about the third time. Jihoon glared at Minghao even though the latter didn’t seem to take much notice to it.

“Well you guys go get a table and I’ll say hi to Mr. Park. I’ll be there in a minute,” Seungkwan said. The three of them waved to him in confirmation and continued making their way down the hall.

Entering the classroom, Seungkwan looked around, finding Mr. Park in the back of the classroom sitting with a student. He couldn’t see their face since their back was turned towards the door but Seungkwan had an idea who it was.

“I promise it’s okay, Hansol,” Mr. Park said gently. “There are several students who struggle with writing essays.”

“Um, hey Mr. Park. Am I interrupting something?” Seungkwan said, nervously fiddling with the cuffs of his oversized hoodie. “I just wanted to say hi and all but I can leave.”

Mr. Park and the student turned around. When they did, Seungkwan was ready to turn and run right back out of the classroom. Of course, it was Hansol.

Hansol and Seungkwan were the only students in the class at the moment. So it was a higher chance that Hansol would pay attention to Seungkwan. And _only_ Seungkwan. It sounded ideal to anyone else, but in his mind, it meant that all of the millions of imperfections that Seungkwan possessed were magnified a thousandfold.

Running a nervous hand through his hair, Seungkwan tried to shrink somehow inside the hoodie. Look smaller. Skinnier. Just by a little.

“No, you don’t have to go. It’s always a pleasure to get visits from my students,” Mr. Park said. Soon after, Mr. Park’s eyes widened as he had a sudden epiphany.

“Hey, Seungkwan. Would you mind helping Vernon rewrite his essay? You are very skilled in that field,” Mr. Park praised. “You can be his tutor.”

“I-I… What?” Seungkwan said, confusion etched on his face.

“You don’t have to,” Hansol added quickly, looking a bit exhausted and drained. Probably incredibly discouraged from not doing so well on the assignment.

“No! I can help. Of course, I can tutor you,” Seungkwan rushed. Honestly, he was a bit shocked that Hansol seemed so open to being tutored by him. By chubby, pudgy Seungkwan.

Hansol was just like Mingyu. Star player on the basketball team, attractive as hell, and very popular with the girls. The biggest difference between Mingyu and Hansol was that Mingyu didn’t mess around with girls. Not even so much as flirt with them. And the main reason for that was because Mingyu had a terrible case of tunnel vision for Wonwoo.

Seungkwan didn’t know how far Hansol went with these girls. All he knew was that his heart would clench when he would hear Hansol flirt with them.

He knew that he had no right to be upset, but he couldn’t help jealous he would become.

But he recalled something that Jeonghan said about the fact that feelings usually work themselves out. He advised Seungkwan to embrace this feeling instead of banish it since there was nothing he could do about them. Gosh, Seungkwan wondered if he should stop listening to Jeonghan because everything he said was just incredibly vague and ambiguous. He’ll talk to Seungcheol next time when he needed to talk.

“Really?” Hansol sighed, a smile blooming on his face. It was way too contagious so Seungkwan was blushing unknowingly before he could stop himself.

“Of course. I’m never really busy so I have lots of time on my hands,” Seungkwan giggled.

“That’s fantastic,” Mr. Park said clapping his hands together loudly. “You know what, I’m going to give you both extra credit. I just love seeing students helping each other.” Seungkwan and Hansol both laughed at Mr. Park’s enthusiasm and optimism.

“Okay so,” Mr. Park continued as he quickly maneuvered around all of the empty desks to get to the little bunny, Kwan’s, cage. He pulled a bag of food pallets from behind the cage and turned to feed Kwan.

“Now, I love you both. You are amazing students but I have to kick you out and tell you to go get lunch. It’s important for students to eat and preserve brain power, you know. I-”

Oh no, Mr. Park was about to start rambling. Again.

Seungkwan silently chuckled when he watched Hansol roll his eyes and comically tip toe towards where Seungkwan was standing by the door. He motioned for Seungkwan to be quiet while they both slipped out of the room, leaving Mr. Park talking to himself about how important eating was for the brain.

When Seungkwan and Hansol were far enough from Mr. Park’s classroom, they burst into laughter, leaning against the walls as they did so.

“I feel a bit bad about that,” Seungkwan laughed.

“Not gonna lie, I feel a little bad too,” Hansol said between fits of laughter. “He’ll be okay though. I promise he will.”

As their laughter died down, Seungkwan taking deep breaths and Hansol still chuckling against the cemented walls, Hansol turned to look at Seungkwan. His eyes soft.

“Thanks for agreeing to be my tutor, Seungkwan,” Hansol smiled.

“You know my name?” Seungkwan gawked suddenly.

“Yeah, of course. Mr. Park said it. But I knew it before that. You’re not that hard to miss around here,” he chuckled.

Seungkwan’s eyes widened in hurt and shock. Did Hansol… just make a joke about his weight?

Seemingly noticing the way Seungkwan’s face fell, Hansol immediately pushed himself off of the wall and walked closer to the latter. “I _didn't_ mean it that way,” Hansol tried. “I swear.”

“W-what did you mean then…” Seungkwan asked in a low, pained voice. “What else could you possibly mean by that?” Seungkwan would not cry here. He won’t.

“I meant your _personality_. When you’re with your friends, all of you seem to shine, I guess. I don’t know if that makes sense of not but… Yeah. I’m sorry it came out that way, Seungkwan.”

“No… No, it’s fine,” Seungkwan sighed. The tears that gathered at his eyes were still lined there but he tried his best to ignore them.

“I get it if that made you change your mind about being my tutor and stuff,” Hansol said, scratching at the back of his neck.

“I’ll still be your tutor,” Seungkwan muttered, his confidence still blown as he kept his gaze down on the tiles of the floor.

“Hey,” Hansol called gently. “Wipe your tears. Don’t cry. Please, don’t cry.”

Seungkwan scoffed pathetically at himself as the kind words seemed to only spur his need to cry. It was stupid of him to cry about this. He blinked rapidly and the tears fell quickly down his cheek and stopped at his shapeless, plump jaw. No structure and sharpness to his face like Hansol’s. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be taking such a simple misunderstanding so seriously.”

“No. I get it. It’s a sensitive topic.” Hansol paused like he was considering something before sighing. “When anyone even mentions the word… ‘halfer,’ I get uneasy. I might even want to cry but I never let myself.”

Using the heels of his hands that were still covered by the too-long sleeves of the hoodie to wipe his face, Seungkwan smiled weakly. “Thanks for understanding.”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s no problem at all… So can I have your number?” Hansol said out of the blue, slipping his phone from his back pocket.

“What?” Seungkwan chirped. He dreamed of the day when Hansol would ask him for his number, but not this bluntly.

“If you’re gonna be my tutor, I’m going to need your number, aren’t I?” Hansol chuckled with a smile that seemed a bit forced. Seungkwan guessed that this was his way of lightening the mood again.

“Oh… yeah.” Seungkwan sputtered, grabbing for the phone Hansol was holding out for him. Quickly typing in his number, Seungkwan shakily handed it back.

“Thanks. I’ll text you later so we can talk about a time to meet up.”

“O-Okay.” Seungkwan’s voice came out softly. Hansol smiled again.

He hesitantly grabbed for Seungkwan’s elbow, almost like he was silently asking for permission to touch him. When Seungkwan didn’t pull back or react, Hansol gently pulled Seungkwan along with him down the hall.

“We should go eat before Mr. Park finds out that we wasted lunch in the hallway and we’re both dead,” Hansol bantered. Seungkwan hummed in agreement, enjoying the pleasant aura that naturally seemed to surround Hansol, and they began walking towards the cafeteria. Only when they reached the double doors that led to the lunchroom did the two silently split up and were off to their separate groups of friends.

 

***

 

(Hansol’s Perspective)

“Mingyu,” Hansol laughed, giving a failed attempt at a whisper.

“What?” Mingyu leaned down a bit, he was quite tall, and whispered back. “And why are we whispering?”

“That girl over there,” Hansol didn’t point but gestured slightly to their right.

Mingyu and him were waiting outside for Junhui, Hansol’s half brother, so they can walk home. Mingyu was just visiting until his parents got home. He’d stupidly left his key inside the house so now he was stuck going to Hansol and Junhui’s house until his parents’ shift ended.

“What about her?” Mingyu asked.

“She’s been stealing glances at you all day, dude. You _gotta_ go get her. She’s hot as hell and she obviously likes you,” Hansol said.

Mingyu sighed and glanced her way for a split second. And, indeed, the cheerleader was ‘sneakily’ looking at Mingyu while she engaged in conversation with her group of friends.

“I don’t really like Tzuyu like that,” Mingyu said sternly, standing up straight again. “Don’t get me wrong, she’s really, really pretty. But I just don’t want to.”

“You don’t like _any_ girl like that. This is like the fourth girl I’ve tried to get you to hit on,” Hansol whimpered childishly.

“Then that means stop trying,” Mingyu grumbled under his breath. “Where the hell is Junhui?” Mingyu muttered to himself, looking around to see if Junhui was close by.

“What about a guy?” Hansol quipped randomly.

“What??” Mingyu’s eyes shot to Hansol who was laughing under his breath at Mingyu’s reaction.

“You don’t want any girls so what about a guy?”

“Hansol, shut up. Just stop talking completely,” Mingyu stated seriously.

“Hey, guys! Sorry, I took so long. I stopped to talk to someone,” Junhui’s voice said as he maneuvered through the last few students to get to Mingyu and Hansol. Mingyu’s tenseness immediately dissipated, hoping that Hansol didn’t continue this conversation with Junhui around.

Luckily, Hansol did leave it alone, not bringing it up again their entire walk to Hansol and Jun’s home.

“Josh?” Jun called when they entered the house and found the house completely quiet. Joshua was usually here at this time. “Josh?!”

“I’m in my room!” The voice shouted back. Soon after, there were soft footsteps making their way into the living room where the three of them were. Well, Mingyu was making his way to the kitchen.

“Hey, how was school?” Joshua asked, ruffling Jun’s hair who was sitting on the sofa, typing away on his phone before ruffling Hansol’s hair. That was how Josh greeted them every day.

“Good,” Jun said briefly.

“I got a tutor,” Hansol said. “I’m gonna invite them over tomorrow.”

“Is this just code for ‘I’m bringing a girl home tomorrow?’” Joshua laughed. “You can always tell me what’s wrong. Anyway just use protection and don’t forget to-”

“No, I mean an actual tutor, man,” Hansol corrected. “And I’m a virgin, mind you.”

Josh and Jun (and even Mingyu when he came back with a little apple juice box) looked at Hansol with a disbelieving look to their stares. “You ain’t gotta lie,” Mingyu chuckled before going back to sucking on the juice box.

“I’m serious. Plus, he’s a guy. It’s Seungkwan.”

Josh and Jun nodded and dismissed it but Mingyu saw it as a way to get back at him for earlier. “Oh, you sure you not trying to experiment with him?”

“Shut up,” Hansol huffed. As soon as he was about to make chase after Mingyu, Josh grabbed his arm.

“No running in the house,” he said briefly. “I love you so I don’t want to have to fight you for breaking something in here.” That was one of Josh’s rules that he took very seriously. Don’t break any of his things.

Hansol slowly but surely listened, picking up his backpack in order to carry it up to his room while Mingyu and Jun followed.

For a senior year gift this year, Josh took it upon himself to clean out the extra room that was just filled with a bunch of junk and make it into a room for Junhui. However, after sharing a room for so long- even in the orphanage and their two foster homes- Jun found it hard to stay alone in his own room so he usually was always in Hansol’s room until it was time to sleep.

The dynamic of Hansol’s family was difficult to say the least. Josh, Hansol, and Junhui were all related because they had the same father but different mothers. Josh was raised by his mother, Junhui was put into an orphanage after his mother was thrown in jail, and Hansol lived with their father because his mother had sadly passed away giving birth to him. However, when Hansol was thirteen, his father died also, and Hansol was put into the system.

Coincidentally, Hansol ended up in the same orphanage that Junhui had been at since he was seven. The orphanage wasn’t the most pleasant environment, a lot of things that Jun and Hansol vowed to never talk about again occurred, but they had each other through it all.

Josh was considerably older than them and when his mom offered to introduce Josh to his younger half-brothers as a mid college gift of his own, he’d jumped at the opportunity.

At the time, Hansol and Junhui were fourteen. Seeing that the two were in an orphanage, Josh ensured that he would get them out of there. Even if that meant that he had to adopt them himself. Josh was only nineteen at the time, but with a few forged signatures from his mother here and there, everything ended perfectly in the end. Even if it was kind of illegal…

Joshua had gotten them and would protect them forever.

Mingyu was already lying in Hansol’s bed playing with his phone before Hansol could even get changed into some pajamas. Usually Hansol would kick Mingyu out of his bed but he decided to just lay with him for today. So he climbed in bed next to Mingyu and snuggled against his arm.

“Lay down with us, Jun,” Mingyu said patting his other side.

“I have to go call someone. I’ll be back though,” Jun said standing and rushing for the door.

“Is it a special someone?” Hansol quipped with a wide smile.

“Leave me alone,”  was all Jun said before he was rushing out of the room, mumbling something else in Chinese. Mingyu chuckled and laid his phone next to him before looking up at the ceiling.

“What you thinking about? I can already see your mind getting all philosophical and shit,” Hansol said propping himself up on his elbow to look down at Mingyu.

“I want to be stronger, Vernon.”

Hansol frowned a bit. They rarely ever called him Vernon.

“You’re pretty strong to me.”

“I mean mentally. I want to be able to face the world one day and not give a damn what they say about me. Right now, I can’t.”

“We’re teenagers. Half of us can barely do the freaking laundry and you’re trying to go be a man already,” Hansol laughed causing Mingyu to scoff and roll on his side and wrap an arm around Hansol. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, though. We got our whole life ahead of us. You’ll do it one day. And you’ll have me right there when you do.”

“You’re so freaking sappy and cheesy!” Mingyu groaned teasingly, slapping Hansol on the chest. “I get it from you!”

“Shut up, you love me for it,” Hansol retorted pulling at Mingyu’s ears until he was fighting back.

“Just admit it!”

“You wish. I’d suck a toe before I say that.”

Hansol wrestled Mingyu until he was able to shove his foot in the latter’s face while laughing. “Then you better get to sucking.”

“Dude, that sounded so nasty and wrong,” Mingyu laughed, launching himself at Hansol so he could grab at his hands and forcibly stop him from hitting him.

The two wrestled in bed before there was a knock on the door that stopped them both. “You two are like children, I swear,” Joshua sighed. “Anyway, where’s Jun?”

“He’s in his room,” Mingyu said, out of breath.

“Well, I just wanted to let you know that I have a friend coming over tonight for dinner. He’s one of my partners for my final thesis,” Josh supplied.

“Is it that Seokmin guy?” Hansol questioned, fixing his hair that he just knew was sticking up in every way on his head.

“Yeah,” Josh said. “So be on your best behavior.”

“We aren’t children.”

“Says the guy that was just wrestling his friend because he didn’t say he loved you,” Josh said with a roll of his eyes before he was off to Jun’s room next door to tell him about tonight. Quite offended by what Josh said, Hansol whined and threw himself back on the bed.

“You saw what I saw, right?” Mingyu whispered with a goofy grin.

“Of course. Josh is completely whipped for that guy. Did you see the way his cheeks turned red?” And just like that, the two were no longer wrestling but giggling under their breath at Josh’s obvious crush and how they were going to tease the older about it later on tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love unconventional families, being as though I come from one. Not all families have a mom and a dad and kids and that's perfectly fine. It's still a family. I'll make sure to put trigger warnings on some of the chapters to come because I want to make sure that all of you (my lovable Teddy Bears) aren't shocked by what may come. 
> 
> Anyway, I finished my essay for my Developmental Psychology class earlier than I thought I would so I was like "yay I get to write." I hope you enjoyed this! Love you!
> 
> Love, Mochi


	3. Chapter 3

As soon as school let out that day, Seungkwan got a call. And just by that one fact, Seungkwan already knew who it was.

“Yes, Seungcheol?”  
“Kwannieeee.”

Seungkwan rolled his eyes. Either Seungcheol forgot to do something and couldn’t call Jeonghan because he would be angry about it or Seungcheol didn’t feel like doing something.

“What do you need me to do? And why?”

“I just picked up some groceries for the house, but I totally forgot that Chan’s dance practice ended early today. Can you pleasseeee get Wonwoo to pick him up from his class. Tell him I’ll give him money for his troubles.”

“Gosh, Cheol. You forget everything,” Seungkwan chuckled while waving to all of his friends that were waiting next to Wonwoo’s car for him. Minghao had actually yelled something but he was too far for Seungkwan to actually hear him. Plus, Seungcheol was still whining in his ear about nothing.

“Alright, alright. I’ll ask him,” Seungkwan gave in.

“Ah! Thank you. I’m gonna make some cookies in celebration of the fact that I get to live another day. My boyfriend won’t kill me!” Seungcheol exclaimed before hanging up the phone.

“I call the front seat this time,” Minghao said, rubbing his body up against the passenger door. Jihoon shot him a disgusted look and pulled his ear. Mostly for the fun of it though.

“Hey, stop rubbing up against my baby,” Wonwoo warned referring to his car.

“Oh shut up. I’m sure you and ‘he who must not be named around school’ are doing things ten times worse in the back seat of this car,” Minghao retorted.

“Can’t really deny that fact,” Wonwoo laughed as he unlocked the car. Seungkwan and Jihoon-- both of who were supposed to be sitting in said backseat-- grimaced.

“Seriously?” Seungkwan said.

“Are you trying to make me burn your car to the ground?” Jihoon asked with a raised eyebrow. “I’ll let you keep the steering wheel though. Because I love you… You know what, nevermind.” Wonwoo was laughing but Seungkwan and the rest of them wouldn’t really put anything past Jihoon.

“No, I’m just playing guys. Mingyu and I haven’t reached that point in our relationship,” Wonwoo reassured. “Come on. Hurry up and get in.”

They moved to get into the car and pull off down the street. Seungkwan asked Wonwoo to make a quick stop at Chan’s dance practice. And while it was not a problem, and would never be a problem, for Wonwoo to pick his favorite little ten year old up from dance practice, they couldn’t help but laugh at Seungcheol’s habit to forget things.

“I can’t imagine how he would manage trying to take care of an infant,” Minghao giggled from the front seat.

“He’d probably forget the baby existed,” Seungkwan chuckled, imagining how sad and honestly a bit funny the situation would be. Jihoon seemed to think it was the funniest thing though as he laughed away, leaning on Seungkwan’s shoulder and everything.

“That’s not funny guys!” Wonwoo said, once again failing to hide his amusement about the situation like everyone else in the car. “I swear I feel like I’m the only civil person in this car.”

Minghao and Jihoon definitely had something to say about that, but Seungkwan didn’t get a chance to listen to what exactly was said because he got a text from an unknown number.

**Unknown:**

What about tomorrow after school?

You can walk home with me

This is Hansol btw

**Me**

Yeah that’s fine

**Unknown**

G8 See you then

“Hey!” Jihoon said loudly, immediately catching Seungkwan’s attention. Looking around, Seungkwan quickly noticed that Jihoon was talking to him.

“What?”

“Don’t what me. Who are you texting that’s got you turning as red as a cherry over there,” Jihoon chuckled, loving the way Seungkwan seemed to blush an even darker color red at that.

“Nothing,” Seungkwan said quickly.

“Tell ussss,” Minghao pleaded, almost completely turning around in the passenger seat to peek at Seungkwan.

“Come on, Kwannie,” Wonwoo added. “Tell your best friends.”

“It’s nothing… It’s just the person that I agreed to tutor telling me which time we should meet up tomorrow.”

“Who?” Wonwoo said, taking full advantage of the red light so he can turn around and look at Seungkwan too. With all eyes on him, he might as well tell the truth.

“H-Hansol…” Just like he expected, the car was silent for a moment before they all erupted into laughter.

“That’s big new, Kwannie!” Wonwoo said, more like shouted, almost missing when the light switched to green.

“I can’t believe this,” Jihoon gasped dramatically.

“My hearts racing as if I’m the one that’s about to be alone with my crush, man,” Minghao laughed. He even went as far to take his glasses off and wipe his pretend tears away. “I feel like a proud best friend.”

“It’s just a tutoring session. He probably doesn’t even like guys. And even if he did, you really think he’d like me of all people?” Seungkwan sighed. It wasn’t just his insecurities talking either-- even though it mostly was though. Hansol obviously was into females and that wasn’t a problem, just really disappointing for Seungkwan.

“We all have a little gay in us,” Jihoon said with a shrug of his shoulders, making Seungkwan scoff and roll his eyes at the weird saying.

“Okay, okay, let’s be serious,” Wonwoo sighed, straightening his posture. “Even if Hansol is straight or doesn’t like you in the same way, it would be a fantastic way to make a new friend. But don’t just assume anything. It’s always worth a shot, especially if you really like him. If he doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, then that’s okay too. But you are an amazing person with an even greater personality. He would be so lucky to have someone like you.”

“He should be proud that someone like you even likes him like that,” Minghao commented. Jihoon put a hand on his knee and squeezed it.

“What if… What if he says something about my body though?” Seungkwan mumbled, diverting his gaze to look out of the window, watching the greenery pass by. He wasn’t overweight or anything, he was just chubby and plump in most places. But for people like Hansol, that probably looked fat to them.

“Then you text us in the group chat, and we’ll be there in a total of five minutes to beat him until he’s blue,” Jihoon said.

“I second that motion,” Minghao said, raising his right hand.

“I do too,” Wonwoo followed quietly.

“Honestly, if he does say something about your body, then I want you to get up and leave on the spot. Anyone who judges you about that doesn’t even deserve your time, Kwannie,” Jihoon said. Seungkwan looked at Jihoon, returning the soft smile that Jihoon was giving him.

“You guys really know how to be stupid and philosophical all at the same time, don’t you?” Seungkwan chuckled.

“I mean, what are friends for though?” Mingao asked. Seungkwan laughed at Jihoon and Wonwoo’s answers.

“To help you kick ass,” Jihoon said.

“Figuratively and literally,” Wonwoo added.

 

“Jihoon, you go in there with him,” Minghao said. They’d just pulled up in front of Chan’s dance school a minute ago. Seungkwan was going to go sign him out but he really didn’t want to go in there by himself. So now his friends were debating about who should do it. At this point, Seungkwan should just go alone.

“Nevermind, guys,” Seungkwan said, pushing the car door open to leave. He wasn’t annoyed or anything, just didn’t want to keep Chan waiting any longer than he had to. But as soon as Seungkwan said that, all of them were jumping out of the car too.

“I’ll go with you,” they all decided at the same time. Gosh, how weirder can his friends get.

“Y’all were just whining about how you didn’t wanna go!” Minghao sighed exasperated.

“And so were you, ass,” Jihoon recalled, already.

“Y’all just get back in the car, I’m going,” Wonwoo demanded, shutting his door and rushing to get beside Seungkwan. Minghao and Jihoon were immediately protesting against the order. And that’s how all of them ended up walking into the dance studio together. A little bit pissed off at each other.

Seungkwan spotted Chan immediately in the practice room among all of the other students that were packing up to leave, mostly because he was the smallest. But also because he looked panicked, on the verge of tears, as if he was afraid of something. And just one look at him was enough to know what he was so panicked about. His hearing aids were gone.

“Ah shit,” Jihoon muttered, taking the words straight from Seungkwan’s thoughts. Minghao and Wonwoo were a bit slow to notice but when they did, their bodies went rigid too.

“His hearing aids,” Seungkwan muttered. He tapped on the glass that seperated the waiting room for parents and the studio to get Chan’s attention. But, of course it didn’t achieve much of anything because, duh, Chan didn’t have his hearing aids on. Luckily, he turned enough to see Seungkwan and his friends waving to get his attention.

In an instant, Chan was running towards the door, allowing the tears to fall now.

“It’s okay. It’s okay,” Seungkwan cooed, motioning for Chan to come as soon as he burst through the door and ran into his arms.

“I-I don’t know w-where they are,” Chan wailed, hiccuping harshly.

Kneeling down to Chan’s level with a bit of difficulty, Seungkwan sat back on his heels and used the sign language he’d learned for situations like these.

_Do you know where you had them last?_ Seungkwan signed slowly. Chan wasn’t very good at reading sign language just yet, so he had to go as slow as possible.

Chan wasn’t completely deaf without his hearing aids but his hearing was very limited to completely silent environments. Unless there was no background noise, Chan wouldn’t be able to hear anyone’s words. So with the noise still coming from the studio and the sound of parents and children talking and yelling, Seungkwan would have to sign to him.

“I was dancing. B-But then, S-Soonyoung-hyung said to go get cleaned up. S-So I took them off. Now they’re gone,” Chan mumbled through tears.

_Did you ask Soonyoung if he had seen them?_

“No. Because I can’t hear him.” Admitting that seemed to make Chan really upset. So upset that he burst into yet another fit of loud tears. Seungkwan tried getting Chan’s attention again so he can continue signing to him, but Chan was nearly inconsolable at the moment.

“Alright, alright. Come here,” Wonwoo sighed, grabbing Chan and hauling him up into his arms. Chan usually hated being picked up and babied but for now, he clung to Wonwoo and cried into his shoulder as Wonwoo pet his hair.

“Where the hell is Soonyoung then?” Jihoon huffed.

“I don’t see him in the practice room,” Minghao supplied, pressing his face against the window to search the room. Seungkwan looked with him and indeed there was no Soonyoung in there.

However, almost as if on cue, the other door of the waiting room opened and Soonyoung walked in. A worried look was plastered on his face; he must’ve heard Chan crying. The concern on his face was replaced with shock for just a moment when he seen Jihoon standing there, but Seungkwan didn’t pay much mind to it.

“What’s wrong with my little star student?” Soonyoung asked, walking up to Seungkwan, Jihoon, and Minghao with his hands stuffed deep within his pockets. Seriously, it looked like if he his hands into his pockets any harder, he’d tear right through his pants. Why was he so damn nervous?

“He lost his hearing aids,” Jihoon said before Seungkwan could. “Did you see them around here anywhere?”

Soonyoung’s thin eyes widened a bit. “Those were for him? I could’ve sworn that it was another student that usually wore these,” Soonyoung reached into his pocket and pulled the floral decorated hearing aids out carefully. “I asked other students and no one claimed them. I asked the class whose it was for too, but I guess that was stupid since Chan couldn’t hear me ask the class.”

Seungkwan wanted to hug Soonyoung so bad right now. But he was sure that would just be weird. “Thank you so, so much,” Seungkwan smiled brightly. “You’re a lifesaver. You really are.”

“Hey, Chan, look,” Wonwoo said, patting his back to get his attention and placed Chan back on his feet. Reluctantly, Chan looked up while using the heel of one of his hands to rub at his eye.

“My hearing aids!” Chan gasped and suddenly, he was jumping up and down while wiping his tears away. They could practically see the relief wash over Chan’s reddened, tear-stricken as he grabbed for his aids.

_Say thank you to Soonyoung._ Seungkwan signed.

“Thank you!” Chan jumped on Soonyoung without warning almost tackling him to the ground. “I’m gonna get my big brother to bake you some cookies,” Chan promised, handing his aids over to Seungkwan so he can put them on for him. Chan never really succeeded in putting them on by himself so he just relied on Seungkwan. Like, what were big brothers for?

Soonyoung smiled and waited for Seungkwan to put on at least one of his aids so he can at least hear him out of one ear. None of them other that Seungkwan knew sign language.

“You don’t have to do that for me, Channie,” Soonyoung reassured, but Chan was persistent. If Chan wanted you to do something, in the end, you'd most likely end up doing it. Because it was Chan. And whatever Chan wanted... somehow he got it.

“I have to!”

“Hey, if you don’t take the cookies, you’ll really be missing out,” Jihoon commented with a pleasant chuckle. A chuckle that was completely out of character for someone like Jihoon. “Those cookies are amazing, I’m telling you.”

Soonyoung gave an awkward chuckle in return and just like last time, he was scratching at the back of his neck as he softly looked at Jihoon. “I mean if you think they’re that good, I’d be dumb not to accept them, huh?” Soonyoung laughed.

“You really would though,” Minghao sighed. “Those cookies are literally to die for.”

“You’d probably die eating them,” Wonwoo said.

“You guys are just weird,” Chan giggled as Seungkwan finished putting his other aid in. It was so nice to hear clearly again instead of feeling like the entire world just went mute.

“I can guarantee you that you won’t die from eating the cookies,” Jihoon said with a teasing lilt to his voice. “These two are just idiots. But, I think you’ll really like them.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Soonyoung said, breathily. “Well I have to go and clean up the practice room before going home. I’ll see you guys around school. And I’ll see you next class,” Soonyoung tapped Chan’s nose before rushing towards the studio room door.

 

(Hansol’s perspective)

Hansol, Junhui, and Mingyu were all sitting behind the wall eavesdropping. They were practically holding their breaths as they tried to listen in on Joshua and Seokmin’s conversation in the kitchen.

Josh and Seokmin spent about two hours talking about their stupid thesis that Hansol had no idea was about before Josh pulled out the pasta made early that morning.

Now, they had just finished dinner and when the three teens excused themselves from the table and said they’d be going upstairs to their rooms for the night, they had actually just hid behind the wall.

Right now, it was just hushed flirting between the two.

“Dinner was really, really good, Josh,” Seokmin said. Hansol could just hear that huge ass smile Seokmin had on his face.

“I’m not that good of a cook,” Josh said, immediately deflecting the praise. “It was just a simple pasta recipe that my grandmother taught me from her time in Italy as a teen.”

“Self deprivation doesn’t sound nice coming from you,” Seokmin retorted gently.

“You call it self deprivation, I call it being humble.”

“Being humble is a simple, ‘Thank you, Seokmin. I’d really like to cook for you again. Maybe, you can cook dinner for me one day.’”

“And who said I wanted to cook for you again?” Josh uttered quietly. “And that I want you to cook for me?” Their voices were progressively getting lower and lower as the conversation went on and it was irritating the three eavesdropping boys.

“I was hoping that I can coax you into saying such things.”

There was a short silence. And it had Hansol wondering if the three of them had many any noise that would have alerted them but the conversation continued.

“What if I did?”

“What?”

“What if I did say that I wanted you to cook dinner for me.”

“Then that would happen.” Seokmin paused. “Because you take care of two teenage boys all on your own and you’re not even twenty five yet. You deserve someone to care for you every once in a while.”

It was quiet for a little. Probably Josh just thinking. Talking about all that he did for Junhui and Hansol at such as young age was always a sensitive topic for him. He was told multiple times that he’d thrown his entire young adulthood away from two boys that aren’t even his full brothers. And while Hansol and Junhui both knew Joshua loved them with everything in them, they felt bad that it was the truth.

“It’s getting late, Seokmin. Don’t you think you should be getting back to your apartment?”

“I would much rather stay here all night,” Seokmin laughed, but still, there was shifting and footsteps as Seokmin moved to stand from where they were sitting at the dining room table.

“Maybe one day,” Josh sighed.

Quietly Junhui and Mingyu made their escape up the stairs, giggling to themselves silently, before they could get caught. But Hansol stayed. When he heard Josh walk Seokmin to the door, Hansol slowly came from his hiding spot, acting as if he’d just come downstairs to get a bottle of water.

From where Hansol was standing though, he could see the front door. And there, he could see Joshua. Looking… pained, as he tightly held onto the cross he wore around his neck everyday.

Hansol could only hope that this matter wasn’t what he thought it was.

But deep down, he knew. It was _exactly_ that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! The next chapter is about Hansol and Seungkwan's tutoring session. I'm excited. I'm not gonna lie, I absolutely love writing about Seungkwan and his friends. They're all so funny to me.
> 
> As always, Thank you guys for reading! I love y'all so much. 
> 
> (My teachers either hate me or just really love reading essays. I swear I'm writing way more for my psych major than I am for my creative writing major. They hate me y'all. *pout*)


	4. Chapter 4

Seungkwan loved his friends, he truly did. But every once in a while, it would be nice to hurl all of them off of the nearest cliff sometimes so they could stop rambling. He knew that their intentions were always good, but seriously, they were making him more nervous than necessary. It was literally just a tutoring session. Nothing less, nothing more.

“Be confident!” Wonwoo said, sounding just like Jeonghan and Seungcheol. “No one is better at literature and essays than you are.”

“Right! And don’t think too much because you got this,” came Minghao’s voice afterwards. School had just ended and the four of them agreed to meet up at Jihoon’s locker before they parted ways. And even though that same morning, Seungkwan begged them not to make this tutoring session a big deal, they wound up doing it anyway.

“Alright, guys. He doesn’t need any pointers on something as simple a tutoring session,” Jihoon sighed, securing his backpack on his shoulder as they ambled towards the school doors.

“Thank you,” Seungkwan whined. “At least one of you actually is level headed.” That comment was mostly directed at Wonwoo since he was usually the one who prided himself for being the mature one out of the four of them. But if Seungkwan were being honest, they all had their moments when they were immature and those when they were the advanced students they were. But the latter was quite rare.

“But you do need to remember to text our group chat if Hansol says something out of hand. Because I’m always ready to give a good beat down,” Jihoon continued.

“Nevermind what I said about you being level headed,” Seungkwan muttered under his breath.

“It’s just because we love you,” Wonwoo reassured.

“Sure.”

When they stepped outside, Hansol was exactly where he said he’d be waiting: outside of the school gates with his brother, Junhui. It was only a bit humid outside, but it felt so much hotter than it actually was with this oversized hoodie Seungkwan was drowning in at the moment. The reasonable thing to do was to take it off, but his confidence--well the little bit that he managed to scrape together this morning-- would plummet if he were to take it off. So he’d just have to endure it.

“Have fun,” Minghao smiled as they parted.

“It’s tutoring,” Jihoon grimaced. “Who has fun tutoring?”

“You know what, Jihoon? Go fuck yourself,” Minghao retorted. Wonwoo burst into a fit of giggles.

“Do it yourself, coward,” Jihoon shot back.

Sadly, Seungkwan didn’t get to hear Minghao’s comeback since they were already walking towards Wonwoo’s car and their voices were drowned out by other students’ conversations. Seungkwan always loved to hear Jihoon and Minghao bicker.

Seungkwan maneuvered around the last few students to get to Hansol and Junhui. Jun was the first to notice him coming since Hansol was so focused on whatever he was looking at on his phone. But with a quick nudge from Junhui, Hansol smiled and waved Seungkwan over also.

“Ready?” Hansol asked with that bright smile of his. Seungkwan nodded and tightened his grip on his backpack strap. It would keep him grounded, at least he hoped it would.

“Oh my god, let’s go,” Junhui said quickly. “Let’s go before he comes.”

Seungkwan was ready to just follow Junhui’s order. He wasn’t really worried about the details of _who_ it was since obviously Jun thought this person was enough trouble that they had to leave immediately. And Seungkwan trusted Jun’s judgement. He was one of the only Chinese students (well half) besides Minghao and judging from how good Minghao was at avoiding trouble and bullies, Seungkwan only assumed that Jun was just as skilled at it. But Hansol didn’t give in as easily as Seungkwan.

“Who?” Hansol questioned looking around. Seungkwan got the sudden urge to roll his eyes. This was a “do first, ask questions later” instance but apparently Hansol didn’t know that. Seungkwan couldn’t really blame him though since Hansol was considerably popular around school. Unlike Seungkwan or Jun, he never had to worry about avoiding trouble and being bullied because his “friends” were always the ones causing it.

“I’ll tell you later, just-- Oh my gosh, I hate you, Vernon. He’s coming. We should have just left your ass standing here,” Junhui huffed, all of his words rushed together. He continued to ramble on in Chinese so Seungkwan couldn’t really understand anything else.

“Oh…” Seungkwan mumbled when he saw who Jun was referring to. Of course, it would be Yong Sool coming their way. But Seungkwan gave him the benefit of the doubt this time. Maybe he was coming to talk to Hansol.

Junhui turned to face Seungkwan, still muttering in Chinese, so he didn’t have to see Yong Sool’s face. Maybe to pretend they were having some type of conversation, so Seungkwan played along.

“What’s up, halfer,” Yong Sool said. Even though he was referring to Hansol in an endearing way like any friend would, Seungkwan and Junhui both went rigid for a moment at hearing Yong Sool say that. If Seungkwan remembered correctly, Hansol hated being called that.

But Seungkwan kept his head down, just hoping that Yong Sool wouldn’t notice him while he and Jun just silently listened to the conversation take place. He should talk to Hansol about it later and judging by the look on Junhui’s face, he was definitely going to talk to Hansol about it too.

“What up?” Hansol greeted.

“Where you going? Me and some of the guys are gonna stay after school today and play some basketball, you in?”

“Sorry, man. But I gotta get home. Mr. Park said I could revise my essay to regain some of the points. I didn’t do that good so I have a tutor,” Hansol explained. At the mentioning of a tutor, Yong Sool’s gaze flickered to Seungkwan. Then he was smirking.

“ _He’s_ tutoring you?” Yong Sool chuckled. Even without looking up, Seungkwan could just feel the words directed at him. “I mean… why not get a girl to tutor you? Someone worth your time. Not the fat kid.”

“I’m not fat,” Seungkwan said immediately without even thinking about it. He hadn’t even noticed that he had even said anything until he glanced briefly at Yong Sool who made a disgusted face in response. Junhui looked slightly pleased by Seungkwan’s response despite Seungkwan’s impending regret.

Was it a good idea to respond? Seungkwan really doubted it but it was too late to take it back now. “I-I… I just-” Seungkwan tried to defend himself further but couldn’t find any words.

“Just shut _up._ You can barely speak a full sentence,” Yong Sool drawled. “See, Hansol? How is he even going to help you with your essay and he can barely speak a full sentence? You should just ditch him and come play some b-ball with us, and I’ll ask one of the girls I know to tutor you tomorrow.”

Seungkwan didn’t know why but he slightly expected Hansol to do it. To ditch him for Yong Sool and leave Seungkwan with no choice but to call Wonwoo back to pick him up. In the end, that would only result in having to stop Minghao, Wonwoo, and Jihoon from wanting to kill Hansol.

“I really can’t, man. And you shouldn’t say stuff like that to him. Even if it is a joke, calling him fat and then saying he isn’t worth the time can really hurt his feelings,” Hansol said. Seungkwan almost scoffed at that. A joke? It was never Yong Sool’s intention to be playful with Seungkwan. His intentions were clearly to make him feel bad and to be frank, he succeeded every time.

But Seungkwan didn’t have to scoff because Jun did that for him. Of course, Yong Sool heard him, but of course he wouldn’t make a racist, Chinese joke about Junhui when Hansol was standing there.

“Whatever, Hansol. I’ll see ya,” Yong Sool shrugged before walking off. Seungkwan and Junhui visibly relaxed, the tension immediately leaving their bodies as Yong Sool walked away.

“Sorry about that, Seungkwan,” Hansol sighed, starting his way down the street after Junhui who already was speed walking down the sidewalk. He seemed to desperately just want to get home and Seungkwan couldn’t blame him. “Yong Sool has such a shitty sense of humor.”

“I guess,” Seungkwan sighed, not really believing the stupid excuse. “Thanks for defending me though. It was really nice of you.”

“Just doing what I can’t do for myself,” Hansol mumbled, stuffing his hands into his pockets and glancing down at the concrete path. Seungkwan knew exactly what he was referring to. Hansol probably never tells Yong Sool or his other so called friends how much he hated being called halfer. How it hurt his feelings.

Seungkwan placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “If you can defend someone else, you can do it for you too. I know it’s a bit harder but I don’t doubt you could do that.”

Hansol chuckled briefly almost like he was wondering whether or not he should believe Seungkwan’s words. Seungkwan didn’t push it any further but definitely hoped that he chose to believe him. the rest of the walk to Hansol and Jun’s home went by with little conversation. Every now and then Hansol would ask Seungkwan if he was hot in that hoodie and Seungkwan would respond with the same lie that he was “fine.” But he wasn’t. He was so close to just bursting into flames, but they were close to the house according to Junhui so Seungkwan just put up with it for a few more minutes.

When they did arrive, Seungkwan was surprised to see that instead of a woman--presumably would be Hansol and Junhui’s mother-- greeting them, it was a rather young looking guy.

“Hey, Josh,” Jun chirped. The guy--Josh-- threaded his fingers in Jun’s hair and smiled kindly in a silent greeting before looking to Hansol and Seungkwan.

“This is Seungkwan, he’s my tutor,” Hansol introduced as he closed the door behind Seungkwan and began kicking off his shoes. “This is my big brother, Josh.”

Seungkwan bowed deeply to show his utmost respect. First impressions were always important to how people perceive someone. At least that was what Jeonghan told him. “It’s so nice to meet you.”

Josh chuckled and raised both hands to ruffle his hands in both Hansol’s and Seungkwan’s hair. “There’s no need to be so formal. I’m not that much older than you are,” Josh said, letting his hands fall back to his sides when Hansol started to complain. “But it’s nice to meet you anyway. I hope this brat doesn’t give you too much trouble. If he doesn’t listen, threaten to tickle him. It always works.”

Hansol gasped dramatically and placed a hand flat to his chest. “That was a confidential secret.”

“Alright, alright. I won’t tell anyone else,” Josh agreed, turning and heading for the staircase. “Well I’m gonna go to my room and take a nap. I just restocked the pantry so, Seungkwan, you can have whatever snacks you like.”

“Can I have as many as I want too?” Hansol asked excitedly. Already halfway up the stairs, Josh shouted back his response: “Nope. Only for Seungkwan since he’s a guest.”

Hansol’s pout made Seungkwan chuckle as he toed his own shoes off. “Well… where should we work on the essay. We can do it wherever is comfortable for you,” Seungkwan said, trying way too hard to be polite. It wasn’t until he said it that he realized how weird that sounded, but Hansol just gave him a silly, knowing look and laughed.

“Let’s go to my room.”

Seungkwan nodded and followed Hansol up the staircase and into his room. While moving around the house, Seungkwan noticed that the house was much smaller than he’d initially thought, but it was still just as warm and welcoming in atmosphere.

“Why are you in my room, Jun?” Hansol asked, throwing his backpack onto his bed next to Jun who was casually sprawled out on the bed like it was his own. If Hansol hadn’t have said anything, Seungkwan would’ve thought this was Junhui’s room instead.

“I don’t wanna be in my room,” Jun pouted childishly, rolling over on his stomach. “It’s lonely in there.”

“I need to work on my essay. Go lay with Josh or something.”

“Whatever,” Junhui grumbled, but it was clear that he wasn’t really angry at all. He simply stood up, poking his tongue at Hansol and smiling at Seungkwan before leaving the room without another word or glance at his brother.

“You don’t have to stand there, you know,” Hansol chuckled, moving to remove his uniform shirt. “Sit on the bed.”

“I just don’t want to be rude, you know,” Seungkwan laughed awkwardly as he sat down on the edge of Hansol’s bed. He busied himself by kicking his legs while picking with his fingernails. He was trying to do _anything_ that wasn’t looking at Hansol’s naked torso at the moment.

“You’re literally taking the time out of your day to tutor me. You could bounce off of the walls and I’d still be grateful,” Seungkwan heard Hansol say before the mattress dipped from Hansol throwing himself on the bed next to him. “Anyway, let’s get started on fixing this essay. I’ll give you a quick warning, it sucks.”

Seungkwan gave a smile chuckle but it quickly caught in his throat when he turned around to face Hansol and the latter was _still_ shirtless. “Oh, wow,” Seungkwan found himself saying. Gosh, it seemed like Seungkwan just couldn’t hold in his words today. He was usually good at that. Maybe he’d been spending too much time around Jihoon who was too blunt and honest for his own good.

“Oh, sorry. Should I put on a shirt? It’s just hot in here since Josh can’t sleep when it’s cold,” Hansol explained with a sympathetic look. He was immediately moving to stand but Seungkwan stopped him with a hand on his wrist.

“Nono. No.. You just surprised me is all,” Seungkwan reassured with a frantic nod of his head. “Let’s just get started on the essay, yeah?”

Hansol flopped back onto his stomach and opened up his backpack. All with a pleasant smile on his face that Seungkwan couldn’t help but giggle at.

 

***

 

“Can we take a break please,” Hansol sighed softly.

Yet again, Hansol was disheartened after hearing all of the imperfections of his essay. The essay he worked so hard on.

Seungkwan knew that it didn’t make Hansol feel any better that they had to change almost the _entire_ essay to fix the flow of ideas. As soon as Seungkwan had read over the essay, he knew what the problem was and why it received such a low grade.

The word choice was fine, and the sentence structure was great too. But it was the flow of the ideas that made no sense. The point Hansol was trying to make eventually got lost, and by the end of the paper, Seungkwan had totally forgot what the initial purpose of the paper was. He was sure Mr. Park had experienced the same thing.

After explaining the problem to him, Hansol’s confidence instantly sank. They’d spent about thirty minutes reorganizing his ideas and another twenty minutes making a draft for the new essay. And by the time those fifty minutes had gone by, Hansol’s confidence seemed to hit rock bottom as he dropped his pencil and buried his face in his hands, softly asking for a break.

“How about a snack?” Seungkwan suggested with a soft smile. “I’ll share my unlimited pass to your pantry with you.”

“Really?” Hansol raised his head quickly to look at Seungkwan.

“Yup. Because you really deserve it. Now all we have to do is rewrite the essay. And you’re really good at that part.”

The smile on Hansol’s face dropped a little at the mentioning of the essay again when they were supposed to be on break. “I’m horrible at every part of writing an essay, Kwannie.” Choosing to try to ignore the way his cheeks reddened at the nickname, Seungkwan shook his head.

“Actually, you’re really good at that part. The wording and the structure of the first essay was great. You just need a little work when putting ideas together and that’s okay. We’re all a little bad at something. Like, I’m a little embarrassed to even think about my grade in calculus right now,” Seungkwan said with mock bitter to his voice.

“I can’t imagine taking calculus,” Hansol frowned. “Just thinking about it is giving me a headache. Let’s go get something to eat from downstairs already. Can’t forget what Mr. Park said. Food is important for the brain.”

Remembering it from the day before, Seungkwan couldn’t help but chuckle. Hansol was on his feet in just seconds and rushing for the door but when Seungkwan stood to follow, he got lightheaded. A vague pounding in his forehead made a sudden appearance as he swayed a bit.

Grabbing onto the closest thing, being Hansol’s bedside table, Seungkwan tried to steady himself but wound up just sitting down on the bed again.

“Shit. You okay?” Hansol asked rushing back to Seungkwan after hearing a few things on his bedside table fall.

“Yeah, yeah. I just stood up too fast, I guess.”

“You should really take off this hoodie-”

“No. No, I’m fine. I don’t want to,” Seungkwan denied quickly but Hansol refused to accept that as an answer.

“I can give you a different shirt to wear if you aren’t wearing anything underneath that but you _really_ should take this off.”

Seungkwan clamped his eyes shut tightly and just wanted to disappear in that moment. He truly should care more about his health than his fear of embarrassment, but he couldn’t seem to convince himself of that in the moment. This hoodie was his protection, his defense from the judging.

And while it was truly irrational way of thinking, Seungkwan couldn’t help it. Right now, being humiliated seemed a lot worse than the possibility of passing out.

“If you’re embarrassed, you don’t have to be,” Hansol said suddenly but softly. “It’s really hot and I don’t want you to pass out or anything. Don’t be embarrassed about anything you have.”

With a sigh and brief surge of assurance, Seungkwan slowly grabbed for the hem of his hoodie and pulled it over his head. The relief was instant. Seungkwan audibly sighed at the cool air.

“Feel better already, right?” Hansol chuckled. Seungkwan nodded shyly.

“I can tell. Look, you stay here. I’m going to go downstairs and get all the snacks we could possibly eat in a twenty minute break.” Hansol was off and running out of the room before he could even finish what he was saying. Laughing quietly at the excited patter of Hansol’s feet as he descended the stairs, Seungkwan let his body go limp and laid back on Hansol’s bed.

Seungkwan stared up at the ceiling. In relief from finally having that hoodie off and the realization that he didn’t have to hide from Hansol. Whether Hansol liked guys or not didn’t seem to matter anymore. Because Hansol proved to be such an amazing friend that Seungkwan couldn’t find it within himself to be angry with Hansol even if his feelings weren’t ever returned.

 

***

 

When Hansol said he was going to get snacks to last them twenty minutes, Seungkwan actually thought he was serious. He had only expected Hansol to bring back some cookies, a bag of chips maybe, and some bottled water. And while Hansol did get all of these, he also had brought candy, an extra bag of jalapeno chips, and some soda.

Seungkwan was going to jokingly mention it, but it seemed like Hansol was serious about this. So he left it alone and ate a few of the peanut butter cookies.

“So…” Hansol said while with a mouth full of chips. He was leaning against his headboard with the bag of chips on his lap while Seungkwan was laying on his stomach at the bottom of Hansol’s bed.

Taking a quick sip from his bottle of water, Seungkwan muttered, “So?”

“This is going to be out of the blue.” Hansol inhaled another handful of chips. “But I want to ask you about Jihoon.”

Seungkwan raised an eyebrow, taking another cookie. “What about him?”

“Does he… you know.” Hansol makes a random gesture with his hands that Seungkwan has no idea what it means.

“No, I don’t know,” Seungkwan giggled.

“Like, is he dating someone?” Hansol rushed. “I’m not asking for me or anything. It’s for a friend. Seriously.”

If Seungkwan didn’t know about Soonyoung’s obvious crush on Jihoon and that Soonyoung and Hansol were friends, he would probably think that Hansol was the one that wanted to know. The ‘I’m asking for a friend’ excuse sounded so fake and corny that it made Seungkwan laugh a little harder.

“Is this friend Soonyoung?”

Hansol stopped munching on his chips in bewilderment for a split second before throwing his hands up in exasperation. “Is he making those heart eyes everytime Jihoon’s around again?”

“Again?” Seungkwan scoffed. “I don’t think he ever really stopped.”

“He’s literally a lost cause when it comes to Jihoon, I swear. Anyway, you’re one of Jihoon’s closest friends. Can you tell me if he’d be interested in dating a guy? Or Soonyoung?” Hansol questioned with a curious tilt of his head that Seungkwan found adorable. That and the fact that Hansol was so adamant about helping his male friend get the boy he liked only showed Seungkwan that Hansol was definitely not judgemental about this sort of thing.

Even if they were literally together for just a few hours, Seungkwan found himself liking Hansol more and more as they conversed.

“Well, I don’t know much about Jihoon’s preferences because he doesn’t really talk about them. My guess would be that he doesn’t really have a preference at all, but I can always ask,” Seungkwan said with a smirk that Hansol returned.

“It’s like we’re matchmakers, huh?” Hansol’s face lit up at the declaration.

“A little bit,” Seungkwan agreed, distantly wondering what Jihoon’s sexual preference actually was and if the latter would feel comfortable if Seungkwan asked him about it. The last thing he wanted to do was make Jihoon feel uncomfortable. “But when I do ask, I’ll just tell you if Jihoon’s interested in Soonyoung or not. Nothing more than that, okay.”

Hansol was nodding frantically in understanding instantly. “Yeah, I get it. Someone’s sexuality should be kept confidential until they’re ready to talk about it.”

Seungkwan smiled and shifted around to sit cross legged on the bed now since their little twenty minute break was coming to an end soon.

“Hopefully this goes better than my matchmaking attempts with Mingyu,” Hansol mumbled under his breath, a bit of bitterness laced in his tone.

“What’re you talking about?” Seungkwan said with a giggle of disbelief.

“I’ve been trying to get him to talk to girls for like a month, Kwannie,” Hansol whined, discarding his bag of chips. Seungkwan couldn’t help but laugh a little harder than he intended. Just the thought of Mingyu even looking at someone else--let alone a girl--that wasn’t Wonwoo was just such a funny thought to Seungkwan because it was simply unheard of. But just like Hansol said, Mingyu should be the one to him about his love for Wonwoo, not Seungkwan, so he just listened.

“But every girl that likes him, he just rejects them. Like come on, he can have anyone in that school,” Hansol continued.

“Well not everyone wants to be in a relationship,” Seungkwan explained. “I mean, it’s our senior year of high school. Maybe dating is the last thing on his mind.”

“I only want him to date because he’s so stressed out. Maybe it’ll give him something else to focus on.”

Seungkwan could understand. They all were so stressed out with it being their last year of high school and all, and any type of distraction was great.

“He probably doesn’t see it the way you do and that’s okay. Just be a good friend and stand by his side through all of the stress. Which it seems like you’ve been doing.” Seungkwan gave one last bright smile knowing that Hansol wouldn’t be very happy about their break being over. But as his tutor, Seungkwan couldn’t let Hansol slack off too much, no matter how much he enjoyed just laying here at the bottom of his bed listening to him talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the chapter! Sorry it took so long, forgive your mochi please. Haha!  
> Love you!


	5. Chapter 5

“Alright, everyone,” Soonyoung called, clapping his hands together loudly to get all of the little dancers’ attention. “It’s time for a thirty minute break and a light snack.”

The four kids that were showing Hansol their choreography instantly dispersed at the mentioning of their beloved snack time. Hansol had spent his afternoon at the dance academy where Soonyoung interned at enough times to know how much these kids loved and cherished snack time. Junhui usually visited with him, but Josh had to bring (more like drag) Jun to the dentist that day. 

Hansol would never understand why Junhui hated the dentist so much. 

As the kids all ran towards the front of the dance room to collect their snacks-- today it was apple slices and caramel--Hansol and Soonyoung sat on a bench against the far wall of the room. Soonyoung took a deep breath and wiped some of the excess sweat from his forehead with fabric of his shirt. Teaching elementary school students to dance was rewarding to Soonyoung, but it was also tiring as hell. 

“Those kids really love you,” Hansol marveled as he ripped the plastic wrapping off of the apple and caramel packaging before hastily reaching for an apple slice. Almost like he was the one sweating like crazy and completely out of breath at the moment. 

“I love them too,” Soonyoung huffed, moving to open his apple slices, albeit much slower than Hansol. “It’s a nice way to destress from the school day since there is so many things at school that are making me want to hurl myself right out of the nearest window.” A pleasant smile made its way onto Soonyoung’s face, and Hansol had to admit that the way Soonyoung’s eye disappeared when he smiled was one of the most endearing things he’s ever seen. 

That smile was the only reason Hansol held his tongue and decided not to scold Soonyoung for not properly hiding his feelings Jihoon. Hansol had a good amount of dating experience so he definitely knew that a way to get someone to notice you in the right way was to  _ not  _ turn into mush and gush every time that person was around. But knowing Soonyoung, he probably wouldn’t be able to do anything about it, seeing that they’d had this same conversation a few months earlier. 

So instead of talking about it again and ruining Soonyoung’s sweet, tight-eyed smile, Hansol opted to talk about Mingyu instead. 

“Hey, Soonyoung, since you like girls  _ and  _ guys, maybe you could help me find Mingyu a boyfriend,” Hansol blurted. 

Soonyoung’s smile was replaced with a look of utter bewilderment. “Did I miss something? Is Mingyu like… You know?”

“Not really. I told Mingyu I’d get him a boyfriend about a week ago since he obviously ain’t interested in any girls at the school” Hansol chuckled. Realizing that this was just Hansol being…  _ himself _ , Soonyoung chuckled briefly. 

“What do you think Mingyu’s type is though?” Soonyoung asked, dipping his apple in caramel and eating it.

Hansol pressed a questioning finger to his chin and thought about it deeply. “I don’t know. Someone like Kihyun from P.E.?”

“Cute but too short for Mingyu,” Soonyoung said through a mouthful of apple. 

“Hyungwon?” Hansol tried again.

“Mingyu would probably annoy him in the first day of them dating and they’d break up.”

“What about… Wonwoo?” Hansol exclaimed, getting a louder as he thought of the deep voiced, nerdy guy that was one of Seungkwan’s best friends. Soonyoung stopped mid chew to think about Wonwoo in greater detail before he shook his head. 

“I don’t know much about him but he doesn’t really seem like Mingyu’s type though. And you literally just named three straight guys by the way. How are we-”

“Soonyoung Hyung!” A small voice came before Soonyoung could finish the thought. A little boy came running over while fiddling with his hearing aids. Hansol remembered that his name was Chan because he was the only kid that wore hearing aids in the class. 

“Yeah, Chan?” 

“Can you hold my hearing aids for me while I go wash up? My big brother is coming to pick me up early today!” The little boy exclaimed. 

“Yeah, I’ll hold it. But make sure you come right back so we don’t-” 

Chan’s hearing aids were already out of his ears and in the palm of his small hand as he held them out to Soonyoung. It was no point in continuing because Chan wouldn’t be able to hear anyway. 

So Soonyoung took the hearing aids from Chan and gently placing them beside him on the bench and signed to the young boy instead. 

_ Hurry back.  _

Soonyoung had more to say, of course, (just to say that he would hate to have a repeat of last time when Chan misplaced his hearing aids) but Soonyoung didn’t know that much sign language yet. He’d have to remember to ask Seungkwan how he learned it. 

“Okay!” Chan responded before running off to the door and presumably to the bathrooms. Hansol raised an eyebrow at Soonyoung.

“I didn’t know you could do sign language, man. That’s real impressive,” Hansol nodded. As someone who spoke two languages fluently, Hansol knew just how much dedication and drive it took to learn a new language, so of course he’d praise anyone who took the time to do it. 

“I’m not that good yet. Mr. Park lent me a book on sign language and I just finished the first chapter on basic greetings. Like ‘where’s the bathroom,’ ‘thank you,’ and stuff like that. It’s not that big of a deal.”

Hansol couldn’t help but roll his eyes at how much Soonyoung sounded like Joshua, deflecting praise instead of just taking it. He would’ve said something about if he hadn’t suddenly remembered something at the mentioning of Mr. Park. 

“I forgot!” Hansol gasped, licking the stray caramel from his thumb before reaching for his school bag.

“What?”

“Mr. Park graded my revised essay.” Hansol pulled his essay out of his bag with a proud smile and shoved it in Soonyoung’s face. “Look at that B+. He said I would’ve gotten an A but since it’s a revision, I couldn’t. But still, it’s better than a D.”

Soonyoung didn’t seem like he cared very much but Hansol definitely did and continued to show it. 

“Who helped you revise your paper anyway?” Soonyoung said before shoving his caramel covered finger into his mouth. But unlike Hansol who didn’t really like eating plain caramel, Soonyoung was a sucker for it. Purposefully leaving a bit of caramel left over in the plastic container just so he could lick the remainings at the end. 

“Seungkwan. I might get him to help me with every essay, but he’s probably gonna want something in return. Like money, which I have  _ none _ of.”

“I don’t think he’d want anything in return. He doesn’t seem like the type. Too nice to ever ask for anything directly,” Soonyoung said with a tilt of his head, as he attempted to get the very last of the caramel onto his finger.

“I know but I still wanna give him something in return… I’ll figure it out,” Hansol said. Looking down at his essay again and the new grade at the top, Hansol’s pride was replaced with a humble sense of gratitude. Without Seungkwan, he’d still have a D. Even if Hansol didn’t have anything to give to Seungkwan as a ‘thank you’ at the moment, the least Hansol figured he could do was actually say thanks. 

“Hey, I’m coming right back,” Hansol said. Without waiting for Soonyoung to respond-- he was too busy eating the caramel from Hansol’s little package to do so anyway-- Hansol took his paper with him outside of the dance room. 

He pulled his phone from his pocket, checking to make sure the halls were clear, before leaning up against the wall. There was no better way to show gratitude than a happy picture and a heartfelt message, in Hansol’s opinion. 

There was actually several better ways but Hansol wasn’t about to admit that right now. It was the thought that counted. 

Before he could rethink it, Hansol raised his phone and raised the paper over the lower half of his face and smiled. While his smile wasn’t visible, it was evident that he was in fact smiling judging by the crease of his eyes. Just below his right eye, the letter B+ was written in Mr. Park’s favorite purple pen at the top corner of his essay. 

It was a nice picture in Hansol’s opinion so he quickly sent the picture to Seungkwan with a message: 

_ This grade is all thanks to u! I owe you for helping me out with this. Who knows, maybe I could tutor u in like basketball or something. Haha! Thanks again Kwannie  _

  
  
  
  
  


Seungkwan was laying in Jihoon’s bed stuffing his face with popcorn when he received a text message. Since all of his best friends were lying here with him in Jihoon’s bed and stuffing their faces with popcorn too, he knew it had to either be Jeonghan or Seungcheol. 

He wondered if it was just going to be Jeonghan telling him to be happy or something like that because he always seemed to send Seungkwan random text messages like that throughout the day. But Seungkwan couldn’t act like he didn’t enjoy them which is most likely why Jeonghan continued to send them.

But it was actually Hansol who texted. Seungkwan knew he’d be teased by Jihoon, Minghao, and Wonwoo for blushing this hard, but he couldn’t help the heat that spread across his cheeks when he opened the picture Hansol sent him. 

The happiness in Hansol’s eyes was enough of a reward for Seungkwan so he simply sent a text back that he didn’t need to owe him anything at all. Ending it with, “ _ Just keep smiling and I’ll be fine.” _

It was cheesy but Hansol seemed to not mind it at all. 

_ I’m gonna give u something whether you like it or not _

They went back and forth for a bit before Seungkwan finally gave in. Quickly typing back a response of “fine.”

“The attention is supposed to be on me and yet you’re blushing at your phone,” Jihoon said suddenly plucking the phone from Seungkwan’s fingers with a knowing look. 

“Oh, I wonder who that could be?” Minghao commented. Wonwoo was still focused on the movie so didn’t say anything. Jihoon didn’t seem very interested in the text messages and just put Seungkwan’s phone under the pillow he was laying on. 

Seungkwan would usually protest but he decided not to. 

Jihoon would never say it out loud, but Seungkwan knew how much it meant to him that he was the center of attention when they were all at his house together. Jihoon was from a very well off, upper class family. But with that wealth, called for his parents to be working most of the time meaning that Jihoon was always alone at home. So when they all would visit, Jihoon was determined to get all of the love and adoration that he couldn’t get from his parents and get it from his best friends instead. It wasn’t a perfect exchange, but sometimes your friends were the only family you had. And it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. 

So instead of fighting for his phone, Seungkwan pulled a reluctant, hesitant Jihoon close and snuggled him until the movie was over.

  
  


“Jo In-Sung is a miracle to this world. I wouldn’t have known I was gay without him,” Wonwoo praised as the credits of the movie they were watching finally began to roll. “He deserves some type of award for that, doesn’t he? There should be an award for making people question their sexuality.” 

“Then Mr. Park should get the reward too,” Minghao chuckled. Seungkwan’s eyebrows shot up the expanse of his forehead. 

“Wow. Mr. Park helped you figure out you were… what’s your sexuality again?” Jihoon asked, still wrapped around Seungkwan. 

“Bisexual. I saw Mr. Park during our freshman year walking through the hallways. I swear I almost got hard when I first seen him. From then on out, I realized I was attracted to guys just as I was to girls.” Minghao looked up almost dreamily as if he was recalling that time. Seungkwan couldn’t help but frown a bit at the image of a younger Minghao staring dreamily at Mr. Park with a small tent in his pants. But it was also a funny image. 

“What about you, Seungkwan?” Wonwoo said leaning in a bit closer to him while wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. 

“Who helped you realize that you weren’t straight. Pansexual, right?” Jihoon said.

“Yeah. Um… I don’t really know. I just realized that all my crushes really had no limitations. I didn’t care about gender, I just cared about… them and our connection more than I cared about if that person was a girl or a guy.”

Seungkwan could sense the conversation coming to a close because they never really talked about Jihoon’s sexuality because Jihoon never brought it up. When it came to Minghao, Wonwoo, and Seungkwan’s sexualities, they all voluntarily came out. No one asked any of them, it simply came up in conversation one day.

But Jihoon never did. 

Seungkwan contemplated ignoring it and going on with their day. He could easily tell Hansol tomorrow that he couldn’t intrude on his best friend’s privacy like that, and with Hansol being Hansol, of course he’d have no problem with that. 

But when Seungkwan thought about it again, he decided that asking wouldn’t really hurt… Right?

“Jihoonie,” Seungkwan began. “What about you? Anything special about your sexuality?” Despite attempting to look normal about it, Minghao and Wonwoo genuinely looked curious. Wonwoo also seemed to be a bit cautious, ready to have to fix the situation if it were to go awry.

Jihoon just shrugged nonchalantly. “I don’t really have a preference at all. I just like what I like. Whoever catches my attention just does.”

“I should’ve expected that from you,” Minghao chuckled in relief. 

“Seriously. It’s like the most ‘Jihoon’ answer ever.”

  
  


The rest of their day together seemed to fly by and the next time Seungkwan took a good look at a clock, it was nearing 10 p.m. 

Seungkwan made it home by 10:30 which an hour before his initial curfew. He half expected the house to be completely silent because Chan was usually in bed by 9 and Seungcheol and Jeonghan were usually also in bed by 10, completely spent from the day’s events. But when Seungkwan walked in, Jeonghan was on the sofa staring determinedly at his laptop. All of the lights were off, the only light from the laptop screen illuminating Jeonghan’s face as he typed. From the looks of it, Jeonghan looked to be sitting there for about a few hours.

Seungkwan immediately dropped his bag by the door and kicked off his shoes and hurriedly joined Jeonghan on the sofa.

“You should go to bed, Hannie. You look like you’ve been working on this thesis for hours,” Seungkwan said, eyeing the empty bags of snacks thrown about on the floor. Now  _ that  _ was definitely a sign that Jeonghan was completely out of it. The man  _ hated  _ messiness and because of that, he almost never left a mess himself so  this was just out of Jeonghan’s normal behavior. 

When Jeonghan didn’t respond, only continuing to pick away at the keyboard as if Seungkwan hadn’t said anything at all, Seungkwan sighed. He’d have to resort to the same methods that Jeonghan used when Seungcheol was trying to finish his graduate degree last year. 

Forcible removal.

Seungkwan swiftly grabbed ahold of the computer and pulled it from Jeonghan’s lap and before the older could protest, Seungkwan shut the laptop and clutched it close to his chest. 

“Seungkwan, come on-”

“No. You have been working way too hard and you look… exhausted,” Seungkwan explained but Jeonghan wasn’t being bothered with trying to listen, just trying to pry the computer from Seungkwan. 

And as much as Seungkwan loved Jeonghan, Seungkwan would fight his older brother if he had to. It was out of love anyway. 

Before their little petty fight turned into something more, the living room ceiling light was flicked. “What are you two doing?” Seungcheol grunted rubbing at his eyes. 

“Cheollie, tell Hannie to go to sleep,” Seungkwan tattled. 

“I-”

“Sweetheart, I thought we agreed that you wouldn’t work on anything past 9:30?” Seungcheol sighed with a disappointed lilt to his tone. A tone that only Jeonghan dared to use. Seungkwan watched as Jeonghan attempted to say something but gave up in the end, sighing defeatedly. 

“You’re so tired, Jeonghan,” Seungcheol said gently. Pushing himself off of the wall he was leaning on, Seungcheol rounded the sofa and came to sit down with Seungkwan and Jeonghan. 

“I’m kind of worried about you,” Seungkwan muttered. “You rarely ever get any sleep anymore.”

“I’m almost done with my degree. I’m so close, guys. I just want to hurry and get it over with,” Jeonghan sighed, finally allowing the tenseness of his body to disappear as he melted into the cushions of the couch.

“You’ve been doing well this entire time. Now isn’t the time when you should start drowning yourself in responsibility. So come on,” Seungcheol said. Seungkwan nor Jeonghan knew what was going on until Seungcheol was scooping Jeonghan into his arms.

“Seungkwan,” Seungcheol said, with an obviously exhausted Jeonghan cradled in his arms almost like Jeonghan weighed nothing at all. 

“Yeah?” 

“We love you so much.” 

“Yes, we love you more than the expanse of space, okay,” Jeonghan added with so much passion that Seungkwan was keening and turning red in the cheeks. 

“I love you guys too.”

  
  


Hansol stared up at his bedroom ceiling, ashamed of himself. He knew that really shouldn’t be ashamed but when has his heart ever listened to his brain? To his basic understanding and logic. 

He wasn't homophobic by a long shot. Never has been and never will be. But the situation was completely different when the one experiencing homosexual feelings was… yourself.

Soonyoung and Mingyu decided to pull a small, “harmless” prank and send Hansol a link to a ‘really funny video.’ In the end, the link was actually a video of gay porn. And while Hansol could definitely take a joke and would usually think something like this was pretty funny. He’s done it multiple times to Junhui.

And initially, he had chuckled when it popped up, ready to scold Soonyoung and Mingyu in the group chat for their indecency. But that was until Hansol realized how he  _ reacted  _ to it. 

For some reason, it made him want to throw his phone. But he didn’t. He ended up watching the entire video actually. His heart was in his stomach, his breathing completely labored, and his erection uncomfortable as hell. All of senses were in overdrive as he stared up at the ceiling. 

He was confused and…  _ ashamed.  _

Soonyoung and Mingyu continued to text his phone, probably just a bunch of laughing emojis and random sentences written in all caps. But Hansol stayed laying there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our baby Hansol. 
> 
> P.s: If you don't know Jo Insung, you're missing out. I mean, I'm a lesbian but you have no ideaaaa how much I love that man. I can stare at him all day. Wonwoo's story is literally how my brother found out he was bisexual. Haha! Incorporating these little stories are just funny as hell! 
> 
> Anyway, your Mochi loves you so much.


	6. Chapter 6

September and most of October flew by for Seungkwan and his friends. These last two months were generally just filled with trying to stay caught up in their classes and finishing up the first half of their college applications. 

Just thinking about how stressed they all were was giving Seungkwan a headache so he dispelled those thoughts as quickly possible. Today was Halloween and the least he could do was allow himself to actually  _ enjoy  _ today. No worrying about the essay Mr. Park assigned, college, or anything else that even remotely had to do with school when that bell signaling the end of the school rang. 

Seungkwan was rushing to get out of the classroom to meet his friends because they all had to hurry to Chan’s dance school. Chan had told everyone about ten times today (and signed it to Seungkwan twice this morning) that his first official dance performance was today and he was, in fact, the lead. 

“Promise me you’ll be there,” Chan insisted earlier that day before he allowed Seungkwan, Seungcheol, or Jeonghan to leave the house. 

“We promise, Channie,” Jeonghan said, moving the boy out of the way himself. “We have to go now unless we’ll all be late and you know what that means, right?” 

Chan shook his head and tilted his head to the side in questioning. 

“It means that we might have to spend more time at work and then we might not be able to make it to the performance on time,” Seungcheol said, a bit of overdramatic flare to his words just to get Chan to move. It seemed to work as Chan was quickly shoving everyone out of the door now instead. 

“You have to make it!” Chan whimpered. “It’s so important! I practiced so hard.” 

Seungkwan chuckled a bit at how adorable Chan could be as he finally made it to the first floor of the school and neared the front school doors. He held his backpack close and tried to make sure he didn’t bump into anyone. 

Usually when he did, it was accompanied by someone laughing and saying something incredibly offensive that would hurt Seungkwan’s feelings. So over the last few years of high school, whenever he’d gain some weight, he’d mastered the art of being able to slip through openings in the crowd or just stick close to the walls so no one noticed him. 

Seeing that Seungkwan was closeby, Jihoon, Minghao, and Wonwoo all slipped into the car, leaving the passenger seat empty for Seungkwan. “Hey, guys,” Seungkwan sighed, feeling a nice wave of relief from being with his friends in the safety of Wonwoo’s car. 

“What’s up,” Wonwoo smiled, pinching Seungkwan’s arm playfully. Minghao reached forward to tickle his ear as a greeting. When he heard nothing from Jihoon, Seungkwan turned around to see the aforementioned staring out of the window with a grimace plastered on his face.

“Don’t worry about him,” Minghao sighed when he noticed Seungkwan’s worried expression. “He said he’s not in the mood to talk about whatever’s bothering him so we’ll leave him alone.”

Seungkwan didn’t want to leave Jihoon alone with his thoughts like that but he knew it was probably for the best since this was Jihoon they were talking about. Trying to coax anything out of Jihoon only succeeding in frustrating him further. After being friends with him for so long, Seungkwan knew that the best thing to do would be to just allow Jihoon to feel what he was feeling for the time being. 

“Jihoonie,” Seungkwan muttered sweetly. 

“Hmm?” Jihoon hummed, still looking outside of the window at nothing in particular. 

“We love you.” 

“Okay.” 

Again, Seungkwan, Minghao, and Wonwoo knew Jihoon well so they knew exactly what Jihoon actually meant. So with a pleasant smile towards Seungkwan, Wonwoo started the car, turned up the volume of the radio a bit, and accelerated off down the street. 

“Where are we going, again? I forgot just that quickly,” Wonwoo said when came to smooth stop a red light. 

“Chan’s dance academy,” Seungkwan said. 

“I’m gonna tell Channie that you forgot about his special performance,” Minghao teased. 

“He’s been talking about it for the last few days,” Jihoon uttered quietly.

“I remembered that it was Michael Jackson’s  Thriller and that he was going to be the lead,” Wonwoo said defensively. “I just wanted to make sure I was going the right way. Would hate to be late.”

“He’s been talking about it non-stop,” Seungkwan recalled softly. “He’s so excited. I can’t wait to see how good of a dancer Chan has become.”

Chan had made it a habit of his for the last few days to randomly talk about how much he’d improved at dancing and when someone would ask for a demonstration, he’d quickly deny them. “You have to see it on Halloween for the performance!” This performance has been the  _ only  _ thing Chan has been talking about, so that was one thing Seungkwan was looking forward too after this being over. Back to real conversations and not just constant reminders about tonight. 

“Almost there,” Wonwoo announced.

“Got the tickets, Kwannie?” Minghao asked, leaning forward in the backseat once again to look over Seungkwan’s shoulder. Well, barely since the seatbelt wouldn’t allow him to lean forward too much and Minghao had been scolded enough times by his family and friends about wearing a seatbelt. 

“Yup,” Seungkwan confirmed pulling the four tickets from the front zipper of his backpack. 

As Wonwoo finally pulled into a parking space (how Wonwoo passed the parking part of the driving test was a mystery to Seungkwan because Wonwoo sucked at it), the four of them all exited the car. 

The performance started at 5:00 to give children enough time to go home afterwards and do whatever they plan to do for Halloween that day. It was only 4:30 since they’d left as soon as school ended, but only because they wanted to see Chan before the performance. Nearing the building, Seungkwan couldn’t help but coo at the ‘scary’ and very adorable decorations at the entrance and in the hallway leading to the stage room where everything would be. 

Spider webs, huge plastic insects placed strategically around corners in order to spook children, and a few carved pumpkins here and there. Typical but all the more adorable to Seungkwan. 

“Stop touching that,” Jihoon said, slapping Minghao’s hand lightly as the latter tried to pick a few of the tiny spiders in the cotton webs off of them.

“I want to take one home and scare my little sister,” Minghao whimpered, giving Jihoon a pleading pout. 

Jihoon rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulders to which Minghao quietly squealed and quickly picked a small black, plastic spider off of the web and slipping it into his pocket. 

“You guys are here early,” a familiar voice called to them from down the hall. Turning to the direction of the voice, Seungkwan wasn’t exactly surprised to see Soonyoung walking towards them, dressed as Frankenstein. 

“Of course. We just wanted to see Chan before the show,” Wonwoo said, eyeing Soonyoung’s costume closely. Wonwoo was either judging him horribly or absolutely loving the costume. Because Wonwoo wasn’t one to stare and when he did, it was either one of two possibilities: he loved it or he hated it. Simple. 

“He’s getting his makeup done,” Soonyoung said. “He’s so excited about this. I swear he-”

“Soonyoung-Hyung! Jiyoo is looking for you,” a small, boyish voice called from far down the hall. Seungkwan knew it was Chan and it was even further confirmed when there was small patter of feet running and an excited squeal soon after. 

“You’re here! You’re here!” Chan gasped as he jumped into Minghao’s arms first to embrace him tightly without messing up his zombie makeup. The torn clothes, the tiny replica of Michael Jackson’s famous jacket from the Thriller video, and the makeup made Chan look like an actual zombie, so it made the image of Chan running towards them even more funny. Almost like they should have been running away instead of embracing the little zombie. 

“Where are Jeonghan and Seungcheol?” Chan said, looking to Seungkwan hopefully. 

“I don’t know exactly, but I’m sure they’re on their way,” Seungkwan reassured, seemingly satisfying Chan for the moment as he turned his attention to Wonwoo. 

“I’ll be back. Our makeup artist, Jiyoo, is probably having trouble with all the kids by herself,” Soonyoung said, more to Jihoon than anyone else, before rushing off in the direction in which they came. 

While Wonwoo was too busy pressing kisses to Chan’s hands since he couldn’t kiss his face, Minghao raised an eyebrow at Seungkwan before looking to Jihoon and back at Seungkwan.

“What?” Seungkwan asked.

“Do you noticed that every time Soonyoung talks to us, he stares at Jihoon. Like  _ only  _ Jihoon,” Minghao said. The statement immediately caught Jihoon’s attention. 

“You’re looking way too far into it, dummy,” Jihoon huffed. 

“I noticed it too though,” Wonwoo commented. “It’s almost like we aren’t here when you’re around, Jihoonie.”

“Ooo, Soonyoungie-Hyung has a crush on Jihoon?” Chan asked quietly, but not quietly enough so they all could hear him. 

Jihoon grimaced harshly, breathed heavily through his nose, and slowly looked to Seungkwan. Beckoning him-- or daring him-- to say that he noticed it too. Seungkwan slowly nodded in agreement. 

“He kind of does, Jihoon,” Seungkwan agreed in a small voice. “But it’s not like it’s a bad thing that he might have a crush on you. Is it?” 

Seungkwan was genuinely wondering why it bothered Jihoon so much, but he also wanted to be able to tell Hansol if Soonyoung should just give up his hopes in being with Jihoon or not. 

Jihoon was quiet for a second. “He’s friends with that asshole Yong Sool. If he’s friends with him, then Soonyoung can’t be much better.”

“Hansol is friends with Yong Sool too. Well, somewhat,” Seungkwan said. 

“Hansol is a different case,” Jihoon explained with an annoyed huff almost like it was absolutely obvious why he wouldn’t want to date Soonyoung. “Hansol is half white, so he’s a part of the ‘outsiders’ at that school. Hansol is probably friends with Yong Sool and the rest of the stupid basketball team because it saves him from bullying. It’s a smart move to survive in that hell hole. And Hansol also has the decency to not let his so called friends bully people when he’s around. But Soonyoung  _ chooses  _ to be friends with those assholes like Yong Sool. And allows them to treat other like shit.”

“Is that what you think of Mingyu?” Wonwoo asked suddenly. 

The look on his face was full of hurt and slight disappointment. The four of them knew how important it was that they approved of the person they were dating. If the four of them didn’t approve then they trusted each other enough to trust their judgement too. 

But usually that process came  _ before  _ any of them were two years into a relationship like Wonwoo and Mingyu were. All of them sat there for a few moments, even Chan, who was usually hyper in situations like these, also just sat there quietly in Wonwoo’s arms. 

Jihoon looked like he wanted to say something but couldn’t gather the confidence to say it, so instead he just sighed deeply. But luckily, people began to pile into the building as 5 o’clock neared. “We’ll talk about this later, okay,” Jihoon said, giving a reassuring yet forced smile. 

Glancing at the entrance for just a second, Seungkwan’s breath caught in his throat as Hansol walked in with Mingyu and Junhui close behind him. What a great time for Mingyu to appear… 

Minghao seemed to notice at the same time as he awkwardly cleared his throat and waved their way, calling for Junhui.

“You’re all here to support Soonyoung too?” Hansol asked as he pleasantly greeted everyone and pulled Seungkwan in for a quick hug. It was nice since Seungkwan wasn’t expecting it in the slightest.

“They’re here for me, Hansol!” Chan happily announced, now standing because Wonwoo had gotten tired of holding him. “Not Soonyoung-Hyung.”

While Hansol spoke to Chan, Seungkwan’s mind was preoccupied with wondering how Chan could possibly know Hansol and preoccupied with watching the awkwardness between Mingyu and Wonwoo. Mingyu had greeted them all with an awkward wave and an oddly formal bow. Even if it was slight, it wasn’t really needed at all since they’d all met Mingyu several times before. 

Seungkwan guessed it was because Hansol and Junhui were never around when he was with Wonwoo so now they were stuck in confusion about what was acceptable between the two of them. Seungkwan couldn’t help but chuckle as he listened to their awkward exchange of greetings.

Even as Minghao and Jihoon conversed with Junhui, Seungkwan could tell that they both noticed too. Junhui might have noticed too. To Seungkwan, Jun seemed like a very observant person. Not much seemed to get past him. 

“Channie!” Two voices yelled at the same time. It immediately caused Chan to forget about his conversation with Hansol entirely as he rushed to jump into Jeonghan and Seungcheol’s open arms. Hansol, however, didn’t look the least bit offended by the sudden shortage of their little conversation as he watched with soft eyes as Chan hugged the two men. 

“You made it!” Chan smiled brightly. 

“We wouldn’t miss this special moment,” Jeonghan smiled. “Of course we made it.”

“It’s not everyday when our favorite ten year old gets to be Michael Jackson for a performance. I mean, look at you in that jacket,” Seungcheol praised, whistling as he fiddled with the jacket which Chan proudly showed off and modeled. 

“Kwannie.”

“Yeah?” Seungkwan answered with a raised eyebrow, not noticing how much he was admiring the entire counter between his two brothers and brother in law. 

“Save Seungcheol and I two seats, please. We’re gonna bring Chan to the back really quickly,” Jeonghan said. 

“Gotcha,” Seungkwan said before waving to Chan one last time and even blowing the youngest a kiss. Chan grimaced childishly but smiled anyway afterwards while walking away with Jeonghan and Seungcheol. 

“Is Chan your little brother or something?” Hansol asked, turning toward Seungkwan with a small, pleasant grin that was succeeding in make Seungkwan swoon inwardly.

“Um, yeah. We’re here to support him since he’s the lead for the performance. He’s so excited,” Seungkwan chuckled. He could practically feel the way Minghao was looking at him despite being so deep in a conversation with Jun. The way Minghao could divide his attention like that must have been due to years and years of practice. 

“Why did you guys come?” Seungkwan continued, trying to ignore Minghao’s stare. “Or is it just for the cookies and desserts that they’re serving after the performance?” 

“I mean that’s  _ half of it, _ ” Hansol chuckled, feigning a guilty look. “But we’re here because Soonyoung practically begged us to come. He choreographed the entire performance actually.” 

Seungkwan nodded as if he was impressed by the fact and just allowed Hansol to continue talking. All Seungkwan wanted to do was just listen. Hansol’s voice was something that Seungkwan could listen to all day. It was deep, smooth, and so comforting. The sound of his voice along with the way Hansol’s eyes lit up in zeal while talking about the achievements of his friend as if they were his own was something that enchanted Seungkwan. 

“Hey, guys,” Jihoon’s voice sounded, interrupting Hansol. “The doors are open, let’s go find seats.” 

Pulling the four tickets from his pocket, Seungkwan turned to Hansol again. “You guys should sit next to us… if you want to, of course,” Seungkwan suggested, nervously picking with tickets. 

“Of course I want to. And those two have no choice,” Hansol said, nodding his head towards Mingyu and then Jun. 

The awkwardness surrounding Mingyu and Wonwoo had disappeared as they talked and walked. They weren’t holding hands but were standing close enough that would satisfy the both of them. 

“Wonwoo and Mingyu actually look good together,” Hansol marveled with a quiet chuckle. Seungkwan laughed at the irony of it. 

“They do, don’t they?” Seungkwan agreed as he handed the woman standing next to the entrance of the theater stage the four tickets while Hansol handed the woman his own three tickets. 

“I wanna sit towards the middle so we can our little sugar plum perfectly!” Wonwoo said rushing down the steps to reach the middle and get seats for everyone before anyone else can get to them. Wonwoo had an adorable attachment to Chan, possibly because he was the only child. 

Jihoon grunted but was right behind him. 

If Mingyu had tried to hide the fond expression that crossed his face when Wonwoo began sprinting, he’d done a really bad job of it. Mingyu was openly staring at Wonwoo as if he’d just snatched a few stars from the skies and presented it to him. 

Seungkwan had only seen that look between Jeonghan and Seungcheol-- who were still madly in love after years together and even more years as friends. So while Jihoon might not approve of Mingyu, Seungkwan trusted him. 

A few minutes before the performance started, Seungcheol and Jeonghan came rushing in, taking their seats on the other side of Seungkwan. “We got the cutest pictures of Chan,” Jeonghan giggled, tilting the phone for Seungkwan to see. But Jeonghan was way too excited as he swiped past each picture on his phone rapidly, not allowing any time for Seungkwan to properly see any of the pictures. It wasn’t until Jeonghan had swiped too far and tried to quickly hide his phone that Seungkwan actually got a glimpse of  _ that  _ picture.

“Is that you… in lingerie?” Seungkwan chuckled quietly.  

“That’s none of your business,” Jeonghan said quickly. “Forget you saw that.” The skin of his cheeks and ears quickly flushed red as he looked away. Luckily, the lights dimming created a distraction from the awkward situation. 

“Oh, gosh, it’s starting.” That definitely was Wonwoo, sounding just like Jeonghan. Both just possessed natural maternal traits. 

Seungkwan couldn’t help but smile as the smog machines on stage began to spray and the little dancers all slowly dragged themselves on stage, imitating zombies perfectly. “It’s Chan,” Seungcheol and Jeonghan squealed quietly as Seungcheol pulled out his own phone to record the performance. 

The eerie sound of  _ Thriller  _ started as Chan-- a literal mini Michael Jackson-- made his way towards center stage. As much as he wanted to leave the embarrassing, motherly behavior to Jeonghan, Wonwoo, and Seungcheol, Seungkwan couldn’t help but squeal and gasp the entire performance. His chest was swelling with pride as he watched Chan so show off the choreography he’d worked so hard to memorize. 

Seungkwan had decided in just a few moments that he was going to smother Chan when this entire performance was all over. 

 

***

 

And as he always did, Seungkwan kept his promise. Rushing towards Chan along with Jeonghan and Seungcheol to embrace the youngest with all of the love and kisses he could muster. Chan enjoyed it for the first few moments until he started complaining about his hearing aids loosening.

Seungkwan was sure it was a lie but he let him go anyway.

“Channie, you were amazing,” Jihoon laughed, ruffling Chan’s hair. Minghao pressed a couple of kisses to each of Chan’s cheeks but quickly moved out of the way when Wonwoo came running to swoop Chan up into his arms. 

“That was perfect! You were perfect. Michael Jackson’s ghost is crying tears of joy right now,” Wonwoo exclaimed hugging Chan closely. Even Mingyu ruffled Chan’s hair and said something that Seungkwan couldn’t exactly hear. But Chan had broke out into a bright smile at whatever it was that Mingyu said. 

“Soonyoung is a really good teacher,” Hansol said, wiping the cookie crumbs from his face. “Those kids were amazing up there.” 

“I’m kind of impressed too,” Seungkwan chuckled and shook his head in disbelief at the fact that Hansol was literally stuffing cookies into his mouth like there wasn’t several more. Plus he was making such a mess that Seungkwan couldn’t help but laugh. 

“You want one?” Hansol asked gesturing towards the cookie table behind them. “I can go get one for you.” 

“I doubt you’d be able to hold it with all the cookies you’re holding right now.”

“Now I have to prove you wrong,” Hansol said. He didn’t even allow Seungkwan to say that he in fact didn’t want a cookie because he was already rushing for the refreshments table. Indeed, Hansol came back with a cookie barely holding a cookie in between his forearms. 

“See?” 

“Thanks,” Seungkwan laughed. Instead of eating the cookie, Seungkwan just held it in his hands and would present it to Chan when he was done being smothered with love. “What are you going to do after leaving?”

“Well, we’re actually going to wait a little longer for Soonyoung before heading back home. We have this thing we do every Halloween where Josh hides candy around the house and we have to find it. Then we usually play a few board games while eating the candy… It’s childish, I know, but still fun,” Hansol explained, his face continually falling as he did so. Seungkwan guessed it was because it must have sounded like Hansol was somehow boring for doing something so… silly on Halloween night. Seungkwan hated to see the way the brightness in his gaze dimmed into embarrassment. 

This was why Hansol never talked about his family except with Mingyu and Soonyoung.

“It’s not childish. It actually sounds fun and sweet,” Seungkwan reassured, but Hansol shook his head and uncharacteristically stuffed an entire cookie in his mouth, not believing a word Seungkwan said. 

“Seriously, Hansol. I mean, if your tradition is childish then so is mine,” Seungkwan said, looking down at his sweating palms. “We let Chan dress up in a costume, make desserts, eat candy, and watch scary movies at full volume. It’s a family tradition and it’s special.”

“That sounds kind of fun though,” Hansol giggled, finishing his last cookie before dusting the cookie crumbs from his hands. “I want pictures.”

“I’ll be sure to take lots of them just for you.”

“Kwannie, we have to go! Hannie said we are going to bake cupcakes,” Chan gasped excitedly, pulling at Seungkwan’s hand. 

“I was in the middle of a conversation, you know,” Seungkwan said, but went ignored as Chan still tried to pull Seungkwan along with all of his strength but the latter continued to resist the younger’s attempts. 

“You should go. I’ll text you,” Hansol said with a small smile. “I’ll take pictures with all of my candy that I’ll find before Junhui does. He’s really bad at this game even after all these years.”

Seungkwan and Hansol held each other’s gaze for a moment longer than usual before they both broke out into laughter. “I’ll text you,” Hansol said.

“And I’ll text back,” Seungkwan replied quickly before finally allowing himself to be pulled off with Chan, Jeonghan, and Seungcheol. 

After, getting his backpack out of Wonwoo’s car and walking towards where Jeonghan had parked the car--which was all the way on the other side of the parking lot-- there was a quick buzz in Seungkwan’s pocket. Pulling it from his pocket, he expected to see a text from Seungcheol telling him to hurry up but instead it was Hansol. 

**Hansol:**

I kind of wanted to ask if u could help me with another essay

I know Im annoying but I need ur help :(

**Me:**

U arent annoying

Of course I’ll help

**Hansol:**

THANK U

I swear Im gonna repay you one day… when I actually get some money

**Me:**

How many times do I have to tell u that u don’t have to repay me?

 

And that’s how Seungkwan ended up fighting with Hansol the entire ride home while listening to Jeonghan still gushing about how adorable Chan was that night. 

 

***

 

“Here’s your ‘princess ninja’ costume, Channie,” Seungcheol said, handing Chan a plastic bag from under the kitchen cabinet.

“It’s a ninja princess!  _ Not  _ a princess ninja!” Chan corrected as he began pulling out the contents of the bag. It was a simple ninja costume along with a crown and a pretty little wand that that Jeonghan must have brought separately. 

Seungkwan wasn’t sure what made Chan want to be a ninja princess so bad but he was adamant about being one. He even promised that he’d clean his room every night  _ and  _ wash his own dishes at night for a whole week. 

“I’m so excited!” Chan giggled as he dashed off towards his room without even saying thank you. Usually Jeonghan would call Chan back in here to do that, but the excitement was enough of a thank you for Jeonghan. 

“Should I make strawberry or vanilla flavored cupcakes?” Jeonghan asked as he wandered into the kitchen. He was mostly asking Jihoon who was actually in a really bad mood again. 

Jihoon showed up at their door with a blank look telling them that he needed somewhere to be for the night since he refused to go home. Apparently, his parents who had promised that they’d spend the night with Jihoon, had forgot all about that and went out to a party instead. Jihoon showed Seungkwan the several text messages of his parents apologizing constantly for forgetting, and it sounded like they were truly sorry about it. But Jihoon’s response was a brief “It’s fine” before he told Seungkwan to block both his parents’ phone numbers for the time being. 

And while Seungkwan didn’t think it was the best idea, he did it anyway. 

“Vanilla…” Jihoon sighed. “I hate strawberry.” 

“I have a recipe for caramel apples. When Chan is done, we can make those too,” Seungcheol smiled, booping Jihoon’s nose and moving to the fridge.

“I’m gonna rip his finger off if he does that again,” Jihoon whispered under his breath, which made Seungkwan laugh. Seemingly catching Jihoon’s attention, Jihoon turned towards Seungkwan. 

“Can I talk to you for a second?”

His laughter dying out and instead raising his eyebrows in questioning, Seungkwan nodded slowly. “Of course.” 

Jihoon threw a smile in Jeonghan and Seungcheol’s direction as a way of excusing the both of them before pulling Seungkwan to the living room. “What’s up?” Seungkwan asked.

“Do you think I hurt Wonwoo’s feelings earlier?” Jihoon rushed, a sign that the thought was truly bothering him. With the fact that he was forgotten by his parents  _ again _ , he really didn’t want to have to also bare the thought of possibly hurting Wonwoo. 

“Maybe.”

“Come on, Kwan, be honest.”

Seungkwan exhaled deeply. “I’m pretty sure you did. You said you didn’t approve of Mingyu and we both know how important that is for him.”

“It’s not that I dislike him or Soonyoung. I just don’t trust them,” Jihoon said. “Soonyoung is actually really cute… and funny… and a lot of other things. But I can’t trust someone who is okay with Yong Sool and his friends. Mingyu and Soonyoung say nothing and just stand by. What type of bullshit is that?” 

Seungkwan nodded in understanding because Jihoon was right to an extent. Mingyu and Soonyoung often stood by when Yong Sool was bullying someone. They didn’t take part in the bullying but didn’t do anything to stop it either. And to Seungkwan and obviously Jihoon, it was just as bad

“Why’d you let Wonwoo date Mingyu if you felt this way?” Seungkwan questioned.

“Because Mingyu obviously was smitten with him. I thought I would be able to trust him after all this time, but I still don’t,” Jihoon said. A moment of silence passed between them before Jihoon sighed and face palmed. “I really should apologize though. Wonwoo is probably thinking about it right now.”

“He’s with Mingyu too, isn’t he?”

“Yup,” Jihoon confirmed, stuffing his hands into his pockets giving yet another disappointed sigh. But the disappointment didn’t last long because Chan was calling for Seungkwan and Jihoon. 

Entering the kitchen, both were met with Chan dressed in his ninja princess costume and waving around his wand. “You look amazing,” Jihoon chuckled. 

“The most amazing ninja princess to ever live,” Seungkwan added. 

“I’m the  _ only  _ ninja princess to ever live,” Chan corrected, pointing his wand at Seungkwan. 

“Come here, Jihoon and Seungkwan. Let’s mix bake this cake all together,” Jeonghan smiled setting the materials and ingredients all on the island. 

While Jihoon didn’t show it, it truly made his heart swell at being included in this family tradition. Baking a cake, making candy apples, eating way too much candy, and ending the night with watching scary movies on full volume. It was a nice way to spend a day with family. Of course, he would love to have his parents around but this was all he was going to get. 

And he had no problem with that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm sorry this took so long. I'm finally on spring break and I had some time off to write. This chapter is a little longer and filled with fluff as a thank you for being so patient with me.   
> (I really love Chan's character, so freaking cute.) 
> 
> Love you!


	7. Chapter 7

“Hansol cheated! Josh, he cheated again!” Junhui yelled running back into the living room where Josh was waiting for his two younger brothers to find all of the candy he placed around the house. Josh rolled his eyes and sighed at hearing Junhui complain about the same thing he accused Hansol of doing every year.  _ He’s cheating. _

Since his younger brothers were both seventeen now, Josh would’ve thought that this wouldn’t be a problem anymore and that Jun would just admit that he was bad at finding things that were hidden in plain sight. Joshua never put the candy in places where it was unlikely that the two would find them. Usually, he’d place things on top of dressers, maybe in a cabinet or two, on the shelves in the shower. However, Jun was so cynical that he never thought that Josh would be that generous to them and only found the few that  _ were _ hidden deeply.  __

Hansol only laughed victoriously as he carried most of his candy back into the living and plopped onto the sofa. 

“Aren’t you gonna tell him not to cheat?!” Jun continued to yell and point at Hansol. 

“How would he have cheated?” Josh said, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table. “The candy was already hidden when you guys got back from the performance.”

“I don’t know. Ask the cheater how he could have cheated,” Jun accused angrily to which Hansol only laughed at. It’s not that Hansol took Junhui’s feelings as a joke--even though it was quite funny-- it’s just the fact that even though Jun always found the least candy, Josh would always just give him the bag of candy left over after hiding. Matter of fact, Josh purposefully kept candy left over to give to Junhui after the hunt.

But even though Jun knew this, he complained everytime.

“Take the candy bag, Junhui,” Josh sighed, taking a piece of chocolate from Hansol’s pile of candy on the floor and ripping it open. 

“Oh, thanks, Josh.” Jun’s anger quickly dissipated as he sprinted for the hallway to Joshua’s room. 

He was back in mere seconds with a goofy smile on his face as he added the rest of his candy to his pile. 

“Happy now?”  Josh asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Happy,” Jun smiled. “We should play Connect 4, first.”

“Hansol sucks at that game,” Josh snickered as he pulled the box from the stack of board games he had placed to the side. Hansol got the urge to flip them both off but he held back and just focused on eating another piece of candy. “Is this your way of getting back at him?”

“No. I just want to be the winner at something,” Jun confessed shamelessly, scooting up to the table. 

“Josh, if you don’t beat him in this, I’m gonna throw a tantrum,” Hansol said. He wanted nothing more than to bruise Junhui’s ego. Even though he was the one who started it in all honesty. 

“Well you better start throwing one then because I suck at this game just as much as you do,” Josh admitted. “But I’ll try my best.”

“You’re still gonna lose.”

 

***

 

“I win… again,” Junhui smirked arrogantly. 

“I won that one time,” Hansol sighed. He really wanted to just pitch his yellow pieces because he hated losing. But he was a good sport. So he just flipped Junhui off, earning him a flick to the back of his head from Josh.

“You know better,” Josh reprimanded. Hansol had opened his mouth to retort and tell Josh that he had a right to be angry (Hansol was sure that if Jun were rubbing it in Josh’s face, he would’ve flipped him off too) but Josh’s phone started to ring. 

“Let’s just play Trouble instead,” Hansol pouted. He liked playing board games that weren’t up to skill but up to chance, so if he lost, then he can just blame it on bad luck. Plus, Josh could play with them which made it even more fun because he practically sucked at everything that wasn’t kareoke or video games. 

“Hello?” Josh answered. He put the phone on speaker so he could quickly snatch a piece of Jun’s candy. If the person on the phone hadn’t interrupted, Junhui definitely would’ve started whining. If you asked Hansol, Jun acted more like a seven year old and not like a seventeen year old. 

“Hey, Josh.” It was Seokmin’s voice. But it was uncharacteristically smooth and deep, almost flirtatious in a way. When Seokmin had dinner with them that day, his voice wasn’t like this, and the man almost  _ always  _ was smiling. 

Hansol couldn’t help but laugh at the way Josh reacted, suddenly struggling to open his piece of candy. 

“What’s up?” Josh tried to keep his voice steady. 

“I’m actually not that far from your place. I also-”

“Wait. Why?” Josh squeaked, visibly beginning to panic as he searched around the living room. Hansol and Jun laughed aloud this time. The living room and house in general was, simply put, a freaking mess. It was usually like this on Halloween night after they tore up the house looking for candy, stuffed their faces with snacks from the pantry, and even had something of a dance party while they were in the kitchen earlier. 

“Um… Do you not remember that you invited me to spend Halloween with you guys?” Seokmin’s voice also heightened in pitch. “Did I misunderstand your offer. I’m so sorry-”

“No, no! I- Yes… Yes, I want you to come over. I just forgot that you were coming is all,” Josh chuckled timorously. 

“We’re playing board games!” Junhui shouted toward the phone. “You can play with us. We might leave you guys alone for little while if you win.”

“Shut the hell up,” Josh gritted, pitching the piece of candy he initially stole from Jun at his face. Seokmin began to chuckle.   
“I would actually really like to play some board games. I haven’t played one in forever,” he said. 

“Okay. Well can you drive… slow, I guess. I have something to do really quickly,” Josh continued to nervously chuckle, silently gesturing that Hansol and Junhui stand up and at least try to make the house look decent before the man got here. 

“The house looks like a hurricane ran through it,” Hansol admitted and as soon as the words left his mouth Josh was pulling roughly at his ear. 

“Yeah, and Josh might want to freshen up a little. If you know what I mean.” Junhui added with a sleazy laugh that had Josh, this time, pitching one of the couch pillows his way. But luckily, Seokmin found it incredibly funny. 

“I’ll drive as slow as the law allows,” Seokmin promised. “I’ll see you then.”

“O-Okay. I’ll- I mean we’ll be waiting,” Josh said. And before it could get any more embarrassing for him, he pressed the end call button. “What are you sitting there for? Get up and clean!”

 

It took about five minutes for Seokmin to get there, two minutes for him to get out of the car, and two more minutes for them to open the door up for him. So in those nine minutes, they were able to straighten up the house enough to look presentable. 

“I already set up your pieces,” Jun said. “We’re playing Trouble. Hurry up and sit down.”

“Manners,” Josh uttered quietly.

Sitting down next to Hansol, Seokmin removed his coat and rolled up his long sleeves. Hansol watched Seokmin out of the corner of his eye and couldn’t help but admire they guy’s style and… face. He was handsome as hell, way more handsome than Hansol remembered. 

“Hansol! It’s your turn!” Josh snapped. 

“Oh. Sorry, I was wondering how I could possibly make Jun lose,” Hansol lied, making an arrogant face at Jun. 

“You got me fucked  _ all the way up,  _ if you think you’re gonna beat me,” Junhui shot back. Luckily, Seokmin was there to save Junhui from Josh as he offered to switch spots so Josh didn’t get the urge to drag Junhui for cursing if he “slipped” again. 

 

When they finally did finish-- completely worn out from yelling but somehow still hyper from the sugar rush because of all of the candy they’d eaten-- they laid there laughing at whatever. Almost like they were drunk. 

Seokmin was the funniest and the loudest when he let loose and it was nice to see that Josh hadn’t found someone who was stuck up. Seokmin was just as funny and childish as Jun and Hansol were. That’s just one more headache for Josh. 

Checking his phone after the few hours of not touching it at all, Hansol seen he had a few messages. One from this girl he’s been sort of flirting with, too many from the group chat with Soonyoung and Mingyu, and then two from Seungkwan.

He quickly replied to Jeongyeon and then opened his chat with Seungkwan. One picture was Chan dressed as a ninja… but also a princess. Hansol couldn’t help the smile that spread across his lips. Chan was so adorably pointing his pink wand at the camera but with an oddly sneaky look on his face. Just like a princess ninja would.

Hansol looked at the message afterwards, chuckling at how the message.

**Kwannie:**

He’s been telling us all night that he’s a ninja princess… not a princess ninja

 

Okay. Well, just like a  _ ninja princess  _ would. The next picture was the entire family along with Jihoon. Chan squished between Jeonghan and Seungcheol while Jihoon was practically lying on Seungcheol’s back with a rare smile on his face. Seungkwan was closer to the camera and was sweetly smiling at the camera he was holding up. Cake icing all over their cheeks and noses.

It left Hansol feeling warm as he remembered that he was also supposed to send Seungkwan a picture. “Hey guys, get up. I wanna take a picture of all of us.” 

It was a picture that left Hansol feeling… proud. And happy. 

Right after he sent the photo to Seungkwan, he and Junhui did as promised and left Josh and Seokmin alone. Hansol hadn’t slept in the same room as Junhui for some months now. So without warning, Hansol slid in Junhui’s bed. 

He thankfully didn’t put up a fight. Instead, Jun and Hansol both fell asleep with a gentle feeling of simple happiness. 

 

***

 

Hansol hated Mondays just as much as the next person. It was the end of the weekend, start of school for another five days, and overall, Mondays just sucked. But it was mostly because he absolutely hated the morning basketball practice they had every Monday. 

He had to leave the house thirty minutes early just to get to school to practice when he wasn’t even fully awake when he got there. But like everyone else’s Mondays, they got somewhat better as the day went on. Today’s basketball practice actually went well and the team actually bonded somewhat. 

Well, Hansol bonded with everyone besides Yong Sool. He was sure that Yong Sool wasn’t as bad as he seemed to be. Yeah, he had a horrible sense of humor and seemed to feel empowered by hurting other people’s feelings… But Hansol truly wanted to give Yong Sool the benefit of the doubt. No one is that much of an asshole. 

The bonding continued while they were in the locker room showering before their first class started. But somehow, the conversation topic had switched from who had the best free throw ratio to who they would fuck if they were gay.  _ Of course _ , this had to be a topic of conversation. Hopefully they kept Hansol out of it. 

Hansol ensured that he didn’t lock eyes with any of his teammates while they conversed because if he did, they were bound to pull him into the situation. So while he washed, he kept his eyes forward on the shower walls. 

“Gyu, what about you?” Shownu- their center player- questioned. Hansol glanced back to see Mingyu stuck in shock for a second. 

“I- What the hell guys? I wouldn’t be with a guy  _ ever, _ ” Mingyu scoffed, wrapping a towel around his waist and using another to dry his hair. 

“It’s hypothetical, just answer the question,” Yong Sool pushed, seemingly enjoying Mingyu’s obvious discomfort. “You scared that you might out yourself or something?” 

“Why would I be scared of that?” Mingyu challenged. “I told you before that I’m not gay. So drop it.” Hansol could distantly see that Mingyu was nervous. No one else would have noticed but since Hansol was his best friend, he knew Mingyu. He could tell that he was uncomfortable just by the look in his eyes. The light twitch of the corner of his lips. 

“Leave him alone, Sool,” Hansol sighed, looking back at the shower wall, feigning indifference. “He doesn’t have to answer if he doesn’t wanna.”

“Don’t gotta be all defensive,” Yong Sool chuckled. Hansol expected the question to be directed at him next, but luckily it hadn’t. He was relieved and could finally breathe easy when the conversation shifted to something else. 

But the tenseness returned when one of his teammates, Wonho, moved to shower next to him. Hansol never noticed it before this… sexuality crisis began… that Wonho was incredibly attractive. 

He’d never allowed himself to even think about that before but now, it was at the forefront of his mind. Even for a senior in high school, Wonho was quite muscular. Out of his peripheral, he watched the way the water streamed down the contours of the flexing muscles of Wonho’s arms as he rubbed soap and foam across his pale skin. 

Hansol’s breath caught in his throat and heat prickled under his skin. He reached for the temperature knob of the shower and turned it a bit towards the cold side. 

Knowing that it was wrong of him to do, Hansol couldn’t dodge the image the materialize in his mind as his eyes slid shut. How nice it would be to have Wonho pressed against him in the dirtiest of ways. How nice it would be to have a  _ male  _ against him. A nice change from being with a girl. 

Several images of the things Wonho could possibly do with and  _ to  _ him filled Hansol’s mind. 

“Hansol!” 

“What?” Hansol gasped, opening his eyes again to look to his right. 

“Class starts in about ten minutes. We’re the last one’s here,” Wonho said shutting off his shower. Looking around, they were indeed, the last two in the showers.

“Oh, shit. Thanks,” Hansol chuckled awkwardly, avoiding looking the older in his eyes. He’d literally just fantasized about the guy while he was standing just mere inches away. Hansol needed to calm himself. 

“No problem. I’ve had detention one too many times for being a few minutes late,” Wonho laughed, hurriedly drying himself. “Can’t let the same happen to a friend.”

Hansol smiled cheekily at Wonho’s kindness. The sexual fantasy in his mind slowly vanished as Wonho giggled and went to find his bag to get changed. Hansol quickly did the same. 

 

***

 

Hansol’s last class of the day was P.E. which was actually one of his favorite classes since he had it with Mingyu. Jihoon was also in the class with him and it was always funny to see him send threatening glances to anyone who dared comment on his body (whether that be his weight or height). It was usually Yong Sool who did it though. 

Today’s workout wasn’t too strenuous but it was draining, especially for the students who weren’t regularly physically active. It was mostly running though. 

During the last ten minutes of class, the coach allowed everyone to go to their lockers and change out of their gym clothes really quickly. And since it was the last class of the day and everyone wanted to leave as soon as possible, everyone was jetting out of the gym before the coach even blew his whistle. They’d get scolded for it next class but who cared. 

“Jeongyeon was looking for you earlier.” Mingyu smirked down at Hansol with a knowing, suggestive look on his face. “I didn’t know you were dating one of the cheerleaders. How cliche.”

“We aren’t dating. Just… messing around,” Hansol told him as they walked down the corridor to their lockers. He and Mingyu both grimaced heavily when they passed one group of lockers that smelled strongly of perfume. Like,  _ really  _ strong, like whoever was responsible for the perfume just sprayed half of the bottle. 

Luckily, their lockers were a bit farther. Hansol felt bad for whoever had those lockers. 

“But aren’t you a  _ virgin _ ?” Mingyu teased, twisting the lock to put in his combination. Hansol was two lockers away from Mingyu. 

“You can mess around without fully having sex, stupid,” Hansol rolled his eyes. “I never had sex but doesn’t mean I haven’t done some other stuff.” 

Mingyu snickered childishly as he pulled out his clothes. “What stuff do you do with Jeongyeon?”

“None of your business,” Hansol frowned, throwing a quick punch to his best friend’s arm. “The entire cheerleading team will kick my ass if I tell you.”

“How would they know if-” Mingyu stopped. Looking up at him, Hansol noticed the look of shock and concern suddenly written on his face. He followed Mingyu’s gaze and looked to see Jihoon, standing at the same group of lockers where they’d smelled all that perfume.

Usually it would have been funny if Jihoon had just been grimacing about the strong smell, but Jihoon was beginning to cough and he seemed to be really struggling to take in breath. Jihoon’s wheezing could even be heard from where they were standing. 

Jihoon continued to wheeze, cough, and eventually tremble as he practically threw things out of his locker and his backpack looking for something. 

“What’s going on?” Hansol uttered, slamming his locker shut.

“He’s having an asthma attack,” Mingyu said. “The perfume after working out in class-”

“Then why are you standing there!” Hansol was sprinting to get to Jihoon, despite wanting to slap Mingyu for standing there when he knew what was going on. 

“Jihoon? Are you alright?”

“A- A- Inha-” Jihoon tried as tears began streaming down his face with no constraint. The fear and panic in Jihoon’s eyes as he continued to search made Hansol’s heart clench. He hated that he didn’t know what to do because he’d never experienced an asthma attack before and didn’t know what to do. 

“You’re inhaler?” 

Jihoon nodded frantically, his knees buckling from presumably the lack of oxygen and the sheer panic that he couldn’t find his inhaler that was always in his locker or backpack. Jihoon sunk to his knees as he convulsed and trembled. 

“I- Where was it last? I don’t-” Hansol began but Soonyoung’s voice interrupted them from afar.

“On top of the locker. It’s up there!” He called, beginning to run to get to them.

Hansol didn’t even second guess it or stop to even think. His body moved on it’s own as he stood on his tiptoes to blindly search for the inhaler. Hansol could’ve cried from the wave of relief that washed over him when he successfully grabbed the inhaler. 

“I got it. I got it,” Hansol rushed. “Here you go, Jihoon. You’re okay. Let’s get from by all this perfume now.” Again, Hansol was acting without him truly having to tell himself too. As Jihoon quickly brought the inhaler to his lips, Hansol pulled Jihoon as far away from the lockers as he possibly could before collapsing next to Jihoon. Mingyu and Soonyoung were by their side in seconds, checking on the both of them. 

But the panic in Hansol’s chest finally beginning to subside when, after a few minutes, Jihoon seemed to be beginning to breathe properly again.

“T-Thank you…” Jihoon said. “I was… s-scared.”

Hansol only gave a small grin in return, too caught up in his thoughts to properly respond. As much as Hansol didn’t want to believe that someone could be so cruel, he was sure that what happened was on purpose. Whoever did this, purposefully sprayed the perfume by Jihoon’s locker and right after exercise in class. They knew Jihoon would have a asthma attack and they put the inhaler on top of the lockers, knowing he wouldn’t be able to reach it by himself. 

There was no other explanation. Who in their right mind would have thought that was funny? Hansol’s heart rate spiked as his face twisted into a frown at the situation. Wondering who would ever do that to Jihoon and one more thing… 

“Soonyoung,” Hansol said suddenly. Soonyoung, who was still comforting an exhausted, sleepy-looking Jihoon, turned to look at him. 

“What?” 

“Lemme ask you something really quickly.” Hansol stood and gestured for Soonyoung to follow. 

“What’s up?”

“How’d you know that the inhaler was on top of the locker?” Hansol asked, his voice low as he glared at Soonyoung. “And how’d you know that Jihoon was even having an anxiety attack when you weren’t even that close to us to know.”

“I’ve seen people have asthma attacks before, Hansol,” Soonyoung said. He looked into Hansol’s eyes with intensity before turning to return to Jihoon and Mingyu. But Hansol knew Soonyoung enough to see that something was off. 

He could easily see the guilt there. 

But his first priority needed to be Jihoon. As the last bell rang, Hansol helped Jihoon stand and told Mingyu and Soonyoung that he’d meet them outside of the school. 

 

***

 

“Hansol…” Jeongyeon sighed breathlessly, weaving her slender fingers in the strands of Hansol’s hair. Hansol nipped and licked at the soft skin of his neck while gently caressing the girl’s even softer hips. The one thing Hansol loved about girls were that they were soft. Completely juxtaposing what Hansol imagined a boy’s body to feel like. Or a guy’s moans and groans. 

Pushing these thoughts to the back of his mind again-- he’d had to stop himself from thinking about that like three times during this-- he moved to peck at her lips again. “You’re so soft and pretty, you know,” Hansol told her, suckling at her bottom lip. 

Jeongyeon tightened her fist in Hansol’s hair and wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him harder. The friction and the feeling of having her deliciously pressed against him was overwhelming and it made him groan deep in his throat.

“Hurry up and get on with it,” Jeongyeon giggled. Hansol chuckled in return, pressing a few kisses to her cheeks and nose before snaking a hand down her body. But before he could truly get anywhere, his phone started ringing on her bed side table. 

Jeongyeon pouted as Hansol strained to reach the phone. “It’s probably just my big brother asking where I am,” Hansol sighed. But it wasn’t Josh, it was Seungkwan calling. If it were Mingyu or Soonyoung or anyone else, he would’ve just declined the call but… he felt the need to answer this. 

“I’ll be back,” Hansol rushed, moving to get out of bed and run to Jeongyeon’s bathroom. Clearing his throat, Hansol answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Um, hi, Hansol,” Seungkwan said, chuckling softly at his awkward greeting. “Are you busy?”

“Nope. Not at all, what’s up?” Hansol said. In the back of his mind, he scolded himself for lying like that. He had no reason to, but he didn’t say anything of it. 

“Well, I just wanted to say thank you. Jihoon told me what you did for him. It was really sweet of you to do.”

“Don’t thank me for doing the right thing. I just hope he’s okay,” Hansol said, fumbling with the drawstring of his sweatpants. 

“He is,” Seungkwan confirmed. Hansol could hear the smile on Seungkwan’s face from his words. Hansol smiled involuntarily, not even realizing he was smiling so fondly until he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. “Am I- Am I still coming over tomorrow… for tutoring?” Seungkwan questioned.

“Hopefully,” Hansol said. “I was kind of looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. I hope reminding you that you have an unlimited pass to our pantry is enough to persuade you to come. Like that’s just a luxury, isn’t it?”

Seungkwan laughed freely and wholeheartedly. Handol felt accomplished.

“It is quite the luxury. I’d be dumb to turn it down.”

“Not dumb, but not very smart either,” Hansol said, pacing the small space of the bathroom now.

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow then,” Seungkwan said. 

“I look forward to it. Later.”

“Bye, bye.” 

Hanging up the phone, Hansol stood there for a second. Blinking a few times as he pondered on something but nothing in particular. It was confusing. Leaving the bathroom Hansol remembered what he was supposed to be doing upon seeing Jeongyeon lying on her bed, waiting patiently for Hansol. 

“I’m so sorry, Jeongyeon, but I have to go home. My brother said it’s important.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Because you guys are always so patient with me and so sweet to me in the comments, I quickly finished this chapter. I really hope you all enjoy it! I also hope it isn't too much in one chapter. I'm sorry if it is. 
> 
> Hansol needs a hug for his sexuality crisis and whoever hurt Jihoon deserves a punch to the face. 
> 
> Love you!


	8. Chapter 8

Seungkwan hang up the phone, chewing on his bottom lip to keep himself from smiling too hard. He could easily be looking to far into it, but Seungkwan allowed his heart to soar at the thought of Hansol actually looking forward to seeing him tomorrow. He’d actually been trying to somehow get his feelings for Hansol to go away, deeming it close to impossible that he would ever see Seungkwan that way, but how could Seungkwan _not_ feel happy.

“Kwannie?” Chan asked as he walked in with a slice of pizza.

Jeonghan and Seungcheol were supposedly too _busy_ to make dinner. When they’d rushed into the room, Seungkwan was stuck telling Chan that Jeonghan had a paper he had to turn in by midnight so he wouldn’t mistakenly walk in on the two. Seungkwan had done it once and would hate for Chan to experience something like that.

Seungkwan opted to order pizza as a way to cheer Chan up. The latter hated when both Seungcheol and Jeonghan were too busy to play with him before his bedtime.

“Yeah?” Seungkwan said, clearing his throat and hiding his smile.

“Can I ask you something?” Chan climbed up onto the sofa and began tearing the toppings off to eat them first.

“Of course.” Seungkwan put his phone aside and grabbed the remote to lower the volume. Judging by Chan’s seriousness, he wondered if there was a problem.

“Why do some boys like boys and some like girls? Can girls like girls too?” Chan said, looking up at Seungkwan an expression that showed genuine curiosity. “I wanted to ask Hannie but he’s busy, right?”

“Yeah… Well, Chan…” Seungkwan stopped and took a deep breath, thinking about the simplest way he could say that there wasn’t really an answer to that question. It just… is. He knew Chan was looking for a direct answer, but there really wasn’t one. “Well, first of all, yeah. Girls can most definitely like girls. As for _why_ some boys like boys and some girls like girls, I don’t really know.”

Chan, who was biting into his pizza, looked to Seungkwan with disappointed eyes. “You don’t know?”

“Not even the scientists know,” Seungkwan chuckled. “They have a lot of ideas but none of them are facts just yet. Hey, why do you like pizza?”

“Because it’s delicious!” Chan shouted, a face contorting into a frown as if he was offended by such a ridiculous question. Everybody liked pizza!

“Do you know that some people like veggie pizza better than pepperoni pizza?”

“What?! Veggie pizza is disgusting!” Chan gasped. “This pizza is the best thing on planet earth!”

“To you,” Seungkwan laughed. He swiped his thumb across the corner of Chan’s mouth since there was a little bit of pizza sauce there. “Some people like this pizza and some like veggie pizza. Some people like boys and some like girls. Does that make sense?”

Chan nodded. “But what if someone likes both veggie pizza _and_ pepperoni pizza?”

Seungkwan laughed and pulled Chan into his lap, even stealing one of his last pepperoni from his plate. “That’s also completely okay. You and everyone else in this world are free to like whatever gender and type of pizza they want, okay?”

“Okay… I’m never gonna like veggie pizza though. That’s just a no-no.” Seungkwan chuckled and stood to go grab the entire box of pizza.

For the next thirty minutes, Chan and Seungkwan shared their box of pizza and watched movies. They even video chatted with Jihoon since he had gotten bored. Plus, he was still a bit shaken from his asthma attack so being alone with his thoughts wasn’t the best thing.

“Kwannie, it’s Monday but Jeonghan hasn’t cleaned my hearing aids today. Can you do it for me?” Chan yawned, rubbing at his eyes.

Jeonghan and Seungcheol were so preoccupied with getting busy in the bedroom that they forgot. Every Monday and Thursday, Jeonghan always made sure to clean Chan’s hearing aids for him. Seungcheol had tried multiple times to do it but always got scolded by Jeonghan since they were only half cleaned by the time he was done. Seungkwan could clean the hearing aids, but since he never felt like it, he pretended he didn’t know how.

But since the two weren’t available now, Seungkwan would have to do it himself. “Sure, come here.” Seungkwan removed both of Chan’s hearing aids and signed to him that he’d be right back. Chan only shrugged as he laid on the couch, presumably about to fall asleep. It was always a cute sight to watch the younger sleep.

As he stood to get the cleaning kit, Seungkwan remembered that the kit was in Seungcheol and Jeonghan’s bathroom. He cringed at the quick image of the two. But he couldn’t just not clean the aids so he’d have to suck it up, knock on the door, and ask them to get it themselves and bring it to the door. But… he didn’t want to.

After a quick few minutes of Seungkwan standing in the hallway contemplating what he should do, he finally decided that he should just do it. He’d just think about something else. Yeah.

He quickly made his way towards the door and knocked twice before his mind could once again question him. Expecting to hear noises or even a little yelp of surprise, Seungkwan was instead met with silence. He knocked again, a bit louder this time, but yet again, no voice came. Maybe they were in the shower.

Grabbing and twisting the door knob, Seungkwan slowly opened the door and peeked through the gap he’d made for himself. From his line of sight, he could see a large lump under the covers and even a liver of Seungcheol’s black hair. So they had actually ran in here to get some sleep and not to have sex. That was rather surprising.

Taking that as a pass to quickly run in, get the kit, and run out, Seungkwan opened the door enough, slipped in, and began tip toeing across the room. Their bedside table lamp was on so he wouldn’t mistakenly kick anything or make any noise.

It wasn’t until he had grabbed the kit from under the sink in the bathroom and tried to slip back out of the room that he saw Jeonghan. Specifically what he was wearing.

After Jeonghan had told him to forget about the picture he saw on Halloween of him in lingerie, Seungkwan actually worked hard to rid his memory of it. And he’d done a pretty good job of it. But now, here he was, staring, not a picture of Jeonghan in lingerie, but at the real thing. Seungkwan didn’t know if he should be shocked, disgusted, amused, or all of the above.

Most of Jeonghan’s torso was covered by their comforter but since Seungcheol had seemingly hogged most of the covers, Jeonghan’s entire lower half was exposed. Seungkwan stared wide eyed at the lacy, frilly panties-- careful not to look too close because that was just too much. There was also the matching garter belt and lacy stockings. Seungkwan could admit that they actually didn’t look too bad on Jeonghan but it was still awkward as hell, and tomorrow morning, he definitely wouldn’t be able to look Jeonghan in the eye.

 

“Seungkwan, can you help me style my hair,” Jeonghan came rushing in the next morning with a brush and a comb in hand. Seungkwan who was sitting on the bed, cleared his throat and suddenly picked up his phone and absently scrolled through the settings of his phone. He needs a distraction. “I have to present my thesis and my hair needs to be done perfectly. First impressions mean a lot, I’ve said this before.”

Seungkwan stayed there wondering what he should do for a second.

“Kwannie, I need help! Pleasseeee,” Jeonghan begged. He moved to wrap himself around him but Seungkwan quickly resisted and hurriedly agreed.

“Alright, alright. Give me the brush and comb.”

“Thank you, thank you!” Jeonghan chirped. “Also what color tie should I wear? A navy blue one or a red one.”

Seungkwan cringed at the mentioning of the color red but still said, “Red. You look good in red. I’m sure Seungcheol would agree.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

 

***

 

Wonwoo and Minghao were being incredibly protective of Jihoon. They weren’t allowing Jihoon to go anywhere alone because to Wonwoo, someone had to have done it on purpose. There was no way everything was a coincidence and his inhaler magically appeared on top of the lockers. Minghao had practically went berserk after hearing what happened to Jihoon and vowed that if he found out who did it, he’d…

Seungkwan didn’t know what else he said because he was so upset that he began speaking in Chinese. Not worried at all about the fact that his friends couldn’t understand him.  

So when Jihoon said that before lunch, he needed to stop at his locker, Wonwoo and Minghao were right there with him. Seungkwan didn’t want to smother Jihoon so he just stayed by his side while Minghao and Wonwoo walked ahead.

“I should knock them both out so they could stop following me around,” Jihoon uttered under his breath. He was gritting his teeth almost like he was actually contemplating it but that was what made it all the more funny. It was the fact that Jihoon thought about it but never actually would, considering the fact that these were his best friends that he loved so much.

“We just care.”

“I can walk to my locker on my own,” Jihoon said, but quickly added. “But it’s because you guys love me… so I guess it’s okay.” Seungkwan smiled and interlocked his fingers with Jihoon.

“That we do.”

Everything was fine until Jihoon got to his locker and finally opened it and a box of… chocolates fell out. “Did Mingyu bump his head and forget that this wasn’t Wonwoo’s locker?” Minghao questioned, leaning down to pick up the box since Jihoon was just staring at it cautiously.

Seungkwan couldn’t really blame him.

“There’s a note on the front,” Minghao said, turning the box over and showing Wonwoo, Minghao, and Seungkwan.

“Read it,” Wonwoo said.

“I can’t. The handwriting is horrible,” Minghao said, holding the box way too close to his face and even turning it sideways like that would make the situation better somehow. “This is impossible to read.”

“Give it here,” Jihoon huffed, snatching the box from Minghao and reading it, even with a bit of difficulty himself. “‘Jihoon. Before I say anything, let me just apologize for opening your locker without you around. I basically just looked on the teacher’s list of locker combinations and just used it to leave these chocolates in here. But as I was saying, these are just a little something to make you feel a bit better about that asthma attack you had yesterday. Glad to see that you’re alright. You better like these chocolates, I didn’t go through all that trouble for nothing.’”

“Why so aggressive at the end?” Wonwoo chuckled.

“The real question is who left the chocolate?” Seungkwan said, pulling Jihoon’s calculus book from his locker to switch it with his English language book.

“I don’t have an answer to both of those questions, but these chocolates do look really good. This might just be my lunch for today,” Jihoon said with a chuckle as he looked at the label on the box. It was pretty expensive chocolate too.

As Jihoon ripped open the box, he held out the box to Seungkwan. “You’re the only one who hasn’t been literally up my ass all day so you deserve a piece of my chocolates.” The sweet smile on Jihoon’s face was quite awkward since they completely juxtaposed his words but that was natural for Jihoon.

As Seungkwan took a piece of chocolate for himself, Minghao immediately began to complain. “Me and Wonwoo have been protecting you all day,” he said, letting his mouth hang open. He was very offended which was completely opposite of Wonwoo who looked like he couldn’t care less.

But that was because he wasn’t a big fan of chocolate in the first place. Plus, Seungkwan doubted that a piece of chocolate would stop Wonwoo from being his overprotective, maternal self anway.

“I can’t even go to the bathroom without you guys,” Jihoon grumbled, eating one of the chocolates himself before, of course, extending the box to Minghao. How could he _not_ give Minghao any chocolate? Yeah, Minghao was annoying but Jihoon deep down appreciated their efforts to care for him. Even if he wouldn’t say it aloud, he hoped that this chocolate would be enough.

As for Wonwoo, Jihoon pressed a quick kiss to his cheek in thanks--glaring at him afterwards to not mention the gesture-- before they all began walking to the cafeteria for lunch. “I think Soonyoung sent the chocolates,” Jihoon said out of the blue as they sat down at one of the tables.

“I was thinking that,” Minghao said, snagging two more pieces of chocolate out of the box. “But why?”

“I did tell him that I’d go on one date with him,” Jihoon said. Seungkwan stopped chewing and cocked an eyebrow. Wonwoo and Minghao did the same, all of them turning to look at Jihoon.

“Um, explain,” Wonwoo demanded, pinching Jihoon’s ear. “Right now.”

“Soonyoung, Hansol, and Mingyu helped me a lot after my asthma attack,” Jihoon said, his cheeks dusting red a bit. “I don’t wanna date Soonyoung officially or anything, but I thought it would be nice to give him a chance after what he did for me.”

Seungkwan nodded. “Now I get to treat you like you guys treated me,” Seungkwan teased  with a happy grin. He’d been trying to figure out a way to get back at them for a while and this was absolutely perfect.

“If you guys smother me like that, I’m going to literally smother all of you in your sleep,” Jihoon warned. “And I’ll shove this chocolate box down your throat.” Jihoon gestured towards Minghao whose shoulders and face drooped in disappointment.

“Why me?!”

“You just annoy me the most, that’s why,” Jihoon shrugged nonchalantly.

As the two continued to fight-- Wonwoo joining at some point and even adding Seungkwan in at one point to agree that Jihoon shouldn’t say things so blatantly like that-- Hansol walked by with his tray of lunch, on his way to sit with the basketball team.

Glad to see that Jihoon was okay but also unknowingly enchanted by the way the four of them interacted. The four of them were all considered outsiders in one way or another.

Minghao was Chinese. Wonwoo had really bad anxiety when it came to attention being on him and not the mention the fact that without his glasses, he couldn’t see absolutely anything. Jihoon was considered too short and small to be taken seriously as a guy. And, Seungkwan’s weight fluctuates like crazy and it wasn’t really that hard to notice. But it was nice to see that the four of them created a family to get through high school.

Hansol sat next to Mingyu and Soonyoung with a few of his other teammates sitting across for him and admired the group of friends from afar.

 

***

 

Seungkwan waited for Hansol and Junhui exactly where he did last time, outside of the gates of school. Unfortunately, his best friends purposefully made the tutoring a big deal just to annoy him.

“You got this!” Minghao said.

“We love you,” Wonwoo reassured.

“That’s true and since we love you so much, we won’t hesitate to beat him if the circumstances call for it,” Jihoon reminded.

Seungkwan rolled his eyes and shook his head as all of their reminders swarmed in his mind as he waited. Hansol was the first to meet him outside of the gate.

Normally he would have smiled but Yong Sool was with him and that immediately canceled out his excitement. Seungkwan had no exact way of knowing but he was sure that what happened to Jihoon yesterday was because of Yong Sool. Who else would do such a thing?

So Seungkwan just stood there and waited for Yong Sool to leave, again scrolling through the settings of his phone as a distraction. That would have to become his new way of getting out of things. The settings of his phone were always there and just a quick click away so why not.

Hopefully no one caught on one day.

Seungkwan had to admit that he was actually surprised when Yong Sool hadn’t even attempted to say anything insulting towards him. Was it because Hansol was standing there? He assumed it was.

He continued to scroll absentmindedly through his settings until he heard Yong Sool mention Jihoon’s name. And the chocolates in his locker.

“I heard what happened to Jihoon yesterday, with his asthma attack and all. I only had an asthma attack once in my life but that shit is really scary. So I left some chocolate in his locker today.”

Seungkwan furrowed his brow and before he could stop himself, he turned to Yong Sool and Hansol. “ _You_ left those chocolates?”

Yong Sool’s face twisted in irritation at being interrupted and having Seungkwan butt into a conversation that had nothing to do with him but he answered anyway. “Yeah. I asked my mom to buy those expensive ass chocolates.”

“How’d you even get into his locker?” Hansol chuckled, incredibly amused by the situation and Yong Sool’s kindness.

“Coach leaves his clipboard everywhere so I just took it and looked for Jihoon’s locker number and wrote down the combination. It wasn’t that hard,” Yong Sool shrugged like he didn’t just blatantly admit to breaking school rules. But Yong Sool was oddly like Jihoon in that way.

“Why do you look so shocked?” Yong Sool frowned at Seungkwan’s expression.

“I just… I kind of thought…” Seungkwan picked with his fingernails. “I thought you were the one who did it…” Hansol made a face like he’d kind of thought the same thing.

“Look,” Yong Sool scoffed. “I know I’m an ass and I really like to see people uncomfortable. It’s funny to me. But I’m not _that_ cruel to purposefully cause him to have an asthma attack and then have the audacity to hide his inhaler. I’m an ass, sure, but I’m not an insensitive asshole who would enjoy watching Jihoon panic like that.”

“I… I’m sorry,” Seungkwan muttered. He genuinely did feel a bit bad for instantly blaming it all on Yong Sool because he was the school’s bully. Like Yong Sool said, he wasn’t the best person but he wouldn’t do that and it was wrong of Seungkwan to assume he did.

“No, it’s no problem. A lot of people think I did it actually,” Yong Sool said, taking on a slightly bitter expression. “But that’s what I get for being such a bully all the time. The chocolates were just a first step to redemption, I guess.”

Seungkwan offered Yong Sool a smile. Yong Sool only coughed awkwardly.

“Well, I gotta go because I promised my mom I’d clean the house while she took on an extra shift at work.” Yong Sool awkwardly waved at Seungkwan before pulling Hansol in for a quick but firm hug and patting his shoulder twice. “See you later, Hansol. Bye, Pudgy.” Then he turned around and quickly made his way down the sidewalk. The smile on Seungkwan’s face sank at the nickname.

Seungkwan watched him until Hansol scoffed. “Never thought I’d see the day.”

“What?”

“When Yong Sool said those words,” Hansol laughed. “Anyway, thanks again for agreeing to help me with this essay. You should stop being so sweet to me unless you’re gonna give me a cavity.”

Seungkwan giggled at the cheesy joke and wondered if he was like this with the girls. Is that why they liked him so much? Did they swoon when he said cheesy things like this? It wasn’t exactly what Seungkwan had in mind if he did, but he couldn’t say he wouldn’t fall for it too. Because here Seungkwan was falling for it.

“I just want to be help you out. Don’t mean to give you cavities though.”

“I can manage,” Hansol said looking around. Probably just looking for Junhui. The two of them continued to talk amongst themselves--Seungkwan was mostly laughing at every cheesy thing that came out of Hansol’s mouth. Seungkwan was going to be the one with the cavities if Hansol didn’t stop.

Everything was fine until Seungkwan’s gaze fell upon a familiar face. A face he never thought he’d see again. His heart rate spiked as he looked wide eyed at the familiar face that he confirmed was _him._

Hadn’t he transferred from this school last year? Why was he here? Seungkwan suddenly couldn’t breathe and he wanted to get as far away from this school and that _face_ as soon as possible.

“Kwan?” Hansol uttered when he noticed the complete shift in Seungkwan’s demeanor. “Did I say something wrong? I’m-”

“No! No. I just… I just need to go,” Seungkwan said frantically, immediately trying to walk away. His house was far from here and Wonwoo, Minhao, and Jihoon had already left school. He didn’t know where he was going to go but he needed to be away from here. But Hansol followed him and grabbed his wrist.

“What’s the problem?” Hansol asked gently. Seungkwan instantly felt horrible for being the cause for the expression on Hansol’s face. He looked confused and a bit scared himself.

“I-” Seungkwan could feel the tears well up in his eyes as the person had actually locked eyes with him. He felt like he was going to puke. “When… When did he t-transfer back? Why is h-he here?!” Seungkwan gritted, his hands trembling at the fact that the person seen him. Knew he was scared. Knew he was here.

“Who?” Hansol said, trying to calm Seungkwan down with a caress on his shaking hands but Seungkwan snatched his hands away. “Byungho?”

“Yes! Why is he here?”

“He transferred back last week,” Hansol told him. “I don’t see what’s the problem. Has he-”

“I’m sorry I took so long!” Junhui yelled, running over in excitement. That soon faltered as he seen Seungkwan, his face twisting in concern thereafter. “Everything okay?”

“We just need to go. Please, we need to leave before he comes over here,” Seungkwan pleaded, trying to hold back his tears. “Please.”

Junhui, knowing that this was a situation where you acted first and asked questions later, he grabbed for Hansol’s wrist and led Seungkwan back to their house.

 

***

 

Hansol could finally breathe when Seungkwan had finally fallen asleep. He practically begged Seungkwan to take a quick nap before they started his essay because the latter obviously wasn’t in the right headspace to do anything at the moment. Joshua had seen his state and instantly decided to make Seungkwan some tea, luckily, that calmed him Seungkwan enough until he finally balled up on Hansol’s bed and fell asleep.

“What happened?” Junhui finally asked from on the couch when Hansol came downstairs. “He was so scared.”

“I don’t know. I couldn’t get him to tell me anything. Just know it has something to do with Byungho transferring back to the school,” Hansol said, plopping down next to Junhui and taking a sip of the soda sitting on the table.

“You think Seungkwan was affected by whatever made Byungho transfer last year?” Junhui questioned, turning down the volume of the television just a bit.

“What was the reason?”

“I don’t have any specifics. All I know is that Byungho didn’t transfer for nothing and I have no idea why he’s back. But it’s gotta be bad for Seungkwan to be that upset by just the sight of him.”

Hansol didn’t say anything more, just leaned back on the cushioned of the sofa and sighed.

He really needed to talk to Soonyoung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of stuff in one chapter! I hope you guys enjoy it because I'm loving writing this! 
> 
> Love you!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Panic attacks and mentioning of intense loneliness

As soon as Seungkwan woke up and realized that he wasn’t in his own bed, he began to panic. That panic quickly shifted into embarrassment though. Not at the fact that he was in Hansol’s bed but at what caused him to be lying here.

He balled his fists into the plush blanket on top of him and shut his eyes as tightly as possible. Hoping that he could somehow disappear, teleport or anything else that would get him out of here without being seen.

A list of all of the things Hansol could possibly think of him now ran through Seungkwan’s mind. None of them being a positive thing, but he deserved that. It was all his fault anyway. He should have waited. Suppressed his feelings until he couldn’t feel them anymore. Push everything to the bottom of his heart, the back of his mind, and pretend he was okay with seeing Byungho. That would have worked… right?

He wouldn’t be embarrassed right now if he had.

This was why he only had three friends. He was the reason. He wasn’t good enough so that’s why this was happening to him. That’s why what happened with Byungho occured. Everything was his fault.

The thoughts continued to swarm in Seungkwan’s mind. The horrible feeling that originated in his brain quickly spread throughout his body. To his finger tips and down to his toes. Everything gathering in his chest until his heart _ached, burned_ and _itched._ Suddenly there was a feeling of something so horrible and awful weighing him down, and despite him lying there on a soft mattress, Seungkwan felt like he had just smashed against a hard surface.

And even though he was in the room all alone, he felt like there were hundreds of sets of eyes all staring at him. But at the same time, he felt so alone.  

It hurt. It hurt a lot but he felt like he deserved nothing more than to soak in this feeling.

“Seungkwan?”

A voice. Hansol’s voice. It was a pleasant voice.

As pleasant as his voice was though, it did nothing more than spur the horrendous feeling twisting in his stomach. Seungkwan hadn’t known he was trembling or crying or even making any noise until the voice brought him back to this terrible reality of his and it made him feel so much worse.

He was embarrassing himself _again._

He was causing Hansol to panic and worry _again_.

“Are you okay?” There was a hand being placed on his and it squeezed. Seungkwan wanted to jolt away, wanted Hansol to leave him be, but Hansol squeezed his hand even tighter before grabbing for his other hand too.

Seungkwan couldn’t see Hansol but he was sure he was right there in his face because Seungkwan could feel his breath on his burning face as he spoke gently.

“You have to breathe. You’re okay. I promise, you are,” Hansol chanted softly.

Seungkwan wanted to scream because no, he wasn’t okay. Nothing was okay. He was having a panic attack in someone else’s bed that possibly didn’t even want him here anymore. Possibly thought he was nothing more than the chubby kid that needed the social boost. Who would want to be in his presence anyway? He was so stupid to think that Hansol of all people would.

Seungkwan wanted to run away and hide. To disappear into nothing but thin air and be forgotten by everyone. To not feel this way anymore.

“Seungkwan, listen to my voice-”

“Is everything okay?”

Oh no. Junhui? He would see this too. See how weak Seungkwan was. Even more embarrassment and mortification on his part. Seungkwan wanted to hide. Needed to hide. With the little energy he had left, Seungkwan tried to pry his hands away from Hansol to hide his face, but Hansol held tighter.

“Jun, go away. Please, just for a second. Close the door,” Hansol said, voice still gentle and delicate before he turned back to Seungkwan. “You’re okay. I know you feel like you’re falling in mid-air, endlessly. No parachute, no one to save you. But that’s not true. I’m here. You’re safe. I’m your parachute. You’re not hurdling to the ground. You’re with me. I’m not letting your hands go.”

The panic was still prominently evident in his chest but something got through to Seungkwan. Hansol’s words. They were like a scaffold for his thoughts. A constant reminder that he _wasn’t_ dying. That he was okay and safe. Even though the trembling persisted and the tears continued to fall and his head steadily pounded away, Seungkwan felt just the slightly, tiniest grip on reality again.

It took what felt like forever to Seungkwan for the terrible feeling to finally diminish. And as slowly as it happened, Hansol stayed next to him the entire time.

“Seungkwan?”

Seungkwan, with his eyes still closed, managed to respond. “Hm?”

“Open your eyes. I want to do something,” Hansol muttered. The tight grip Hansol had on Seungkwan’s hands, slowly loosened as Seungkwan opened his eyes. He took note of Hansol’s face up close.

“What is it?” Seungkwan whispered blankly. He took a deep breath there after. A reminder that he could breathe again now.

“Have you ever heard of grounding?”

Seungkwan shook his head and blinked a few times.

“Well, it’s something I do after I have a panic attack. Gets me back into my natural headspace and forget about that anxiety clouding your mind afterwards, you know,” Hansol explained. Seungkwan only stared at him, not really wanting to use or hear his own voice. He just waited for Hansol to explain further.

“So first, I want you to tell me five things you see.”

Seungkwan looked at Hansol for a moment. Seeing that Hansol was actually serious, Seungkwan’s eyes darted around the small room. “I see… a lamp… the rug, the clock, your backpack… and your shoes.”

“Four colors?”

“Your shoes are a really bright red. The walls are a creamy color. Your backpack is black and blue.”

“Touch three things.”

Seungkwan took another deep breath and chuckled briefly as something bubbled in his chest. He fiddled with the soft blanket still lying on top of him, paying close attention to the softness of the material. Then he detached his hand from Hansol’s and reached to rub his hand across the hardwood surface of Hansol’s bedside table. It was a bit rough from use but it was smooth in some places too.

The last thing he touched--well he’d already been touching this entire time-- was Hansol’s hand. He caressed his thumb against the skin of the top of his hand. Hansol chuckled and smiled brightly. “I guess I count as a thing too.”

Seungkwan nodded and quietly chuckled along.

“Two things you hear?”

“Your voice and the air conditioner.”

“And lastly,” Hansol said. He stopped expectantly before announcing the last thing. “What’s something you _realllyyy_ want right now? Within reason, of course.”

Seungkwan really thought about this one. What could he really use right now? Something simple. Something he could have right now.

Oh.

“Some ice cream,” Seungkwan found himself saying. “I would really like a nice bowl of ice cream… with sprinkles on top.” At this point, the words were just spilling him his mouth as he described the delicious picture of ice cream he had in his mind.

“It’s a good thing that Joshua is practically addicted to ice cream so we have some downstairs. You stay right here,” Hansol said, moving to stand and rush towards the door, but Seungkwan stopped him with a weak call of his name.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you…” Seungkwan sighed, clutching the blankets to hold them tighter around himself. “Um… I should help you with your essay like I promised though. Please.”

Seungkwan really wanted to work on that essay because it would give him something completely different to think about. Plus, it would make him feel just a bit better about the fact that Hansol had to nurse him through a panic attack.

Being that Hansol has had his own panic attacks before, he was able to see that all Seungkwan wanted was a distraction that this ever happened. Hansol had first hand experience with that feeling too. Whenever he had a panic attack around Mingyu or Soonyoung, he insisted that they play video games or something.

“We’ll work on my essay after we eat this ice cream. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good. Stay there, I’ll be back with ice cream… with sprinkles, of course.” With that, Hansol was darting out of the room. Seungkwan let his eyes fall shut again, savoring how nice it felt to feel like himself again and thinking about Hansol.

 

***

 

The next morning, Seungkwan woke up fifteen minutes before his alarm was set to go off. It only took him five minutes to decide that he did _not_ want to go to school today. He just wasn’t ready and he definitely wasn’t in the headspace to try to get through the day without having another panic attack. Seungkwan knew that Jeonghan would definitely make a big deal out of him not wanting to go, asking him hundreds of questions and probably would even insist he stay home from work and class to coddle him.

Seungkwan didn’t want that, so he’d have to go with the next best choice. Pretend to be sick.

When he’d seen the hallway light being flicked on from the small gap underneath the door and heard Jeonghan’s light yawn, Seungkwan made sure he coughed a little loud and even whimpered just for effect. Everytime he was sure that either Jeonghan and Seungcheol were passing by his bedroom door, Seungkwan would sniff, whine, shift around, and repeat.

“Kwannie?” Jeonghan called as he finally opened the door. “Why are you still in bed? Are you okay?”

“No,” Seungkwan huffed, voice low in feigned pain. “I feel like so much crap right now.”

“You’re sick?” Jeonghan asked, rushing to turn on the floor lamp in the corner of the room. “How bad? Do you need to go to the hospital?”

“No. I think it’s just a cold,” Seungkwan whimpered. He sniffed a few times and faked a few coughs. “I don’t think I should go to school though.”

Jeonghan looked a bit reluctant at hearing that. Seungkwan was expected that though. The older had always been very strict about school and never failed to tell Seungkwan and Chan the importance of education, but Seungkwan knew that there was something that Jeonghan was just as-- if not even more-- strict about. And that was the spreading of germs and lack of self awareness for others.

“What if I get someone else sick? I don’t want to cause anyone else to miss out on class because of me,” Seungkwan sighed, curling up under the covers even more as he shivered. Jeonghan’s hardened gaze softened as he moved to sit on the very edge of Seungkwan’s bed.

“You’re so sweet for taking others into consideration,” Jeonghan smiled. He placed a comforting hand on Seungkwan’s head and sweetly ruffled his hair for a brief moment. “I’ll go get you some tea and a quick snack so you can take some medicine.”

Seungkwan nodded and kept up his little sick act until Jeonghan had left the room, closing the door behind him. Seungkwan had to admit that he felt a bit bad for taking advantage of Jeonghan’s kindness like this, but it was for a good cause. At least he was trying to convince himself it was.

It wasn’t long before his bedroom door opened again but this time it was Chan running in. His hearing aids weren’t in his ears, but Chan didn’t look like he was panicking about it so Seungkwan assumed that they were somewhere safe.

_You’re sick?_ Chan signed with a slight pout but it quickly turned into an ecstatic grin. _I can make you soup!_

Moving his hands from under the covers, Seungkwan signed back. _You have school. You can make soup for me when you get back._

“Aww man,” Chan whined. _I want to make it now because-_

Chan was in the middle of signing how much he wanted to make Seungkwan a bowl of soup--mostly so he could be late to school-- when Seungcheol peeked in the door. Of course, Chan couldn’t hear the bedroom door open but when Seungkwan’s gaze was redirected to the door, Chan dropped to his knees, knowing exactly who it was, and was crawling under Seungkwan’s bed in mere seconds.

“Chan, get from under there,” Seungcheol demanded, leaning against the doorframe with an exhausted yet exasperated look on his face. He was only half dressed and he looked like he had been chasing Chan for some time now. This must have been going on all morning for him to be so frustrated.

“He doesn’t have his hearing aids in,” Seungkwan muttered. He honestly should have known that Chan was running from Seungcheol when he came in here without his hearing aids. It was something Chan did whenever he wanted to be defiant or when he wanted a reason to not be able to hear when someone was trying to discipline him. He’d done it one too many times at school.

Seungcheol rolled his eyes and groaned before sinking to his knees. As soon as Seungcheol’s knees had hit the floor, Chan was crawling from under the bed and back on his feet, attempting to dart past him but Seungcheol just barely caught onto the hem of his shirt. Seungkwan laughed as Chan whined at being caught, fighting to be let go.

“Leave me alone. I wanna stay home. I wanna stay with Seungkwan,” Chan insisted, trying to pry Seungcheol’s hands off of him but to no avail.

“Jeonghan!” Seungcheol called. Jeonghan was probably the only one who could ever get Chan to listen without having to chase him around the house.

“Hold on, Cheol!” Jeonghan shouted back from in the kitchen. “I just found Chan’s hearing aids but I can’t find him anywhere!”

“It’s because he’s in here.” Seungcheol was still holding tightly onto Chan’s arms as the youngest still tried and tried with all of his strength to get away, completely unaware that Jeonghan was coming. “He’s refusing to put on his uniform or brush his teeth,” Seungcheol said when Jeonghan walked into Seungkwan’s room to see what exactly the problem was.

Seungkwan would much rather not watch Chan get scolded, it always made him feel bad for him, but it wasn’t like he could tell them ‘hey guys, you think you can go scold him in his own room?’

He might be the one getting scolded next if he did that, so he just stayed curled up in his blankets, pretending to be ill.

Jeonghan sighed and gave a sympathetic smile to both Seungcheol and Seungkwan before kneeling next to Chan and getting his attention by grabbing his forearm. Since Chan was purposefully hindering his own ability to see-- he had his eyes shut as tightly as he could-- and was refusing to allow anyone to put his hearing aids back in, the last thing Jeonghan could do was give Chan a warning through the squeeze on his arm.

Fortunately, Chan gave up his unnecessary struggle to get away from Seungcheol and opened his eyes to look at Jeonghan. A pout making its way onto Chan’s lips at the sight of him.

But Jeonghan wasn’t having any of that as he continued to stare at Chan sternly.

_What did I tell you earlier?_ Jeonghan signed. Whenever Jeonghan signed, he had the habit of speaking the words out loud as he did so. It was mostly a habit that came about while they were teaching Chan sign language. In order for Chan to learn it more efficiently, Jeonghan always spoke while signing. Even though Chan was pretty fluent in sign language now, Jeonghan’s habit persisted.

“You said that we’d make Seungkwan a bowl of soup when we get home…” Chan muttered, letting his arms fall to his sides once Seungcheol deemed it okay to finally let him go.

_Then what are we going to do?_

“Wait until we get home to make Seungkwan a bowl of soup.”

_Do you understand why?_

“Because school is important.”

Jeonghan’s voice and gestures were hard and strict until tears began gathering in Chan’s eyes and a sad whimper fell from his lips. He was always really sensitive when it came to being disciplined but it was something that had to be done every once in a while.

_Apologize._

“I’m sorry, Cheollie,” Chan said.

Seungcheol gave him a few pats on the back in confirmation that he was forgiven.

“Alright, we’ve wasted enough time so you’re definitely going to be late,” Jeonghan said to no one in particular as he moved to put Chan’s hearing aids in his ears. “I won’t have enough time to make you that tea, Kwannie. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. I can do it. I’m not dying,” Seungkwan reassured, but Seungcheol and Jeonghan still looked a bit saddened by that fact. Seungkwan chuckled at how sensitive the two were.

“I can always take a day off from work today to take care of you,” Seungcheol said.

“I’m seriously gonna be okay,” Seungkwan huffed with a light giggle. “I promise. I’m seventeen. I can do it. It’s only gonna be some hours.”

“Okay,” Jeonghan said, standing. “Well, Channie, hurry and put on your uniform and brush your teeth. Cheol, you should go finish getting dressed too. Seungkwan, you get some sleep. Love you.”

“I love you too!” Chan added.

“Love you too.”  

***

 

The guilt Seungkwan was feeling had luckily disappeared within the first hour he was alone at the house. It was kind of therapeutic for Seungkwan honestly. Being alone with a few hours to simply do… nothing. In the midst of all of the stress of his senior year, he could really use this.

For the next three hours, Seungkwan quenched his guilt by doing chores that Jeonghan and Seungcheol usually did such as cleaning the kitchen, dusting the little trinkets around the house, and even clean the bathroom. Jeonghan would probably complain about how he should have been laying in bed getting rest but Seungkwan could always just pretend to be sick again.

By the time 11 o’clock that morning had arrived, Seungkwan was in his bed drifting off to sleep before there were several knocks on the front door. A bit startled, Seungkwan stayed in bed. Jeonghan and Seungcheol had a key and Chan was in school. But…

Chan has done a lot of stuff while in school, He wasn’t a bad child who unnecessarily caused trouble for the fun of it, but he was really spoiled and when Chan wanted something, he’d go out of his way to get it. While Seungkwan didn’t expect Chan to find a way to skip school, he wouldn’t put it past the ten year old.

He was able to breathe when he left his room and heard the knocks persisting and some familiar yelling from the other side of the door. “We know you’re here.”

It was Jihoon’s voice. Seungkwan sighed as he opened the door, immediately being bombarded by questions and comments from his friends.

“We were worried about you.” Of course, Wonwoo was. When wasn’t he worrying about something.

“I’m glad that we were able to get here.” Jihoon actually looked relieved as if he was actually concerned the entire ride here. A little sliver of that guilt from earlier returned.

“Is anyone here with you?” Minghao asked, straining and standing on his tiptoes to look behind Seungkwan.

“No.” Seungkwan couldn’t even fully say the word before they all were pushing their way into the house. Expecting them to scold him for skipping school--especially Wonwoo-- they all actually looked concerned. As Seungkwan closed and locked the front door, he was met with all of them sympathetically staring at him.

“What’s the problem?” Seungkwan chuckled nervously. His friends knew him well, but there was no way they could know what was going on. But their expressions suggested otherwise.

“We saw Byungho at school,” Jihoon sighed, tapping his foot lightly. “I asked this girl, Umji, and she said that he’s been back for like a week. You would never just blatantly skip school so we knew it was because of him.”

“He was standing next to your locker,” Wonwoo muttered, brows furrowed with worry. Seungkwan felt like he had been punched in the gut just now. He imagined how horrible it would have been to be walking towards his locker this morning and seeing him there.

Minghao, Jihoon, and Wonwoo were easily able to tell how bothered Seungkwan was by the entire situation. How terrified he was. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys I was staying home,” Seungkwan said suddenly. “I shouldn’t be avoiding my problems.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Minghao snorted. “You don’t need to be apologizing at all. What you need to be doing is bringing us to your room so we can pig out. We brought snacks.” Minghao smirked as he gestured towards his backpack. Always count on Minghao to lighten the mood.

“We deserve a break honestly,” Jihoon agreed. “All this senior year stress. College. Crushes. Boyfriends. Yong Sool. That piece of shit, Byungho.”

“You’re staying here with me?” Seungkwan mumbled. He honestly thought that they would drag him to school.

“Of course,” Wonwoo said.

“I didn’t think you’d be the one to be so okay with skipping school,” Seungkwan smiled as he followed Minghao to the hallway that led to his room.

“He was the one who suggested we leave school in the first place,” Jihoon teased, nudging Wonwoo in the side. “Didn’t know our _mom_ had it in him.”

“Mental health comes before school,” Wonwoo announced, causing a groan to fall from Minghao’s lips as he flopped back onto the bed with his backpack in his lap.

“Annndd he’s back to being a mom,” Minghao complained, unzipping his backpack and pouring all of the snacks onto the bed. Seungkwan was sure that Minghao was in charge of picking snacks since he was the one who usually carelessly used Jihoon’s card on huge amounts of snacks.

“I’m serious!” Wonwoo threw an arm around Seungkwan’s shoulder as they sat together on the bed. “If you need a day to recuperate after seeing Byungho, then you deserve it. School isn’t worth a mental breakdown.”

“Tell that to my mom. She forces me to go to school even if I can’t find the energy to get out of bed in the morning,” Minghao huffed.

“The world doesn’t stop because we need a break though,” Jihoon followed, propping his head up on arm as he sorted through the snacks.

“True,” Seungkwan agreed with a nod.

“ _But_ there’s always certain situations in which you come first. And a simple day at school, is something we can afford to miss for the sake of our Kwannie’s health,” Wonwoo smiled, even going as far as to plant a kiss on the crown of Seungkwan’s head.

“We can figure out what to do about Byungho later. For now, let’s eat snacks and support you.” Minghao tossed a pack of Seungkwan’s favorite gummy candies in front of him.

Seungkwan smiled, thanking whatever was responsible for this fate for his friends and family.

 

***

 

Now Hansol has never been the worrying, doting type of guy. He never worried about situations that had several different possibilities since he was always a very optimistic person and always assumed the best. But it proved to be hard.

Hansol couldn’t understand why he was so concerned-- it felt like something was literally eating away at something in his chest-- by the fact that Seungkwan wasn’t here today. He attempted to be optimistic but he couldn’t because all he kept imagining was Seungkwan having a panic attack. Was he that scared of Byungho?

Like he said the day before, he really needed to talk to Soonyoung.

“Hansol, your essays have made noticeable improvement,” Mr. Park praised, digging behind his desk for the bag of little food pellets for the bunny. With Soonyoung nowhere to be found and Mingyu taking a make up test, Hansol was all alone during the lunch period so he decided to spend half of it with Mr. Park.

Mr. Park made a happy noise when he finally found the bag of food and handed it to Hansol. “You should be praising Seungkwan, not me. He’s a really good tutor,” Hansol chuckled, making his way to the back of the classroom to where Kwan the bunny was happily hopping around his large cage. While Mr. Park refilled the water cartridge on the side, Hansol carefully sprinkled a few pellets into the cage.

“Learning is a two way thing. It’s when both participants are willing to take in information. So while Seungkwan is good at being a tutor, you seem to be just as good as being a student. Even your in-class essays are improving. I’m proud.”

Hansol couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. Mr. Park really did have a way with words despite being such a young teacher. He guessed that’s what teaching did to you. “You know, Mr. Park, I don’t mean to sound weird or rude, but does your wife ever get tired of your positivity?”

Mr. Park laughed heartily. “I hope not. I like to think that my positivity is one of my strong points. Whether people know it or not, everyone loves being around a positive person that makes them smile.”

Hansol nodded. “I think you’re right.”

“That’s why so many of the girls like you,” Mr. Park grinned slyly. Hansol couldn’t help but laugh nervously and blush. “I see how girls swoon over you even without you doing much. It’s because you’re positive. Remember that.”

“So that’s how you won your wife over? Positivity?” Hansol bantered flippantly.

“It was this smile,” Mr. Park said, demonstrating the most contagious smile Hansol had ever seen.

“Oh, I see. I see. I’m gonna remember, it’s the smile and the positivity.”

“Everyone’s gonna be chasing after you then,” Mr. Park laughed, pushing himself off of the desk and walking to the front of the room again.

Closing up the bag of food pellets, Hansol gently pet the bunny. The little fluffy bunny gave him a little bit of reassurance, the tedious feeling of worry slightly dwindling for a moment. Kwan was named after Seungkwan after all, there had to be some type of connection there. If Kwan was happy then Hansol liked to think that Seungkwan was somewhere happy too.

 

Just as he expected from Mr. Park, he reluctantly had to tell Hansol to leave and encouraged him to go get lunch. Hansol would have bargained his way into staying-- he’s done it to many other teachers before-- Mr. Park’s speech about the importance of food was enough to get Hansol to leave on the first request.

On his way to the cafeteria, he finally caught sight of Soonyoung walking pretty quickly down the hallways. Maybe he was late for something.

“Soonyoung!” Hansol shouted down the hall. He hadn’t seen his close friend all day so if he was late for something, it could definitely wait. In Hansol’s mind at least. Plus, he had something to say to Soonyoung.

“What’s up?” Soonyoung called back when he turned around and saw that it was Hansol. They both met up in the middle of the hallway, briefly hugging each other.

“You in a rush?” Hansol asked.

“Not really. Just was on my way to find someone. But they can wait,” Soonyoung shrugged. The two ambled down the hallways, catching up on the uneventful day they’ve had so far. All the while, the question that Hansol needed to ask Soonyoung lingered in his mind.

It wasn’t until they came to a silent, private part of the school on the fourth floor that Hansol stopped him. “Soonyoung… I gotta ask you something.”

“Yeah? Is it dating advice for Mingyu again? Because if it is-”

“Nah, it ain’t bout him. It’s about the inhaler.”

Soonyoung groaned, directing his gaze to the barren walls now after rolling his eyes. “You’re still on that? I told you I had nothing to do with it.”

“But I know you, Soonyoung. I know when you’re lying. And you are. But I also know you wouldn’t do it all by yourself. So who told you to hide it. And why? I know that you know,” Hansol pushed, a little ticked off that Soonyoung looked so aggravated.

Soonyoung is defiantly quiet for a few moments. But Hansol won’t just give in. This matter was serious. If Soonyoung hadn’t been around, Jihoon could have… he doesn’t even wanna think about what could have happened.

“Soonyoung,” Hansol said again, voice lower this time, more stern. “I’m your friend-”

“I did it. I was the only one who did it. I took the inhaler,” Soonyoung said, the words falling from his lips almost robotically.

Hansol shook his head. That’s another lie. Soonyoung would never come up with something like this by himself. Ever. But Hansol knew about Soonyoung’s home situation enough to know exactly what was going on.  

“It’s those guys that told you to do it,” Hansol said. “Those guys you hang around when me and Mingyu are at basketball practice. Making you believe that you’re their friend and then tell you to do their dirty work. You’re nothing but their scapegoat, Soonyoung. They aren’t your friends. They don’t cherish you.” Hansol was getting louder as he continued, hoping that Soonyoung could simply open his eyes and see what he saw.

But Soonyoung’s eyes were closed, and he was practically facing away from Hansol now. Not seeing his perspective at all as he tapped his foot against the tile and shook his head in disbelief. Like he desperately didn’t want to believe the words that Hansol was saying.

“You don’t understand,” Soonyoung finally whispered, his voice breaking and becoming weak. “I-I wouldn’t have done it if I knew the inhaler was for Jihoon. All I did was put the inhaler on top of the locker. I didn’t know they’d _f-force_ him to have an asthma attack.”

“You shouldn’t have done it at all. Even if the inhaler was for a teacher, it was still wrong and someone could have gotten seriously hurt, Soonyoung. Do you really think good _friends_ would think that was funny. I mean what type of good person, in general, would think something like that was funny.” Hansol stepped a little closer to Soonyoung, moving to place a hand on his shoulder but Soonyoung jerked away. “You’re better than this.”

“You’ll never understand how it feels to be so lonely,” Soonyoung gritted. Angry tears rolled down his burning, reddening cheeks. “All I want… are people who _want_ me around.”

“Me and Mingyu want you around,” Hansol insisted. “ _We_ cherish you. _We_ love you.”

“You both have the basketball team to rely on.”

“The basketball team aren’t my two best friends. That’s you and Mingyu. I don’t share my secrets with the basketball team, I share them with you two. Because you’re my friends.”

Soonyoung shook his head even more frantically. “Shut up, shut up, shut up.” Hansol hated to see Soonyoung like this. To feel like one of his closest friends were literally aching to punch him. But even if he did get punched, Hansol needed to say this.

“I know you feel lonely at home. I know… your mom and dad got a divorce and you’re still dealing with the broken pieces all alone. It feels like your parents have forgotten about your pain in the midst of their own pain. But Soonyoung… those guys don’t care about you. They don’t care about your pain. They’re just using you to do thing so they can laugh and don’t have to take any of the responsibility for it. Talk to me. Talk to _us._ We care about you so much. I know what it’s like to be lonely. Mingyu too.”

Hansol’s voice was gentle as Soonyoung sobbed. Hansol wanted to hug him but he kept his distance.

“Who are those guys? Just tell me their names and-”

“No. No, I-I can’t. I-” Soonyoung--seemingly overwhelmed with everything right now-- turned and ran down the corridor as fast as he could from Hansol. And as much as Hansol wanted to chase after him, he didn’t.

Soonyoung was overwhelmed right now and hopefully, he’d talk to Hansol and Mingyu when he was ready.

 

***

 

“You okay, Jihoonie?” Seungkwan questioned when he saw the disappointed look on Jihoon’s face as he looked down at his phone.

“Yeah. Soonyoung canceled our date just now,” Jihoon said. Wonwoo was the first to react, crawling across the bed to hug Jihoon who only grimaced.

“I’m sorry,” Wonwoo cooed.

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Jihoon shrugged. “It’s just what he said that’s a bit concerning.”

“What’d he say? Come on, I hate the suspense,” Minghao gasped, leaning in dramatically. Jihoon rolled his eyes while Seungkwan giggled.

“He said, ‘I was really looking forward to our date today but I’m sorry that I can’t make it. I realized something and it wouldn’t be fair if I went on this date with you today. I hope you understand.’”

Seungkwan, Minghao, and Wonwoo all shared a glance before shrugging.

“I have no idea.”

“Yup, no clue.”

“There’s like a thousand possibilities. Just hope that one the actual outcome isn’t a really crappy one. We’ve had enough of those.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I wanna say thank you to all of you who comment and leave sweet messages for me. It makes me so happy and encourages me to write when you do that. Plus, it makes me feel so loved.
> 
> Hansol is a gift to this world, but of course, he has flaws of his own. 
> 
> Chan is an adorable but spoiled boy. 
> 
> And Soonyoung... 
> 
> Also, grounding is something that I do after I have panic attacks and while it may not work for everyone, I just wanted to recommend it. It helps me put myself back into the moment and not worry about the panic that still lingering.
> 
> But I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Love you all so much!
> 
> Mochi


	10. Chapter 10

Seungkwan really didn't wanna be here. He couldn’t believe he allowed Jeonghan and his friends to persuade him to come to school today despite being “sick.” He should’ve just kept up the stupid act for an extra day. Yeah, the sick act had gotten him out of two days of school but he was sure, if he tried hard enough, he could have managed to stay home for a third. As soon as he stepped into school, he wanted to turn right back around. But Jihoon, Minghao, and Wonwoo wouldn’t let that happen. 

“What do I do if I see him?” Seungkwan said, opening his locker to grab his books. Albeit he made the process of switching his books out so he could hide his face in his locker in case Byungho walked by or something. But if he remembered correctly, Byungho was waiting by his locker the other day so that meant he knew that this was his locker and could be around whenever he wanted to. 

“Calm down.” Wonwoo was close in a matter of seconds, seeing the way Seungkwan was being consumed by his thoughts. “Byungho won’t bother you. And if he does, then we’ll deal with it when it comes. But let’s just hope for the best, alright.”

“We’ll be here with you,” Minghao reassured. “You aren’t alone, I promise.”

Seungkwan closed his eyes and nodded. He wasn’t alone. He had people around him who cared and who wouldn’t allow Byungho to harm him. Most importantly, he had himself. 

When the bell rang signalling that first period classes were starting in ten minutes, Seungkwan pulled together whatever confidence he could and shut his locker. He gave a reassuring smile to his friends that he was okay--for now at least-- and began walking down the corridors to their designated classrooms. Wonwoo and Minghao in calculus and Seungkwan and Jihoon in literature. 

While they slowly strolled to class, Jihoon suddenly made something of an announcement to the three of them. “It’s the middle of November so that means that you guys’ favorite person has a birthday coming up.”

“I could’ve sworn Jo In-Sung’s birthday was in July and not November,” Wonwoo said with mock curiosity, making Seungkwan chuckle at both the comment and the death glare Jihoon had sent his way. 

“Damn, I’m just joking. No need to try and murder me with your stare,” Wonwoo chuckled, securing his backpack on his other shoulder. All those books in his bag were like carrying an extra person on his back, he swore.

“If only stares could kill,” Jihoon sighed.

“Do you know how many people you would have killed if that happened?” Seungkwan scoffed. “You glare at everybody.” But this was Jihoon they were talking about, of course he knew this. 

Minghao laughed before throwing an arm around Jihoon’s shoulder. “Instead of pulling a Thanos and trying to murder half of the entire population with a small gesture, let’s focus on this birthday of yours.”

Jihoon’s signature pleasant expression was back onto the plains of his soft face at the mentioning of his birthday. “Well since my parents suck at keeping their promises and they’re going on a business trip during my birthday, they are allowing me to invite my best friends over for the entire weekend of my birthday.” 

Jihoon gave a very passive aggressive smile to hide his bitterness of his parents once again. Seungkwan knew very well that Jihoon’s parents loved him despite how busy they are with their businesses. He wished that Jihoon would express how he was feeling instead of always saying that it was okay. Even when it wasn’t. 

Jihoon was very bad at feelings but a simple “I don’t want you to go,” should suffice and succeed in getting his parents to take a day off of work for their son. But they’d had that conversation with Jihoon on too many occasions and every time, Jihoon dismissed his friends on the verge of tears. 

“Hmph,” Minghao coughed, taking on a curious expression. “I don’t know if I should stay at your house for a whole weekend seeing that you threaten to smother me every few days.”

“I  _ think about  _ smothering you every single day,, yet you’re still alive and breathing,” Jihoon said matter of factly. “So what’s the problem now?”

“I question Minghao’s safety every day,” Seungkwan snickered, feeling the initial panic in his chest slowly dissolves. All thanks to his friends’ silly antics that he can’t help but be both annoyed at and eternally appreciative of. 

Seungkwan thought about completely rethinking being appreciative of his friends’ randomness when Jihoon suddenly yelped. “You fucking bit me?” Jihoon growled. The fact that Minghao was sprinting away before Jihoon even finished talking was enough evidence to prove that Minghao, indeed,  _ bit _ Jihoon… somehow. 

“We’ll see you after class,” Wonwoo said when they stopped in front of Mr. Park’s classroom, briefly nursing Jihoon’s ear, before seeing the two off and jogging to catch up to Minghao. 

They enter the classroom with Jihoon still spewing insults and threats about all the things he would love to do to Minghao. Even when they sit down, Mr. Park giving Jihoon a sympathetic smile upon seeing his attitude, Jihoon still was irritated, so Seungkwan tenderly moved to caress the shell of his ear. 

Jihoon was always moody. It could be a result of all types of things that has happened in his life. But as much as Jihoon loved to portray himself as someone who hated affection, he enjoyed it enough.

It helped calm Jihoon down a little bit. But the progress was thrown away when Yong Sool who was walking to his seat, pat Jihoon’s and Seungkwan’s shoulder in a somewhat… friendly, amiable manner. The both of them shared a confused glance. 

“Did I miss something?” Jihoon asked. A light, slightly hysterical chuckle from his lips. “When did we become friends with him? I hate bullies so I know it wasn’t me.”

Seungkwan instantly recalled the chocolates and what Yong Sool had said about empathizing with Jihoon’s asthma attack. And while Yong Sool still made horrible jokes that he thought was funny and knew angered others, he approached everyone like they were his friend somehow. 

“Maybe he just wants to be nicer, I guess…” Seungkwan shrugged. Noticing that Mr. Park was beginning to start class, Seungkwan and Jihoon flipped to blank pages in their notebooks to take notes. 

But when Mr. Park had began his usual class greeting, Jihoon muttered under his breath, “Just because he wants to be nicer all of a sudden doesn’t mean he hasn’t hurt people.”

Seungkwan couldn’t help but agree. 

  
  


In the middle of his next class, Seungkwan had the utmost of trouble trying to stay awake. He wasn’t obtaining any of the calculus that was being taught on the board, and that was a big problem considering the fact that he  _ needed  _ to stay focused in order to pass his classes. He wasn’t going to disappoint Jeonghan and Seungcheol. 

Maybe a quick walk to the bathroom would somehow reboot his mind and he’d be able to focus when he returned. Seungkwan checked the classroom to see if anyone was already gone with the hall pass but was relieved to see the ersatz hall pass hanging in its rightful place next to the door of the classroom. Quietly and carefully, Seungkwan maneuvered around the class to get to the door. When he stepped out of the class, he instantly felt the relief of not hearing his professor’s voice speak about stupid derivatives. 

Honestly, he wasn’t even sure if that was what the teacher was even teaching. He’d been too busy drifting in and out of slumber to truly know. Wonwoo would definitely have the notes so Seungkwan wasn’t too worried. 

Seungkwan strolled to the bathroom on the first floor even though he was on the second floor, allowing his mind to wander. He thought about everything and nothing in particular which was much more comforting in this moment than it usually was. Not focusing on anything was what he needed. 

When he finally did reach the bathroom, he passed a few moments by fixing and fiddling with his hair. Seungkwan usually hated seeing himself in mirrors and would usually persistently avoid looking into them whenever he’d seen one. But today, Seungkwan could proudly say that he thought he looked a bit nice today. 

Especially when he gave a small, shy smile at his reflection in the mirror. 

Emboldened by the subtle hint of confidence for himself, Seungkwan tucked the hall pass under his arm and was heading for the bathroom door once again when it opened and someone walked in. 

It felt like a punch to the gut, and Seungkwan swears that he could have fainted right then and there from the sudden loss of oxygen. 

Instead of fainting, Seungkwan looked down towards the pale blue tiles of the boys’ bathroom hoping that Wonwoo was right and Byungho would just pretend he didn’t exist. But of course, luck wasn’t--and was never-- on Seungkwan’s side. 

“I haven’t seen you for the last few days,” Byungho said casually. Seungkwan kept his gaze on the floor and shrugged. 

“I was sick…” Seungkwan tried to keep his voice as steady as possible. 

“Must be great timing to get sick, right?”

“Yup. Well, I have to go to class so-” Seungkwan rushed, even attempting to sound as unbothered as possible when he noticed that tears were threatening to gather in his eyes. Despite the desperate voice in his head telling him that he’d be okay, the larger part of Seungkwan didn’t believe that at all. 

He tried to simply walk around Byungho and get to the door but a firm grip on his forearm stopped him and pulled him back to his spot in front of Byungho where he was previously standing. Seungkwan wanted to throw up, but he clamped his eyes shut as tightly as possible as if it would somehow keep the desire at bay. 

“I see you still haven’t lost any weight since I’ve last seen you.” The fact that Byungho was speaking to him like this was some joke or casual conversation with a friend made Seungkwan both angry and even more afraid. Hearing Byungho laugh at him was enough for Seungkwan’s confidence to had been shattered in the worse way as everything seemed to come rushing back to him.

“What do you want from me?” Seungkwan muttered, trying to jerk away but that did nothing more than make Byungho hold on tighter.

“Stop trying to run away and I might let you go,” Byungho said. “All I wanna know is why you didn’t say anything. I was expecting gossip and questions when I transferred back but nope… nothing. I thought you would’ve started running your mouth as soon as I transferred.”

Seungkwan shook his head at nothing in particular. “I d-didn’t say anything because… you said not to.”

“You sure about that?” Byungho chuckled again. “Or is it because-” Byungho’s grip on Seungkwan’s arm was tight enough to leave a bruise as he lowered his voice to something akin to a whisper. “You know that I have something over you.” 

The desire to cry was strong and heavy in Seungkwan’s chest but he fought hard to suppress it. To suppress the thought of Byungho having something so significant at his disposal. 

“I won’t say anything if you just let me go and leave me alone for the rest of the year,” Seungkwan said, his voice wavering and stomach churning. “I promise I’ll stay quiet.”

“You’ll stay quiet because I said so. This isn’t up for negotiation. No ‘ifs’ about it,” Byungho asserted. “I swear I’ll end you if you do. You hear me?”

“Okay. Okay!” Seungkwan pleaded, feeling something atrocious in his chest again. He was so close to breaking and he didn’t want to be in front of Byungho when he did. “I’ve been quiet this entire time. I-I promise. I’ll keep it to myself. Just leave me alone.  _ Please. _ ” 

Byungho just watched the way Seungkwan was on the brink of breaking and collapsing with no particular emotion on his face or in his heart. 

Seungkwan was practically trembling and almost collapsed when Byungho did finally loosen his grip. Not giving it a second thought, Seungkwan sprinted out of the bathroom, leaving Byungho behind.

He still felt like he was suffocating even when he was far from the bathroom. Gripping at his hair that he’d just fixed, Seungkwan tried to focus on the burn on the pulling. It wasn’t a good idea but it was something to focus on other than this panic. 

He didn’t know how long he sat there in the hallway, but he knew he needed to get back to class. Sitting in the hallway would do nothing for him… so he needed to get back to class. 

Standing on his shaky, trembling legs again, Seungkwan took a deep breath and slowly began making his way back to class. Thinking of whether or not he should just tell his teacher that he was having a mental breakdown so he needed to leave the class for a second. 

It wouldn’t exactly be a lie because Seungkwan felt like his mind had literally collapsed into itself and he could barely think. He would hate for his teacher to think that he was skipping class.

“Seungkwan?” 

Recognizing the voice immediately, Seungkwan tried to blink away his tears and at least try to sound okay despite the fact that his appearance would most definitely give him away. 

“Yeah?” Seungkwan said, turning around to give a smile to Hansol as he approached him. 

“You okay?” Hansol asked, frowning out of concern. 

Seungkwan nodded furiously and quickly asserted, “I’m fine. Calculus is just kicking my ass.” Not really a lie either. 

The look on Hansol’s face let’s Seungkwan know that he of course knows that there was something more to the situation but, thankfully, Hansol said nothing more of it. “Well, I was gonna text you but I wanted to ask you in person.”

“What?”  
“Well, there’s the basketball game on Friday. I was hoping that you can come watch me play so we can go out somewhere afterwards, you know, as a thank you for all the tutoring.” 

Seungkwan stared at Hansol for a moment too long, trying to gather his thoughts that were utterly scattered. “Um…” Seungkwan began.

“I know you’re gonna say you don’t want any compensation of anything but this is something I want to do. So please…” Hansol said with a smile that had Seungkwan questioning if this was the same Hansol that all the girls pegged as incredibly hot. Because, even with his thoughts completely absent and astray, Seungkwan thought he was nothing less than a sweet bundle of… he couldn’t think of a word. 

His mind went blank again before he uttered. “Sure… I’ll come if you want me to.”

“Good! Don’t bring any money or anything. I got everything,” Hansol said. “Well I have to get back to chemistry.” 

“S-Same.” 

Hansol rushed off in the opposite direction while Seungkwan turned on his heel and continued his slow journey back to class.

 

***

 

If it wasn’t one thing going wrong, then it was another. That was the motto of Hansol’s life right now. 

Seungkwan had finally come to school today and now he was able to relax about the possibility that something had happened to him. But now that Seungkwan was okay, it seemed like it was Soonyoung’s turn to disappear. 

Without any explanation, Soonyoung just didn't show up to school today. And that was honestly a bit more concerning than Seungkwan’s situation. Soonyoung was his best friend. There was always a text about one of them not showing up to school. Whether that be a dentist appointment (Mingyu hated the dentist and usually need a full day to recover from the so called “trauma” of the dentist) or personal reasons they didn’t wanna talk about. But Soonyoung had said nothing.

After school, Hansol was on his way to basketball practice, hoping that sweating a bit would clear his head. To recollect his thoughts, Hansol grounded himself in the moment while standing right outside of the auditorium. Using the same technique that he had taught Seungkwan. 

He was on step three when the double doors of the auditorium were burst open as if someone had thrown all of their weight into it. The shock quickly subsided when Hansol recognized the tall figure was Mingyu. Of course, it was Mingyu. 

“What the hell are you throwing yourself around for?” Hansol chuckled. “You trying to give yourself a concussion or something?”

“No,” Mingyu nervously laughed and scratched at the nape of his neck. “I actually tripped over my own foot.” 

Hansol didn’t even try to hold back his laughter as the very familiar image of Mingyu tripping over his own big feet materialized in his mind. Which made it all the more funny. “How do you manage to trip over your own feet all the time?” Hansol managed to ask between laughs.

“I don’t know!” Mingyu said, genuinely confused by his lack of ability to get used to the amount of space his feet took up. “It doesn’t even matter. I was about to come look for you.”

“For what?” Hansol sniffed, clearing his throat with a few grunts and leaning back against the wall again. 

“I told coach that we can’t make it to practice today. We have an emergency,” Mingyu said, moving to snatch Hansol’s backpack off of the ground and hand it to him.  

The smirk on Hansol’s face diminished at those words.

“What happened? Who?”

“Soonyoung. He called me a few minutes ago. He was crying and stuff but he just hang up the phone before I could ask him anything. I tried calling back but he won’t answer. I think he’s at home.” Mingyu already had his thumb his mouth, chewing at the almost nonexistent nail there. Something he usually did when he was nervous. 

“Let’s go to my house first and ask Josh to drive us there. A bus would take way too long, especially if the problem is his parents again,” Hansol uttered. The last part was more to himself than Mingyu but the latter still exhaled heavily and mumbled his response. “We know it’s his parents. It always is.”

The walk to Hansol’s house is quick and silent. Junhui had already came earlier since he hated watching Hansol practice because it was somehow boring to him. 

Hansol had to swat Mingyu’s thumb away from his mouth a few times to get him to stop chewing on the skin there because there definitely wasn’t much of a nail there anymore. Luckily, Josh was descending the stairs and walking through the living room to get to the kitchen when they walked inside. 

“Josh, can you drive us to Soonyoung’s house?” Hansol said quickly. “It’s important, Joshua, please.” He and Mingyu both could see how hesitant Josh was as his gaze alternated between the two. 

But before Hansol could continue his pleading, Josh called out for Junhui.

“Yeah?” Jun’s voice distantly echoed through the quiet space. 

“You’re in charge of dinner tonight!”

“Alright!” 

With a soft sigh, Josh looked to Mingyu and Hansol again. “Let’s go. I’m only doing this because it’s an emergency. And it better be one.”

“Thanks so much, Josh. We really do owe you one,” Mingyu smiled giddily. 

“You’re right. I’ll think about what I want you to do for me while we’re driving there,” Josh said, as they all headed for the door. Despite being behind Mingyu, Hansol gave the most threatening glare to the back of his head. Josh was going to give them some stupid task just for the fun of it. 

Why did Mingyu have to open his mouth all the time. One day, Hansol would just buy some tape. 

 

As soon as they pulled up in front of Soonyoung’s home and walked only half way up the stone path of the quaint, family sized home, they could hear the yelling from Soonyoung’s father. The angry, raging screaming from his mother as a response. And for a split second, Hansol wondered if going through Soonyoung’s window would be easier because there was no way that their knocking was going to be heard over that yelling anyway. 

“We can’t go through the front,” Hansol said, stopping Mingyu went a firm hand on his wrist. “His parents probably wouldn’t even let us in.”

“I was thinking about that too. Maybe we should go through the window.”

“That’s why you’re my best friend.”

“Great minds think alike, I guess,” Mingyu said before they both rounded the house. Hansol knew that Josh was probably sitting in the car watching the two of them sneak around the back of Soonyoung’s house while asking himself why his little brother and his best friend were doing this and whether he should do anything about it.

But Hansol knew Josh well, so it was common knowledge that Josh would simply stop caring in a few minutes. Josh never cared unless something of his could be broken in the process, he could be made responsible for it, or some serious consequences could evolve.

If push came to shove, Josh had a way out and that was all that mattered. He occupied himself in the car by texting Seokmin.

“The window should be open,” Hansol uttered as they approached the window at the very back of the home. “He never locks it for some reason.”

And just like Hansol had predicted, the lock on the window was unlatched, but Mingyu still lightly tapped on the window. Knowing that Soonyoung was probably hiding right now to attempt to shield himself from all of the yelling, Mingyu nor Hansol really expected an answer. So when no sound came, Mingyu carefully raised the latches on the window and slid up the glass. 

It was a bit of a struggle without Soonyoung holding the blinds out of the way for them to climb in like usual, but they managed to make it in. Forgetting about the opened window, Mingyu and Hansol slowly moved to where they knew Soonyoung was hiding. The closet. 

Even with his parents yelling so loudly, they could hear the faint hiccups from inside Soonyoung’s walk in closet. It was a spacious place and, as they learned from playing hide and seek so many times in here, there was a lot of places to squeeze into in order to hide… and cry if need be. 

“Soonyoung?” Mingyu said gently as they opened the door to the closet. Only sniffles were heard from under where all of Soonyoung’s jackets were hanging in the far corner of the closet. They joined him on the floor. 

“I don’t wanna be here,” Soonyoung cried. His knees were pulled up to his chest and his pale face was inflamed and stricken with tears. “All they do is fight. It’s like I don’t even exist anymore because all they fucking do is eat, fight, and sleep. I feel so… alone.”

Struggling to get space to sit down since he was so tall, Mingyu balled up next to Hansol and Soonyoung. It was an uncomfortable position but he could bare it for now.

“I thought they were getting a divorce?” Hansol said in a hushed voice. 

“They are! But my dad still hasn’t found somewhere to go so he’s stuck here, fighting with my mom all day. Everytime they fight, I feel like my head is going to explode and honestly, I just wish it would.” Hansol watched the way another wave of agony hit Soonyoung and he burst into another fit of tears. It hurt to watch. 

“It might be bad right now, but it’s gonna get better. Everything always does,” Mingyu stated. Hesitantly, Mingyu leaned his head on Soonyoung’s shoulder. It was something a puppy would do.

“I don’t deserve to feel better,” Soonyoung snorted. 

“You do. No one deserves to feel lonely.”

“I do. After what I did to Jihoon… I’d be dumb to think that I’d be given the luxury to be loved by my parents. To be paid attention to when I’m hurting like hell. The universe is punishing me. Has to be.” 

That was news to Mingyu of course. Mingyu gave a look of bewilderment before he gave an inaudible sigh at the realization. He hadn’t known that Soonyoung was the one who hid the inhaler. Both Hansol and Mingyu tried to say something but they were interrupted by Soonyoung groaning and sinking his nails into the skin of his palms and even trying to scratch at his wrists. 

“Stop that.” Hansol hurried to grab at Soonyoung’s hands. “Don’t hurt yourself.”

“I like him so much too,” Soonyoung said, a few pained chuckles falling from his lips as he still attempted to pull his hands out of Hansol’s grip. “But I can’t even look at him without feeling so guilty. All because I wanted to feel  _ wanted  _ but I feel even more lonely after doing it! I don’t feel included with those guys at all but I’m just so desperate for attention that- Fuck! Let go of me, Hansol!” 

“No,” Hansol uttered. “You’re trying to hurt yourself and scratch and I can’t let you do that.” 

“Calm down,” Mingyu cautioned when he realized just how serious and adamant Soonyoung was about getting Hansol to let him go. He wrapped himself around Soonyoung in an attempt to calm him. “You won’t feel any better by scratching.”

“Then what do you want to me to do! You don’t get it! Get out! Get out, both you!” Soonyoung was trying so hard to stay angry but again, sadness filled his chest and he gave up his fight. Instead, he fell limp in Mingyu’s arms and cried. 

Completely out of breath from fighting, Hansol sighed and closed his eyes for a second to think. But he couldn’t even think with the screaming still persisting in the background. The fact that Soonyoung had been crying and screaming in this closet this entire time and his parents hadn’t even noticed said a lot about the situation.

Hansol couldn’t even think. He could only imagine bearing witness to that everyday. No wonder Soonyoung couldn’t think straight while being here. “Let’s go,” Hansol said suddenly standing. 

“I’m not leaving him here, Hansol,” Mingyu said determinedly. 

“We aren’t leaving him. We’re taking him with us. He can’t just stay here.”

“You’re right. I’ll take him to my house,” Mingyu said. He somehow unraveled himself and with some difficulty--having to hold onto a few of Soonyoung’s jackets to pull himself from the floor-- Mingyu stood up. 

Soonyoung didn’t object anything nor did he say anything at all. He just allowed his two best friends to move him around. While Mingyu grabbed a bag and stuffed a few of Soonyoung’s clothes in a bag, Hansol stayed standing next to Soonyoung. Wiping away the tears and petting at the spot behind his ear. 

“We’re gonna take you away from here for a little while. You should send your parents a text,” Hansol suggested but Soonyoung shook his head. 

“No. They won’t even notice if I’m gone. And if they do notice, they’ll just assume I went out for a walk. It doesn’t matter to them.”

“Let’s go, guys. I got everything,” Mingyu said, peeking his head into the closet to beckon them to follow. With no trouble or questions at all, Soonyoung left his home. Finally enjoying some peace and quiet. 

Hansol couldn’t help but smile softly when he noticed Soonyoung fast asleep in the backseat with his head leaning on Mingyu’s shoulder just about ten minutes after Josh had drove off down the road.

 

***

 

When Hansol and Josh got home, Junhui was sitting on the couch waiting for them. Probably was hard for him to go to sleep in an empty house. But Hansol didn’t acknowledge his presence like Josh does, he just passed Jun by and runs upstairs. 

Hansol changed into a pair of thick, cotton pajamas, feeling incredibly drained and an overwhelming desire to just… he doesn’t know. For the next ten minutes, Hansol was silent and absent in a way. He enjoyed the silence for a while-- or at least tried his best to since both he and Jun had had the worse experiences with  _ silence _ while in the orphanage-- until he got downstairs to get dinner.

“Come here, Hansol.” It was Josh sitting on the sofa with Junhui in the dark for some reason. It looked like they both were waiting for him to get downstairs. 

“What’s up?” Hansol muttered, not finding the motivation to sound lively. He blamed it on being tired. 

As soon as Hansol sat down on the other side of Josh, the oldest threw his arm around his shoulder and pulled Hansol into his side. It was warm and Hansol hadn’t known how much he needed a hug until he was given one. 

And just like that, something inside Hansol shifted. He went from feeling empty to feeling  _ everything _ all at once. It had hit him so hard that he burst into tears without even realizing why. Hansol buried his head into the fabric of Josh’s shirt and cries. 

Hansol rarely ever cried. He never felt the need to because he was sure everything would be okay in the end. Optimism was his forte.

“I knew something was bothering him,” Junhui muttered from the other side of Josh.

“Me too,” Josh sighed, holding Hansol a little tighter. “Hansol, I know you’re overwhelmed. You’ve been so worried about all of your friends but you never really worry about yourself. What about you?” 

Hansol shook his head. “I’m f-fine,” he sobbed. “I… I just want my friends to be okay.”

“But there’s something here.” Josh tapped Hansol’s head. “That you’re keeping bottled up and aren’t telling anyone. You don’t have to keep all of your worries inside. You can talk to me. You can talk to  _ us. _ ”

“Yeah,” Jun agreed softly. “We’ve had each other’s backs since we were in the orphanage. No secrets… remember?”

Hansol nodded, finally picking up his head to wipe at his tears. “I just don’t want to be a burden, you know. I’m so used to everything being okay and fixing itself.”

Josh gave a sad smile and ruffled Hansol’s hair, making him chuckle. “Certain things don’t fix themselves. Sometimes, you gotta do a little searching for the answer. But focusing too much attention on your friends’ problems causes you to forget that you’re important too. Your worries matter. Your fears matter. You’re such a great friend but take a look at yourself and tend to  _ Hansol  _ for a moment, okay.”

“I’m… lost,” Hansol sighed, collapsing into Josh’s side. Junhui snuggled up into Josh’s other side.

“Aren’t we all?” Jun huffed. “High school fucking sucks.” Like Hansol expected, Jun gave a loud yelp at being pinched. The three of them laugh anyway though. 

All of his problems at the forefront of his mind now. Graduation. College. Friends. Feelings… His sexuality. All of it was right there in front of him now. Confronting him. 

Hansol felt so lost and he was sure that the feeling wasn’t going to pass easily. 

But for now, Hansol just wanted to sleep. 

So the three brothers all fell asleep on the couch together with their problems, fears, and worries all laid out on the table. It wasn’t as scary when you had others there facing them with you. 

Even though they were all basically in a heap, Hansol still deemed it as one of the best nights of sleep he’s ever gotten. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really angsty so I'm sorry! The next one might be a little more fluffy to make up for it. Lol, it's no guarantee though. 
> 
> But I hope you guys like the chapter. Again, thank you for everyone who comments and gives kudos. It makes me feel so special seeing how much you all love this. 
> 
> Love ya! Mochi


	11. Chapter 11

“You okay, Kwannie? Everything going fine at school?” Seungcheol uttered, briefly glancing at Seungkwan who was sitting in the passenger seat staring out of the window at the steadily darkening sky. Seungcheol had offered to bring Seungkwan to the basketball game that night after he’d forgotten _again_ to go to the store and pick up some soup for Chan who had actually gotten sick. Jeonghan was so pissed at him that Seungcheol was ready to take an excuse to get out of the house and away from his boyfriend’s yelling.

“I’m fine,” Seungkwan said, forcing a smile. “Why?”

“You’ve been a little jittery lately and a bit quiet. Jeonghan has been a bit worried for the last few days about you,” Seungcheol explained.

“It’s just school, that’s all. I’m sorry if I worried you,” Seungkwan said, forcing the lie to sound as natural and casual as possible. The truth is that Seungkwan no longer felt safe at school. No matter how much he tried to reassure himself or how much his friends tried, he was still afraid. Every second he was at school, Seungkwan felt prickling under his skin and a pessimistic feeling hang in the space around his heart that it usually felt like a weight was sitting on his chest.

Always being something of a mood maker, Seungcheol reached over to pinch at Seungkwan’s cheeks. Both Seungkwan and Chan were suckers for being treated cutely. The two of them pretending like they hated it, but Jeonghan and Seungcheol knew very well that it was the easiest way to get them to smile.

“Oh! I got some really good news,” Seungcheol remembered when they came to a brief stop at a red light. The excitement in Seungcheol’s voice immediately caught Seungkwan’s attention, successfully dragging the younger from his thoughts.

“What is it?”

“Well, Jeonghan got a letter in the mail a few days ago from his graduate school. Since he’s been working at the nearby company, he’s gained a lot of credits. Basically, Jeonghan graduates next month instead of having to take an extra semester. He’s still going to have the ceremony later on but he gets his degree next month.”

“Seriously?” Seungkwan asked, a feeling of pride filling his chest as if he was the one graduating instead. But the feeling was understandable. Seungkwan was very much aware of the hard work and countless sleepless nights Jeonghan had given in order to obtain his master’s degree. Knowing that his older brother had finally succeeded meant everything to Seungkwan. These last few days have been filled with Seungkwan questioning if school was worth it at all, but this had just given him a small sense of motivation.

Seungkwan wanted to make Jeonghan and Seungcheol feel this exact sense of pride for him when he would make it past the first major milestone of his life which is graduating high school.

“Wait, how come he didn’t say anything about it?” Seungkwan asked, attempting to stifle his desire to yell for some reason. _That’s_ how excited he was.

“Well, he doesn’t know just yet. I wanted to surprise him somehow. So let’s keep it a secret for now. We’ll surprise him tomorrow for like dinner or something.”

Seungkwan nodded ecstatically. “Of course. Of course. I can’t wait to see his reaction when we tell him.”

“Me either,” Seungcheol sighed with a sweet, prideful smile adorning his lips. “I love Jeonghan so much. He truly deserves this and it’s gonna feel so great to see him be so happy. Plus, he won’t have to be angry at me anymore about forgetting Chan’s medicine.”

Seungkwan smiled, redirecting his gaze back to the window again.

 

“Jeonghan should be here at around 9 o’clock to pick you up, okay. Be ready please, you know how much he hates waiting,” Seungcheol said as Seungkwan unbuckled his seatbelt to get out of the car.

“I will. I’ve learned what happens when you keep Jeonghan waiting,” Seungkwan sighed. Seungcheol gave a knowing look in return since he’s been nagged by Jeonghan on way too many occasions. Seungkwan only heard Jeonghan nag when he was kept waiting for more than five minutes tops.

Seungkwan waved to Seungcheol through the car window one more time before Seungcheol drove off. He stood there in the most empty parking lot--the game didn’t start for another thirty minutes or so-- for a few moments, collecting his thoughts and attempting to convince himself that tonight would be enjoyable. And for once, everything would be okay.

Strolling along the sidewalk to get to the auditorium at the back of the school, Seungkwan caught a glimpse of a familiar figure also . Of course, it was Wonwoo. Whenever he was out at night, Wonwoo always wore that stupid beanie for some reason. He said it was so no one would recognize him when he was by himself but he wore it so much that Seungkwan recognized the beanie too. If Seungkwan were being honest, wearing the beanie at school didn’t really matter very much. Wonwoo wasn’t a very well known person at school since whenever he wasn’t around his best friends, he was practically silent. So even though Wonwoo was always at every single basketball game to support Mingyu, Seungkwan was sure that no one noticed him anyway.

When Seungkwan was about to call his best friend’s name, he realized that instead of entering the double doors, Wonwoo entered the narrow alleyway that was on the side of auditorium. He knew he probably shouldn’t insert himself in a situation that didn’t involve him, but Seungkwan couldn’t help but let his curiosity get the best of him as he walked just a bit faster to catch up to Wonwoo.

Peeking around the corner of the auditorium building, Seungkwan could only vaguely make out Wonwoo and another person as they tightly embraced. “I missed you so much.”

Oh, it’s Mingyu.

“I missed you too. I hate that I have to act like I don’t know you around school. It sucks,” Wonwoo chuckled, a bit of sadness laced through his words.

“One day, that’ll change. When I’m strong enough.”

“There’s no rush. All I need is this and I’ll be okay. Kiss me.”

Seungkwan smiled to himself and quietly slipped away deciding that he could at least allow the two to have a few moments alone together. He was sure it was a rare occurrence for the two. So instead of interrupting the two or doing something even more creepier than following them by standing there waiting for them to finish, Seungkwan made his way inside of the auditorium and sent Wonwoo a text instead.

**Me:**

_I forgot to tell you that I’m gonna be at the bball game today_

_Ur my best friend so you gotta sit with me. It’s rule #3 in the bro handbook_

_I’ll save us a seat that’s close to the court_

 

Seungkwan slipped his phone back into his pocket and searched around the auditorium for a good place to sit on the bleachers. The best part about arriving early was that Seungkwan didn’t have to search for a decent seat and that he didn’t have to squeeze in between people and step over others to get a seat either. He’d had to do that once and that one experience was enough for Seungkwan to decide _never again_ will he be late to an event without reserved seats at the end.

Choosing to sit on the bleachers just three steps from the ground, Seungkwan sat down and occupied himself by simply doing nothing in particular. Looking at the door every time a wave of people came in, wondering if one of them was Wonwoo. Priding himself for getting a really good seat because from here, he had a good view of the basketball court. And hating himself for not bringing a jacket because it was freaking cold in the auditorium.

Seungkwan was in the middle of watching a group of girls from across the gym playing an intense game of rock, paper, scissors, laughing at how Yuju and Sowon were the most serious about it, when there was an arm thrown around his shoulder.

“I was looking for you!” Hansol said, his voice light yet loud in his ear.

“Well here I am,” Seungkwan chuckled apprehensively, not really knowing why.

“I thought you were gonna bail on me or something,” Hansol admitted. Despite everything that was going on around them, Seungkwan was hyper aware of Hansol being so close to him. The arm thrown around his shoulder and the way Hansol’s legs were pressed firmly against his own.

“I would never,” Seungkwan said before a shiver ran through his body. Whether it was due to the fact that it was really cold in this gym or his body reacting to having Hansol so close, Seungkwan didn’t really know.

“Are you cold?” Hansol questioned, feeling the way Seungkwan was practically shivering.

“A little. But it’s nothing. I’ll be fine.”

Hansol shook his head, not believing that at all. Before Seungkwan could even finish speaking, Hansol was pulling his slightly too big hoodie over his head revealing his red and black basketball jersey underneath. “Here. You take it. I have to go the locker room in a few minutes anyway so I ain’t gonna be using it.”

“Hansol, you don’t-”  
“Seungkwan,” Hansol said firmly, stopping Seungkwan in the middle of his sentence. “Wear the hoodie.”

“What if it doesn’t fit me?” Seungkwan mumbled, avoiding Hansol’s gaze. He didn’t expect Hansol to even be able to hear what he’d said since the gym was getting louder and louder the more people entered. But he did.

“It’s gonna fit,” Hansol insisted. “Here, lemme show you” Hansol moved to slide the hoodie over Seungkwan’s head not really giving the latter the chance to protest, so all Seungkwan could really do was slip his arms through it.

“See! Told ya it would fit,” Hansol declared, obviously incredibly proud of himself. Seungkwan can’t help but laugh giddily. He felt a lot warmer being in Hansol’s hoodie like this.

“Thank you,” Seungkwan smiled. Before he could stop himself, he pulled Hansol into a quick and brief hug. As much as he would have loved to hug Hansol longer, he didn’t want it to be _too_ weird and awkward because his nervous chuckling was already making it awkward enough.

“No problem. Well I have to go now. The games about to start. Wish me luck! See you after the game?” Hansol asked as he stood up.

“Of course,” Seungkwan agreed, giving him a bright smile that Hansol returned in an instant before he was slowly maneuvering around people in the bleachers to get to the other side of the gym where the door of the locker rooms were. Seungkwan watched him greet people along the way with a smile still unknowingly adorning his face.

“I saw you and Hansol,” Wonwoo teased as soon as he plops down in the bleachers right next to Seungkwan. He almost responded with “I saw you too” but Seungkwan refrained from saying that.

“I texted you two times and yet you didn’t know because you were flirting it up with Hansol over here,” Wonwoo scoffed, snatching the beanie from his head. “Isn’t that like rule #11 in the ‘bro handbook?’ that you so _conveniently_ mentioned in your texts. Text your best friends back.”

“You took too long to respond, so I put my phone in my pocket,” Seungkwan huffed. “What took you so long to text back anyway?” Seungkwan gave Wonwoo a teasing, suggestive smirk and prodded at Wonwoo’s cheek making him grimace and groan.

“Shut up,” Wonwoo laughed. “Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not true.”

“Sureeee,” Seungkwan drawled earning him a flick to his right ear.

“Anyway, I’m guessing Hansol is the reason you’re here.”

Seungkwan nodded, not being able to help the smile on his face as he remembered why he was here. That he was here because Hansol wanted him to be. Even if it was just Hansol being the sweet friend he always was, Seungkwan was happy to know that he meant something to Hansol.

Seeing just how happy Seungkwan was, Wonwoo leaned his head on Seungkwan’s shoulder simply sharing and basking in the pleasant aura that was a result of excitement from a crush. One of the best parts about having friends and family was that they shared every emotion with you.

Seungkwan gently leaned his head on Wonwoo’s.

 

***

 

Okay, Hansol had to admit that he was always a little nervous before every game and was never really as confident as he tried to appear. He wouldn’t be able to stop moving around, continuously twiddling his fingers or tapping his feet, and his heart would race. Those were normal, expected symptoms that Hansol experienced. It was the fluttering in his chest that was new and becoming something of a burden.

While the feeling was something that Hansol thought was quite pleasant and warm, he still couldn’t help but hate the feeling. Hate that the feeling was due to Seungkwan, a guy. Hate that he was feeling things for Seungkwan that he once believed he felt for Jeongyeon. And while he really did like the cheerleader, the spontaneous bursting in Hansol’s chest when Seungkwan did something as simple as smile was enough to make Hansol question himself desperately.

“Hansol!” Speaking of Jeongyeon, there she was running to catch up to Hansol. Her and all of the other cheerleaders were waiting in the hall preparing for the pregame cheer. Hansol, being so deep in thoughts on the way to the locker room, hadn’t even noticed that Jeongyeon had tried to get his attention the first time.

“Huh?” Hansol coughed, a bit shocked at his name being yelled so suddenly.  

“I just wanted to tell you good luck tonight,” Jeongyeon smiled, leaning over to press a soft kiss to Hansol’s cheek. A few of the cheerleaders, who were of course watching, snickered and giggled at the gesture but it only made Hansol more apprehensive.

“Um, I was also wondering if you would like to come over afterwards. We don’t even have to do anything, you know, just watch a movie if you want to. You know my parents wouldn’t exactly mind,” she explained in a quiet voice, which Hansol was thankful for because he didn’t want her fellow cheerleaders to hear.

“I have to check in with Joshua about that. Since it’s so sudden and all,” Hansol sighed, scratching at the nape of his neck.

“Okay. Well, just let me know what he says after the game,” Jeongyeon told him, giving him one final smile before turning to join her friends once again. Despite the fact that there’s a new feeling in his chest that he doesn’t really recognize, Hansol tried to push away any thoughts that weren’t about basketball when he entered the locker room and Mingyu practically jumped on him. His team was counting on him.

  
  


Before the game began, Yong Sool and Shownu-the captain and co captain-- gave the team a few words of encouragement like they always do. The music and the cheerleader’s shouting as they got the crowd hyped for the game was loud and actually helped in hyping up the team too.

“Hands in, team,” Shownu shouted as he beckoned all of them to gather in a circle and put their hands in. “Win or loss tonight, we’re a team. As long as we work together and try our absolute best like we always do, the outcome of this game isn’t important. It’s the performance that matters. Mingyu! What’s the most important rule!”

“Have fun!” Mingyu shouted on demand.

“Everybody! What’s the most important rule?!” Yong Sool asked this time.

“Have fun!” They all shouted.

“Exactly. Now let’s get out there,” Shownu exclaimed at the top of his lungs. To Hansol, it was always nice and quite funny to see Shownu so hyped since he was a mostly calm person overall.

When they made it to the court, Hansol had taken the time to slowly scope out the opposing team. For some reason, Hansol really wanted to win tonight. He always wanted to do his best but usually he never really cared if they won or lost. Like Shownu and Yong Sool said, it was the performance not the outcome that mattered.

But for Hansol, it only mattered when someone he wanted to impress was watching. Until now, the only two people Hansol ever wanted to impress were Junhui and Joshua. He wanted to prove himself to his brothers and feel the pride swell in his chest when they praised him the entire journey home. But tonight, Jun and Josh couldn’t be there. Josh was suffering from allergies as the weather had been quickly dropping everyday. The oldest has never been able to to withstand sudden changes with the weather. And since Josh was over dramatic, he insisted that he needed Junhui to care for him for the night.

Junhui nor Hansol ever succeeded in telling Josh ‘no’ when he wanted to. It was almost like everytime Josh asked for something, memories and instances of times when Josh selflessly cared for the two of them, filled their minds and they automatically agreed without much more thought.

Today, the person that mattered--the person he so desperately wanted to impress-- was Seungkwan. Sitting there in the crowd next to Wonwoo, smiling supportively, while clad in his hoodie. He liked the sight of Seungkwan in his clothes.

Mingyu, Shownu, Yong Sool, Wonho, and him were usually the starting players of the game since they always did considerably well in putting the team at a good place by the end of the first quarter. Their chemistry on the court was spectacular and the rest of the team that were sitting on the bench naturally fed off of that energy too which was an advantage for them. Another advantage was that for a high school basketball player, Mingyu was pretty tall, always being the tallest on the court when they played.

Hansol was always the fastest on the court and was really good at passing the ball at long distances to some of the better shooters.

However, the other team was pretty good at two things that Hansol absolutely _sucked_ at: shooting three pointers and pulling fouls. Hansol hated intentional fouling but he couldn’t deny that the point guard on the opposing team was doing it flawlessly.

By the time half time had come around, Hansol was drenched in sweat and slightly irritated with the stupid referee who called him out for two fouls that were obviously pulled but whatever.

“Alright, it’s time to switch out some more players. JR, you switch with Mingyu. Aron, switch with Hansol,” their coach said, giving a few confident pats to the shoulders of the players who had already been playing as the cheerleading team, set up on the court for a half time cheer. Throwing himself onto the bench, Hansol felt a towel around his neck and a bottle of water being placed in his hand. He sighed immediately in relief.

“You look like you needed it first,” Ren, the team’s beloved waterboy, chuckled, giving Hansol a comforting squeeze to the shoulder before moving along to do the same to Mingyu and all of the other players that had just been switched. Ren may only be their waterboy by name but he was a larger part of the team that he could ever realize. Being something of the team’s mother.

“Thank you, Ren!” Hansol huffed, rubbing the towel through his hair and across his face. Ren only smiled at the acknowledgement.

When Hansol moved to open his water bottle and take a sip, he somehow locked eyes with Seungkwan. He initially wanted to watch the cheerleaders’ performance but it was hard to when Seungkwan was smiling and waving like that.

Before he could stop himself, a childish, giddy giggle fell from Hansol’s lips as he waved just as excitedly in return. Even Wonwoo shyly waved but he was sure it wasn’t at him.

“Ohh,” Mingyu teased, just as out of breath as he was. “Who’s got you smiling like that? I could’ve sworn that Jeongyeon was on the cheerleading team dancing and not in the bleachers.”

“Shut up. I told you there’s nothing going on between us,” Hansol said, elbowing Mingyu in the side. Hansol wasn’t too bothered by the fact that Mingyu was teasing him because Mingyu had something to tease him about too. But Hansol wanted to save his ammunition for after the game, just knowing that Mingyu’s reaction would be hilarious. For him at least.

 

***

 

“Yay!! Go us!” Seungkwan yelled when the timer ran out and Mingyu had successfully shot a three pointer just before the buzzer went off. Another player had sprained his ankle during the game, so Mingyu volunteered to play the last few minutes of the game in his place despite already playing the first half. In the end, they won the game.

However, Wonwoo was absolutely dumbfounded by all of the sudden yelling as he was too occupied eating the nachos they’d ordered not too long ago.

“What happened?” Wonwoo asked Seungkwan with a mouth full of melted cheese.

“Mingyu just made a buzzer beater. You suck as a boyfriend, Wonwoo,” Seungkwan bantered, taking another nacho for himself. He was incredibly careful with it, not wanting to dirty Hansol’s hoodie.

“Whatever. He’ll never know, I’ll just pretend like I seen it,” Wonwoo shrugged, looking around to find Mingyu. When he did, Wonwoo gave a very over exaggerated wave and thumbs up, keeping his promise to pretend as if he had been watching the entire time.

Seungkwan just laughed and shook his head.

“Do you need a ride home? Me and Mingyu are going to get ramen from somewhere. I can bring you home before that,” Wonwoo said. Both of them stayed sitting on the bleachers for a while, letting most of the people go before them. The two of them equally hated crowded spaces.

“No. Jeonghan is picking me up. But shouldn’t he be getting dinner with his team?” Seungkwan asked.

“They do the whole team celebratory dinner thing on Saturdays since most of them are tired anyway and want to just go home.”

“I don’t blame them. All I’ve been doing is sitting here and I’m exhausted and want to go home,” Seungkwan laughed, laying his head on Wonwoo’s shoulder.

“You aren’t lying. I’m tired as hell but I really want some ramen, so food it is,” Wonwoo decided with a sigh as they both decided that the gym was cleared out enough for them to finally leave.

 

“Okay. I’ll text you tomorrow,” Seungkwan said when they finally got outside.

“You better. I’m going to go wait in the car for Mingyu. Love ya!” Wonwoo said before making his way towards the parking lot while Seungkwan simply sat on the bench outside of the auditorium. It wasn’t long before members of the basketball team started coming out of the gym either by themselves or in small groups. All of them were smiling wide and in an obviously great mood.

He saw Mingyu also who seemed to be in a rush, following the same route Wonwoo did just some minutes before to get to his car. Hansol came out soon after with his duffle bag thrown over his torso, smiling when he seen Seungkwan.

“Congratulations! The game was great,” Seungkwan praised as he stood to embrace Hansol.

“Thanks. And thanks for coming tonight too,” Hansol said.

“Thanks for the invite.”

“Thank you for accepting.”

“We’re thanking each other way too much right now and it’s weird,” Seungkwan chuckled, pushing Hansol lightly to the side. Somehow the two of them had began to roam aimlessly, enjoying the slightly chilly breeze that was blowing in the night air. They’d both completely forgotten that they were supposed to go get dinner.

“Sorry, sorry. I’m dumb,” Hansol sighed, fiddling with the strap of his duffle bag and looking up at the cloudless sky.

As they continued walking and talking, Seungkwan noticed that Hansol’s phone was steadily going off in his pocket. “Um, I think you should answer those texts,” Seungkwan suggested with a slight chuckle, stuffing his hands into the pocket at the front of the hoodie. “It might be important.”

“It’s nothing. Just Jeongyeon,” Hansol said, his voice low as if he really didn’t want to be heard anyway. Seungkwan instinctively sighed and chewed at his bottom lip.

“Um, if you have to go then you can. I wouldn’t really mind,” Seungkwan said, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible. Even though he was incredibly bothered by the situation and Jeongyeon for some stupid, irrelevant reason, Seungkwan didn’t want Hansol to know that.

“I’ll understand,” he quietly added at the end before suddenly blurting, “Are you guys dating?” Seungkwan hated himself for his inability to control his feelings. “Fuck, that was straightforward. I’m sorry.”

Hansol shook his head. “You don’t have to apologize. It’s just a question. And no, we aren’t dating. I mean… we do _stuff_ and all but I’m not her boyfriend or anything.”

Seungkwan chuckled at Hansol referring to what he did with Jeongyeon as ‘stuff.’ It was kind of endearing. His laughs died off quickly though as another question surfaces in the front of his mind.

“Does she know that you aren’t together?”

“I don’t know…” Hansol uttered, looking down at his shoes as they continued to walk along the sidewalk of the surrounding streets of the school.

“You should ask. It’s the right thing to do,” Seungkwan sighed. But Hansol almost desperately changed the subject, clearly showing signs that he was uncomfortable.

“Are Wonwoo and Mingyu dating?” Wow, that’s a perfect way to deflect a conversation.

“I don’t think so,” Seungkwan lied without even having to think about it. Despite never being asked it, he was always prepared to deny it. “Why do you think so?”

“I saw them making out on the side of the gym before the game,” Hansol snickered.

Seungkwan couldn’t help but laugh. There was no way of denying it now.

“I was so shocked at first,” Hansol continued, a new excitement to his voice as explained the situation with bright eyes and flamboyant gestures. “But then I was like… _that’s_ why he refuses to date any girls! I’m convinced that you knew all along.”

“I did know. Wonwoo told us as soon as it happened,” Seungkwan laughed.

“How long ago did it happen?”

“Two years ago.”

“Well damn,” Hansol scoffed. “I was thinking a few weeks maybe but years? I can’t wait to rub it in his face.”

“That’s mean. Wait until he tells you,” Seungkwan demanded, pinching Hansol’s ear and tugging until he gave in.

“Fine fine. I won’t say anything. You’re just like my brother, pulling my ear,” he huffed, massaging the cartilage of his ear. Eventually, their subconscious took them back to the mostly deserted auditorium and they decide to sit where Seungkwan was sitting earlier.

“My brother is on his way,” Seungkwan said, when he checked his phone and there was a text from Jeonghan. It was obvious that he was still a bit pissed about earlier because the text was short and ended with a period. Jeonghan was someone who texted with several emojis and you could literally hear his voice through the text. But this one was exuding nothing but annoyance.

Seungkwan hated being in the car with an angry Jeonghan but he had no choice.

“Okay,” Hansol said. It was quiet for a second before Hansol loudly groaned that he really wanted to lie down.

“You can always just lay your head down on my lap.” Seungkwan meant it jokingly of course and was ready to say that, but Hansol was already moving to lay his head on Seungkwan’s thigh before he gets the chance to. At first, Seungkwan is tense out of the embarrassment. He’s always hated his thighs and having his crush here lying on them wasn’t really helping.

It wasn’t until Hansol pleasantly sighed and relaxed that Seungkwan smiled. Emboldened and filled with something delicate and warm, Seungkwan placed a hand on Hansol’s arm and caressed the soft skin there.

They sat in a comfortable silence, the only sound being the night breeze whistling a sweet tune around them.

 

***

 

Hansol admitted it. Admitted it as soon as the desire consumed his thoughts. The stupid desire to kiss Seungkwan. Something was pulling him to do it and Hansol knew that he just _couldn’t_ do that.

To stop himself from having to look at Seungkwan, he lied and stressed just how much he wanted to lie down. He expected Seungkwan to let him lean on his shoulder but when he offered his lap, Hansol jumped at the opportunity, deeming it the perfect escape.

But it wasn’t.

It actually worsened the desire in the end because seeing how warm and soft Seungkwan was made Hansol want to kiss him even more. So he closed his eyes and forced himself to think of something or someone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I promised fluff, here's fluff! I hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> Plus, I recently found out about Nu'est after their recent comeback and can I tell you how much I LOVE Ren. He's so sweet and adorable so I had to give a few of them a small appearance in this chapter. 
> 
> Anyway! Thank you! And I hope all of you are having or have had a fantastic day!  
> (There might be some typos because I'm lazy and I always reread and correct mistakes a few days after I updated so I'm sorry!)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Mentioning of child abuse and neglect

“This is why I don’t cook,” Seungcheol whimpered as he watched over the noodles that were boiling in the pot. “How do you know when noodles are done?”

“We put the noodles in there like five minutes ago, just let them cook,” Seungkwan said while stir frying the vegetables, pork, and potatoes in a skillet. The black bean paste came last. “How would you survive if Jeonghan didn’t cook for you all the time?”

“I probably would just eat take out all the time,” Seungcheol answered truthfully.

They were making jjajangmyeon because it was a favorite of Jeonghan’s. They knew that Jeonghan would’ve been happy to make it himself, and actually was persistent in trying to cook it himself, so they quietly convinced--more like bribed--Chan to pretend to be a lot sicker than he actually was to distract Jeonghan. He was recovering from a slight cold which was had pretty much passed except for a few sniffles and sneezes here and there.

However, since Chan was known for being quite whiny and bratty especially when he as sick, Jeonghan didn’t notice anything suspicious when Chan was whining about a headache. Chan was a handful when he wanted to be so he took up most of Jeonghan’s time.

Seungkwan and Seungcheol both could see how exhausted and somewhat annoyed Jeonghan was becoming with Chan despite only caring for him for about two hours. It was for a good cause though, so neither of them offered to help.

“Cheol, Jihoon’s birthday is next weekend-”

“I know,” Seungcheol nodded, still staring at the boiling pot of noodles as he picked at them with chopsticks. Seungkwan sent a frown his way. The fact that Seungcheol could remember Jihoon’s birthday after being told only once but couldn’t remember how long noodles needed to boil was baffling to Seungkwan. But he couldn’t really say he was surprised by that.

“Anyway,” Seungkwan said, grabbing for the bowl of black bean paste to pour into the stir fry. “He wants me, Wonwoo, and Minghao to spend the weekend at his house. Is that okay?”

“Doesn’t he live one of those high end neighborhoods with a lot of security?” Seungcheol asked.

“Mhm. We’ll be completely safe,” Seungkwan reassured. Seungcheol didn’t dote and worry as much as Jeonghan did but he knew Seungcheol was very serious about safety.

“Well in that case, of course you can go. You remember the one rule for when you aren’t home, right?”

“Send a text everytime we leave the house so you can always be aware of where I am.” It was Jeonghan’s rule, of course. “The noodles are done now. Strain them by pouring them into the colander and then we can eat,” Seungkwan directed. In the back of his mind, he made a mental note to tell Jeonghan to teach his boyfriend how to cook because Seungcheol lacked all basic knowledge in the kitchen.

“Dinner’s ready!” Seungkwan called. He grabbed four bowls and four sets of chopsticks from the cabinets and began to set the table, placing the food in the middle of the table.

Chan seemed to be taking full advantage of his sick act since Jeonghan was carrying the youngest to the table despite being fully capable of walking. With a tired sigh after placing Chan in his chair like some little baby, Jeonghan thanks them for cooking dinner.

 

“That was really good!” Chan exclaimed. Jeonghan glared at Chan at the sudden display of energy after literally giving Jeonghan a headache earlier with all of his complaining. Eating the last pieces of pork in his bowl, Seungkwan hid his laugh.

“It was really good,” Jeonghan agreed. “You did a really good job, Seungkwan. I’m sure you did most of it.”

“That’s really hurtful, babe,” Seungcheol said, giving an over dramatic pout. “I helped too.”

“He made the noodles. Barely,” Seungkwan said under his breath, making Chan and Jeonghan laugh. Seungcheol scoffed in pain again.

“We wouldn’t have any noodles if I didn’t make them,” Seungcheol shot back as everyone else laughed. “I get no appreciation in this house.” Seungcheol continued to grumble to himself as he stood up to go and get the letter from the living room.

“Here.” Seungcheol tossed the already torn envelope in front of Jeonghan who was still recovering from his fit of laughter.

“What’s this?” Jeonghan said, picking up the letter from the table and looking at the front. “And why’d you open my mail?”

“Just read it,” Seungkwan said seeing that Jeonghan was about to make a fuss about it. With a frown, Jeonghan removed the two sheets of paper from the envelope, raising an eyebrow when he saw that it was from his graduate school.

The three of them-- including Chan who was also aware of what was going on-- stared as Jeonghan read the letter. They could all see when he gotten to the part of the letter saying that Jeonghan had enough credits to graduate next month because Jeonghan’s eyes eyes widened and he held his breath.

“Wait, what?” Jeonghan said, a few laughs falling from his lips in disbelief. “Huh?” Once he got to the bottom of the letter, he began to laugh almost hysterically as he reread the letter.

“Congratulations, Hannie!” Chan was the first to jump up from his chair and round the table to climb in Jeonghan’s lap and hug him. It all registered in Jeonghan’s mind after a while.

Chan acting really needy, the jjajangmyeon, the opened mail.

Tears welled in Jeonghan’s eyes as it all hit him. They had all planned this dinner for him and planned to surprise him with the news that he was _finally_ graduating. He was getting his master’s degree. He did it.

“You really deserve this,” Seungkwan said, being the next one to round the table to hug Jeonghan. “You worked so hard. I’m so proud of you.”

“I-I just got offered a promotion at the company too,” Jeonghan laughed through tears as he began to cry harder.. “I didn’t know if I was going to be able to take it but… I can.”

By the time Seungcheol joined the hug, Jeonghan was practically sobbing, holding tightly onto Chan who was holding the older back just as tightly.

Seungcheol pressed a kiss to the crown of all of their heads and wrapped himself around all of them to the best of his ability. “I’m proud of you, sweetheart. You’re a source of strength in this house.”

“We hope that we can be the same for you. You work so hard for me and Chan and never ask for anything in return. Congratulations,” Seungkwan added in a small voice, whispering it into the heap of love they were sitting in. A little confession between the four of them.

“You hope?” Jeonghan scoffed. “You all _are_ my source of strength. I’ll never regret the hard work I put in for you guys. You too, baby.” Jeonghan pinched Seungcheol’s ear, pulling him in for a kiss at the same time.

“Where’s my kiss?” Chan whined, looking around as if he was truly searching. “Where is it?”

With a roll of his eyes, Jeonghan pressed a kiss to Chan’s forehead. Seungcheol kissed his nose while Seungkwan left a sweet kiss on his cheek. Chan was smiling as if he had just been presented the moon and the stars above, but Seungkwan was sure that he felt that way because Chan loved kisses more than words could ever explain.

 

***

 

“I’m going for a walk,” Hansol announced after he was done eating a Chinese dish that Junhui had learned how to cook from Minghao. It turned out that the person that Junhui was always talking to over the phone was Minghao. With Minghao being Chinese and Junhui being half Chinese, Hansol was sure that Junhui was really excited to meet someone like him.

“Was it good?” Junhui asked hopefully.

“Great,” Hansol said, picking up his dish to put in the sink and leave.

“It was incredible, Jun. Tell Minghao thanks for the recipe,” Joshua said as he started gathering dishes too. Jun nodded happily.

“And where are you going again, Hansol?” Joshua asked when he noticed Hansol heading out of the kitchen.

“I’m gonna take a walk.”

“Alright. Don’t go too far,” Josh said to which Hansol only shrugged at. He was seventeen, he was sure he could handle taking a walk without all the precautions and warnings.

Not bothering to lock the front door behind him, Hansol began walking down the sidewalk, just to clear his thoughts. It was a cloudy, boring Sunday, somewhat matching the way he was feeling at the moment. Yesterday was nice since he spent the day celebrating with the basketball team but today, he had nothing to distract his thoughts so taking a walk was the next best thing.

Honestly, he didn’t really want to be at home either. He’d usually ask Junhui to walk with him but he desperately wanted to be alone.

After Friday night with Seungkwan, this unfamiliar feeling was just weighing on his chest. It had been bothering him ever since Seungkwan waved him goodbye when his older brother arrived to bring him home. Hansol hated sleeping in bulky clothes, preferring to sleep in only his underwear, but Friday night, he’d slept in the hoodie he had shared with Seungkwan that night.

Hansol pondered on whether or not hating and loving a feeling at the same time was even possible. Or was he just stupid? It was probably the latter.

Hansol exhaled heavily, beginning to focus on his feet, purposefully not stepping on any cracks in the concrete as a way to think of something else. He even started counting his steps after a while.

It wasn’t until he felt a droplet of water on his forehead that he realized just how far he had walked. His subconscious took him a considerable distance away from his house. So far, that he was sure that he even walked a nice distance past the school, and the distance between his house and the school was quite the walk anyway.

“I’m such a dumbass,” Hansol groaned when he looked up at the sky. How hadn’t he noticed the drowsy, gray rain clouds hovering in the sky? He got the urge to stomp his feet when he felt more raindrops fall on his heated skin as the rain continued to pick up and fall harder. The universe just wasn’t on his side.

There was no way he was going to make it home before the rain started to pour.

The idea to call Josh and beg him to come pick him up crossed his mind but, just his luck, Hansol remembered that he had left his phone at home on his bed. Despite not wanting to, Hansol would just have to endure it and walk home in the rain. At least he wouldn’t have to think about his feelings since he’d be too busy scolding himself for being dumb.

By the time he reached the deserted school again, the rain was already falling hard and might as well be storming. Hansol was already soaked, and he still had a long way to go. He was shivering from the wet clothes sticking to his skin and from the sheer anger coursing through him.

“I hate life,” Hansol muttered to himself. The rain seemed to fall even harder in response.

Hansol was so close to crying out of frustration and disgust at the fact that his shoes and socks were also soaked when a car pulled up and parked next to him. He didn’t recognize the black car, but when the windows rolled down, Hansol immediately recognized that smile. Of course, Mr. Park was smiling in such a situation. When wasn’t he smiling?

“Get in,” Mr. Park said, unlocking the doors of his car.

“I’m gonna get your c-car wet,” Hansol yelled through the pouring rain as he hesitantly reached for the car door.

“So what. Please just get in,” Mr. Park said. The man’s smile turned to something a little more pleading and sympathetic. “You’ll get sick. I can’t just drive off and leave you to walk in the pouring rain.”

Hansol was still a bit hesitant about it until there was a sudden flicker of lightning and a loud clap of thunder that followed. Startled and frightened of the thought of being outside while there was lightning, Hansol climbed in the car as fast as he could. He instantly felt relief, even though his clothes were sticking to him--he hated that-- it was better than being in the rain.

“Thank you,” Hansol said when Mr. Park handed him a towel from the backseat.

“I suck at keeping umbrellas in the car so I always have a few towels just in case,” Mr. Park said. “Now, where should I take you?”

“Anywhere but my house,” Hansol sighed. Mr. Park finally stopped smiling when he heard Hansol say that. Instead, he just nodded in understanding. He opened his mouth to say something but his phone that was sitting on his lap began to ring. Mr. Park looked like he wanted to ignore it but one look at the caller Id had him changing his mind.

“Just a second,” Mr. Park muttered to Hansol who was still busy trying to dry his clothes to the best of his ability with the towel.

“Hello?” Mr. Park answered, putting the phone up to his ear. “No, I didn’t forget… I’m on my way…” Hansol silently laughed at the way Mr. Park rolled his eyes. “ _Yes…_ Sweetheart, I said I’m on my way home… alright, I love you… Okay, bye.”

Dropping the phone back in his lap with an exasperated sigh, Mr. Park chuckled when Hansol burst into laughter. “Is your wife being annoying?”

“You can say that,” Mr. Park said releasing a loud sigh and placing his hands on the wheel and tapping it with his fingers as he started thinking again. “If you don’t mind me asking… Is there a problem going on at home? Is it something that I can help with?”

Hansol settled back into his seat, listening to the pitter patter of the rain on the roof of the car before he sighed deeply, allowing his worries to simply pour from his lips. “It’s a sexuality thing. I’m confused… I have a crush on a guy.”

Mr. Park sucked in a sharp breath and nodded yet again, uttering in a whisper, “I understand.” Hansol half expected Mr. Park to be taken aback or even show a bit of disgust. But he forgot that Mr. Park was still very young. One of the older teachers at school might have showed obvious discomfort with the topic because the older generation was known for not being very progressive. But Mr. Park had to be in his mid twenties at most.

“How about we go to a cafe or something? I’ll even pay,” Mr. Park suggested. “We can talk about it or talk about something else.”

Somewhat taken aback by the gesture, Hansol slowly nodded. He didn’t want to burden Mr. Park and his wife's plans though. “Your wife wants you to get home though.”

“I’ll stop by at my apartment to explain the situation and then we’ll go,” Mr. Park reassured, turning on the car once again and putting it in gear. Even though he was still a bit shaken that he had just confessed _out loud_ that he had a crush on Seungkwan, Hansol raised an eyebrow in questioning. He doubted that Mr. Park’s wife would be okay with that. But maybe, Mr. Park would smile that signature smile of his and somehow get his wife to agree.

However, Mr. Park didn’t seem to be bothered so Hansol shrugged.

They drove for about fifteen minutes, Mr. Park doing a formidable job at making small talk whenever he saw Hansol thinking too much, until they arrived at an apartment building that wasn’t too far from Mingyu’s house actually. Turning the car into a parking space, Mr. Park shut off the car and stopped for a second, like he was thinking about something. Hansol hadn’t moved since he assumed he was going to wait in the car but Mr. Park turned to him.

“Would you like to come upstairs and meet my wife?” Mr. Park asked all of a sudden, with a small hint of a smile on his face.

“Really?” Hansol laughed. It was kind of a weird thought to learn private things about Mr. Park since he was his teacher, but Hansol couldn’t deny the fact that he was curious. And a bit flattered that Mr. Park was willing to share.

“Yeah.”

“Then sure,” Hansol shrugged. He was once again reminded of his damp clothing sticking to his skin as he and Mr. Park pushed the doors of the car open and rushed to get to the building without getting too wet. It didn’t really matter in Hansol’s case though. He already felt disgusting. They laughed together when Mr. Park caught Hansol gaping at the interior of the apartment building as they went to take the elevator up to the fifth floor.

Apartment 521 was Mr. Park’s place.

“I doubt that it’s messy in here but if it is, then my apologies,” Mr. Park said as he pushed the door open, allowing Hansol to step in first and toe off his shoes at the door. Hansol admired the instant coziness of the large apartment. Mr. Park’s wife must make a lot of money because Hansol was sure that Mr. Park’s paycheck as a teacher wasn’t enough to afford half of what this apartment must have cost.

No offence to Mr. Park though.

“I’m here!” Mr. Park shouted as he removed his shoes and led Hansol further into the apartment and into the living area.

“Finally.”

Hansol fully expected to hear a woman’s voice but he didn’t. He fully expected a woman to come out of one of the doors in the hallway to greet him but that didn’t happen. Instead it was a man.

“You took forever, Chanyeol. It doesn’t take that long to go to the post office and-” The man stopped when he saw Hansol, a look of shock crossing his face as he looked to Mr. Park for an answer.

But Hansol was arguably more shocked than the man was because… damn, Mr. Park was married to a man.

The silence was broken by Mr. Park chuckling as he introduced them to one another.

“Baekhyun, this is Hansol. He’s one of my students. Hansol, this is my _husband_ Baekhyun,” Mr. Park smiled.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” Baekhyun greeted before elbowing Mr. Park. “You should’ve told me you were bringing someone over. I would have fixed my hair and put on something better than _this.”_ Baekhyun was wearing a much too large shirt that stopped just above his knees and some basketball shorts that also stopped at his knees.

“It was sudden. Um, Hansol is having a problem with his…” Mr. Park looked to Hansol for confirmation that he could mention it, but Hansol was still freaking stupefied and astonished that Mr. Park _was married to a man_ that he just shrugged without even thinking about it.

“Well I was going to take him to get something from the cafe not to far from here so I could talk to him about-”

“It’s our anniversary,” Baekhyun said, glaring at Mr. Park-- well Chanyeol-- as he raised his left hand and pointed at the ring there. “We’re supposed to be cooking dinner together. Did you forget?”

“No. I didn’t forget,” Mr. Park groaned, but in all honesty, he kind of did since he was so worried about Hansol, but he wouldn’t tell Baekhyun that. “I brought Hansol over because I thought that we could talk to him a bit. Since we… we both know what it’s like to question our sexualities. And it’s sometimes easier to talk to strangers than it is to talk to family. So I thought we should talk to him.”

The anger rising on Baekhyun’s face immediately went away when he heard that. “Is that okay with you?” He asked Hansol. “Do you want to talk about it? It’s okay if you don’t want to. We can always eat a bunch of dessert I took from my brother’s party.”

“Sure…” Hansol mumbled. “We can talk about it.” Since it seemed like they both had experience with this, maybe they’d be able to tell Hansol something that would help.

“Well, let me go get changed,” Mr. Park said, squeezing lightly at Hansol’s shoulder and going towards the hallway.

“I should also get changed into some better pajamas since I look like _this_ ,” Baekhyun chuckled, gesturing at himself. “I won’t be long. You can sit in the living room if you want.”

Hansol was going to reassure the man that it wasn’t necessary since he was just a guest in their home but Baekhyun was already making his way out. So Hansol strolled further into the living room and carefully sat on the grey sofa. The living room was a mixture of different shades of grey accented with a pretty, ocean blue. It was nice.

Hansol hadn’t even been sitting on the couch for a full ten seconds before he jumped up remembering that he was literally in damp clothing. He didn’t want to ruin the couch. As he sighed in frustration at not being able to sit down, there was a light giggle from behind him.

“Here’s some extra clothes. You can have them. I would hate for you to sit there in damp clothes,” Baekhyun said, handing Hansol a folded shirt and a pair of shorts. “The bathroom is that way.”

“Thank you so much, Mr… Park?”

“You can just call me Baekhyun,” he smiled. With a nod and deep bow in gratitude, Hansol took the clothes and made his way to the bathroom to change. He peeled the clothes off of his body, sighing in relief as he continued to think about the baffling fact that Mr. Park had a husband.

Honestly, Hansol had never imagined that two men or two women could ever live so… normally. He always thought that they faced incredible struggles on the daily that stopped them from being able to do this. But yet, here they were doing it.

His point was proven even further when he walked back into the living room--feeling better than ever in dry clothes-- and saw something that caught his eyes. A bunch of pictures and trinkets neatly framed and presented on a bookcase in the corner of the room. Among the trinkets were things like certificates and trophies.

The first picture he picked up was of a really young Mr. Park and Baekhyun. They had to be in high school, with their incredibly outdated hairstyles and all. Hansol chuckled at the poses they were making, Baekhyun sitting on the cafeteria table throwing up a peace sign while Mr. Park was sitting in between Baekhyun’s legs, giving a grin like he thought he was one of the coolest guys there in that school.

The framed collage next to it was at some type of event. “That’s why they can afford this apartment,” Hansol said. Baekhyun was co-designer for a clothing line. The collage of photos was mostly of Baekhyun, posing in a few of their first styles during the opening event.

Hansol spent the most time looking at the picture of Mr. Park and Baekhyun at their wedding. It was a classic photo of them simply cutting into their three tier wedding cake. Both of them holding the knife while smiling so happily. Baekhyun looked even more happy than he did while posing at the event. The sunflowers trailing down the side of the cake were the same as the sunflowers adorning the flower crowns on their head.

“We got married in America,” Baekhyun’s voice sounded so suddenly, almost startling Hansol if it weren’t for the fact that Baekhyun was talking so softly. “His family lives out there. Of course, the marriage certificate isn’t valid here but it’s nice to be married. I wanted to ask you. Do your parents know you’re here? I would hate for them to worry.”

Placing the framed picture back on the shelf, Hansol turned around to find Baekhyun now clad in pajama pants and a fitted black t shirt and sitting on the couch.

“Y-yeah, they know. I texted them,” Hansol lied smoothly. But Baekhyun seemed to trust him enough to accept that answer.

“You know, the picture at the top is of us during high school,” Baekhyun giggled like he was reminiscing on those times. He pat the spot next to him on the sofa. “Come sit down.”

Hansol obeyed and intently listened to the rest of what Baekhyun had to say.

“When I was in high school, I also questioned my sexuality. A few months before that picture was taken, an exchange student from America started attending our school. His name was Park Chanyeol and we immediately became friends. We both were very popular with the girls too.” They both laughed at that.

“Me too,” Hansol said quietly, not wanting to sound arrogant.

“I assumed so,” Baekhyun said. “Well, after a while of us being friends, I started feelings things that straight guys… usually don’t feel for their best friends. I kept suppressing the feeling though. Sleeping with this girl and that girl so I can somehow… _solidify_ the fact that I was straight since I always thought I was straight. When in reality, I was so scared.”

“I know right,” Hansol exhaled, letting the tension leave his body as he sank into the couch cushions. “I’m scared because… I’m not used to having feelings like this. I have always liked girls, but now all of a sudden, I really like this guy. And now I realized that I’m attracted to guys just like I’m attracted to girls. I’m scared…”

Mr. Park came in a few moments afterwards in pajamas also while Baekhyun seemed to be taking in the information. He sat on the other side of Baekhyun, also leaning in to give his full attention to Hansol.

“It’s stupid, I know,” Hansol scoffed at himself when neither of them said anything, moving to cover his face with his hands but there was a soft hand on his wrist.

“It’s not stupid to be scared. You know, it took me a long time to accept that I was bisexual. I was scared too,” Baekhyun said. “I was mostly scared of the fact since I was no longer sure of what life was going to be, not that I had any idea in the first place. Being bisexual meant that I could fall in love with a man or a woman. There was no clear cut answer anymore. And since I grew up here in Korea, I was afraid that if I fell in love with a man, my life would be over. I wouldn’t be able to get married, have kids, and be accepted as a regular part of society.”

Hansol looked to Mr. Park next, silently asking if he had anything to say too.

“Well I grew up mostly in America. I wasn’t really worried about not having a good life. In America, I could get married and I could adopt kids. People will treat you horribly sometimes but that’s America for you. What I was really afraid of was the label. I felt like I was _supposed to_ be straight so I hated myself for not being that way. Liking men was one thing, but dating a man made everything more real. I felt I was doing something wrong. But then, one day, my next door neighbor called me into her home.”

Mr. Park was smiling happily now, his tone light and nostalgic. “She asked me about Baekhyun. Said that I looked like I was looking at the secrets of life in his eyes.” Baekhyun blushed at that as Mr. Park placed a gentle hand on Baekhyun’s knee.

Hansol smiled for some reason.

“We talked for hours about everything under the sun. I felt like a new person when we were done talking. But the one thing I do remember was the small thing she told me, that stuck with me. She told me to stop living by labels and let them live by me.”

“What does that mean?” Hansol questioned, unknowingly chewing on his bottom lip.

“It means that I shouldn’t act according to labels. I shouldn’t force myself into a box. I should label myself according to what I do and feel. There are no ‘supposed tos’ when it comes to feelings. Let your feelings do whatever they want. You label them later.”

“And there’s nothing wrong with being something other than straight. Or being something other than what everyone wants or expects you to be,” Baekhyun added. “Anything that is sudden scares us. I was scared when I _suddenly_ was scouted by a fashion designer. I was scared when Chanyeol suddenly asked me to marry him. Fear of the unknown is natural. Your heart will continue to scare you with how sudden it can be, but you don’t run from it.”

Hansol thinks he actually knew what Mr. Park was talking about when he said he felt like a new person after the conversation with his neighbor. Because he was experiencing the same thing now. Every thought and fear he had was slowly being alleviated by their words. By simply looking at them, Hansol felt lighter.

He hadn’t admitted it to himself before now that he was actually really afraid of how sudden his feelings for Seungkwan were. Also because he had these preconceived expectations of what same sex couples went through and it was something that he personally didn't want to have to endure. But Baekhyun and Mr. Park were simply shattering every one of those expectations.

They were two men in a loving relationship, living in a beautiful apartment with stable jobs, and most importantly, they were _happy_. Mr. Park didn’t go a day without smiling that perfect smile, and he was always telling students about being positive. If Hansol was asked who he wanted to be like when he got older, he would probably say Mr. Park because the man was always so… _happy._ He didn’t think that was possible for a same sex couple.

But obviously it was.

And out of the blue, Hansol started laughing. It began as a few chuckles but quickly shifted into full blown laughter before there was a hand on his face and thumb swiping the skin of his cheek. Shocked by the gesture, Hansol turned to Baekhyun who only smiled.

“You’re crying,” Mr. Park told him, also chuckling a bit.

“Sorry,” Hansol laughed at himself. He wasn’t feeling sad though. He wasn’t hurting at all actually. His heart felt light. The tears were from the feeling of relief that washed over him as the weight was slowly pulled off of his chest. He finally felt like he could breathe.

“Thank you,” Hansol smiled. “Thank you so much.” With his emotions running wild, he didn’t even think twice before he moved to hug Baekhyun and Mr. Park.

“You’re welcome. I know all we did was talk to you, but I hope that it makes you feel a bit stronger and reassure you that whatever you’re feeling is okay.”

“Of course.” Hansol nodded frantically, still smiling in relief that he finally felt understood. “Well... you said earlier that you guys are supposed to be having dinner so I should-”

“Do you wanna stay and help us make dinner? It’ll be fun,” Baekhyun suggested. Unlike Mr. Park would have, Baekhyun didn’t even look to see if that was okay with his husband. That let Hansol know the dynamic of their relationship which was quite funny.

“It’s your anniversary, it’s supposed to be all romantic and stuff,” Hansol shrugged.

“The romance comes _after_ dinner,” Baekhyun continued earning him a hard slap to his right thigh from his husband.

“This is my student!” Mr. Park gasped.

“I didn’t say anything wrong!” Baekhyun shot back. Mr. Park was in the middle of saying something in return when Baekhyun rolled his eyes and clasped a hand over Mr. Park’s mouth.

“Anyway. We both would love if you stayed and helped us cook. We’re making lasagna. I went to five stores yesterday to get all of the ingredients.”

“Cost us a fortune for all those imported ingredients,” Mr. Park complained when Baekhyun let his hand fall from over his mouth.

“Shut up. No it didn’t. You're just being cheap."

“Um… I would love to,” Hansol said pleasantly.

“Great. Let’s get started then. We’ll even let you take half of it home because we definitely won’t be eating all of it. Like I said, after dinner we have other stuff to do.”

“Baekhyun, I swear! This is my student!” Mr. Park shouted but Baekhyun was already laughing and on his feet, pulling Hansol with him to the kitchen while Mr. Park continued to chide him for his indecency.

Hansol found it incredibly funny.

“I love messing with him,” Baekhyun told Hansol in a hushed voice as they both washed their hands in the kitchen sink to begin.

 

***

 

At about 7:30, Mr. Park had pulled up in front of his house to drop him off. Baekhyun-- who insisted that he come along-- handed Hansol the plate of lasagna that he had put into a container for Hansol to take to his family. With bright smiles, the couple waved their goodbyes to him with Baekhyun insisting that he return one day to see him. Hansol definitely would do that. The two didn’t drive off until Hansol entered his house and closed the door.

“Where have you been?” Joshua said, voice low in anger as soon as Hansol turned the lock on the front door knob. Hansol had never had to been on the receiving end of that voice and was frankly shocked. As Joshua stood from the couch to come closer and corner him by the front door, Hansol felt guilt consume him at seeing the redness in Josh’s eyes. He’d been crying.

“I’ve been worried sick about you.” As Josh continued to talk, he continued to get louder and louder with each word. “You leave your phone on your bed? That was irresponsible! I went around driving for hours to find you! Where the hell were you, Hansol?!”

“I saw my teacher. We were talking about some of my problems,” Hansol uttered, intimidated and incredibly hurt that Josh was yelling at him like that. “I’m fine. I can handle myself.”

Josh was quiet for a moment, looking him up and down, checking Hansol for anything that suggested that he wasn’t as fine as he said. When he concluded that Hansol was indeed fine, he wiped the angry tears from his eyes and exhaled deeply.

“You’re grounded for a week," he said. 

“Wh-!”

“You can’t go anywhere other than basketball practice. If I find out you went anywhere other than that, Hansol. I will take away your phone and your video games and even tell your coach that you won’t go to anymore basketball practices.”

Hansol couldn’t believe this. Josh had never grounded them before despite them doing stupid things. But looking into his eyes, Hansol knew he was completely serious.

“Why are you so upset?” Hansol mumbled. “I’m _fine._ I was with my teacher. I was walking in the pouring rain and he picked me up. I didn’t want to come home-”

“I’m upset because of what you put me and Junhui through! Especially Junhui! He’s been panicking and crying all day, repeating that you left him alone.”

Hansol inhaled sharply. Now he understood. How can he forget about Junhui?

“I don’t know what happened with you and him when you guys were in the orphanage but I’m sure he’s having flashbacks or something from it…” Josh said, voice lowering to almost a whisper.

“Yeah…” was all Hansol could manage to say.

“Please go talk to Junhui,” Josh pleaded. Completely contrasting his demeanor a few moments ago, Joshua looked completely exhausted and pained. Junhui must really have given him a hard time. Hansol nodded sadly, placing the container of lasagna on the coffee table in the living room and ascended the stairs and headed for his room.

Junhui was most likely in there. It was something he always did.

As soon as Hansol opened the door to his room, the vague silhouette in the darkness that was curled up on his bed, turned away from him. Hansol moved to turn on the lamp next to his bed and silently sat down next to Junhui who despite trying to hide it had began crying again.

“I’m sorry, Jun. I’m so sorry. I would never run away, I told you that. I wouldn’t ever leave you alone. Not Josh either.”

“I know…” Junhui released a sigh, clutching the pillow to his chest, still facing the wall, his back turned to Hansol. “I couldn’t help but remember that feeling from before…”

Hansol sighed heavily and placed a hand on Junhui’s arm but Jun brushed him off. “Don’t touch me.”

Their second foster home wasn’t truly a home at all. Junhui and Hansol were abused and neglected there. There wasn’t a day that had gone by where their foster parents weren’t verbally abusing them, calling them every degrading name they could think of. The neglect Jun and Hansol received was seen as a valid form of punishment to their foster parents. Refusing to feed Hansol and Junhui for days at a time if they were not on their absolute best behavior at all times or even not doing well on school work.

They’d been there for six months--Hansol counted every day there-- when one day, they threatened to starve Junhui to death for completely failing a math test with a 30%. Hansol didn’t know what he could possibly do, so he left the house to run to the police station to get help.

He hadn’t told anyone, not even Junhui, that he had left.

Expecting to be back in an hour, Hansol actually had been gone for seven hours.

Without knowing where Hansol had went, Junhui almost drove himself mad after crying for so long at the thought that Hansol had run away without him. Leaving him all alone. Breaking their promise to always be by each other’s side.

Hansol promised he’d never do that to Junhui again. But in a way, he did.

“Junhui, I’m so sorry,” Hansol repeated again. He continued to repeat it. He apologized until he laid next to Junhui, and fallen asleep. What Hansol didn’t know was that Junhui had already forgiven him.

All that mattered to Jun was that Hansol hadn’t left him so there was no need to hold a grudge. He was by his side. So Junhui was able to finally fall asleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! I hope you liked this chapter. Chanbaek appearance since I also love Exo. So sad to hear that Kyungsoo is going to enlist early but I support him fully. They'll be back soon. 
> 
> This chapter also meant a lot to me because coming out was really hard for me. Matter of fact I still question what the right label for my sexuality is all the time. But labels are just labels that you give yourself based off of your own feelings. There are no rules that your feelings are supposed to follow, just let them be and label them accordingly.
> 
> As always, I love you all and I appreciate every one of you who reads this and comments. You guys make me way too happy. Writing this is somewhat therapeutic for me and I love it. Especially the family dynamics. 
> 
> Anyway Love you! 
> 
> Mochi


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Under age drinking and very brief mentioning of suicide attempts**

Chan refused to allow Seungkwan to get out of the car. Going as far as to unbuckle his seatbelt and throw his small body over Seungkwan’s lap so the older wouldn’t have to leave. A weekend without Seungkwan around was going to be lonely in Chan’s eyes.

In fact, Chan was beginning to feel absolutely  _ betrayed _ by his older brother for leaving him to spend the weekend at Jihoon’s house. 

“Chan, stop it,” Seungcheol warned, turning around in the passenger seat to glare at the youngest. “Seungkwan has to go.”

Jihoon’s birthday weekend was finally here. Jeonghan and Seungcheol were pleased that Seungkwan and his friends were going to hang out for some time since they both knew just how exhausted they all were with school. The only one who wasn’t happy about the arrangement was Chan. 

“It’s only gonna be two days,” Seungkwan smiled, as he prodded at Chan’s sides to get him to move. But he was resilient and persistent, enduring a few tickles to stay on top of Seungkwan’s lap. 

“I’m gonna be lonely,” he whined.

“You’re gonna have me and Cheol at home with you. We’re gonna do whatever you want this weekend,” Jeonghan bargained. That type of bribe would almost always get Chan to do something, but he still seemed hesitant about it. 

Seungkwan sighed and pet Chan’s back softly. He wondered if this was truly Chan just being his usual bratty self or if there was some truth to the fact that he really didn’t want Seungkwan to leave. 

“Look, there’s Wonwoo and Jihoon,” Seungcheol said, pointing out of his window. 

At the mentioning of Wonwoo, Chan lit up, completely forgetting about his initial sadness. Seungkwan laughed at the face Jihoon made when Chan literally crawled over Seungkwan and out of the car to  run up to Wonwoo and jump in his arms. Jihoon never got that type of special treatment from Chan. 

But he usually got it from Seungcheol and Jeonghan, who also got out of the car to hug Jihoon a bit too tightly in his opinion, chanting “happy birthday.” That was a steady reminder of why Jihoon hated such “special treatment” from anyone.

Personal space should be kept personal. 

“My birthday is tomorrow,” Jihoon said, voice somewhat muffled by Jeonghan’s shirt. He was still squeezing him even when Seungcheol let go. 

“I know. But we won’t see you tomorrow,” Jeonghan pouted. Jihoon sighed but allowed the hugging to continue. If it were Minghao or anyone else, Jihoon would’ve threatened to murder him by now but this was Jeonghan and he could never bring himself to say something like that to his face.

“I think you’re going to smother him,” Seungkwan laughed as he walked by with his bag for the weekend in tow to carry them into the large house. Wonwoo was still preoccupied with an incredibly spoiled Chan who refused to allow Wonwoo to put him down. 

“I would like to live,” Jihoon uttered. Luckily, Jeonghan understood and let him go, now moving on to smother Seungkwan instead when he came back out of the house.

“Have fun and call us if you need to. I’ll pick you up Sunday night,” Jeonghan informed. Seungkwan nodded--with some difficulty since he was restricted by Jeonghan’s tight hugging. But it was endearing and he couldn’t find it within himself to be annoyed. 

Seungcheol ran a comforting hand through Seungkwan’s hair when Jeonghan finally let go. “Alright, Chan, it’s time to go.” 

“But Cheollieeeee,” Chan groaned. “I don’t wannaaaaa.”

“Chan.” Jeonghan’s voice was stern and firm. “If you aren’t in the car by the time I get there, you will be facing consequences.” 

Wonwoo snickered at the way Chan pouted but immediately moved to obey, running back to the car when Wonwoo let him down, with a grimace plaguing his face and his arms tightly folded across his chest. 

“We’ll just buy him some ice cream or something,” Seungcheol mumbled before following Jeonghan and Chan to the car. He waved one last time to the three of them before he slipped into the car again, seemingly trying to continue to bargain with Chan. But Seungkwan could see that Chan was already in the process of removing his hearing aids. 

He laughed as they drove off. 

“Okay, where the hell is Minghao?” Jihoon complained as they entered the house again. Seungkwan was about to say something, but Jihoon already had his phone up to his ear, tapping his foot impatiently. 

“Yeah, where are you?” Jihoon asked as soon as Minghao picked up. “Well I understand.” Jihoon moved the phone away from his face to hang up but just before he did, he shouted, “Love ya” and then ended the call a second afterwards. Typical Jihoon. 

“Chunhua is bringing him,” Jihoon sighed. 

“Oh, I get it now,” Wonwoo muttered as he moved to go to the kitchen.

Seungkwan nodded and hummed too, following the two into the kitchen.

Minghao’s older sister was always really nervous behind the wheel. He always assumed it was just part of her untreated anxiety. 

Wonwoo also suffered from really intense anxiety, but he also took medication daily and also saw a therapist every two weeks to check in with progress. Up until now, Chunhua didn’t have that and was simply dealing with the anxiety all by herself. Seungkwan remembered when Wonwoo wasn’t being treated for his anxiety, and how sometimes certain situations that wouldn’t usually be a problem for the rest of them would cause Wonwoo the greatest discomfort and fear. 

Apparently, she’d just began exposure and behavioral therapy, so Seungkwan assumed that driving Minghao the short distance to Jihoon’s subdivision and home was part of her therapy. But it was a guarantee that she was taking the longer route with all of the empty roads to avoid other drivers, so it would take some time for Minghao to actually get here.

When he actually did arrive, Jihoon, being the secretly caring person he was, silently gave Chunhua an assortment of different desserts that his parents had left for him and his friends. But with how shaken she looked when arrived at the house, Jihoon couldn’t resist the urge to add even more desserts for her effort.

“Thank you so much,” Chunhua sighed, running a hand through her long, voluminous hair as she put the desserts in the backseat of her car. “My heart is freaking racing,” she laughed at herself, saying it in a broken Korean accent that Seungkwan thought was the cutest, most endearing charm about Chunhua. 

“You did a good job,” Minghao said as he hauled his bag out of the trunk. Chunhua was only two years older than Minghao and studying architecture at a nearby college. Despite her being a grown woman, she had a child like innocence to her personality, especially when she sweetly smiled at the reassurement from Minghao and the box of expensive desserts from Jihoon. 

“Thanks,” Chunhua giggled. “Well, I guess, I’m gonna get back home. I really just wanna be in bed. Plus, it’s getting dark and I  _ cannot  _ drive in the dark. Have fun, guys. Happy birthday, Jihoon.” 

***

 

Friday night passed by quickly since Jihoon wanted to watch the entire Saw franchise, but luckily they only got through four movies before Wonwoo threatened to punch Jihoon if they didn’t watch something else that wasn’t filled with gore and psychological torture. 

Like all loving groups of friends, they purposefully stayed up until midnight to be the first to wish Jihoon a happy 18th birthday. However, they weren’t the only ones who’d done it. His parents also sent him a video message to his laptop just as the clock struck 12. 

“Let’s watch it,” Minghao said, seeing the way Jihoon rolled his eyes just as the notification popped up. 

“Jihoonie, it’s sweet that they sent it just in time for your birthday,” Seungkwan smiled, coming up behind Jihoon to hug him. 

“They probably had some type of alarm to send a half assed message.”

“What if they didn’t?” Wonwoo asked promptly. “What if they put a lot of thought into this.” Jihoon only rolled his eye at his friends optimism. He knew his parents best. Having any type of hope or expectations for them was a straight path to disappointment. 

“Whatever.”

Seungkwan was the first to grab the laptop to click the notification. Sitting on Jihoon’s unnecessarily large bed-- that he didn’t need since he was so small in stature-- they all gathered around the laptop. 

As the video began, Jihoon’s parents seemed to be sitting in the living area of a very expensive, high end hotel. They both were wearing suits and still looking prim as if they had just gotten back from a business meeting of sorts just moments before.

“Hey, Jihoonie,” his mom smiled sweetly, even though she was fidgeting nervously. Seungkwan wondered how a prominent business woman like her could be so nervous creating a simple video message to her own son. 

“We don’t know if you’re going to be awake when we send this because we’re sure you and your friends are wreaking havoc all throughout our house,” his father began. A smile also adorned his face. It was a smile that was so similar to Jihoon’s. “But we wanted to be one of the first ones to wish you a happy birthday. You’re eighteen now and we’re so proud of all that you’ve become in these eighteen years. Happy Birthday, Jihoonie.” 

“It’s hard to believe that eighteen years ago, I was giving birth to a beautiful baby boy. I wish we could have spent this amazing day with you, but we promise to make it up to you,” she said, clapping her hands happily. 

Jihoon scoffed at that to which Seungkwan tightened his grip on his hand. 

“Later on today, there will be a cake delivered to the house. We would love if you could video call us and we could sing happy birthday with you and your friends.”

“Oh! And your gift is under our bed. I hope you like it. We love you so so much, Jihoon.” His mom grabbed his dad’s hand tightly and they both smiled. 

“Happy birthday,” they both said.

“We’ll be back on Monday. Bye, bye, sweetheart.”

“Love you, son.” 

They waved at the camera for a few seconds before his dad reached forward to end the video. 

“Alright.” Jihoon’s voice was low as he sighed. “That was nice. I’ll respond to them in the morning. I’m tired.” Despite the sigh and his voice being so low, Seungkwan could hear that slight smile through his words. 

“They love you,” Minghao laughed, refusing to allow Jihoon to feel bad. “I mean look on the bright side. At least they aren’t like my mom who would literally have waited until I was in a good sleep to wake me up just to scream ‘happy birthday.’” Minghao did a boisterous impression of his mother, jumping on the bed and shaking Jihoon back and forth.

“Jeonghan and Seungcheol would literally smother you until you’re on the verge of death,” Seungkwan said. 

“I experienced  _ that  _ unfortunate, near death experience yesterday.” Jihoon leaned his head back on Seungkwan’s shoulder with his eyes closed pleasantly. 

“Jihoon…” Wonwoo said sweetly.

“What?”

“Happy 18th birthday.” 

 

***

Just as Jihoon’s parents promised, by the time five o’clock had come about, one of his parents’ personal assistants arrived with a large box. The cake was  _ much _ bigger than a usual birthday cake, but Seungkwan couldn’t really say he was too surprised by that. 

It took about fifteen minutes but Minghao, Wonwoo, and Seungkwan finally were able to convince Jihoon to video call his parents like they requested. Of course they were met with Jihoon threatening to drag them all up and down the asphalt of the road and Jihoon glaring at them, but they all endured it, knowing that Jihoon was just being stubborn out of bitterness. Seungkwan understood that his parents had broken yet another promise they made to Jihoon, but they were at least making an effort. 

That was what mattered… to Seungkwan at least. 

“Fine!” Jihoon hollored. “I’ll call them. But only because I’m  _ this _ close to murdering Minghao and I would really like to not go to jail. I’m too small for all that.”

“Why is it  _ always _ me?” Minghao asked in exasperation. But his question was ignored by Jihoon who only glared at him. Wonwoo and Seungkwan were too busy setting the laptop on the dining table in front of the cake and calling Jihoon’s parents to defend Minghao properly. But that didn’t stop Seungkwan from laughing at the exchange. 

“Don’t fight,” Wonwoo muttered briefly, finally pressing the call button on the laptop. Upon hearing the joyful tone of the video call, Jihoon rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath about how he really didn’t want to do this. 

“Jihoonie! You called!” His mother sounded so surprised and actually incredibly ecstatic. Her face was incredibly close to the camera as she shifted around in the bed she seemed to be laying in. She looked so tired too. “Hey, Minghao, Wonwoo, and Seungkwan! Thank you so much for spending his birthday with him.”

“Of course,” Wonwoo smiled, waving as if he was talking to his own mother. 

“We’re making sure he’s having the best time,” Seungkwan reassured. 

“That’s code for they’re trying to kill me,” Jihoon said as he busied himself with the candles that were sitting on the table next to the cake. Minghao discreetly took them from him though, pushing him to talk to his mother. With a groan, Jihoon obeyed. 

“Where’s dad?” He asked, moving to get closer to the camera. “I want to eat my cake.” Seungkwan pinched him on his thigh where his mom wouldn’t be able to see.

“He just got out of the shower. He should be getting dressed and be out in a second,” his mom said as she fixed her hair in the camera to look presentable. “Do you like the cake?”

“It’s huge,” was all Jihoon had to say about it. 

“I know, I know. Your dad thought that your eighteenth birthday was such a special occasion that we should get you a cake you would remember. And one that would last until we got home so we could share some with you too… Ah, speaking of your father.” 

Her eyes widened and her smile brightened as she looked off camera and wave his father over. “Hyuk, Jihoon called.”

“He did?” His father’s tone matched that of his mother as soon as she answered the call. In seconds, his father was crawling to the frame of the camera. “Hey, Jihoon! I’m so glad you called us. We thought you would forget.”

“Yeah, well here I am. Let’s just sing happy birthday, please. The cake smells really good.” Jihoon added the last part when he seen the way his parents’ smile faltered at his rush to get off of the call. 

“Let’s light the candles,” Seungkwan said taking the candles from Minghao and gently pressing them into the top tier of the cake. “It actually does smell really good. Jihoon’s gonna love this,” Seungkwan commented, mostly to taunt Jihoon, but he felt his heart swell at the way Jihoon’s parents chuckled and giggled. It must have felt nice for them to hear that their efforts were noticed and also actually paid off. 

Wonwoo used the lighter to light the candles (Minghao tried but failed miserably) while Minghao was given the much easier task of shutting off the lights. Jihoon just stood there awkwardly avoiding his parents’ gaze on the laptop screen. His mother and father were the ones who counted them off and also sang the first note of the song. Somehow being the loudest of them all. 

 

“I never liked any one you,” Jihoon chuckled when they’d finished singing. “Including you, mom and dad. I never liked you guys either.” 

“We love you too, son!” His father exclaimed, even leaning up to the camera to press his lips to the screen. Seungkwan couldn’t help but smile. It was rare for them to see Jihoon get along so well with his parents. 

They had been getting along so well that another hour went by after they’d cut the cake before his parents actually left. 

“Shut up,” Jihoon said when he finally allowed his parents to get more sleep. He knew exactly what his friends wanted to say. “Don’t say anything.” 

Minghao actually opened his mouth to say something- of course he did- but Jihoon had already left the kitchen to presumably get something from in the kitchen. While Wonwoo was busy licking the left over icing from Jihoon’s plate, he looked to Minghao. 

“That’s why he always wants to murder you,” Wonwoo pointed out.

“For what?” Minghao said, seeming completely confused.

“You provoke him 24/7,” Seungkwan said. Wonwoo gave a confirming nod, too busy licking his fingers to respond verbally. “And then wonder why he wants to beat you up all the time.”

“You’d better stop though. You know we aren’t leaving until tomorrow night. He might decide that tonight is the best time to smother you,” Wonwoo bantered. 

“I won’t save you either,” Seungkwan said. 

“Wow. Some friends you guys are,” Minghao pouted. 

 

Jihoon came back a few minutes later with a bottles of…  _ soju _ in his arms. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Wonwoo asked when he seen the Jihoon put them on the table as if they were simply cups of orange juice. 

“Celebrating,” Jihoon said simply. 

“You’re eighteen. That’s not the legal drinking age,” Minghao warned. 

“So what?” Jihoon huffed. “No one is here except us. My parents won’t know it’s gone anyway. And if they do, then who cares? They aren’t gonna get mad at me.” 

Seungkwan looked at the bottles of soju on the table, hesitantly. He couldn’t deny the fact that he’d always kind of wanted to try soju. But Seungkwan was never someone who blatantly broke the rules. Sure, every once in awhile he’d do things like skip school or take a sip of Jeonghan’s wine when he wasn’t looking but drinking and possibly getting drunk with his friends wasn’t one of those things. 

Was it horrible that he kind of wanted to add that to his list of teenage wrongdoings though? 

Surprisingly, the first to grab for a bottle was Wonwoo. Jihoon grinned at him. 

“We’re only doing this because it’s your birthday. No getting drunk, okay?” Wonwoo said as he twisted the cap off. Minghao nodded slowly, a bit hesitant, but still grabbed for a bottle after Wonwoo did. Jihoon was the one who held out another bottle to Seungkwan. 

“We’re just gonna have some fun, just like Wonwoo said,” he smirked. 

With Seungkwan being the youngest of them all, he knew he wasn’t supposed to be the most mature one here. He never really was. That was always Wonwoo’s position in their group. Looking over to their ‘mom’ of their friend group and watching him take a short swig with Minghao following right after, Seungkwan decided that it couldn’t be that bad. It’d be fun. 

Seungkwan grabbed the bottle from Jihoon, taking a sip for himself. He frowned at the new taste, just like he did whenever he stole sips of Jeonghan and Seungcheol’s wine. But soju was different. Despite the bitterness of the alcohol, there was something sweet about it. Looking at the bottle, Seungkwan nodded. It was strawberry flavored. 

“Let’s drink to… me,” Jihoon said as he raised his bottle that he’d easily taken a long drink from. This obviously wasn’t his first time drinking some of his parents’ soju. 

“And not getting drunk,” Wonwoo added on quickly with a warning glare to the three of them, tapping his bottle to Jihoon’s. 

“But mostly me.” 

Minghao, with a renewed sense of vigor, joined in on the toast of sorts. “This is gonna be fun,” he chuckled. 

With one last look at his friends, Seungkwan finally completely let go of his intuition and thoughts- so, so tired of those lately- and joined in on the drinking. 

  
  
  


Minghao was lying on the floor. Wonwoo was lying on the bed with his head hanging off the edge of it, looking as if he was on the verge of consciousness and unconsciousness. Jihoon was red in the face and probably all over as he laid in Seungkwan’s lap, mumbling on and on about how soft the younger was. 

They hadn’t had  _ that much _ soju, but they totally forgot to figure out how much alcohol soju had in it. They were literally half drunk when Wonwoo giggled about looking it up. It turned out that soju had more alcohol in it then wine did. So the few bottles of soju they did have was probably way more than they needed.

So much for staying sober.

The shock that should have filled them was substituted by even more laughter as they all dragged themselves to Jihoon’s room and locked the door. It was all Minghao’s idea, who was absolutely paranoid that the “soju police would come find us.” 

With the rest of them being just as out of it, they all agreed that they needed to hide from the’ soju police’ before they brought them to the  _ soju jail,  _ which was dubbed and named by a giggly Wonwoo. 

“I’m hungry again,” Seungkwan muttered, another fit of laughter bubbling in his chest. The slight chuckle that did leave his lips seemed to be a catalyst for the rest of them to laugh too. Everything seemed so funny when you were drunk. 

“We left the cake downstairs,” Jihoon drawled in Seungkwan’s lap.

“We have to go get it,” Wonwoo said, rolling over to lie on his stomach to shake Minghao who was lying on the floor in front of the bed. “Minghao, come with me.”

“Noooo,” Minghao laughed. “You’re gonna get caught by the police alllll by yourself.” 

“We’re supposed to be bros,” Wonwoo whispered. “Bros before the police… hoes.”

“What the fuck?” Seungkwan asked between laughs.

“I had to make it rhyme,” Wonwoo said in an innocent voice. Yet again, they all burst into laughter, minds still floating from the alcohol. With no care in the world at the moment and their phones downstairs with the cake (they were still trying to figure out a plan to go get it), Seungkwan hadn’t known that at 9 o’clock sharp, he had received a text. 

 

***

 

Joshua meant what he said when he told Hansol he was grounded. When he said that Hansol couldn’t go  _ anywhere  _ he meant it. That even including going to the grocery store with him and Junhui. It wasn’t fair but when Hansol had tried to retaliate and tell Josh just how unfair it was, Josh and Jun had already shut the front door behind them. 

Hansol stood there staring at the door for a few moments, boiling with anger at being rejected so blatantly. He loved going to grocery store with them. Josh  _ knew _ that. 

He’d never been grounded by Josh before and he vowed that if this was what it was like to be grounded, he never wanted to be grounded again. How did Mingyu do it all the time? 

“I should eat his ice cream,” Hansol mumbled to himself, but he knew that it would do nothing but make Josh take away his phone and video games for purposefully being defiant. So instead, Hansol huffed and just went up to his room. Stomping around just to make himself feel better. 

Hansol was in his room watching television and eating some leftover snacks from the pantry, he always did when he knew that they were about to restock on food, when there was a loud knocking from downstairs. Leaving his beloved bag of jalapeno chips on his bed, he went to the front door, wondering if it was the mailman or something. 

But when he got to the front door, there was no one there. When the knocking began again, Hansol realized it was from the backdoor. Then it must be Mingyu. Of course, he’d be the one to come over even though he’d clearly told the older that he was grounded. 

“What are you here for?’ Hansol said when he opened up the backdoor and there Mingyu was, standing there trying to look adorable. 

“I can’t come see my friend when he’s grounded?” He whined, pushing past Hansol to get into the house. 

“That’s kind of the point of being grounded,” Hansol said, closing the back door and locking it. “And I really don’t want to get into any more trouble so what’re you doing here?”

“Okay, okay. I actually came to tell you something important,” Mingyu said, heading straight for the kitchen. “I didn’t think it would be right to text it to you though.” When Mingyu turned around, he was sipping on a juice box. No one drank juice boxes except for Mingyu and at this point, the only reason Josh bought them was because Mingyu loved them so much. Hansol always found it ironic how such a tall, big guy like Mingyu could be so in love with small things like juice boxes and animal cookies.

“Alright, what is it?” 

“It’s about Soonyoung,” Mingyu said, leaning against the kitchen counter. 

“Is he still at your house?” 

“His mom came by this morning. His dad finally found an apartment. They wanted to have a talk with him before his dad officially moved out…”

They were quiet for a moment. It was something like giving Soonyoung’s family a moment of silence for the death of what it used to be and rebirth of what it will be in the future. His mother and father were officially no longer be living in the same home and it was going to be a huge change. Kind of like the last stage of the divorce and the first stage of a separated family. 

But a seperated family could still be a family. As long as there was mutual love, respect, and effort, Hansol was sure that Soonyoung and his parents would be okay as time went on. 

“There’s something else too. Something Soonyoung told me before he left.” Mingyu threw his empty juice box in the trash can. 

“What?”

“The guys he’s been hanging with. It’s Byungho and his friends. Everyone who transferred last year.” 

Hansol frowned. Yet again, Byungho and the unknown reason for his transfer was the root of yet another problem. Hansol was going to say something before Mingyu opened his mouth but looked down at this feet and closed it. He was trying to say something. 

“Say it,” Hansol said. “You’re trying to tell something. Tell me.”

Mingyu sighed and finally gained enough courage to look up at Hansol and say it. 

“I know why Byungho and the others transferred. I don’t know why they came back but I know why they left.”

“Why?”

“You know what happened to Junghyun last year, right?”

Hansol nodded slowly. What happened to her was so unfortunate… but he didn’t think Byungho was the reason for it though.

“Byungho had been doing it to other people around school too. She was just the only one who actually said something about it. He did it to a few other girls. And he did it to Seungkwan and another guy too.”

Hansol sucked in a deep breath and furrowed his brow. He didn’t know exactly what happened though. Only knew that if it was enough to want to make Junghyun attempt to kill herself, it must be serious. The fact that it happened to Seungkwan and other students at that school… 

He could only wonder how the other students had reacted when they’d seen Byungho come back. Wondered if they reacted as horribly as Seungkwan did. 

“I was around when they were planning it. I just never said anything.” 

“Mingyu…” Hansol uttered, bewildered. What could he have to do with this? “You got a lot of explaining to do. And you have to explain it  _ now.”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm sorry if it isn't as good, I had trouble writing this because I got a recently root canal. I've been a really bad mood lately because of the pain in my face. But I did try really hard on this chapter. This was just the calm before the storm because (sorry!) more angst is coming up. 
> 
> Also, I promise I'm not trying to promote underaged drinking! Lol! I'm gonna be a good influence here and say don't drink if you're under the drinking age. I, myself, have only done what Seungkwan has done (stealing sips of my mom's alcohol but honestly who doesn't?)
> 
> But anyway, I love you all and you all make me so, so happy! 
> 
> Mochi


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I don't want to spoil the chapter, it includes bullying, harassment, and homophobic slurs. I encourage you to be careful if you're uncomfortable with things like this. Enjoy! ^^

His head was going to explode. At least that’s what Seungkwan felt like was going to happen. He tried to think on the positive side of the situation and say to himself that it could be so much worse than a pounding headache.

“Your head’s feeling like it’s about to burst too, huh?” Wonwoo mumbled from behind him, voice more rough and husky than it usually was, from sleep. Slowly lifting his head off of the soft pillow and turning around, Seungkwan slightly pried his eyes open to look at Wonwoo.

“Yeah,” Seungkwan grunted.

Wonwoo was lying there not moving in the slightest yet he forced a smile.

“Last night was fun though.”

Seungkwan smiled back. “So fun.”

They laid there for a few moments laughing lightly so the headache wasn’t spurred by the movement of them laughing.

“Oh, you guys are awake?” It was Jihoon sounding completely fine and awake as he climbed up the bed to lay in the middle of the two of them. “There’s pain medicine on the table right there. I’m sure you guys have a headache.”

“How don’t you have one?” Seungkwan asked as he gathered the strength to sit up a bit to get the beloved pain medicine. Just seeing them on the side table like jihoon promised made Seungkwan sigh in relief.

“I did, but this isn’t really the first time I drank a bit too much of my parents’ soju before bed. I have a routine,” Jihoon said with a teasing smile. And while Jihoon wasn’t in pain, he definitely looked a mess. But Seungkwan was sure he had a routine for that too.

“Where’s Minghao?” Wonwoo said, still not making any sudden moves to sit up or even move from where he was lying at all.

“Sleeping. He’s still on the floor.” Jihoon gestured to the bottom of the bed where Minghao had been laying last night. Apparently he’d never moved from there either. Seungkwan gulped down two pills and encouraged Wonwoo to the same who fought them at first but eventually did and laid right back down.

“Anyway, I’m ordering takeout for breakfast because I don’t feel like cooking and Wonwoo doesn’t look like he could at all,” Jihoon said. Wonwoo groaned in response.

“Don’t step on Minghao,” Seungkwan warned as Jihoon began moving to get out of bed. Judging by the slightly pained moan that Minghao emitted as soon as Jihoon walked by, it seemed as if Jihoon didn’t take heed to what Seungkwan said.

“I hate Jihoon,” Minghao mumbled. Despite the fact that Jihoon purposefully kicked him, he obviously cared. Right next to the television was a glass of water and two pills sitting next to it.

“He loves you too,” Seungkwan said, lying back down and waiting for the medicine to take effect.

 

When the take out did get there, Minghao was the only one with a lingering headache since he’d been the last one to wake up and therefore the last one to take any medicine. None of them besides Jihoon had been leaving the room meaning none of them had even thought about going downstairs where all of their phones were scattered about on the dining table. No doubt they’d all been getting text messages and phone calls, but that hadn’t been a concern of theirs at all.

They spent the entire Sunday morning sitting, eating, and laughing in Jihoon’s room. Not really finding a need to have to leave because they were having fun. More fun than they’d had in such a long time.

It wasn’t until they went downstairs to check and clean up the mess they’d made last night that Wonwoo froze. So did Minghao and Seungkwan. All of their phones were sitting on the bed completely forgotten about for like the last twelve hours.

“What’s up with you guys?” Jihoon asked. But it didn’t really need an answer because Jihoon was full blown laughing soon after he asked the question. “Y’all are in trouble,” he snickered and bellowed in laughter as if it was the funniest thing in the world to him.

“Mom…” Wonwoo mumbled.

“Chunhua and Mama are gonna murder me,” Minghao said, chuckling at himself out of nervousness. That was his little anxious habit.

“Jeonghan and Seungcheol…” Seungkwan said as he reached for his phone on the far end of the dining table. And just as he was expecting, he had about ten text messages from Jeonghan that was ranging from worried to enraged in tone.  There were a few from Seungcheol that weren’t as emotional but a little more cautionary. Warning Seungkwan to answer the phone before Jeonghan threw a tantrum.

**_Hannie_ **

_How’s everything going?_

_Make sure you text me if you leave the house :)_

 

_Seungkwan?_

_I’m not sure whether or not I should be scared or pissed that you aren’t answering me_

_Is everything okay?_

_Please answer the phone_

 

_Seungkwan when I get there you better be on the verge of death bc thats gonna be the ONLY excuse I’m gonna accept for you not responding_

 

_Ooo, Kwannie’s in trouble_

 

Of course, Chan had somehow gotten ahold of Jeonghan’s phone just to say that.

Seungkwan sighed deeply, mirroring the reactions of Minghao and Wonwoo as they did the same, pondering on what they should say. As much as Seungkwan would love to think of a lie and say that he was in fact on the verge of death last night, he decided that stretching the truth was a bit better.

**_Me_ **

_I’m so sorry, Hannie! Last night we all had decided to focus on Jihoon since it was his birthday_

_I left my phone downstairs all night_

_I’m sorry_

Jeonghan’s response was instantaneous, telling Seungkwan that his excuse wasn’t good enough and while he was proud that he was giving his friend the attention that his parents couldn’t, Jeonghan almost had heart attack so he was still pissed. Seungkwan knew that he was in a lot of trouble.

Hoping that it would help ease the blow somewhat, Seungkwan sent a quick text to Seungcheol, apologizing profusely for causing them to worry, telling him how horrible he felt for making them worry so much. Seungcheol was a lot more forgiving.

Seungkwan accepted his fate--he was going to hear Jeonghan yell at him for being irresponsible for about two hours at least-- and hoped for the best. Checking if he had gotten any other texts, his mood was lightened when he noticed that Hansol had sent him a text about twenty minutes ago.

It was a photo of Hansol’s favorite snack in the world: jalapeno chips. Apparently he didn’t think his brothers would bring him back any from the store but they did and he was absolutely ecstatic.

The last text message he checked was from an unknown number that he didn’t recognize but checked anyway. He didn’t even get to read what the text message said because that _disgusting_ picture immediately caught Seungkwan’s eye. It was vile and horrible and it made Seungkwan want to pitch his phone.

But he didn’t. In fact, he sat there staring at the picture for some time, unable to stop staring at the atrocious, mortifying photo. Of himself.

“What’d Jeonghan say?” Jihoon sounded so amused as he tried to look over Seungkwan’s shoulder and at the phone. Seungkwan tried to hide his phone. Tried to shut off the screen and pull it to his chest but he was too slow. Judging by the way, Jihoon stopped, he’d definitely seen it.

“Was that you?” He questioned firmly, his eyebrows pinched almost angrily. Catching onto the way the atmosphere shifted and the fact that Jihoon’s manic laughter had come to an abrupt end, Wonwoo and Minghao turned to look at the two of them.

“What’s going on?” Wonwoo asked, putting his phone back on the table and focusing on Jihoon and Seungkwan. Specifically Seungkwan who looked like someone had caught him holding a bloody knife while standing above of the dead body.

“Seungkwan,” Minghao said in a low voice afterwards. Seungkwan was feeling utterly embarrassed. Almost as horrible as he felt that night.

“Are you gonna tell us what that was? When did that happen?” Jihoon said. The anger in his features slowly turned to something more concerned and sympathetic. Seungkwan took a deep breath, shutting his eyes for a few seconds, burning in embarrassment. Usually he would want to disappear or scream. But these were his friends. No matter how embarrassing and hurtful it was for him, Seungkwan knew that he could _trust_ him with this.

“You know… what I told you guys happened last year. That Byungho… embarrassed me,” Seungkwan began, avoiding all of their stares by simply closing his eyes for another moment. They all hummed their confirmation.

“I didn’t tell you the full truth…”

“Tell us,” Jihoon demanded, anger bubbling in his chest and he was beginning to lose his grip on it. The thought of something like that happened to Seungkwan and him now saying anything about it.

“Please. I’m worried,” Wonwoo begged in an uncharacteristically soft voice.

“It was during the New Year’s party…”

 

(A year earlier/ New Year’s Eve)  
Seungkwan never really did anything for New Years besides sit at home with Jeonghan, Seungcheol, and Chan and watch the clock. It was never boring because a day with them was never really a bore for Seungkwan.

But when Jeonghan had found out Seungkwan had been invited to a party, he was more excited about it than Seungkwan was. Technically, Seungkwan wasn’t the one who was invited, Wonwoo was, since he was the one with the popular boyfriend. So Wonwoo naturally extended the invitation to his best friends. None of them really wanted to go but agreed anyway so they can watch out for Wonwoo. It was their obligation of sorts.

“You should make the most out of this,” Jeonghan had grinned as he searched through Seungkwan’s closet to get him something to wear. “You’re in high school, you should enjoy all the memories. When will you ever get to do this again?”

Seungkwan rolled his eyes. More vague, ambiguous advice from his older brother, Jeonghan.

“What if I don’t have any fun?” Seungkwan said. He silently grimaced at a shirt Jeonghan threw out of his closet. It was ugly, so Seungkwan took it upon himself to quickly snatch it from the pile of other shirts and pants Jeonghan had pulled out of his closet and hide it under his pillow. If he did go to this stupid party, he wasn’t gonna wear that.

“Your friends are gonna be there, right?”

“Yeah,” Seungkwan murmured already knowing that he had lost this argument.

“Then you’ll definitely have fun. You, Minghao, Jihoon, and Wonwoo always have fun together.”

Jeonghan wasn’t wrong about that. Seungkwan and his friends could literally be picking up trash on the beach and they’d somehow make it an amazing memory of theirs to add to their collection.

Seungkwan only sighed in response, randomly choosing a shirt and pants just to get Jeonghan out of his room and space. But luckily, there was Chan and Seungcheol who helped with that problem since the two were always getting into some type of trouble together. At that moment, there was a loud thump and a high pitched “shit, that hurt!” that followed.

Somehow, it was Seungcheol and not Chan who had fallen out of the bed while jumping on it. Therefore, it was Seungcheol who got scolded twice as much by Jeonghan for allowing Chan to jump on the bed and jumping on the bed with him. He got an additional flick to the forehead for cursing in front of Chan too.

Chan had just been giggling to himself the entire time.

That was when Seungkwan decided that going out for New Year’s wouldn’t be that bad.

 

“Call me when you’re done. If you don’t call me by 11, I’m going to come and tear this place down if I have to, got that?” Jeonghan warned, alternating his gaze to Seungkwan who was sitting in the passenger seat to Minghao, Wonwoo, and Jihoon who were in the backseat.

They’d just pulled up in front of the building where the party was taking place. Seungkwan was a bit relieved that the party was at an actual venue and not at someone’s house. For one, Seungkwan really hated crowded places. It made him feel so self conscious and insecure, thinking about what everyone could be thinking of him. The bigger reason however was because Wonwoo definitely couldn’t handle crowds. Because of his anxiety, there was no doubt that a lot of people in one small space would send Wonwoo into a panic.

“Got it,” Seungkwan said. It was a few minutes past 8:30 at the moment and honestly, Seungkwan planned on calling Jeonghan to pick them up as soon as the clock struck 10. He didn’t want to be here that long and he was sure none of his friends, besides Wonwoo perhaps, wanted to be there either. Especially not until 11 nor midnight.

“Okay, have fun,” Jeonghan said, his tone now pleasant as the four boys exited the car. With it being the last day of December, it was incredibly cold outside so they all rushed inside of the building.

“Who’s party is this again?” Seungkwan asked when they finally made it inside and into the warmth of the place. While the warmth and the large space was a definite plus, the blaring music and the somewhat blinding lights definitely weren’t.

“I’m pretty sure it’s Jihyo’s. I heard that her and the cheerleading team always have a New Year’s party at a venue since her parents are really well off,” Wonwoo said, looking around while still sticking close to his friends. For now at least.

“Her parents work with my mom and dad,” Jihoon added, already grimacing at everyone. “But you’d never see me throwing a party for most of the school with their money. It’s kind of pointless. Like why should they be able to enjoy my parents’ money?”

“Unlike you, Jihyo isn’t an asshole so-- Jihoon!” Minghao didn’t get the chance to finish his insult before Jihoon elbowed him in the stomach.

“Love ya,” Jihoon said as something of damage control with a hint of sarcasm. A tone that only Jihoon could master.

The four of them all stayed standing close to the entrance for some time--they really didn’t know what to do in settings like this-- until Wonwoo caught a glimpse of Mingyu over by the food.

They initially weren’t going to follow but to Seungkwan, the food table sounded like the best place to pass the time while Wonwoo flirted and spent time with Mingyu.

And fortunately, it did help pass the time. Minghao, Jihoon, and Seungkwan spent their time alternating between standing and sitting against the wall next to the food table while laughing at random things. Being the wallflowers they were. They’d scope out Wonwoo every once in a while before going back to their silly antics of eating--more like playing with-- the food.

“I really wanna get that girl’s number,” Minghao yelled over the music. When Minghao, not so discreetly, pointed at the girl that was laughing along with her group of friends, Seungkwan laughed.

“You don’t stand a chance with Sana.”

“That’s exactly what I was about to say,” Jihoon said. He patted Seungkwan’s shoulder in agreement.

“Why not?!” Minghao scoffed. “I can get her to like me easily. You know what, watch me.” Minghao scrambled to his feet and was confidently walking over to Sana within just moments. Meanwhile, Seungkwan and Jihoon stayed sitting on the floor laughing as they practically shouted the several scenarios that can occur. They were supposed to be supporting their friend but they both knew that while Minghao was very charming and handsome, he was _incredibly_ awkward.

The laughing only came to an abrupt stop when someone who was walking by had been laughing with her friend and tilted the cup causing some of the drink to spill on Jihoon’s legs. The girls hadn’t even seemed to notice it all.

“I _hate_ people,” Jihoon fumed. “Especially inconsiderate ones.”

“I’m sure she had no idea she even spilled it,” Seungkwan reassured. “It’s okay.” He quickly took a few paper napkins from the food table to pat Jihoon dry. Of course, the napkins didn’t do much to clean up the mess on Jihoon’s now damp jeans or his now completely ruined mood.

“I’m gonna go outside for a second before I kick someone in the face,” Jihoon grumbled. And just as quickly as Minghao left, Jihoon stomped away towards the entrance, not giving Seungkwan the chance to even ask if he would like him to come along. That probably meant Jihoon wanted to be alone to quench his anger which Seungkwan understood.

So for the next few moments, Seungkwan sat against the wall, waiting for any of his friends to return. He occasionally pulled out his cell phone to check the time, but with all of his friends here with him and busy, he didn’t have anyone to really text. So with a sigh, he waited.

“Um, are you alright?” A voice shouted from above him. Looking up from his phone, Seungkwan quickly moved to stand. It was Byungho; he was on the basketball team if Seungkwan recalled correctly.

“Yeah. Just waiting for my friends to get back,” Seungkwan said with a half smile, his mind too occupied with trying to come up with an explanation as for why Byungho was even talking to him. They’d never had any conversation before.

“You’ve been sitting by yourself for a while though,” he chuckled. He leaned in a bit closer, but Seungkwan imagined it was because of the music being loud. Seungkwan was more concerned and shocked at the fact that Byungho had been watching him or had taken notice of him enough to know that he’d been sitting alone for a few minutes. Simply put, Seungkwan was flattered.

“It’s fine,” Seungkwan managed.

“I don’t think so,” Byungho laughed as he took Seungkwan softly by the elbow. “I’m not gonna let you just sit here on the wall. What type of person would I be?”

Seungkwan shrugged and chuckled under his breath. Admittedly, he was anxious and shaken at how sudden this was. Byungho had no reason to be talking to him.

“Come on. You should be having fun. Let’s have fun,” Byungho stated. Seungkwan blinked a few times. This wasn’t flirting, was it?

Seungkwan quickly looked around for any of Byungho’s friends, but they weren’t around. Maybe… maybe Byungho was actually somewhat interested in having Seungkwan as company. It made him smile.

“Okay.”

 

It didn’t take much time for Seungkwan to realize that Byungho was most definitely flirting with him for the past thirty minutes or so. The excessive touching, compliments, and the unnecessary leaning in to whisper in Seungkwan’s ear was enough evidence for him.

This was honestly a first for him. No one had ever flirted with him and he’d never really had enough confidence to flirt with anyone either. So Seungkwan would be lying if he said that he wasn’t absolutely ecstatic. He couldn’t wait to tell his friends. He even considered telling Jeonghan and Seungcheol when they got home.

He was a bit bewildered at the fact that Byungho was flirting with a guy in the first place. But he assumed that since Byungho’s friends weren’t around, maybe the latter had decided to indulge in some hidden desire of his. Seungkwan didn’t mind in the slightest.

Jihoon had returned to their spot on the wall next to the food table some time before but gestured furiously from across the room that Seungkwan enjoy himself. He was somewhat unsure if he should leave his friend alone standing there.

“Um, Byungho. My friend is back. I think I should go, I don’t want him to be alone,” Seungkwan smiled as sweetly as possible as an apology. He was enjoying his time with Byungho, but like he said, he couldn’t leave Jihoon alone even if Jihoon wanted him to.

“So soon?” Byungho sighed.

“I’m really sorry.”

Byungho looked like he was thinking or contemplating something for a second before he grabbed for Seungkwan’s hand this time. “Come on.”

The command was brief and short and made Seungkwan frown but he was being pulled along with Byungho anyway. “Where are we going?”

“A place so we can be alone for a while.”

“But- But my friend.”

“He’ll be fine.”

Byungho led Seungkwan past crowds of people, past the DJ towards the back of the venue, and to a hall that Seungkwan hadn’t even known was there. Should they even be back here? The bathroom was towards the entrance area for sure.

But Byungho seemed to be well aware of that as he pulled them into a door that led to an individual, spacious bathroom.

Oh.

“Byungho…” Seungkwan muttered when he realized what he was intending to do. What he wanted to do. But Seungkwan wasn’t okay with that and by far did not want to do the same. “I think I should go.”

“Seungkwan, come on,” Byungho whispered. He delicately grabbed for Seungkwan’s hands as if he were made of glass. And while it was sweet, and if Seungkwan weren’t so uneasy and apprehensive, he’d might have thought it that the gesture was sweet. But Seungkwan was being consumed by his thoughts that were telling him that he needed to leave before things got out of his control.

Leaning back against the wall, Byungho attempted to pull Seungkwan against him but the latter resisted, having to fight the urge to punch Byungho when he snaked his hands under his shirt and settled his hands on his waist. He hated that. He hated this.

“I don’t want to,” Seungkwan reiterated. “I _don’t_ want to do this. Stop it.”

“Damn it, Seungkwan.” When Byungho let him go--more like pushed him away out of anger and frustration-- Seungkwan actually fell to the floor from the unexpected force. The embarrassment didn’t even matter to him at the moment. All he wanted to do was get out of here and get to his friends.

But he didn’t have enough time to even get off of the floor before the door opened again. Seungkwan looked up, hoping that it was Byungho who had left but instead, it was someone else entering. It was several others entering.

Byungho’s friends?

Seungkwan hadn’t even had enough time to process or even think about a possible reason for why his four of his friends could suddenly enter like this. Because everything that happened afterwards, happened so quickly.

All he actually remembered was being beaten, kicked, and even stripped of all of his clothes, except his underwear. They’d called him so many horrific slurs while they kicked and stomped on him as if he was nothing but trash. Mocked his weight, mocked his disgusting body, and called him every horrible, homophobic slur they could think of. Seungkwan only vividly recalled the pain and the tears.

What hurt most was when it all kicking and hitting stopped, they’d wrapped his belt around his throat, tightening it substantially. Seungkwan was in so much pain that he hadn’t even had the energy to stop them. Only wheeze and lie there pathetically.

They took pictures.

They’d taken pictures of Seungkwan looking that way. Lying on the dirty floor of a bathroom in nothing but his underwear with his belt around his neck. They snickered under their breaths while Seungkwan could do nothing but cry at the pain and humiliation.

When all was said and done, the five boys simply left the bathroom.

Seungkwan didn’t know how long he had been lying there, but he couldn’t find the motivation or energy to pick himself up. It wasn’t until Seungkwan vaguely heard voices pass by the bathroom door that he attempted to get up. It was muffled because of the music also sounding through the walls, but it was enough to encourage himself.

He couldn’t lie here on the floor. No matter how prominent the pain in his body and heart was, his friends were probably waiting for him. Crawling towards his pants that had been thrown in the corner with the rest of his clothes, Seungkwan pulled out his now cracked phone to check the time.

10:30.

With tears uncontrollably falling, Seungkwan endured the pain in his entire body as he shakily removed the belt from around his neck. Disgusting. He stood to redress himself, desperately trying to wipe the tears from his face, which was the only place they hadn’t managed to leave bruises. He was sure that was done purposefully.

Seungkwan tried to consider it a good thing. No one would be able to see the bruises since he was wearing some layers of clothes for the cold weather outside. His friends were gonna notice that he was crying, but he could always come up with a lie.

With his clothes back on and his body still throbbing in pain, Seungkwan stood in front of the bathroom mirror to check his appearance. Immediately, the tears that Seungkwan had managed to conceal for a few minutes had pushed past it’s confines once again. He’d always had low self esteem but Seungkwan had never felt as ugly, unloveable, and worthless than he did now. The pain coursing through his limbs felt like terrible reminders of those facts.

If those things weren’t true, they wouldn’t have did that to him. In the end, it had to be his fault.

Blinking the tears away, Seungkwan remembered that he needed to get back to his friends. So he quickly fixed his hair, used a few paper towels to wipe his face to the best of his ability, and moved his body a little. It hurt, but he was sure he could manage to act as if it didn’t.

Fifteen minutes later, he’d left the bathroom and returned to their spot next to the food table. Wonwoo and Minghao were there with Jihoon so Seungkwan was relieved. They could leave as soon as possible.

“Hey, Kwannie!” Wonwoo exclaimed, obviously ready to hear all of the details of what happened with Byungho. But even through all of the distractions that the party had given, Minghao, Jihoon, and Wonwoo immediately realized that there was a problem.

“Come on,” Jihoon said, gesturing the rest of them to follow. He’d reached to grab for Seungkwan but instinctively, the younger pulled away, wincing almost.

Dumbfounded, Jihoon respected Seungkwan’s wants to not be touched and just led the way for all of them. When they’d gotten back to the entrance, Seungkwan had to create a lie on the spot.

According to Seungkwan, Byungho had merely pretended he liked Seungkwan but in the end, embarrassed him by calling him names like chubby and fat and slurs like faggot when his friends arrived. It was far from the truth. But his friends knew how Seungkwan’s body image was always incredibly sensitive for him, so they understood why he was crying. Still completely oblivious to the bruises and pain hiding under Seungkwan’s layers of clothes.

 

“How was it?” Jeonghan said as they finally arrived home.

“I’m never going to another party again.”

“You’re just being dramatic. I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”

“Sure,” Seungkwan mumbled before locking himself away in his room to tend to his wounds. Ignoring everyone who knocked.

 

(Present Day)

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Wonwoo asked.

“I was embarrassed,” Seungkwan grimaced, trying not to let the tears resurface. “I didn’t want to have to retell that to anyone.”

“What does he want with you now? Why’d he text you?” Minghao was hesitantly reaching for Seungkwan’s phone, knowing that Seungkwan was probably dreading the fact that Minghao or any of his friends would see a picture of him like that. But the expression Minghao was giving was comforting. So he let him.

“I didn’t read the text message. All I saw was the picture…”

It was quiet for a second as Minghao opened the phone. “He wants you to meet him after school tomorrow.”

“What? Is that why he transferred schools?” Wonwoo questioned.

“I heard he had something to do with Junghyun’s suicide attempt,” Minghao said. The entire time Minghao and Wonwoo talked, Jihoon stayed silent. In the most quiet voice he could manage, Jihoon whispered, “we’re so sorry for not being there.”

Seungkwan forced a half smile. “You were there the entire time.”

 

***

 

“And you didn’t say anything _because_?” Hansol questioned, his voice bordering on a shout. “You knew what Byungho was planning to do and you did nothing.”

“I didn’t think they were going to do it initially. I thought it was just some bullcrap they were talking about in the locker room. It wasn’t until they did it to Seungkwan that I realized that they had meant it when they said they were going to humiliate them.”

“You still didn’t say anything about it!” Hansol yelled.

“I-I don’t know.”

He was getting incredibly tired and annoyed of this with Mingyu. He loved his best friend, with everything in him, but Mingyu had a tendency of allowing things to happen without interfering. No, he didn’t expect Mingyu to be some type of superhero but how could he simply go on with his life knowing that Byungho and his friends were so horrible, humiliating and traumatizing people for something as simple as their sexual orientation. “Where the hell was I? When Byungho was on the basketball team, I hadn’t heard anything about this.”

“It was when you sprained your ankle for that month. Apparently, a few girls at our school weren’t exactly straight and they were talking about how funny it would be to like… turn them, I guess. When they’d done it to Junghyun and she attempted suicide, they just transferred.”

“They did that to Seungkwan too?”

“Yeah… But only to humiliate him when they heard that he wasn't exactly straight either...”

“Mingyu-”

“I didn’t say anything because I was scared to,” Mingyu rushed. “I was afraid that they would know that it was me if I said something. I didn’t want to be in that crossfire. I kept thinking about what they would do to me if I did.”

Hansol sighed, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them again. Mingyu actually looked really regretful and honestly bothered by the situation. But something was bugging Hansol and he honestly, wanted to be alone.

“Look, Gyu. I’m grounded so you should probably leave before Josh comes back.”

“Are you mad at me?”

Hansol couldn’t find it within himself to lie.  
“Yeah, a little,” Hansol admitted, undermining the severity of the feeling in his chest. “But I’ll be fine. I’ll text you. I’ll text Soonyoung too. See ya.”

Mingyu was reluctant but saw just how serious Hansol was through the look in his eyes. So he said nothing more and left through the back door in which he came.

With a sigh, Hansol noticed the burning of the tears that were lining his eyes but he quickly wiped them away. He couldn’t help his empathy but he didn't want to be weak and sensitive about this. But... imagining what all of them could have felt made Hansol’s heart feel heavy and empty all at the same time.

Josh and Jun had arrived about ten minutes later, while Hansol was sitting absentmindedly on the couch. He had been contemplating whether he should text Seungkwan or not. And when he decided he should, Hansol was then faced with the decision of what to text him about.

This must be the horrible reality of having a crush.

His mood was somewhat restored when he saw that Josh had gotten him another bag of jalapeno chips. It was the big bag too. Hansol was a simple guy; chips was a good bout of temporary happiness to him.

Fueled by his short lived excitement, Hansol sent a picture of himself smiling ever so brightly hugging his beloved bag of chips.

 

The entire rest of the day, Seungkwan and Hansol texted. Pretending that their hearts weren’t hurting from the elephant in the room that they both were hoping that the other wasn't aware of. But they deemed each other the perfect distraction. For now at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter despite how angsty it was. Like I always do, I will make up for it in the chapters to come. I'm still shocked by all of the recent news going on with YG and I'm absolutely shaken. But hopefully things will get better. I wanted to make a fluffy chapter to make you guys smile but I couldn't find a way to write fluff into it without messing up the storyline. 
> 
> Happy Pride Month too! Since I didn't say it yet. 
> 
> Love you all!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!

“Where are we going?” Seungkwan asked. The bell that signaled the beginning of their lunch period had just rang so they all met by Wonwoo’s locker like they usually did. However, instead of going down the hall towards the cafeteria, Minghao, Wonwoo, and Jihoon had all started walking in the opposite direction. 

“Not to the cafeteria. He’s probably going to be in there,” Minghao said. Seungkwan nodded, already knowing that this was another way for them to avoid Byungho. His friends had been doing it all day and quite effectively too. The other day, when they vowed to protect Seungkwan until they could figure out a solution, they seemed to mean it. Jihoon knew all of the short cuts around school, Minghao had enough classes with Byungho to know where he would be at certain times, and Wonwoo was supposedly in charge of keeping Seungkwan calm and sane. 

Thanks to their efforts, so far, Seungkwan hadn’t seen Byungho at all that day. He felt bad that he was relying so heavily on his friends, feeling as if he should be the one to ‘man up’ and take care of the situation himself. But when he saw the genuine satisfaction on his friends’ faces from being able to support him like this, Seungkwan couldn’t help but feel grateful. 

“This is to make up for all that time you had to deal with this alone. We’re your friends, let us be there for you,” Jihoon had said early that morning when they were on their way to first period with Mr. Park. 

So instead of eating lunch in the cafeteria, they ate in a secluded area of the building on the third floor. They knew it was against school rules to simply just camp out in the hallways but no teachers were ever on the third floor during lunch. They were usually on the first floor also eating their lunch or supervising the cafeteria. So they were safe. 

“My mom and dad made tofu soup for us,” Wonwoo said, opening up his large, insulated lunch bag he’d taken from his locker as they all sat on the floor. “I told them that Seungkwan was having a mental health emergency and they cooked this for you.”

“Your parents are just as crazy about mental health as you are,” Minghao said, handing the container that Wonwoo had given to him to Seungkwan first. 

“Where do you think I get it from?” Wonwoo uttered. They kept their voices quiet so if someone did come up to the third floor, they wouldn’t automatically find the four of them hidden away in the corner.

“We’re sorry you have to sit on the floor,” Jihoon frowned at Seungkwan. “We tried to find somewhere else but this was the only place that I could find.”

“You don’t have to apologize for that,” Seungkwan smiled. “I’m grateful no matter what. Plus, it’s like a picnic.”

“Ugh, you must have picked up that optimism from Hansol,” Jihoon shot back, flaring his nose in disgust. Despite the expression, Seungkwan knew that it was a joke. They all shared a laugh together as they began to began to pour the tofu broth over their bowls of rice. 

Even though it was quite uncomfortable to be sitting on the hard, tile floor like this, Seungkwan had felt more at ease than he’d felt all day. His legs were going numb from the positioning and Minghao was beginning to whine and complain, but the atmosphere stayed just as pleasant. 

“Guys, I was watching a movie last night and there was sex scene in it,” Jihoon said as he took a short sip of his soda. Wonwoo raised an eyebrow, confused by the sudden revelation. 

“And…?” Seungkwan hummed. “You’ve watched movies with sex scenes in it before so what’s the problem.” 

“But this is different,” he sighed with a roll of his eyes. “When I was watching it, I was completely uninterested and even a little… disgusted by it. Then I realized that I feel that way about every sex scene. Even when I tried to watch porn that one time a few years ago.”

“You haven’t watched porn in a  _ few years _ ?” Minghao gaped. It seemed like that was the only thing that had caught his attention. 

“Shut up, Hao,” Wonwoo and Seungkwan said at the same time. 

“I only watched it once but I have no interest in doing it again,” Jihoon said. “Anyway, back to what I was saying before your ass interrupted me.” Minghao just flipped him off and went back to eating his soup. 

“When I think about it, I actually have no interest in sex. It’s not appealing to me and I don’t think I ever want to engage in it. Is that weird?”

“No. You just don’t find sex appealing,” Wonwoo said. He began to scott closer to Jihoon, almost subconsciously. Wonwoo inherited a lot of traits from his parents that he himself was a parent without even having children of his own. 

“Yeah. If that’s how you feel then there’s no way it would be weird,” Seungkwan reassured. 

“Well, I looked it up. And since you guys are so nosy and have been ‘ _ secretly _ ’ wanting to know what my sexuality is, as of now, I’m asexual… I think.”

Minghao chuckled at the last part. “You think?”

“Yes, asshole. I  _ think _ . I don’t officially know yet. I just turned eighteen, give me a break,” Jihoon huffed. He raised his spoon to pitch at Minghao but luckily Seungkwan caught him before he could.  So, the two carry on with their quarrel verbally since Seungkwan and Wonwoo don’t allow them to throw any of the food, utensils, or napkins. But the fighting is lighthearted as always and ends with Minghao murmuring, “Congrats on the revelation, short stack.”

To which, Jihoon responded with a very passive aggressive-- or just aggressive-- “Thanks but if you call me ‘short stack’ again you’ll have to be congratulating me on setting the world record for the fattest murder in history.” 

“Love you.”

“Love you too. Now, no more trying to decipher me.”

Even with the eye roll, Seungkwan could tell that Jihoon was happy. Satisfied with what he’d found out about himself and was pleased to share it with his friends. That was all that mattered; Jihoon was content. 

Lunch came to a quick end, so they all sneakily made their way back into the cafeteria through the back so they weren’t caught by any teachers when trying to go through the entrance. Jihoon had this entire school figured out, which wasn’t really a surprise. Nothing really was when it came to Jihoon. Somehow, they actually made it to the cafeteria without being caught. 

Crossing the large cafeteria filled with laughter and chatter to get to the trash cans and dump all of their trash before the bell rang, Seungkwan heard his name being called. It was an unfamiliar voice and that fact alone had his heart racing. Any surprises had him on the verge of panicking today. But luckily, it was only Soonyoung calling him and waving him over to his empty table. And no sight of Byungho.

“Hey, guys. Soonyoung wants us to go over there,” Seungkwan said. 

“Jihoonie’s boyfrienddd,” Minghao teased under his breath so no one could hear. 

“Aww,” Wonwoo cooed.

“Shut up,” Jihoon groaned. Instantly forgetting about throwing their trash away, they brought it with them to Soonyoung’s table. As they neared him, Seungkwan instantly felt a sense of sympathy for Soonyoung. He looked so unhappy and exhausted, especially sitting all by himself. On Mondays, Mingyu and Hansol had basketball practice in the morning and during lunch, so he probably had no one else to talk to during lunch today.

With their half empty containers--only filled with scraps of food and the broth from their soup-- they sat down for a moment. 

“What’s up?” Jihoon asked. “You don’t look so good.”

“Yeah,” Soonyoung chuckled to himself. He scratched at his ear before giving a deep sigh. “I probably look as shitty as I feel. Uhm. Anyway, I have to tell you something.”

“If it’s about our dates, I understand if you want to stop,” Jihoon told him with a forced smile. Seungkwan, Wonwoo, and Minghao simply sat there picking with their leftover trash. It was kind of awkward sitting between the two of them while talking about something so personal. 

“It’s not about that. I love our dates, Jihoon. Especially our last one.” Soonyoung’s cheeks blushed a rosy color as he and Jihoon shared a sweet glance. Seungkwan would tease them if the atmosphere wasn’t so tense. 

“Well what’s the problem?”

“Do you… Do you remember when you couldn’t find your inhaler that one time. And you had that asthma attack?” Jihoon’s smile dropped. Wonwoo looked down at his twiddling fingers, Minghao cleared his throat, while Seungkwan only looked on.

“You didn’t…”

“I did…” Soonyoung whispered. “And I’m so sorry. I have no justification but I feel like I should have told you. That was why I canceled our first date, you know. I really, really am sorry.” Soonyoung continued to ramble on. And Jihoon continued to look as passive as ever. But Seungkwan knew better than to believe that Jihoon was feeling as indifferent as his expression was portraying. 

In the midst of Soonyoung speaking, Jihoon suddenly stood, rounding the circular table almost predatory and nonchalant all at the same time. 

“Jihoon,” Wonwoo tried but it went completely ignored. 

“Jihoon?” Soonyoung questioned when the smaller had stood over him. But Jihoon still offered no response as he grabbed for Wonwoo’s container that still had the leftover broth from their tofu soup in it. Without a word, Jihoon held the bowl over Soonyoung’s head and began to pour it so simply onto his head and clothes. He followed with each of their leftover broth from the delicious soup that they’d enjoyed so happily minutes ago. 

Soonyoung sat there, a heavy frown on his face from the embarrassment as students began to turn around, watching what was taking place. He never moved though. Almost like he was accepting punishment deservingly. 

Lastly, Jihoon took the energy drink that he was saving for later, opened it, and poured that on him too, until Soonyoung was simply drenched in soup and energy drink. 

“That’s a shame,” Jihoon sighed as he put the empty can back onto the table. “I thought that humiliating and devaluing your worth to something of a fucking trash would make me feel better. But it didn’t. I got no satisfaction from treating you like that. Oh, I forgot. Only assholes get satisfaction from that. Taking my inhaler isn’t a  _ joke.  _ I know you weren’t the only one so guess what, fuck you and whatever other asshole took part in it. Soonyoung, do me a favor and never talk to me again.”

“Jihoon-”

“Shut up,” Jihoon warned. “ _ Shut _ up.”

Snatching everything up with him, including the empty cans and bowls, Jihoon stormed away. While Minghao and Wonwoo were quick to follow, Seungkwan lingered for a second, feeling the second hand embarrassment for Soonyoung who was sitting there in soiled clothes. The redness of his face was now a result of mortification, his glassy eyes blurring his sight as shame filled his entire being. Seungkwan could practically see it. 

“I’m sorry, Soonyoung. I’ll get Hansol,” was all he muttered before he went to follow his friends. He was in no rush though as he pulled his phone from his pocket to text Hansol. 

Soonyoung needed a friend for sure. 

 

***

 

When school ended for the day, Seungkwan was planning on finding his friends, who had been his main support system throughout the day. However, when he’d gotten to Jihoon’s locker where they always met, he recalled that all of them were either busy or gone. Jihoon was sent home early after the teacher’s reported him for causing a disruption so he most definitely at home still taking time to calm down. Midterms were coming up and Minghao was determined on passing all of them with at least a B so he was busy being tutored. Wonwoo… Wonwoo was nowhere to be found. 

Seungkwan attempted to reach him through call and text but to no avail.

In the end, he was all alone. And that scared Seungkwan to the point where he was shivering. He remembered that Byungho wanted him to meet him behind the auditorium after school but he  _ couldn’t _ . He couldn’t do this alone. Giving into his fear, Seungkwan ran back upstairs to get to Mr. Park’s classroom. The man was his favorite teacher and there was no doubt that the atmosphere in his classroom would be effervescent and pleasant. Just like Mr. Park himself. It would have to be Seungkwan’s safe haven for the moment. 

He couldn’t roam around and risk running into Byungho all by himself. Just the thought was horrible. Horrible enough to convince Seungkwan to beg Jeonghan or Seungcheol to come pick him up despite both of them being at work. This was an emergency and even if he had to lie, he refused to walk alone. So even if it was a bit selfish, it sounded like a good alternative to him. 

As fast as he could--not caring about stealth-- Seungkwan maneuvered through the crowd of students who were eagerly rushing towards the entrance to get out of school. There were a few malicious comments about him as he mistakenly bumped into people but he didn’t worry about that. In record time, Seungkwan slipped into Mr. Park’s classroom where he is petting the bunny, Kwan. 

“H-Hey, Mr. Park,” Seungkwan managed through short breaths.

“Hello! How was your day today?”Mr. Park scooped Kwan out of his cage and cradled the bunny to his chest, even nuzzling it a bit. 

 “It was fine. I was wondering if I could stay in your classroom for a bit. I’m waiting for someone and I really don’t want to wait outside all by myself.”

Turning around, seemingly noticing the slight panic in Seungkwan’s voice, Mr. Park’s smile wilted a bit. Seungkwan scolded himself for not hiding it better but tried to mend the damage by forcing a smile and gesturing to hold the bunny. Mr. Park sweetly and gently placed Kwan into Seungkwan’s arms, giving him a grin. 

“Sure, you can stay. I have about twenty minutes I can spare before I have to get home,” Mr. Park said as he moved back to the cage and grabbed some plastic gloves from behind it to presumably clean the cage. “Also, if you or anyone else need to report something, you know that you can always report it to me and I’ll do what I can to solve the problem.”

“Y-Yes,” Seungkwan nodded. He pet the bunny in his arms for a few moments before recalling his initial plan of begging someone to come pick him up. Just as he pulled out his phone though, Hansol entered the classroom, his loud voice filling the space. 

“Hansol! I was wondering if you forgot,” Mr. Park exclaimed, sighing in satisfaction when Hansol pulled his freshly printed essay out of his backpack. Seungkwan snorted softly to himself. Only Mr. Park would sigh like that when receiving an essay, as if it was some sort of delectable dessert. Maybe it was just a literature teacher thing. 

“I can’t wait to read this.”

“It’s good. Right, Seungkwan?” Hansol asked proudly. 

“Yup,” Seungkwan responded awkwardly. 

Hansol moved closer to Seungkwan when he noticed just how shaken he looked. Even though Seungkwan attempting to smile through the pain, Hansol could see right through it. Maybe because now Hansol knew exactly what Seungkwan was afraid of. 

With the knowledge of what happened between Seungkwan and Byungho sitting in the forefront of his mind, Hansol realized what was going on without having to think too hard about it. He saw Byungho, only minutes ago, searching around for someone. Was it Seungkwan? Was it Byungho’s other victims? 

Judging by how Seungkwan looked right now--tense, rigid, and a bit paranoid-- Hansol knew that it had to be Seungkwan that Byungho was looking for. Seungkwan was hiding.

It only took a quick second before Hansol decided that he needed to get Seungkwan off of campus and quickly. He was no superhero and wouldn’t be able to fight off Byungho even if he wanted to, so the next best thing was to flea. 

“Oh, Seungkwan, Josh restocked the pantry yesterday. You should come home with me so I can use your unlimited pass to our pantry,” Hansol bargained, throwing an arm around Seungkwan’s shoulder and pulling him closer.

Seungkwan went silent, so Hansol lowered his voice to a whisper. “I wanna get you off campus as soon as possible. Trust me.”

Seungkwan’s gaze snapped to Hansol’s. Hansol nodded once; a single gesture that solidified his promise. 

“Sure,” Seungkwan said a bit louder. “Yeah… Okay, let’s go to your house.” The idea of leaving campus sounded like heaven to Seungkwan and he wanted to do nothing more than kiss Hansol for this. Since that was off limits, instead, Seungkwan snuggled little Kwan to his face, nuzzling him. 

“Should I drive you guys there?” Mr. Park offered. He didn’t deep clean the cage but he tidied it up enough. 

“I thought you had to get home?” Seungkwan said, reluctantly handing Kwan back to Mr. Park. 

“We all know that your wife hates for you to be late,” Hansol laughed. Mr. Park and Hansol shared a knowing look and smile. “You shouldn’t keep her waiting,” Hansol added. 

“I agree, but  _ she _ is very well aware of how much I care about my students and would understand if I’m a few minutes late.”

“It’s fine,” Hansol reassured one more time. “See you tomorrow!”

“Later,” Seungkwan bowed and waved to his favorite teacher as he departed with Hansol. 

“We’re going through the side doors of the school. It’s the fastest way to get off of campus.”

“Are you hiding from Byungho?” Hansol questioned as soon as they’d gotten a few steps away from campus. Seungkwan could tell that this question had been at the forefront of Hansol’s mind since they left Mr. Park’s classroom, but he really didn’t want to talk about this right now. They weren’t far enough from the school that he could feel safe enough to even utter a single sentence about it. 

“Yes,” Seungkwan blurted shortly. “So how was your day?”

Hansol could have easily caught whiplash from the sudden change in topic and change in Seungkwan’s tone. Everything shifted in just a second and Hansol knew it was just Seungkwan putting up that wall between his true emotions and Hansol. He didn’t like it, but he respected Seungkwan. If he didn’t want to talk about it then he didn’t want to talk about it. 

“It was fine.”

  
  


When they entered Hansol’s house, removing their shoes and throwing their backpacks on the living room sofa, Seungkwan realized the house was completely empty. Josh hadn’t come downstairs to run a hand through their hair and greet them like usual, so the oldest must be gone.

Hansol chuckled when he saw the questioning pout playing on Seungkwan’s lips. “Junhui stayed after school for tutoring and Josh took on another shift at work today, so we’re here alone. You don’t mind, right?”

“‘Course not,” Seungkwan sighed. He turned his head away from Hansol to hide the blush that was no doubt going to rise on his cheeks. It was stupid to get so giddy over something as simple as having the house all to yourself with your friend. But this friend was unfortunately also his crush that he hadn’t sorted out his feelings for just yet. 

It was a slow process. 

As Hansol led him up the narrow staircase-- of course they had to grab a few snacks from the pantry, Hansol wasn’t joking about that part-- Seungkwan felt just a bit lighter. But the feeling was short lived as they settled on Hansol’s bed and Hansol mentioned Soonyoung.

“Thanks for texting me about Soonyoung today. He would have endured all of it by himself if you hadn’t told me.”

Seungkwan recalled how broken and hurt Soonyoung looked earlier after Jihoon had stormed away. His empathy getting the best of him, Seungkwan’s chest felt like it had tightened at the memory. 

“I’m sorry Jihoon did that. He’s super impulsive.”

“Nah, I get it,” Hansol said. Seungkwan definitely hadn’t been expecting it so, yeah, he was more than just a bit shocked when Hansol moved to lay his head on his thigh again while he pleasantly chomped on the chocolate cookies Seungkwan had so happily picked up from the pantry. Kicking his legs up, Hansol looked up at Seungkwan, giving him a playful wink. 

“You’re better than any pillow,” he commented. But before Seungkwan could truly respond or react, Hansol continued talking about Soonyoung’s situation. “Anyway, I get why Jihoon did that. I mean, you weren’t there to see how  _ scared  _ Jihoon looked when he was having that asthma attack. So Jihoon must’ve felt betrayed by finding out that Soonyoung helped plan that dumbass prank. I mean, who wouldn’t be upset?”

“It was planned?’ Seungkwan asked, his initial apprehension from having Hansol laying on him slowly turning into a comfortable, warm feeling. 

“Yeah… They hid Jihoon’s inhaler and sprayed a really strong perfume to make him have an asthma attack. Soonyoung’s been in a bad headspace lately. His life at home is… shitty so he’s befriended shitty people to make himself feel included.”

“Who would do that?”

Hansol didn’t say anything immediately. Wondering if telling Seungkwan that Soonyoung was hanging out with Byungho would ruin Seungkwan’s mood yet again when Hansol had just managed to get him to calm down. 

“Come on tell me, I’m all curious now,” Seungkwan groaned, playfully shoving Hansol’s head. Hansol softly chuckled at Seungkwan, even pinching his leg.

“It’s… you know who.”

Seungkwan’s face dropped instantly, the same bitter, uneasy expression making its way onto his face. “Oh…” 

“Yeah, Byungho is a huge problem. I heard that he--” Hansol wondered if he should really even mention this. It only took him a second to decide that he really shouldn’t have said anything about it, but it was already halfway out of his mouth. He couldn’t stop now even if he wanted to. “Uhm, I heard about what happened… what he did…”

“Wait, what?” 

Hansol quickly sat up again to reassure Seungkwan when he saw that horrified look. “Seungkwan-”

“How? How do you know? Is it circulating around school? Who else knows, Hansol, I need to know before Byungho beats my ass over this.”

“No, no, no. I found out from someone else. From Soonyoung.” Hansol added the last part, hoping that he wouldn’t drag Mingyu into the situation too despite the fact that Mingyu definitely was. He still hadn’t had a proper conversation with his best friend since he’d admitted that he knew. “And Byungho won’t do anything to you because no one will let him. Your friends won’t let him.  _ I _ won’t let him. You don’t have to be scared of him.” 

“Come on, smile for me,” Hansol urged when Seungkwan only shook his head in disbelief at his promises and words. Hansol would be lying if he said that he didn’t feel a slight pang in his chest when Seungkwan only frowned harder. 

It wasn’t that Seungkwan didn’t want to smile, it was just that he couldn’t find the motivation to do so with this feeling overshadowing every pleasant thought that his mind was trying to configure. The fact that Hansol even knew about what happened made Seungkwan feel like shit. Had he seen the pictures of him? Had Hansol heard about everything in detail? 

The possibility that Hansol did know made Seungkwan want to vomit. For almost an entire year, Seungkwan had managed to hide what had happened during New Year’s eve. He hadn’t told anyone about it until recently and honestly, it was as humiliating as he thought it would be. 

He’d convinced himself that he’d gotten over it when in reality all he did was bury it. Suppress it with the idea that he had deserved everything.

“This is all my fault,” Seungkwan sighed, throwing his head back against the wall. Before he could do it again, with a little more force, Hansol pulled Seungkwan into his side and softly made Seungkwan lean on his shoulder, holding him so securely that Seungkwan almost cried. 

“What the hell do you mean this is your fault?” Hansol asked, an unintentional bite to his tone. “You did nothing to make this your fault.”

“They wouldn’t have done that to me, if I wasn’t so naive to think that someone could be interested in someone like me. Girl or guy. I’m so… ugly. I’m practically a disgrace. It’s my fault.” Seungkwan was laughing almost hysterically. Almost. Because he was laughing mostly out of pity for who he was. “I’m-”

“Shut up,” Hansol demanded. “That’s not true. At all. Why would you say that about yourself.” It was hurting Hansol so much to hear Seungkwan say that. 

“Byungho wouldn’t have done that if it wasn’t true,” Seungkwan said firmly. To him, there was no other reason why anyone would do something so cruel to another person unless they deserve it. Therefore, he had to deserve it. Why would the universe allow such a thing to happen if he didn’t?

Hansol knew it was stupid. He knew it wasn’t the right time to say this. But he knew that things didn’t just fix themselves. Nothing fixes itself. That including feelings. Hansol’s crush. Even Seungkwan’s hatred for himself. If they wanted things to be better, they had to find a way out of this maze. They had to take the first steps.

Take initiative.

Take the same initiative he wanted Minyu to take but… this time it was directed at himself. He couldn’t tell Mingyu or Seungkwan or Soonyoung to face their fears and feelings if he wasn’t doing the same. 

“If that was true, Seungkwan, I wouldn’t feel this way about you.” 

“What?” Seungkwan raised his head from Hansol’s shoulder to look at him in the eye. Hansol missed the warmth already. “What’re you… talking about. Hansol, stop it.”

“Look… I don’t believe in that love at first sight, crap. Or that ‘butterflies in my stomach’ stuff either, so I’m not gonna say any of that fancy, cliche stuff. I’m gonna tell you the truth.” Hansol took a deep breath, finding it hard to breathe with Seungkwan looking at him like that. Like he couldn’t believe that. Questioning this. Hansol didn’t want him to question it. 

“I have the biggest crush on you, alright… It wasn’t love at first sight or anything like that, but over time, I feel something for you that I’ve never felt with anyone else. No, I don’t get butterflies like they talk about in movies and I don’t feel like I’m gonna pass out when you breathe in my direction,” Hansol huffed out a breath of laughter. “But I feel warm around you. I smile more. I feel like I’m unstoppable when you tell me I can do it. I look forward to doing essays in class because I know that you’ll be proud. And in the end… I’m more proud of myself too. I feel _ good _ around you. I love feeling that way. At night, I sit in my room and think about if you would like the movie I plan on watching. Sometimes… I’ll think about how soft your lips would be if we kissed. Whether or not you’d blush if I said the cheesy stuff while we’re kissing. Stuff like that. And to me, that’s better than some temporary butterflies and fireworks.”

Seungkwan diverted his eyes to the wall behind Hansol and back to Hansol. Opened his mouth for a slight moment before closing it again. Blinking constantly.

Seungkwan could only stare wide eyed at Hansol for a few moments as he tried to process the entirety of the situation. Hansol just confessed to him…? Hansol liked him? As bursts of excitement and happiness went off under his skin and in his heart, part of his mind was raining on his mental parade as the idea that Hansol was toying with him, materialized as a possibility. 

He never wanted to feel that way again. 

“You don’t mean that…” 

“I’m not Byungho,” Hansol said softly, seemingly reading Seungkwan’s mind. “I would never play with your feelings like that. Seungkwan, you are not ugly or fat. You aren’t a disgrace either. You’re the exact opposite of all those things and the fact that you really believe those things about yourself… makes me feel horrible.”

“You’re not supposed to like someone like me,” Seungkwan said, failing to project his voice, so in the end he was still whispering into the small space between him and Hansol. 

“A married couple once told me that there was no ‘supposed tos’ when it came to feelings,” Hansol said. He couldn’t help the way his gaze shifted down to Seungkwan’s lips. “So… So I’m not gonna hold back.”

“You want to kiss me?”

“Can I?”

“If you want to.”

“Do  _ you  _ want me to?”

“I haven’t had my first kiss before.”

“You have no idea how much I would love to be your first.”

Seungkwan felt something lodge itself in his throat as the two continued to bask in the presence of the other so close in each other’s personal space. 

Hansol was the one who initiated the kiss. He leaned in first, brushing his lips against Seungkwan’s and first pressing a few firm pecks to his lips. Those quickly turned into slow, languid and very clumsy--thanks to Seungkwan’s inexperience-- kisses that easily made the both of them breathless nonetheless. Hansol was the one who led the kiss as a whole, and Seungkwan couldn’t be happier, sighing into his mouth when Hansol rested his hand on Seungkwan’s rather plump cheeks. 

Instead of feeling embarrassed, Seungkwan hummed in contentment at how Hansol’s thumb caressed his face. It wasn’t until Hansol nudged Seungkwan’s lips so softly with his tongue that Seungkwan pulled away with a short laugh. 

The sweet sound of him chuckled made Hansol do the same. He watched Seungkwan bury his face in his hands that were somehow also red. 

“What’s so funny?”

“I got nervous,” Seungkwan muttered, words muffled by his hands, as he continued to laugh, pulling his knees to his chest. “You’re good at that.” If Hansol weren’t listening so intently, he wouldn’t have even heard Seungkwan say that. 

Hansol scoffed at the shy revelation. Filled with pride, Hansol easily unraveled Seungkwan from the cocoon he’d quickly made for himself and cradled Seungkwan’s face. “You’re good at kissing too.”

“You’re lying,” Seungkwan was trying to be serious but failed when Hansol smiled that cheesy, bright smile. It should be illegal. “Do you want to die?” Seungkwan asked playfully when Hansol leaned in closer, cradling his face just a bit tighter to keep him still. 

“I’d be happy if I can die from your kisses.”

“Hansol, shut up.”

“So you do blush when I say cheesy stuff while we’re kissing.”

“I hate you,” Seungkwan said but it quickly ended in a sigh as Hansol kissed him again. Harder this time and a bit more desperate. Despite him being nervous at first, Seungkwan welcomed the easy slide of Hansol’s tongue against his own, sighing at the feeling of it. It was overwhelming, simply put. 

Seungkwan wondered if this was what Hansol meant by the fact that there were no fireworks going off or any fluttering in his abdomen. All Seungkwan felt was a warmth consume him and it made him feel safe. Feel…  _ good,  _ as Hansol put it. 

Holding him close--a hand on the back of Hansol’s neck and another fisting at the fabric of his shirt-- Seungkwan held on tighter when Hansol moved to lie Seungkwan on his back, simply pushing all of their precious snacks onto the floor. Oh...

This was new, Seungkwan thought as Hansol leaned over his body and caught his lips in another kiss.

The contrasting, opposing feelings made yet another appearance as he happily basked in the pleasure of having Hansol so close to him and on top of him like this. Kissing him and touching him like this. However, he felt so insecure too. Seungkwan’s boyd couldn’t compare to Hansol’s and he was hyper aware of that. Especially when Hansol ran a hand up his thigh and hips and placed his hand under his shirt to settle it on his waist. 

“We should stop,” Seungkwan gasped. 

Heavily breathing and his eyes shut, Hansol took a moment to collect himself and nodded. But he wasn’t given the chance to respond. 

“I was thinking the exact same thing,” another voice sounded from the doorway. 

Seungkwan didn’t even take the time to look at the person, just turned to hide his face in the comforter.

“What the hell, Jun?” Hansol groaned, quickly moving from on top of Seungkwan. He swore that if he had anything to throw at his brother’s face, he would pitch it as hard as he could. “Get  _ out. Close  _ the door!”

“Maybe you should’ve closed it!” Junhui retorted. “I just wanted to watch the show you guys were so eagerly putting on.”

“He has a point. You should close the door next time,” another voice piped in. Seungkwan expected the familiar voice to be Joshua’s but it wasn’t. Just his luck… 

“Kwannie, I’m telling Jihoon and Wonwoo all about this,” Minghao laughed. “Can’t believe you didn’t tell us you were getting some. The betrayal.” 

Seungkwan tried to ball within himself again, hoping to disappear. 

“But since you guys are seconds away from dying from embarrassment, I’ll be the polite brother I am and close the door for you.” With more howls of laughter, Jun did as promised and shut the door.

“I see why Jihoon always wants to murder him,” Seungkwan mumbled still curled up on the bed, only unfurling himself when Hansol pulled him. Despite how red and embarrassed they both were, Hansol smiled at him, repositioning him so Seungkwan was the one lying on his lap. 

“So?”

“What?” Seungkwan asked.

“I’ve never had a boyfriend before. Several girlfriends, but never a boyfriend,” Hansol stated, weaving a hand in Seungkwan’s hair and delicately scratching at his scalp.

“Me either. But who says you have a boyfriend now? I don’t remember you asking anyone to be your boyfriend.”

“I’m pretty sure I did,” Hansol laughed. 

“I didn’t hear it. Mind saying it again for me?”

Hansol rolled his eyes and bit his lip like he was thinking about something. “Seungkwan?”

“Hmm?”

“Would you be my boyfriend, pleasseee?”

“I’ll think about it,” Seungkwan snickered but it quickly turned into a full blown laugh when Hansol glared down at him and pinched his nose. 

“I’m wounded. I thought we had something special.” Hansol put a hand to his chest and started whining and whimpering. 

“Aw, how can I fix it?”

“You can kiss me and say you’ll be my boyfriend,” Hansol decided without a second thought. Sharing a laugh, Seungkwan sat up to press a kiss to Hansol’s lips. It was short and sweet.

“I’ll be your boyfriend.”

 

***

 

Luckily when Seungkwan left Hansol’s house, Minghao had already gone home, so he only had to endure teasing from Junhui. 

When he had gotten home, Chan was running around the house in his underwear because he wanted to wear his fluffy race car pajamas and they were in the drier so he was patiently waiting for them to finish. Jeonghan obviously looked pissed about it so it must have been Seungcheol’s idea to allow him to roam the house like that. 

“Cheollie is ordering Thai,” Chan shouted excitedly when Seungkwan was on the way to his room. 

“Your favorite, right?”

“Yup, Thai and pizza are my favorites in the world.” 

“Chan! Come pick up your toys,” Jeonghan shouted from the living room before appearing at the end of the hall when Chan groaned and hauled himself in the living room. 

Seungkwan laughed.

“Kwannie, you look happy,” Jeonghan commented. “Had a good day at your friend’s house?”

“Yeah,” Seungkwan smiled. “It wasn’t anything special though.”

Jeonghan gave him a look before turning to go back into the living room and presumably ensure that Chan actually picked up his toys and didn’t hide them. 

Changing into some comfortable pajamas to spend the rest of the night with his brothers, Seungkwan checked his phone one last time. He’d gotten a lot of teasing messages from Minghao, of course. 

One from Jihoon asking “what the hell Minghao keeps texting me for??”

A few from Hansol who was telling him to get home safely and that he should come over again in a few days. 

The last was from Wonwoo. 

 

**_Woo_ **

_ Are u at home? _

**_Me_ **

_ Where were u earlier? _

Wonwoo’s reply came instantly.

**_Woo_ **

_ With Mingyu _

_ Look, I need to talk to u _

_ I’m picking u and Chan up tomorrow morning  _

 

Seungkwan didn’t like the urgency or the unpleasant feeling that he felt but he agreed anyway. Leaving his phone in his room, Seungkwan went to join Jeonghan, Seungcheol, and Chan, who was finally clothed, in kitchen for dinner. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! This chapter had me dying okay. I rewrote their confession scene like three times just to make it perfect. (But knowing me, there's still probably some typos so I'm sorry if there are.) I hope you liked the chapter though because I had fun writing it. 
> 
> Love you!  
> Mochi


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Mentioning of suicide attempts and depression

Wonwoo was outside of their house at exactly 7 o’clock which was a bit earlier than when they usually left for school on any other day, but Seungkwan didn’t mind. Especially after he reread Wonwoo’s messages from the night before and easily noticed the tension throughout the messages. He was actually a bit glad that Wonwoo pulled up at his house a little early because Seungkwan didn’t do well with anticipation. His mind would wander to all of the worst possibilities.

Which was exactly what it was doing while Seungkwan was pacing his room while waiting for Wonwoo to send him the text telling him that he was outside. Seungkwan had practically tripped over his own feet as soon as he heard the two chimes that he had set for when he got text messages from Wonwoo.

“Make sure you come home after school today,” Jeonghan yelled after Seungkwan when he and Chan were on their way to the front door. 

“Why?” Seungkwan questioned while Chan had already left the house, excited to see Wonwoo. 

It’s not that Seungkwan didn’t want to be at home, he just hoped that he would be able to spend another day with Hansol. They were boyfriends now. All he wanted to do was bask in the new pleasantness in the atmosphere that Seungkwan had only been able to experience through text messages so far. 

Jeonghan glared at Seungkwan with a raised eyebrow and his arms folded across his chest. “I just want you to come home after school. Is that a problem?”

Okay, it seemed like the oldest was in a bad mood so Seungkwan didn’t bother to try and get a proper explanation that wasn’t “because I said so.” Even Seungcheol had noticeably been tip toeing--figuratively and literally-- around Jeonghan all morning. 

“Alright. I’ll see you later then,” Seungkwan smiled, trying to make the situation at least a little better. He had no idea what Jeonghan’s problem was this morning but hopefully things were fine when Seungkwan did get home. An angry Jeonghan was never pleasant. 

When Seungkwan slid into the passenger seat of Wonwoo’s car, Chan was already in the back seat, completely buckled in and tapping away at Wonwoo’s phone with his headphones in his ear. Chan definitely had Wonwoo wrapped around his pinky finger. When Wonwoo muttered that they were going to stop at a nearby store to grab Chan some ice cream for breakfast, Seungkwan realized just how true that statement was. 

Luckily, Seungkwan wasn’t as whipped for Chan as all of his other friends were. 

“He isn’t getting ice cream for breakfast,” Seungkwan said firmly, buckling his seatbelt. 

“Please,” Wonwoo frowned, his voice uncharacteristically soft. Seungkwan lifted his head from his phone to scold Wonwoo but stopped when he saw Wonwoo’s face. Yeah, that stupid pout was on his lips as a silent plea on Chan’s behalf, but he also looked… sad. He looked tired too. But what bothered Seungkwan the most was the fact that Wonwoo’s eyes were puffy and his cheeks were blotched. He’d been crying. 

“What’s wrong?” Seungkwan asked. Wonwoo’s eyes widened for a quick moment as if he hadn’t expected Seungkwan to realize so quickly that he was upset.

“I’ll tell you if you let me buy Chan some ice cream,” Wonwoo said. He forced a small smile in order to reassure Seungkwan for the time being but that failed. Seungkwan furrowed his brows even more than he was before, now frowning sympathetically at Wonwoo. 

“Fine. Just tell me,” Seungkwan pushed.

“In a bit,” Wonwoo said briefly as he pulled off down the road without sparing Seungkwan another glance. 

Inhaling sharply and burying his desire to push the topic just a bit more, Seungkwan nodded and averted his attention back to his phone. 

Just as promised, Wonwoo parked in front of a store that Seungkwan regularly made trips to when he wanted a quick snack. It took only a few minutes for Wonwoo to go inside and come back with a stick of chocolate covered ice cream. 

“Thank you!” Chan said, not really having time to look up at Wonwoo because he was absolutely immersed in whatever show he was watching on Wonwoo’s phone.

“Anything for you,” Wonwoo uttered as he started up the car once again. Seungkwan watched him out of the corner of his eye, finding it hard to focus when Wonwoo was so obviously upset. But luckily, the aimless concern didn’t last long. When Wonwoo came to a shaky stop at a red light, Wonwoo took a deep breath and shut his eyes for a moment. 

“I broke up with Mingyu,” Wonwoo murmured, letting his glossy eyes slide open again. All in a few seconds, it seemed as if a wave of pain washed over Wonwoo before he somehow grabbed hold of his emotions and buried them under feigned nonchalance once again. Seungkwan looked back at Chan for a second, seeing that Chan hadn’t reacted at all. Maybe that was why Wonwoo let him play with his phone and eat ice cream. To distract him. It was something a parent would do to distract their child from the situation at hand so Seungkwan understood why Wonwoo would do it. 

“I’m sorry…” was the first thing that Seungkwan could say. Not because he didn’t know what else to say but because he genuinely was sorry. Wonwoo must have been hurting so bad and not allowing himself to cry about it. 

“Well technically it’s a ‘break’ but that’s the same thing,” Wonwoo scoffed, after taking another deep breath. “It hurts just as much.”

“Why’d you break up with him?” 

“He knew…” Wonwoo said, finally glancing at Seungkwan for a second before diverting his gaze back to the road when the light turned green. “He knew what happened to you and he knew that they were planning on it too. Yet he said nothing about it. I was so  _ pissed  _ when he told me. He had the nerve to cry about it as if he wasn’t the one who let that happen to you. He has no reason to cry. So I broke up with him.” Wonwoo was practically gritting his teeth and clenching his jaw in order to keep composure. If Chan weren’t in the back seat, then Wonwoo would probably have yelled by now. 

Seungkwan stayed silent. 

“But look who's talking about having the nerve to cry.” Wonwoo shook his head at himself. “I’m the one who broke up with him, yet all I wanna do is cry and go back to him.”

“You shouldn’t have broken up with him… Maybe he has a reason…” Seungkwan tried, attempting to be optimistic about the situation. “Maybe he had no choice but to stay quiet.”

“Bullshit. He could have told me not to let you come to the party. He could have told me to stay close to you. Anything at all. But he didn’t. He laughed and talked to me as if he didn’t know what Byungho was planning to do. I can’t respect that.”

“Don’t break up with Mingyu on my behalf,” Seungkwan uttered forwardly, his heart feeling heavy in guilt. If Wonwoo was hurting from this break up and the break up was because of Seungkwan, then Seungkwan felt completely responsible for Wonwoo’s pain. He didn’t want to be the root of Wonwoo’s pain. 

If Seungkwan had been smarter that night then Mingyu wouldn’t have needed to say anything on his behalf, and ultimately there would be no break up. 

“Seungkwan, it isn’t your fault,” Wonwoo said. Seungkwan snorted at how easily Wonwoo was able to read him. “We’re best friends. If he doesn’t respect you, then I can’t be with him… He valued his own reputation over your safety and others’ too. I can’t stand by him while he does that. And I haven’t gotten the chance to say this yet so…  _ I’m _ sorry for not being able to be there when you needed me most. I’m sorry that this happened to you while I was literally making out with Mingyu in the same building you were being attacked.”

“Don’t say that. You sound like me,” Seungkwan chuckled. “You can’t blame yourself for this… Jihoon and Minghao shouldn’t either. I’m the one who didn’t say anything.”

“Not true… Let’s make a deal,” Wonwoo said. For the first time that morning, Wonwoo gave a genuine, tired smile. Seungkwan couldn’t help but smile too. His friend’s happiness naturally made him happy.

“What is it?”

“If we can’t take the blame for what happened, you can’t either.”

“What about Mingyu? He shouldn’t have to take the blame either, right?” Seungkwan hummed. He could only imagine how Mingyu must feel. Blaming himself for the entire situation.

It was ironic. Everyone except the culprit wanted to take responsibility for the situation. Going through all of the “what ifs” and blaming themselves for not being able to do something as impossible as predict the outcome of a situation. In the end, none of it made sense. But that somehow made it all the more worst which was why… everyone was rushing to take the blame. 

Wonwoo and Seungkwan sighed in tandem.

“I… I don’t blame him,” Wonwoo admitted. “But I just wished he would have said  _ something _ .”

“We all wish we would have done something,” Seungkwan said. Instinctively, he placed a comforting hand on Wonwoo’s shoulder and gave a smile. “But there’s no use in constantly thinking about it. We should help each other move forward.”

“We should help  _ you _ move forward. So, no more blaming, alright? Promise.”

Wonwoo--who naturally drove with both hands on the wheel at all times-- moved his right hand to raise his pinky. Seungkwan practically giggled at the childish gesture and wrapped his pinky around Wonwoo’s. “No more blaming.”

When they pulled into the parking lot of school, Chan leisurely gathered his things from the backseat, trying to waste as much time as possible so he didn’t have to go into school. Seungkwan and Wonwoo fully understood so they don’t even rush the youngest in the slightest. Chan reached to place Wonwoo’s phone and headphones in his lap with a smile. But he also practically climbed over the seat to embrace Wonwoo. 

“I’m sorry that happened, Wonwoo. I hope you feel better about Mingyu,” Chan uttered. “I love you.”

“Love you too, Chan,” Wonwoo smiled, not finding the ability to be angry or shocked that Chan had somewhat eavesdropped on their conversation. This was Chan after all, and like Seungkwan thought, he’d been spending too much time with Jihoon. 

“Bye bye, Kwannie,” Chan gave Seungkwan a tight hug too before finally climbing out of the car. Seungkwan and Wonwoo share a knowing, accusatory glance with each other before bursting into laughter. Chan was always sneaky but the sweet, kind gesture that followed, made up for it. 

 

On the way to school, Wonwoo took a quick detour to a nearby cafe. He’d said that this was also a reason why he wanted Seungkwan to ride to school with him this morning. While he was utterly confused as to why they were stopping at a coffee shop when school was going to start in less than half an hour, Seungkwan followed anyway. 

“Aren’t Jihoon and Minghao waiting for us?” Seungkwan asked as they both shut their respective car doors, and Wonwoo pressed the button to lock the car.

“They know where we are. They’ll wait for us by the back doors of the school since we’ll pretty much be late,” Wonwoo shrugged. Seungkwan’s eyebrows jumped halfway up the expanse of his forehead. The way Wonwoo was talking about this made it seem like they weren’t basically breaking school rules for some coffee. 

Seungkwan wondered if Wonwoo truly believed that an Iced Americano or a frappe was really worth missing school over. But as Wonwoo confidently ambled into the cafe, Seungkwan took that as “of course he does.” 

When they entered, Seungkwan’s worries melted away as he was lured by the smell of freshly baked bread. Now he suddenly also believed that this was completely worth being late to school for.

“I’ll get you something. Wait for me over there,” Wonwoo said with a tap on Seungkwan’s shoulder before discreetly pointing across the room. Looking where Wonwoo was pointing, Seungkwan sees a familiar girl from school. He was sure that her name was Junghyun. 

“No,” Seungkwan said firmly, absolutely hating the idea of sitting alone at a table with someone he didn’t know. “I’m scared,” he admitted with a childish pout.

“Junghyun is my friend,” Wonwoo encouraged. “You know I wouldn’t just tell you to sit with some random person that I don’t know and trust.” 

Seungkwan sighed, knowing that Wonwoo was right. If Wonwoo trusted and knew her then everything should be fine. That’s what Seungkwan tried to convince himself at least. 

So while Wonwoo took it upon himself to order for them, Seungkwan walked over with his heart heavy with reluctance. 

Nearing the table, Junghyun looked up and immediately her face lit up as if she was genuinely looking forward to seeing Seungkwan. He couldn’t deny the fact that his face vaguely twisted in confusion even when he hadn’t exactly meant to. 

“Um, hi,” Seungkwan tried, giving a tight lipped smile. “I’m Wonwoo’s friend, Seungkwan.”

“I know,” Junghyun said, somehow still smiling. Despite how hesitant Seungkwan might have felt, deep down, he was glad to see her so happy. If he remembered correctly, she was the girl last year who attempted suicide. He then distantly wondered if this was all a facade and if she was actually hurting on the inside. 

“I actually asked to see you,” she continued. She took another small sip from whatever was in her insulated cup.

“For what?” Seungkwan asked. “Did I do something?”

“No, no.” Junghyun snickered at Seungkwan’s readiness to apologize. But in a pleasant, sweet way. “I hate to be so forward but… it’s about Byungho and what he did.”

Seungkwan swore that his heart dropped from all of the heaviness weighing down on him. There was no way that what happened wasn’t circulating around the school. Hansol found out and now Junghyun knew? That must be why Byungho wanted to talk to him. To threaten him or even attack him again because somehow people were finding out about what happened. And on top of that, Seungkwan couldn’t help the way the humiliation and mortification would smash against him like a punch to the gut anytime someone mentioned that they’d found out about it. 

Immediately seeing Seungkwan’s reaction, Junghyun nearly choked on her drink rushing to assure him that nothing was wrong. “It’s not what you think-”

“How do you know that?  _ Who told you _ ?”

“No one. I know because it happened to me too,” Junghyun said, her voice a lot lower than before, so now the both of them had to lean in to hear each other across the small table. Seungkwan softened a bit but still tense. He didn’t know that it had happened to anyone else other than him. “I asked Wonwoo to get you to talk to me because… Byungho has been trying to talk to me…” 

“Did… Did he send the pictures he took to your phone too?” Seungkwan asked quietly. 

“Yeah. I hated seeing that.”

“He did the same to me.” Seungkwan took a moment to clear his throat. “I-I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“Same to you, Seungkwan. It feels horrible knowing that you and those other students had to experience the same feeling I felt.” 

Seungkwan got the urge to get up and leave. His empathy has always been a blessing and a curse for him. It caused him to be extremely understanding of situations, but it also caused him to take on everyone’s feelings and problems as his own. When Wonwoo had told him that he broke up Mingyu, the dreadful feeling that filled his heart was as if he was the one who had experienced the break up. 

At the moment, it was a curse. 

Along with his own pained feelings, Seungkwan couldn’t help but feel even worse knowing that not only did Junghyun experience what he did but other students did too. He pondered about who else it could be but knew that he probably didn’t want to find out. Did they react in the same way he did when Byungho came back to school? 

“Why would he do that to us?” Seungkwan found himself wondering aloud. “What would make him do that to  _ us.  _ To  _ anyone. _ ” 

“Anything that makes you weird in his eyes, I guess,” Junghyun said, forcing a short breath of laughter. “At the time when… I got beat up, I had a girlfriend. It wasn’t really a secret which was stupid of me. I knew homophobes existed, yet I still put us in danger by being so open about our relationship.”

Seungkwan sucked in a breath and cast his eyes downward. It hit really close to home for him. 

“We’ve broken up since then,” Junghyun continued. “I had basically withdrew from her completely after what happened. I hadn’t told anyone and I felt like I couldn’t tell her either. I was hurting so bad and I was so  _ embarrassed _ .” 

Seungkwan understood that too. 

“In the end, she just broke up with me and said that I changed. Which I did… How can you not?”

He was struck silent somehow. Relating to her every word. Reliving the pain of the situation as she spoke. Hating that she knew exactly what he felt like. The fear he had in his heart when he got that picture. The paranoia he got whenever he was at school, thinking that when he turned around, Byungho would be stalking over to him, to humiliate him even more. Junghyun understood all of that. And he hated that so much. 

When Wonwoo came back, he was struggling to hold two muffins and what must have been two frappes for him and Seungkwan. “Is everything okay?” Wonwoo questioned, sensing the melancholy in the air. 

Only then did it occur to Seungkwan that Wonwoo knew what they had been talking about and sent him over here for that reason. Despite Wonwoo’s pain, he and his friends went out of their way to let Seungkwan know that he wasn’t alone. Talking to Junghyun was probably part of that. 

“Yeah, we’re fine,” Seungkwan gingerly smiled, taking the muffin and frappe from Wonwoo. 

“Did you…?” Wonwoo’s question trailed off when Junghyun shook her head.

“Is something wrong?” Seungkwan asked. 

“The reason I wanted to talk to you was because I don’t want to stay silent anymore. Especially knowing that this happened to other people,” Junghyun said while picking with her fingernails. “I wasn’t going to until Soonyoung talked to me the other day. He said he’d support me if we decided to say something. So that’s when I called Wonwoo so I could talk to you.”

“Wait. You want to tell someone about what happened? But Byungho-”

“Won’t find out. I’ll make sure that no one finds out that we told… if you and the others agree, that is.” Junghyun looked up at Seungkwan expectantly. He could easily see the pleading in her gaze and how she tried to hide it with a reassuring smile. Junghyun didn’t want to pressure Seungkwan even though she was hoping that he would agree. That was evident in her eyes alone. 

For a moment, Seungkwan admired Junghyun for her strength. For her ability to strive to become stronger after hitting a mental rock bottom and attempting to take her own life. Standing tall. Trying to overcome her fears and find her strength. Seungkwan wanted to do the same despite being absolutely afraid of what was to come. So…

“Of course,” Seungkwan nodded. “I’ll help you in any way I can. I’ll even talk about what happened to me if it’ll help. Whatever you decide to do, I’ll be behind you.” 

Both Wonwoo and Junghyun smiled; Wonwoo going as far as to jump out of his chair and embrace Seungkwan tightly . Even though his words were muffled from being pressed into Seungkwan’s shoulder, Seungkwan could hear Wonwoo mutter the words, “I’m so proud of you.” 

“Thank you so much,” Junghyun smiled, beaming at the display of support. “You guys remind me of my twin sister and I…” When she said that, Seungkwan instantly noticed the moment she had an epiphany. 

“Who is actually probably outside waiting for me!” Junghyun gasped as she began quickly gathering her things from the table. “I’m so sorry for having to leave so suddenly, but my sister hates waiting and we already missed a good bit of first period.”

“Don’t we all,” Wonwoo said. “I’ll give Seungkwan your number and you can talk that way.”

“Okay, thanks again. I’ll talk to you later!”

Seungkwan and Wonwoo waved one last time to Junghyun before she was rushing out of the door. Through the windows of the cafe, Seungkwan could see Junghyun bowing several times in apology as she neared the car parked across the street. 

“Come on, we gotta go too,” Wonwoo said with a slight chuckle. He was still clinging to Seungkwan’s arm out of sheer pride for Seungkwan.

As they both return to the car, Seungkwan wondering why in the world he hasn’t had a frappe in months because they were so delicious now that he was drinking one again, Wonwoo had been looking at Seungkwan nervously. Seungkwan didn’t say anything until they were buckled up in the car. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Seungkwan asked, going back to his frappe in mere seconds after speaking. 

“I just want to make sure you’re okay,” Wonwoo said truthfully as he started the car. 

“With all of the support you guys have been giving me lately, I’m fine. Trust me.” But even after Seungkwan said that, it was evident from Wonwoo’s expression that he didn’t entirely believe that what he was doing was enough. 

Seungkwan would work his hardest to show his friends how grateful he was to them. 

On their way to school, Wonwoo’s phone that was sitting on his lap had lit up as he received a few text messages. Just a quick glance down at the caller ID made Wonwoo burst into laughter and made Seungkwan want to curl in on himself immediately. Already knowing what was coming when he saw that it had been Minghao that had texted. 

“That reminds me!” Wonwoo teased. “I didn’t know you and Hansol have been getting it on! I’m hurt that you didn’t tell me.”

“It literally happened yesterday,” Seungkwan groaned. 

“And I should have been told  _ yesterday _ .”

“I’m sure Minghao had told you as soon as he walked in on us.”

Wonwoo continued to laugh as if it was the funniest thing ever. “I can imagine you guys’ faces! So funny! I can’t believe it!” 

Seungkwan could practically die from embarrassment right now. 

 

***

 

When he and Wonwoo did get to school, Jihoon and Minghao were waiting by the back doors of the school for them just like Wonwoo promised. Since Minghao and Jihoon had only been concerned with how everything had gone with Junghyun and getting to class as quickly as possible, Seungkwan was actually convinced-- or just  _ really _ hoping-- that they’d just forgotten about or decided not to speak about what Minghao had walked in on the day before. Seungkwan had been embarrassed enough already by Wonwoo in the car. 

But Seungkwan knew better. He knew his friends better than that. As soon as the lunch bell had rang and they met in their usual spot by one of their lockers to go to the cafeteria, Seungkwan was being pelted by countless questions. 

“How did it happen?”

“Who confessed first?”

“Did you use any tongue in the kiss?”

“Ew, Minghao, who the fuck asks a question like that?”

“How long was the kiss, dude?”

“Are you guys boyfriends now?”

The last question made him blush madly, but he was able to anxiously murmur, “Yes, we’re dating now.”

“Does that mean we have to see more of Hansol?” Jihoon said, his nostrils flaring and his lips twisting as if he’d smelled something disgusting.

“Maybe. Is it a problem?” Minghao asked, mocking Jihoon’s expression with an over exaggerated grimace of his own. Even though Wonwoo and Seungkwan found it a little bit funny, they held back their laughter when Jihoon glared at them.  

“Hansol is too happy for me,” Jihoon sighed, his body slouching dramatically. “I get enough optimism from Seungkwan and Wonwoo. Plus, you annoy me enough.” Minghao ignored the insult and just blew teasing kisses Jihoon’s way. 

“Maybe you should learn to be a little more optimistic,” Seungkwan said, tapping his fingers on the cafeteria table. He was wondering if he should take the risk of checking his phone out in the open like this since he had unexpectedly gotten two or three notifications. He’d try to ignore it for now. He had broken a lot of school rules lately so he decided that the least he could do to respect the rules was to follow the easiest rule of not taking out his phone during school. 

“Yeah, you’re such a pessimist,” Wonwoo said, raising his head up from his folded arms he was leaning on. The lunch period was long enough for him to usually get a short nap or rest in. 

“I’m a realist,” Jihoon corrected. Seungkwan couldn’t really disagree with that. Jihoon didn’t necessarily expect everything to turn out horribly but didn’t expect them to turn out perfectly fine either. Jihoon was brutally honest about what he thought and based everything off of what he knew. He was logical, to put it simply. 

Minghao was quick to disagree and tease Jihoon, but Seungkwan didn’t get the chance to truly listen because his phone was going off in his pocket again. As slyly as possible, Seungkwan pulled his phone from his pocket and strained his neck and eyes to glance at it from under their cafeteria table. Vaguely, he heard a slap from beside him, a whine shortly thereafter, and a quick gasp.

Of course, Minghao had gotten slapped. 

**_< 3Hansol<3_ **

_ Where r u? _

_ Kwannie, I miss u  _

_ Can u meet me behind the auditorium _

_ Right now _

_ It’s an emergency _

 

“I think Hansol needs me,” Seungkwan said under his breath. He’d said it to no one in particular but Minghao had heard him. 

“Then what’re you sitting here for? Your man needs you,” Minghao said, a little louder than Seungkwan would have liked, still rubbing his cheek. 

“Haha, Kwannie has a  _ man  _ now,” Wonwoo cooed. 

“What about your  _ man,  _ huh?” Jihoon asked with a teasing grin. Seungkwan felt the atmosphere shift and honestly didn’t know if he could bear seeing Wonwoo like this again. With a sympathetic smile towards Wonwoo who was yet again preparing himself to explain his situation, Seungkwan excused himself from his friends. With Minghao and Jihoon focused on Wonwoo, they didn’t really give Seungkwan much of a goodbye as he sneakily made his way out of the cafeteria. 

It took him no time at all to make it to the auditorium since he was pretty much rushing out of worry. Seungkwan saw Hansol sitting all alone on the back steps of the auditorium as soon as he neared it. When he saw Seungkwan coming his way, Hansol stood and smiled. Seungkwan expected Hansol to make his way towards him but instead beckoned Seungkwan to follow him to the side of the auditorium. This was where Mingyu and Wonwoo always met up. Well before yesterday. 

“Is everything okay?” Seungkwan asked, voice laced in concern as he looked over Hansol’s body as the latter leaned against the concrete wall. He was in his basketball shorts and a random shirt for practice that Seungkwan was sure was about to end in the next ten minutes along with their lunch period. The hint of something hot between them was there, but Seungkwan tried to ignore it. Hansol didn’t seem too bothered by it at all though.

“Everything is perfectly fine,” Hansol murmured before grabbing for Seungkwan’s hands and pulling him in close against his body, catching his lips in a soft kiss. At first, Seungkwan was confused, but instantly got lost in the task of reacquainting himself with the softness of Hansol’s lips, the smoothness of his tongue, the firmness of his body. Even though they’d just kissed yesterday, Seungkwan felt as if he’d been deprived of this. 

“I was kinda sad that you wouldn’t be able to come over tonight,” Hansol mumbled, chuckling when Seungkwan persistently pressed kisses to his lips even when he was trying to talk and letting his hands rest on Seungkwan’s hips. “So I wanted to make the most of this time we have now. I missed your kisses.”

Seungkwan hummed out a laugh, trying his best to match Hansol’s pace. It was hard but it was worth it… at first. It quickly got frustrating because Seungkwan hated thinking that Hansol probably wasn’t enjoying this kiss as much as he was. 

“It’s okay,” Hansol groaned. Seungkwan couldn’t deny that his breath hitched a bit at hearing Hansol’s voice so low and rough. “I told you that you’re good at this. Kissing you is perfect.” 

Hansol didn’t say it aloud, but the fact that Seungkwan was so inexperienced made the kiss even better in his opinion. It was endearing how Seungkwan tried so hard to follow his lead or how he subconsciously fisted Hansol’s shirt when Hansol moved his tongue in a certain way. 

“You’re so cheesy,” Seungkwan giggled. “What if we get caught like yesterday?” It sounded like Seungkwan was joking but he was completely serious. Getting caught at school was completely different than being caught in the comfort of your own home where you knew that, deep down, no one would truly cause you any harm. 

“No one’s gonna come out of the auditorium for a while. Coach is chewing a hole in everybody’s ass.”

“And you’re out here kissing me. You’re so bad,” Seungkwan teased, pressing his forehead to Hansol’s. 

“If I’m bad, then you’re bad too. Last time I checked, we aren’t allowed to leave the cafeteria during the lunch period and here you are. Kissing me,” Hansol laughed, nuzzling his nose against Seungkwan’s nose when Seungkwan’s sweet laughter filled the space between them.

“Lunch and practice are different.”

“A broken rule is still a broken rule.”

“I hate you,” Seungkwan whispered, the wind making it slightly hard to hear. His heart was racing in anticipation, waiting for Hansol to kiss him.

“I’ll make it up to you,” Hansol promised.

“How?”

“With more kisses, of course.” 

 

***

 

Hansol was in a good mood for the rest of the school day and the entire ride to Soonyoung’s house after school. He’d been smiling twice as big as usual that in their last period, Jihoon had frowned and told him to “Gosh, with you and Seungkwan smiling like that, I’ll never be able to catch a break.” 

The fact that Seungkwan was also smiling so happily after their affair at lunch made Hansol just that much more happier. However, when they were in Soonyoung’s mom’s car-- she offered them homemade meringue cookies and they couldn’t reject-- it was obvious that Mingyu was feeling the exact opposite, like he had been all day. 

Hansol thought that Mingyu was just tired and in a bad mood since he supposedly had a dentist appointment the day before and Mingyu hated the dentist almost as much as Junhui did. But Mingyu didn’t look exhausted. He looked like he was hurting.

Soonyoung noticed it too. When Soonyoung and Hansol caught each other’s gaze, silently questioning the other, both were met with the same unknowing shrug.

Hansol kept it to himself for the time being, telling himself that he’d ask Mingyu about it later. When they get to Soonyoung’s house, Hansol outwardly sighed in relief at it being quiet and pleasant. A huge contrast from the state this house was in the last time he’d come here. 

It was obvious that Soonyoung’s mom was still hurting and so was Soonyoung since his dad was no longer here, but they smile through it anyway. Hansol noticed that his mom also checked on Soonyoung a lot more than she had before. She ensured that Soonyoung wasn’t feeling abandoned and alone, showering him in love and motherly touches while they indulged in cookies in the kitchen. 

With Mingyu still being in a horrible mood, Soonyoung and Hansol were alone in trying to brighten the mood as the tallest threw himself on Soonyoung’s bed and buried his face in the pillow. 

The room was quiet for a moment. Soonyoung and Hansol still wondering how they should bring up Mingyu’s mood. Wandering around the room, Hansol stopped in front of Soonyoung’s calendar that hung up on his wall next to his window. Every month was a different flower and had an inspirational quote written just under it. The quotes either never made any sense to Hansol or were just a repetition of the same silly phrases you heard on a daily basis. 

He had no true interest in it, just wanted to occupy himself, but when he realized something new written on every Thursday of this month and next month, Hansol frowned. 

“You’re going to therapy now?” Hansol asked. 

“Really?” It had been the first word Mingyu had said in a while. 

“Uh… yeah.” His voice was low in shame. When Hansol turned to look at Soonyoung, his face softened when he realized just how ashamed Soonyoung looked. He looked small. Soonyoung set his gaze upon the carpet as he let the words rush out of his mouth, almost as if he’d already thought of it all and just opened the floodgates for the words to just flow. “I know I’m supposed to be all manly and stuff but I’ve been having some suicidal thoughts and they said I might have depression. I have medicine and I hate it a lot but-”

“You don’t need to explain,” Mingyu grumbled before Soonyoung could finish his rant. 

“Yeah, why’re so nervous?” Hansol asked, a lot less forceful than Mingyu but just as firm. “You didn’t do anything wrong… You said you were having suicidal thoughts?”

Soonyoung gulped and still didn’t look up from the ground. But he nodded. “I was scared that you guys would think I was over exaggerating. Scared of the stupid stigma around depression. I was so upset when they diagnosed me with it.”

“Did you… try?” Mingyu muttered. All of the anger in his expression had softened into worry as he sat up on the edge of Soonyoung’s bed. 

“Try to kill myself? Almost… But my mom walked in,” Soonyoung sighed heavily and buried his face in his hands. “I’m sorry.”

“We’re sorry,” Hansol corrected. The thought of Soonyoung feeling so bad that he would want to take his own life was… Hansol didn’t know. He just knew he was sorry. Both him and Mingyu scrambling to get next to Soonyoung. Hearts throbbing in the pain of imagining Soonyoung feeling so low. 

“You can come to us if you’re sad, bro. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. We’re your friends. You may be depressed… but you’re still Soonyoung. We’ll support you through this.”

“We’ll even come to one of your therapy sessions with you if you want,” Mingyu offered. With him being taller than his two best friends, Mingyu was able to throw both of his arms around them and smother them into his hold.

“For real?” Soonyoung mumbled. 

“Of course.”

Soonyoung smiled. “You know… my therapist is the reason I told Jihoon what I did. It was eating away at me. Dr. Kim told me that I should get rid of all of the baggage I was carrying around. So I told Jihoon what I did… We were going on all of these dates but I felt horrible. Every time Jihoon checked his bag every ten minutes for his inhaler whenever there was an unfamiliar smell always made me feel like… shit. So even though he’s mad at me, I think I did the right thing… and now I just got rid of another burden I’ve been carrying around.”

“What burden?” Hansol hummed.

“I finally got to be honest with you guys about how I was feeling. I hate hiding things from you. So I’m laying it out right here… And it feels good.”

Hansol has said it about a billion times now but Soonyoung has one of the best smiles that Hansol has ever been blessed with being able to see. It’s bright, childlike, innocent, and overall strictly Soonyoung’s. It was genuine. Hansol reached over and pinched his cheeks out on a whim because… who wouldn’t when Soonyoung was smiling like that? 

“Since we’re admitting things,” Mingyu sighed, backing up again. Now it was his turn to be nervous. “Me and Wonwoo were dating this entire time… but we broke up yesterday.” 

Hansol had practically been waiting for this day when he could tease Mingyu about this and throw it in his best friend’s face that he’d seen the two kissing that one time. He’d had it all planned out in his head. He had even planned on faking like he was absolutely shocked by the revelation, but now he actually was. 

They’d broken up?

“Why’d you guys break up?” Hansol said in a low breath of disappointment. Soonyoung was still overcoming the shock that he in fact wasn’t the odd one out in their friend group, being the only one that liked guys in that way. 

“He said I only cared about myself since I didn’t say warn Seungkwan about what I knew. I blame myself completely. I miss him,” Mingyu admitted, letting himself fall back onto the bed once again. His solemn aura surrounding him once again. 

“I’m not trying to be your therapist or anything,” Soonyoung said, “But Dr. Kim told me that blaming myself gets no one anywhere. Doing something about it is the best thing to do.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“We’ll figure that out,” Soonyoung reassured. “We always do, right?” And that was indeed true. 

“Well I’m dating Seungkwan now,” Hansol blurted, feeling that it  was only right for him to also admit something too. He expected his friends to gasp or even at least give him a look of shock. But all he got was two loud sighs of relief as they threw their heads back. 

“Fucking  _ finally _ !” Mingyu drawled, throwing his long arms out, almost hitting Hansol but hitting Soonyoung straight in the face. “I was getting sick of having to fake as if I didn’t see you staring at Seungkwan from across the cafeteria.”

“And the heart eyes you always sent his way,” Soonyoung snorted. Hansol opened his mouth to mention the way the two of them were around their crushes but he quickly decided against it since both of their crushes weren’t exactly happy with them right now. So he happily endured all of the teasing, if it meant that they were smiling. 

As they talked--more like teased Hansol-- Soonyoung’s mom came in about three times. She sent Soonyoung a reassuring smile every single time which Soonyoung accepted and returned with a smile of his own. Hansol may not have been on the receiving end of either of their smiles but he felt the love. 

“We should do something fun,” Mingyu commented, pursing his lips in thought. 

“Like what?” Soonyoung squinted his eyes as he joined in on thinking of something to do. 

“Let’s play hide and seek,” Hansol suggested. They used to play hide and seek all the time, especially because Soonyoung’s house always had the best hiding places. Well not for Mingyu because he was so tall and clumsy that he’d always knock something down while trying to hide or get too cramped after waiting for so long for someone to find him that he’d just forfeit the game. 

“We’re too old for that,” Mingyu whined but Hansol and Soonyoung disagreed greatly. 

“You’re just too big so you’re being salty,” Soonyoung accused. The annoyed eye roll Mingyu gave in response was enough confirmation for that though. 

“It’ll be fun and fun is for everybody. Including tall puppies,” Hansol said. Immediately, Mingyu broke out into a full blown smile, even curling into himself a bit in an attempt to ball up. Sometimes it seemed like Mingyu forgot how tall he was and mistook himself for being as small as Jihoon. 

“Mingyu is the seeker,” Soonyoung said quickly. Before he could retaliate, Soonyoung and Hansol were already darting out of the room. 

 

***

 

Just like Jeonghan had told him to, Seungkwan went home right after school. Not expecting Seungcheol to be home just yet, Seungkwan was surprised when he was met with all three of his family’s voices coming from the kitchen. 

“Chan, keep still,” Jeonghan growled. 

“It hurts,” came Chan’s whiny voice soon after, sounding as if he was on the verge of tears. Kicking his shoes off by the door and dropping his bag on the sofa, Seungkwan made his way into the kitchen. 

“What happened?” Seungkwan asked when he saw Chan’s uniform caked in dirt and mud and a bloody lip. The youngest was sat on the counter with Jeonghan standing in front of him, lightly pressing a wet towel to the blood on his chin and upper lip. Seungcheol was in the freezer most likely preparing an ice pack.

“Chan got into a fight at school,” Jeonghan sighed lowly, a prevalent frown gracing his soft facial features.

“They called Jeonghan and Seungcheol faggots after I did my family project,” Chan yelled, his fists balling as if he was ready to fight someone or anyone else. “What was I supposed to do?!” His question was mostly directed at Jeonghan who was obviously the one most bothered by it. Knowing Seungcheol well, Seungkwan was sure that Seungcheol actually understood the situation and wasn’t really too bothered by Chan defending what he believed was right. But Jeonghan was a different story, only worried that Chan got  _ hit.  _

Seungkwan was somewhere in the middle of that spectrum.

“You don’t hit people,” Jeonghan reprimanded. “You could have broken your hearing aids.”

“Kwannie!” Chan called, requesting help and back up. He always did when he felt that he was right and Jeonghan was wrong. Before Seungkwan could even get a word out though, Jeonghan shot him the scariest glare he’d seen in a  _ long  _ time. Seungkwan instantly stopped talking.

“And I told you not to tell people that…” Jeonghan continued, grabbing the ice pack and towel from Seungcheol. 

“Tell them what?” 

“That… you have a brother who dates another boy. I don’t want you to get bullied for it.”

“I’ll just beat them up again,” Chan stated simply, much to Jeonghan’s annoyance and Seungcheol’s pride. Seungkwan chuckled, quite proud to hear that Chan had won the fight. Yeah, Seungkwan didn’t want Chan fighting at all, but if he did, Seungkwan wanted him to win of course. He’ll have to congratulate him later. 

“Come on, let’s get you out of these dirty clothes,” Seungcheol said as he hauled Chan off of the countertop and on to the floor, keeping the ice pack on his lip. “Apologize for worrying Jeonghan so much.”

“I’m sorry, Hannie.” 

Jeonghan didn’t look too convinced but forced a smile anyway. “Give me your hearing aids so I can clean them while you’re taking a shower.” 

Chan obeyed quickly and, as always, darted off in front of Seungcheol so he can purposefully annoy Seungcheol. Seungkwan held in a chuckle when he noticed that Jeonghan was simply standing there in the middle of the kitchen. He looked like he wanted to cry, his lip quivering and brows pinched intensely, but he was trying his best not to. 

“Jeonghan?”

“Yeah?”

“You okay?” Seungkwan pushed himself from off of the wall that he didn’t even know he had leaned on to begin with. The question, laced with concern, made the tears Jeonghan had been holding in, fall. It happened so quickly that Jeonghan himself had to laugh pathetically at himself as he wiped his tears. 

“Looks like everyone is playing the blame game today,” Seungkwan bantered as neared Jeonghan and placed a hand on his shoulder. “You aren’t the reason Chan got into a fight. Chan is proud to have you and Seungcheol and that’s why he talked about you guys’ in his project.”

“I don’t want to make his life harder than it already is.”

“You aren’t. You and Seuncheol are making our lives so much better. Without you, where would we be?”

Jeonghan didn’t give an answer. Seungkwan didn’t really want an answer either, just wanted Jeonghan to do exactly what he was doing now, smiling.

“Help me make a snack for Chan after I clean his hearing aids,” Jeonghan decided. 

“We’re congratulating him on fighting now?” Seungkwan teased. 

“Something like that…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sooooooooo sorry this took so long. I'm not sure what was wrong with me for the last few weeks but I was feeling very sad and I couldn't find any motivation to do anything other than sleep and eat. But I'm getting better. Thank you so much for being patient with me!
> 
> Sadly there's only a few more chapters of this fic left and I'm so sad about it because I loveeee writing this. I hope you guys enjoy reading this too! 
> 
> Love you!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, this is probably gonna have typos. I'm tired so I haven't reread intently yet.

“Wow, he actually remembered to go to the store like I asked,” Jeonghan marveled as he pulled a bag of bagels from the refrigerator. It was Chan’s favorite thing to eat for breakfast so whenever they ran out, it was an indication that they needed to go grocery shopping. Expecting to see the fridge still empty, Jeonghan and Seungkwan were shocked to see that it was actually full. For the first time in months, Seungcheol properly did something. 

“That’s shocking,” Seungkwan said as he sat at the island. It sounded sarcastic but it truly wasn’t. In all honesty, it was unlike Seungcheol at all. 

“Anywayyy,” Jeonghan sang as he pulled two bagels from the bag and placed them in the toaster oven for Seungkwan and Chan. Jeonghan insisted that he make the two some bagels since it was a Saturday and the oldest was planning on doing nothing but lay in bed and most likely catch up on sleep.

Chan was currently in his room practicing his most recent choreography. With Christmas nearing quickly, there, of course, was also a dance performance at Chan’s academy. And like his Halloween performance, he was persistently practicing every chance he got to make sure everything was perfect. Seungcheol was probably still sleeping. 

“What’s up?”

“How are you?” Jeonghan asked with that kind smile of his that made Seungkwan want to spill all of his thoughts and worries to Jeonghan at the moment, knowing that he’d listen to every single word. It was like a super power of Jeonghan’s. 

“I’m fine,” Seungkwan nodded, narrowing his brow at Jeonghan in questioning. “Is something wrong?”

“Who’s Hansol?” Jeonghan said, not even trying to beat around the bush as he leaned back against the countertop and folded his arms across his chest. He realized from his years of taking care of Seungkwan that he wasn’t going to tell him what he wanted to know without an extra ten minutes of Jeonghan indirectly asking. So Jeonghan just outright asked. 

Seungkwan groaned and stood to leave the kitchen. For one, he really didn’t want to talk about this but he also wanted to go to his room and call Wonwoo. He was completely sure that it was him who told Jeonghan. Whenever Wonwoo and Jeonghan got together, they gossiped like the parents they were. 

“Nope, sit back down,” Jeonghan said, reaching across the island and grabbing Seungkwan’s arm to keep him there. 

“Noooo,” Seungkwan whined. “I’m sure you already know anyway.”

“Wonwoo stopped as soon as he mentioned this Hansol guy.” So it  _ was  _ Wonwoo. Gosh, Seungkwan was going to murder him. Or have Jihoon do it. “So you have to tell me unless I’m gonna get Seungcheol.” 

Seungkwan’s eyes widened dramatically. “You better not.”

“You know I will,” Jeonghan narrowed his gaze at Seungkwan across the expanse of the island as a sign that he was accepting this challenge. Seungcheol was the  _ worst  _ when it came to situations like this. And by ‘worst,’ Seungkwan meant that Seungcheol was utterly embarrassing. 

Even though Seungkwan had never really had a significant other, he had several crushes in the past. And whenever Seungcheol found out about them, he would never let it go. Seungcheol had teased Seungkwan day and night about this girl he had liked during his first year of high school. Even with the promise that he’d stop, the teasing persisted when Seungkwan told them about a silly fondness he had for another girl in his class. It didn’t help the situation that Jeonghan and Chan always laughed about it.

That’s why when Seungkwan realized his raging crush on Hansol, he hadn’t bothered to say anything about it. And he would like to keep it that way. 

“He’s a guy from school,” Seungkwan answered vaguely. Jeonghan wasn’t satisfied by the answer at all. 

“That I like a lot…” Seungkwan finished with a roll of his eyes, prying his wrist away from Jeonghan’s tight grip and making a dramatic show of sitting back down at the barstool next to the island. The ding of the toaster oven going off saved Seungkwan from that intense, warning yet teasing glare from Jeonghan but didn’t save him from not his words.

“He likes you too?” Jeonghan asked as he quickly slid the two bagels on separate plates. Grabbing a knife and the small container of butter, Jeonghan turned back to look at Seungkwan. 

“No, he doesn’t.”

“Has to if he’s kissing you.” 

“What the-” Seungkwan couldn’t hold in his shock and the feeling of betrayal, so buried his face in his hands, wanting to scream. “You said Wonwoo didn’t tell you.”

“He didn’t, you just did,” Jeonghan smirked victoriously as he spread butter on the bagel. Seungkwan’s face dropped. Times like these reminded Seungkwan that Jeonghan was still his annoying, older brother no matter what. It was an understatement to say that Seungkwan  _ really  _ wanted to choke Jeonghan. 

“Ugh. Alright fine. He’s my boyfriend,” Seungkwan admitted, face already heating up despite his internal protests as he remembered all of the things Hansol had said as he confessed his feelings to him. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jeonghan huffed placing the plate in front of Seungkwan and moving on to spread butter onto Chan’s. “Your  _ first  _ boyfriend. Your first  _ significant other _ . Your first  _ kiss _ ?!”

“You didn’t have to emphasize all of that,” Seungkwan grumbled as he took small bites off of his bagel. Jeonghan didn’t listen to his complaint though. 

Seungkwan wasn’t really listening to Jeonghan’s ranting until he heard the last part. “I wanna meet him.”

“No.” 

“Why not?”

“Because… Seungcheol…” Seungkwan sighed, hoping Jeonghan would understand, which fortunately he did. 

“Don’t want him to embarrass you?” Jeonghan teased. “But seriously, it’s only out of love, Kwannie.”

“Yeah right.” Seungkwan was beginning to think that Jeonghan liked to watch Seungkwan’s embarrassment almost as much as Seungcheol liked dishing out embarrassment. He didn’t deserve the disrespect. But, again, these were his brothers and they liked that. 

“Chan! Come eat this bagel!” Jeonghan called, placing the plate in front of the other empty seat at the island. Rounding the island, Jeonghan placed an unnecessarily loud, wet kiss on Seungkwan’s cheek to cheer him up before whispering something. “I won’t tell him if you bring him over and let me meet him.”

“Deal.” Seungkwan didn’t even have to think about it. Seungcheol just couldn’t find out. 

“Bagels??” Chan yelled while running into the kitchen. “I can’t believe Cheollie didn’t forget to go to the store again.” 

“Me too,” Seungkwan chuckled and gave Chan a pat on the shoulder. Chan looked a bit tired. Seungkwan wondered how long he had been in there practicing. Sitting down, Chan didn’t waste anytime devouring the bagels. 

“He’s forgetful but he cares a lot,” Jeonghan reassured. “Chan, I’m proud that you’re practicing so hard but don’t lose any sleep.”

“The choreography is hard. I want to make sure it’s perfect,” Chan sighed, his smile faltering for a moment. 

“It will be,” Seungkwan said. 

“It’s ballet. I’m not very good at ballet so I want to practice until it’s great.” Chan’s concerns were interrupted by Seungcheol suddenly throwing his arms around both of their shoulders.

“I’ve seen your ballet and it’s perfectly fine, trust me,” Seungcheol smiled, pressing a kiss to Chan’s head and nuzzling his nose into Seungkwan’s face. 

“Babe, where’s my bagel?” Seungcheol asked when Seungkwan finished the last piece of his own breakfast, laughing when he saw one of Jeonghan’s eyebrows jump up the expanse of his forehead.

“Last time I checked it was in the fridge waiting for you to put it in the toaster oven,” Jeonghan sassed. “I don’t remember agreeing to be your maid.”

“After all I did for you last night?” Seungcheol gaped. Jeonghan shook his head and hid his face so he wasn’t able to see Seungkwan leaving out of disgust with Chan right behind him with his bagel mouth and his hands busy trying to remove his hearing aids. He knew he should have left them in the room.

 

***

 

Hansol watched with wide eyes and a light smile adorning his face as Soonyoung seemed to glide along the polished, wooden floors of the practice room at the dance academy. Again, Soonyoung had taken part in creating the choreography for the Christmas performance that was in a week or two. 

From what Hansol could tell, it was mostly ballet with just a bit of hip hop mixed into it. It must have been hard to incorporate different styles and make it work but Soonyoung and his fellow interns seemed to have found out a perfect way to do it. Hansol was absolutely mesmerized by how pleasing the blended choreography looked. He was no expert at dance and truthfully had no overwhelming interest with it either from a completely unbiased perspective, Hansol thought it was complex, aesthetically pleasing, and he couldn’t wait to see all of the little students perform it. 

When Soonyoung had finished, he wasn’t drenched in sweat like he usually is when he’s done showing Hansol a full choreography but he’s still completely out of breath. 

“How was it?” Soonyoung huffed. He practically threw himself on the bench next to Hansol and reclined his head to lean back against the wall behind them. The building was pretty empty since it was the weekend and there were no classes then, but Soonyoung usually came on the weekends when he had nothing better to do. 

“I liked it,” Hansol said shortly. “But don’t you think it’s too hard for the students?” He hadn’t thought of that until he tried to imagine the students in Soonyoung’s place and had trouble doing so. 

“It is,” Soonyoung confirmed almost like it was no big deal to him. Hansol frowned, hating the idea of all of the students being so frustrated with the choreography. What if their confidence plummeted due to this? Hansol had a big heart so he held every single student at the dance academy in his heart, empathizing with them whenever he seen them cry out of frustration. 

“But not  _ too  _ hard,” Soonyoung corrected, nudging Hansol in the side upon seeing him pout. “I just wanted to push them a little. If they really love to dance, they’ll find a way to work through hard choreography. Every dance isn’t easy and sometimes it takes a lot more practice and some tears to get through it. I don’t want to break their confidence, I want to push them. When they master this, like I know they will, they’re gonna feel so great about themselves.” 

Hansol nodded, now understanding. It was kind of like when their coach pushed them only a bit harder during practice. They got frustrated but when they finally reached their goal, they were so proud of themselves and each other so their chemistry as a team skyrocketed

“How are they doing now with the choreography?”

“Struggling, of course. A lot of them are frustrated. Especially Chan and the other really good dancers. They’re so used to mastering choreography that it just kills them that their struggling.” 

Hansol smirked. “That’s what you want, don’t you?”

“Yup,” Soonyoung grinned proudly. He flicked Soonyoung on the forehead with a playful chuckle. He loved seeing Soonyoung smile and do what he loved. He looked happy. 

“Oh, yeah. Junhui made you some… Chow mein, I think. Minghao has been teaching him how to make Chinese food so he wants to share it with everyone,” Hansol said, reaching for his bag that he’d stuffed under the bench. Minghao and Junhui had been getting really close lately. Minghao was even teaching Junhui how to speak Chinese and with Jun being half Chinese, Hansol was sure that Jun was having the time of his life. 

“I’m hungry so hell yeah I’m gonna eat it,” Soonyoung said. “The microwave is in the back room.”

Hansol contemplated telling him to go make it himself but instead just did it himself, sighing heavily to express his disapproval. When was the last time Soonyoung put  _ his _ food in the microwave?

Before Hansol made it to the door to the back room, Soonyoung called him. 

“What?”

“I think your boyfriend is calling you,” Soonyoung chuckled, holding up Hansol’s phone and teasingly playing with it. “I should answer it.”

“You better not-”

Hansol’s warning went unheard as Soonyoung slid the green button across the screen and put the phone up to his ear. Hansol was sprinting across the practice room before he’d even told himself to move. 

“Heyyy, baby. I missed you sooooo much. I’ve been thinking about you-- Ow! Fuck you, Hansol, that hurt!”

Hansol hadn’t meant to slap Soonyoung so hard but it was sort of like a reflex, but he didn’t bother apologizing. 

“Hello? Kwannie?” Hansol asked, pressing the phone to his ear and hurriedly making his way back to the small break room to escape Soonyoung. As a form of an apology, Hansol told himself that he’d bring Soonyoung a bottle of water too. Just to be generous. 

“Um, yeah. Who was that?” Seungkwan was laughing so hard and so happily into the phone that Hansol almost forgot what he was supposed to be doing. He liked Seungkwan way more than he could ever really understand himself. But he didn’t need to understand it for him to enjoy it. 

“Soonyoung. I hate how much they tease me. Babe, they’re so mean to me,” Hansol whimpered and poked out his lip cheesily as he put the container of food into the microwave. Soonyoung and Mingyu would literally never let him live this down if they saw this. 

“Aww, don’t worry. I think it’s sweet that you miss me. I miss you too,” Seungkwan said, his voice a little softer and lower when he said it. 

“There you go giving me cavities again with how sweet you’re being. You need to stop before I lose all of my teeth. How am I gonna bite on your lip and neck if I have no teeth, babe.” Hansol had literally just been saying whatever came to mind, not really thinking that he needed to when he was with Seungkwan, but he got a little worried when Seungkwan didn’t respond right away. 

“Are you okay? Did I say-”

“No, everything is fine,” Seungkwan responded breathily. “I just don’t know how to respond.” Hansol grinned, so absorbed by Seungkwan’s voice that he hadn’t even heard the microwave going off. 

“Say whatever came to mind, sweetheart.”

“My mind literally went blank, Hansol,” Seungkwan admitted. “Stop doing that to me.” Seungkwan was chuckling at himself now and Hansol only then realized that he was chewing on his lip. 

“Alright, I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful.”

“Good. Well, I called because my older brother wanted to meet you… so I was wondering when you were free next week. Any day except Wednesday. Wonwoo wanted all of us to get pizza that day.”

“What about Thursday then?” Hansol tried not to sound too nervous, but the cracking in his voice completely gave him away. 

“That fine. And don’t be nervous. Jeonghan is the sweetest person… well when he isn’t angry.”

“Well I’ll be sure not to make him angry,” Hansol said, trying to force his usual cheeriness to his voice. What if he did make Jeonghan angry?

“Good. Call me later, okay?”

“Got it, sweetheart. I’ll miss you until then.”

Hansol could practically see Seungkwan blush and face palm as he muttered out a muffled, “I’ll miss you too, Hansollie.” 

They lingered on the phone for some time before Seungkwan hang up the call, leaving Hansol drowning in fondness. What was he supposed to be doing again? Oh, food.

Adding an extra minute onto the microwave, assuming that it would have cooled again after sitting there for a while, Hansol grabbed a water bottle from the fridge-- he’d almost forgot that too-- and made his way back to the door. 

He heard voices as he neared it. They were echoing through the empty practice room so he could hear them almost clearly. Tucking the water bottle under his arm, Hansol raised one of the blinds covering the small rectangular window on the door and peaked. Just from the stoic, small frame and Soonyoung’s soft gaze as he looked at the person, Hansol knew that it was Jihoon. They both were standing in the middle of the practice room. Hansol knew he probably shouldn’t eavesdrop but he couldn’t find it within himself to turn away or interrupt. 

So he eavesdropped anyway. 

“--home life has been absolutely horrible lately. When I took your inhaler, it was because Byungho told me to hide it. I had been hanging out with them for a while because I didn’t feel as lonely.”

“What sane person would hang out with Byungho?” Yeah, that was definitely Jihoon. Only he could make a genuine question sound like an insult. 

“I wasn’t sane. I was… sad. Lonely. At that point, I’m sure if Byungho told me to mug some old lady, I would have done it. But I’m not like that anymore.”

“Why does it matter  _ so  _ much that I forgive you? If you’ve changed, you should be free to just move on with life, right?” 

“I liked you. I still like you. A lot. And even if I didn’t like you so much. I feel like shit for hurting you when you trusted me.” There was a pause between the two of them. “If you don’t want me around anymore, then I understand. I called you here because I just wanted to explain to you why I did what I did. It’s not an excuse… just a reason.” 

Hansol watched Jihoon stare at Soonyoung with frown, but the frown was slowly disappearing. No, Jihoon wasn’t smiling, but he wasn’t frowning either. It was a step. 

“How are you feeling now?”

“Um.” Soonyoung chuckled timidly. “I’m getting better. Thanks for asking…”

“Well, I have a friend who is a mental health freak so I’m sure it just brushed off on me. Anyway… I forgive you, Soonyoung. But that doesn’t mean everything is just gonna be fine. We’re back at square one.”

“I know,” Soonyoung grinned happily. “But I’ll work hard this time.”

“Me too,” Jihoon said after a small pause before he actually did smile softly. 

“Can I hug you?”

“I don’t like hugs.”

“Oh, okay. Sorry…”

“But I think I could manage a hug from you. Come on.” 

Soonyoung had practically fell into Jihoon’s arms. 

The chow mein was most likely cold again but he couldn’t care less at the moment as he watched Soonyoung and Jihoon embrace each other. Both looked so happy. 

 

***

 

Seungkwan was sure that Jeonghan said that he would spend all day in bed so he had no idea why he was currently in the living room trying to finish a stupid puzzle with him. Seungcheol had bought the puzzle for Chan originally since he had some growing obsession with puzzles lately. But it seemed like Chan wasn’t the only one. 

But the problem with Jeonghan wanting to do a puzzle was that if Jeonghan wanted to do a puzzle, they pretty much had to unless he would complain. Chan would whine if someone told him denied but a simple promise of something like candy or extra dinner would have him quiet. 

So all of them were stuck lying in the middle of the floor, attempting to put a 100 piece puzzle of Spiderman together. But Seungkwan had to admit that it was kind of fun since they were all together and when they were all together it was always a good time. Another memory made. 

“I can’t find out where this stupid piece goes,” Seungcheol whimpered, faking a loud cry. “I hate puzzles.”

“Then get another piece,” Jeonghan huffed. He was easily finding piece after piece, so he was the one who put most of the puzzle together. Honestly, Chan and Seungkwan were just eating the snacks set out for them. 

“How about I just go back to bed instead?”

“If you want to sleep on the floor tonight then you can,” Jeonghan said, smiling passive aggressively. Seungcheol sighed and turned his head away to roll his eyes yet didn’t move at all. 

“Hah!” Chan scoffed at Seungcheol. 

“Hannie’s got you wrapped his finger,” Seungkwan finished. Jeonghan looked quite satisfied while Seungcheol looked absolutely betrayed. 

“I get no respect.” 

Seungcheol went on his usual rant about the lack of respect he received in this house. Seungkwan was tired of hearing it--in fact they all were-- so when the doorbell rang, Chan, Jeonghan, and Seungkwan all were on their feet and racing away.

Jeonghan was the one who actually answered the door while Chan and Seungkwan were busy giggling about ditching Seungcheol like that. 

They were falling apart in laughter until they heard the voice on the other side of the door. 

“Um, hi. I’m Hansol, a friend of Seungkwan’s.”

“ _ Oh _ ! Hansol?” Jeonghan emphasized, breaking down Hansol’s name unnecessarily just to tease Seungkwan indirectly. 

Seungkwan was practically frozen but Chan was excited. 

“I know Hansol! My friend!” Chan was trying to push past Jeonghan’s body to get to Hansol but the oldest stopped him. Seungkwan was grateful for that. He didn’t need Chan jumping all over his boyfriend… who wasn’t even supposed to be here. 

“Is your name Seungkwan?” Jeonghan questioned rhetorically with a raised eyebrow. “Thought so, go sit back down,” he said when Chan didn’t offer an answer. 

Taking that as his cue to actually move from his stop behind the door,  Seungkwan cleared his throat and stepped to take Jeonghan’s place in the doorway. But before Jeonghan moved, he whispered, “He’s cute, Kwannie. I like him already.” 

“Shut up,” Seungkwan whispered back before shoving him away. 

“Hey,” Seungkwan said opening the door a little wider. The initial nervousness seemed to only increase just looking at Hansol smiling at him like this. So much that his next words just flew from his mouth with no grace.

“Why the hell are you here?” 

Hansol looked taken aback but quickly regained his footing. “I thought it would be nice to surprise you. Is it a bad time?”

“Say no,” Jeonghan urged in a whisper from beside him. Seungkwan resisted the urge to kick him. 

“No, we were just doing a puzzle,” Seungkwan smiled. “You wanna come in?”

“Can I have a kiss first?”

“Say yes,” Jeonghan instructed. But before Seungkwan could shoot him a glare, Jeonghan was already running off. He was literally itching to choke him. 

“Of course,” Seungkwan said. “Not out here though.” He beckoned Hansol to enter the house and take off his shoes. As Hansol did so, Seungkwan tried to discreetly make himself look presentable. Fix his hair a bit, licked his chapped lips, and told himself that he should probably take off this hoodie when he had the chance. 

“You look fine, don’t worry about fixing anything,” Hansol laughed as he straightened and pressed a kiss to Seungkwan lips. It only lasted for three seconds but left Seungkwan just as giddy and lightheaded as if they had kissed for hours. 

“Hansollie!” Chan called, running to hug Hansol’s waist. “You’re here to see me too, right?”

“Of course I am,” Hansol said, ruffling his hair. Seungcheol and Jeonghan entered a few moments after to introduce themselves.

“Jeonghan. This is Seungcheol.” Jeonghan smiled as Hansol bowed respectfully.

“I can introduce myself without your help, you know,” Seungcheol whined. 

“You wanna sleep on the floor?” 

Seungcheol didn’t say anything more. Chan was still holding Hansol’s hand, comparing the sizes and then interlocking his fingers with Hansol’s. Jeonghan was just happily smiling, being the only one that knew that they were in a relationship. 

Seungkwan hoped that they weren’t going to be this awkward and embarrassing the entire time Hansol was there. 

But as soon as Jeonghan invited Hansol to finish the puzzle with them and Seungcheol and Jeonghan practically cuddled up to each other despite the company, Seungkwan found his answer. Yes, they were going to be awkward and embarrassing. 

Luckily, Hansol didn’t seem to mind one bit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I just wanted to write a fluffy chapter because I felt like it. I hope you guys like the fluff too because I surely do! Thank you guys for wishing that I get better. I am getting there ^^
> 
> So, should I make something like a Twitter or a tumblr or something else so you can talk to me there if you want to? I deleted them once before because they were just literally on my phone and I got tired of seeing them lol. I don't know, I seen other authors do it so I was wondering if you wanted it. It's fine if you don't, of course, I'm just asking. 
> 
> And also, the next chapter might be a little idk steamy (haha). But I wanted to ask if that was okay with you guys first or if you would just rather me not write that part at all and just imply it. I'm fine either way. But love you!
> 
> Mochi


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mostly just smut lol.

“We’ll distract him,” Wonwoo said, pushing Seungkwan in the opposite direction towards Hansol. “Go.”

They were at Minghao’s locker since school just ended. Hansol had been walking by and couldn’t help but stop and talk to Seungkwan and his friends for a moment. They hadn’t been able to see each other much. No one had, honestly.   
It was a hectic day--and week-- since midterms had started earlier that week and all of them were frantically trying to stay confident and pass all of their exams. But it was only Wednesday and all of them were drained. They all couldn’t wait for Friday. Chan’s Christmas performance was then and they were going to be starting their last week before they got a break from school for a while.

Every day at school had been draining for Seungkwan. He was always panicking about seeing Byungho. Fortunately, this school was pretty populated. But he knew that his luck wouldn’t last for long. Byungho wouldn’t give up his search for him. Not that easily.

Things had been going fine, until today when he saw Byungho walking his way. Well, Wonwoo saw him first and didn’t even allow Seungkwan to get a good look at Byungho before pushing Seungkwan into Hansol’s arms. 

“Hansol, hurry up,” Wonwoo urged when Hansol only stood there in shock and eyes wide at the sudden command. 

“I’m gonna go trip him,” Jihoon scoffed. “My height is an advantage in these instances.” He was pushing himself off of the lockers and weaving through the crowd of students, seeming so excited.

“Jihoon! No,” Minghao shouted, quickly trying to follow but being slowed down by some students. 

Finally coming to his senses, Hansol grabbed Seungkwan’s wrist and started pulling him away. 

“I’ll call you,” Wonwoo shouted, but was cut off by someone hitting the floor, gasps, and, lastly, an overdramatic, obviously fake, “oops, my bad!”

Seungkwan couldn’t help but laugh as he wasn’t even the least bit surprised. He expected nothing less than that from Jihoon. Simply because this was… Jihoon. And they all loved him for it, 

 

***

 

Seungkwan and Hansol were about five minutes away from campus when Hansol started chuckling lowly. 

“What’s funny?” Seungkwan asked, finally able to breathe. He should be worried about his friends but he had no doubt that they could handle themselves. It slightly bothered him that they were doing so much for him. Potentially putting themselves on Byungho’s bad side for his sake.

There was nothing that Seungkwan could do to ever repay them. 

“Your friends are… something else, I swear,” Hansol laughed. “Jihoon is… I don’t even know!” 

“I know,” Seungkwan agreed, nodding in agreement. There was no word to describe Jihoon. “He’s one of a kind. I’m lucky that I’m one of his best friends and one of the few people he likes.”

“Does he like me too?” Hansol hummed hopefully as he carelessly kicked a pebble that was on the concrete to distract himself. 

“He thinks you’re too happy and optimistic,” Seungkwan admitted with a laugh. “He compared you to that annoyed feeling when the sun is shining in your eyes.”

“Ah,” Hansol hummed. “I get that.”

“But I like that,” Seungkwan reassured bumping Hansol’s shoulder with his own on purpose. If Seungkwan were being honest, he could really get used to this flirting thing. Hansol always seemed to really like it despite Seungkwan feeling like he was horrible at it. 

Seungkwan originally wasn’t planning on visiting Hansol’s house that day and was actually going to take the bus to his side of town instead, but his mind was too occupied and clouded by Hansol that he completely forgot about that. He didn’t mention it when they finally made it to Hansol’s front door either.

“Josh took the late shift again?” Seungkwan asked when he sadly wasn’t met with the oldest coming downstairs. 

“No. Just running errands. He should be home in about an hour or two though. I have no idea where Junhui is but I’m sure he’ll be back soon,” Hansol shrugged, kicking off his shoes. “Why do you like Joshua so much? He’s annoying.”

“No, he isn’t,” Seungkwan chuckled. “He’s really pleasant. And my brother and his boyfriend are kind of like parents to me and Chan. They discipline us, baby us, get protective of us. Josh doesn’t do that to you and Junhui. It’s… refreshing.”

“Sometimes, I wish he was more parent-like. Having him as a brother is great but sometimes… I wanna be treated like a baby,” Hansol admitted. 

With a dramatic sigh, he grabbed for Seungkwan’s hand, finally interlocking their hands after that long walk to his house. He’d been thinking about holding his hand and giving the world and society a huge “fuck you” but he didn’t want to put them in danger for such a stupid reason. So he waited until they were in the comfort of his home where he knew he was loved and respected.

“That’s not really a surprise coming from you. Of course, you wanna be treated like a child.” Seungkwan smiled as he pressed a kiss to the back of Hansol’s hand. Never letting Seungkwan’s go, he led the latter upstairs and to his bedroom. 

“How are your midterms, babe?” Hansol asked as he began to strip out of his uniform while Seungkwan simply waited for him on the bed. And watched, of course, but that went without saying. 

“They’re fine. I only have two more. Chemistry and history. Art doesn’t really count,” Seungkwan muttered, more interested in watching and giggling as Hansol changed out of his pants. “You have really skinny legs.”

Hansol pressed a hand to his chest. “I thought you cared about me yet you’re calling me skinny and insulting my body.”

“It’s cute!” Seungkwan shouted playfully. Hansol pouted and pulling on his pajama pants, shaking his head. Moving to take off his shirt next, he turned his back to Seungkwan. 

“I don’t believe you.”

“It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,” Seungkwan said, his voice mistakenly lowered into something really close to a whisper. It was quiet for a second as Hansol seemed like he was contemplating something before he closed his bedroom door. Seungkwan had his doubts but he was sure that Hansol also locked it. 

Hansol turned to look at Seungkwan again.

“That’s a lie.”

“No, it’s not.”

“It’s a lie because the cutest thing you’ve ever seen… is you,” Hansol said. Seungkwan’s comeback got caught in his throat and he instinctively looked away at nothing in particular. Hansol’s shirt was still in his hand but he just threw it on the bed and instead sat on the bed next to Seungkwan, both of them sitting with their backs against the wall.

“You’re so cute,” Hansol laughed, pinching Seungkwan’s cheeks but the latter could only press his lips into a thin line. 

“Stop it,” Hansol said when he realized Seungkwan being consumed by his thoughts. “I mean it. You are _not_ ugly or whatever other names your mind is trying to say that you are.” 

“But Hansol…” Seungkwan drawled but was quickly stopped by a kiss being pressed to his lips. It was firm but chaste, something of a sweet reminder. When Hansol pulled away, he let his gaze linger on Seungkwan’s for a few seconds, even having the audacity to bite his lip. Seungkwan would scold him if he weren’t so mesmerized right now. 

He honestly didn’t know what possessed him to do such a thing but something had to because he doesn’t _remember_ telling himself to pull Hansol back in for a kiss that wasn’t so chaste as the first. 

Hansol hadn’t seemed too taken aback since he immediately responded by pressing his body closer to Seungkwan’s without any hesitation. Coaxing Seungkwan so perfectly with every motion of his tongue, only worsening his hold on him when he lightly grabbed Seungkwan’s chin with his index finger and thumb. It was a simple move but Seungkwan couldn’t breathe because of it. 

“Thank you,” Seungkwan muttered letting his eyes flutter shut while he tried to catch his breath. It proved to be hard after he caught a glimpse of Hansol’s bare torso. 

  “For what?” Hansol playfully bit Seungkwan’s bottom lip causing the both of them to breathlessly laugh and moan in tandem. 

“I don’t know.” Seungkwan had an idea a few seconds ago but Hansol decided to _bite his lip_ so his thoughts were out the window and his mind was a clean slate. “I’m gonna slap you if you keep doing that,” Seungkwan blurted softly when Hansol chuckled at him and moved his hand to hover over the nape of his neck. Seungkwan didn't like when he seemed so pliable when Hansol did certain things. And Seungkwan _wasn't_ pliant, so he hated that he turned into mush whenever Hansol did something.

“You’re so mean,” Hansol whimpered. But despite the cute words, his actions were anything but as he kissed Seungkwan’s lips briefly before moving lower to kiss his neck, his hand trailing down to grip Seungkwan’s thigh and somehow pull him closer in anyway he could. Subconsciously, Seungkwan held his breath and tilted his head to the side to allow Hansol more access to all of the skin there, hoping that Hansol wouldn’t miss any spot. The kisses alternated from quick kisses to slower one and kisses that involved a lot more tongue. Those felt the best. 

When Hansol noticed just what satisfied Seungkwan the most, he made sure to leave the softest and wettest kisses possible to make Seungkwan gasp and moan like he was now, not being able to hold his breath anymore.

Letting his hand trail down Hansol’s back, Seungkwan couldn’t help the excited gasp that left his lips at being able to feel Hansol’s heated skin under his palms. Hansol’s body was definitely one of a high school athlete’s and Seungkwan wanted to feel Hansol pressed against him. Even though Seungkwan was fully dressed, it didn’t stop him from frantically trying to get Hansol closer. To feel the heat of his skin against him.

“Hansol,” Seungkwan sighed breathily. When Hansol pulled away, he gave one last firm squeeze to Seungkwan’s thigh and reached for the latter’s shirt.

“Take this off. I wanna feel you,” Hansol chuckled in a rush, mind and gaze clouded with a need that Seungkwan really didn’t want to get enough of. He liked how much Hansol seemed to want him and he didn’t want to that look to diminish. So that’s why he didn’t want to take off his shirt. 

Seungkwan’s cheeks heated up at the desperate command as he clutched Hansol’s hands that had quickly tried to remove Seungkwan’s shirt. Stopping them from moving any further.

“No,” Seungkwan gasped, voice still strung out from trying to hold in his moans. “I can’t.”

“Baby,” Hansol whispered, his touch and gaze instantly softening. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, you know. But if it’s because you’re embarrassed, please don’t be. There’s nothing to be ashamed about.”

“That’s easy for you to say because you look like… _this_ ,” Seungkwan gestured at Hansol’s torso. 

“So what? Seungkwan, I like you. I like all of you. I mean it.”

“You’re just horny.” 

“I mean… Yeah, I am,” Hansol admitted shamelessly causing Seungkwan to scoff softly. It’s exactly what Hansol wanted him to do. Smile. “ _But_ , I’m serious. What wouldn’t I like about your body?”

“You haven’t seen. You have no idea if you’d like me when I take off my shirt. So don’t act like you’re so sure that you’re gonna like it.” Seungkwan hadn’t meant to sound so aggravated with Hansol but it was exactly how he was feeling. Not at Hansol but more at himself. He wanted to believe Hansol’s words but he felt like there was some brick wall stopping him from doing so. 

It was so frustrating. 

Hansol settled back on his heels and sighed, waiting for Seungkwan to look at him when the latter noticed the silence. “I’m not stupid, Seungkwan.”

“I didn’t say you were,” Seungkwan uttered. 

“I don’t expect you to look like me under your clothes. I don’t expect you to look like any other girl I’ve been with before. You have a little extra to hold on to. I like that. Your friends call you fluffy, you know.” 

Seungkwan cringed. “I know…”

Hansol chuckled and kissed Seungkwan’s forehead. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. But I know what to expect. I mean unless you have like a third nipple or something.”

“Shut up.”

“Do you?”

“Hansol!” Seungkwan pinched one of Hansol’s nipples just to get him to be quiet. What an embarrassing question.

“I’m just asking!” Hansol winced.

“No! I don’t!”

“Okay, so there’s nothing to worry about,” Hansol smiled. “Are you afraid that I’m just gonna get up and leave when I see?”

Seungkwan didn’t respond immediately. He didn’t want to admit it but that was exactly what he was afraid of. The embarrassment all over again. Hansol took Seungkwan’s lack of an answer as confirmation. 

“I would _never_ do that,” Hansol insisted. 

“I know,” Seungkwan sighed. “I’m sorry, I just…” Seungkwan trailed off before grabbing for the hem of his shirt. 

“You don’t-”

“I want to,” Seungkwan said. But despite his insistence, he still hesitated. But in the end, to his surprise, he did. Feeling exposed, scared, and excited all at one time. The fact that Hansol’s room was kind of cold wasn’t helping his situation either. Goosebumps rising on the surface of his skin, Seungkwan instinctively shrank within himself, wanting to hide. It was had to accept the fact that he was literally sitting here in front of his boyfriend with his body on display like this.

It had only been a few seconds but he felt like he had been sitting there for a few minutes. He honestly was regretting it before Hansol practically surged forward, catching Seungkwan completely off guard. 

And yet again, Seungkwan’s thoughts were wiped away immediately. Every thought that swarmed and plagued his mind telling him that this was going to end horribly and he would regret ever showing Hansol his body, just disappeared. Completely giving into Hansol, Seungkwan allowed Hansol to push him to lie on his back and crawl over him, never breaking the kiss. 

With him being so inexperienced, Seungkwan had to put in a bit of extra effort to match Hansol’s pace and speed but he didn’t mind in the slightest. He was enjoying this. And judging by the building pressure being pressed into his hip as Hansol pushed their groins together showed Seungkwan that Hansol was enjoying it just as much. 

“I wanna try something,” Hansol muttered, holding himself up on his forearms above Seungkwan. His breath hitching when one of Seungkwan’s hands that had been splayed out of the skin of his back had weaved its way into his hair. 

“Yeah?” Seungkwan said between deep breaths. He wasn’t able to truly feel embarrassed when Hansol ran a comforting hand up his waist, caressing the skin there, because he was too busy drowning in how amazing it felt to be so close to Hansol. Their heated skin pressed together was… overwhelming, for a lack of a better word. 

“I saw it in this video I was watching a few days ago,” Hansol breathed as he pushed himself up on his knees to reach for Seungkwan’s belt buckle. 

“You mean porn?” Seungkwan surmised, eyelids low over his eyes despite how awake and aware he truly was. 

“Yeah. It was hot,” Hansol added when he saw the disbelieving look in Seungkwan’s gaze. “Let me take your pants off. Please.”

Seungkwan was honestly a bit too far gone now to really be bothered so he just raised his hips as an invite. Without much help from Seungkwan--not that Hansol was complaining, seeing Seungkwan so blissed out was more than enough-- it took a few minutes for Hansol to get both of them out of their pants, leaving them both in their boxers. Hansol easily slotted himself between Seungkwan’s legs and lowered himself to capture Seungkwan’s lips in his own again, not being able to get enough of the way Seungkwan’s skin would slightly fill his hand when he held on tightly. 

After these few weeks of dating, Hansol could easily say that Seungkwan was becoming great at kissing, even if the latter didn’t possess the confidence to admit it to himself or believe it when Hansol told him. But the way Seungkwan was kissing Hansol now was almost like it was natural. 

“What are you gonna do?” Seungkwan asked in a breathless whisper against Hansol’s lips. He wasn’t exactly given a verbal answer but was met with Hansol slowly grinding his clothed erection against Seungkwan’s. If he wasn’t hard before, then Seungkwan definitely was now and it was evidently breathtaking as Seungkwan gasped out loudly. His hands quickly slid down Hansol’s smooth back to settle on his hips to get him to do it again. 

“You like this?” Hansol asked, trying to keep his voice steady and keep a hold on his self control, for now at least. First, he wanted to ensure that Seungkwan truly was okay with what they were doing. 

“Yes,” Seungkwan nodded. “Do it again.” Seungkwan’s grip on Hansol’s hips tightened as he pulled Hansol forward again, both of them gasping loudly at the heated contact of their erections despite the fabric restricting them. Letting his forehead rest on Seungkwan’s, Hansol rolled his hips against Seungkwan’s in an easy, slow rhythm, not wanting to push Seungkwan into too much so quickly. And while Hansol hated having to consciously hold back, being so aware of Seungkwan’s every action was blissful. The way Seungkwan gasped loudly, and sometimes simply moaned, with every thrust. Or the way Hansol could feel everytime Seungkwan’s legs slightly trembled in the palm of his hand when he pushed his hips forward. The soft hand in his hair. But watching the contortions of Seungkwan’s face as he whined had to be Hansol’s favorite thing. 

It wasn’t until Seungkwan began moving his hips to meet Hansol’s every thrust that Hansol decided that Seungkwan no longer needed to be watched so closely. Breathing out a shaky sigh, Hansol buried his face in Seungkwan’s neck and sped up his thrusts. Much to Seungkwan’s approval who gasped so loudly that Hansol couldn’t help but shiver. 

Seungkwan really didn’t want to be so loud but the sensations were all making it impossible to hide his every sound that was gathering in his throat. Especially when Hansol had buried his face in his neck like that so now Seungkwan could feel every exhale of his breath and feel the vibrations whenever Hansol groaned. Seungkwan allowed his legs to fall open to pull Hansol closer. This was so _good_ , great even.

“Hansol,” Seungkwan groaned hoarsely.

“I know,” Hansol hummed. “Me too.” 

Almost way too forcefully, Seungkwan grabbed Hansol by his hair to pull his face from his neck to kiss him to drown out whatever embarrassing noises he was going to make when he came. 

Hansol’s and Seungkwan’s thrusts became a lot less rhythmic against each other and lot more as if they were frantically chasing that high as they clung to each other. Despite their efforts to not be too loud--for their own sakes-- both broke the kiss to gasp as they stiffened and trembled as they finished together. 

Panting, sweaty, and still coming down from their high, Seungkwan and Hansol kissed. It was sloppy and was in no way elegant and graceful like their usual kisses but just as memorable. 

“You’re so soft,” Hansol whispered. “So, so soft.” Seungkwan could only manage to laugh in between their kisses and hum his thanks.

Both were too occupied to hear when Josh had gotten home. They hadn’t known he was there until Josh had climbed the staircase to ask if Hansol were too busy to come and cook dinner with him and Junhui. Midterms had been going horribly according to Jun. 

“Hansol?” Josh asked. Like he always did, he knocked twice and reached for the doorknob only to find it locked. 

Meanwhile inside the room, Hansol had clasped his hand over Seungkwan’s mouth as he quickly shut his eyes to think of something. It took Hansol no more than about two seconds to think of something, but Seungkwan was just happy that Hansol had locked the door. 

“Wassup?” Hansol asked, his voice stable and cool.

“Why’s the door locked?” Josh called on the other side of the door, he could hear the confusion in his tone. 

“Because Seungkwan’s in here,” Hansol said. Seungkwan almost slapped Hansol as he glared at the boy on top of him who still had his hand clasped over his face. Yeah, Josh was his older brother but Seungkwan would much rather not have to face embarrassment today. Luckily, he didn’t. 

“Today there was a situation at school so I came to see if Seungkwan had any extra clothes to wear. They got all wet.” 

“Oh!” Josh shouted. “I’m sorry then. I just wanted to know if you wanted to help me make dinner tonight.”

“Yeah, of course,” Hansol said. 

“Okay. Well, Seungkwan, I’ll be happy to bring you home afterwards if you want.”

Hansol quickly moved his hand, smirking when he saw how Seungkwan had reacted to it. “Thank you so much!” Seungkwan called, a little too enthusiastic but he was sure that he was just overthinking it.

“We’ll be out in a few minutes,” Hansol added.

“Alright.”

Both listened for when Josh had started going down the staircase again before they moved to get out of bed. 

“Okay, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to do that in our underwear,” Seungkwan cringed as the uncomfortable wetness in their boxers. Hansol was grimacing but also laughing at the entire situation. It was completely like Hansol to laugh in a situation like this. 

“I’m sure I have something you can change into, babe.”

“You better or we’re never doing that again.”

 

***

 

“Everything okay?’ Josh asked when Seungkwan and Hansol entered the kitchen. Seungkwan was wearing not only Hansol’s hoodie but a pair of his underwear--which Hansol literally had to fight him to wear. It was embarrassing. Luckily, he was able to wear his own pants again.

Joshua actually looked a bit worried while Junhui was standing behind the oldest, close the refrigerator, with a knowing smirk and a raised eyebrow. Hansol wouldn’t hear the end of it tonight. 

“Yeah. Someone bumped into me and spilled their drink all over my shirt,” Seungkwan said with a slightly forced chuckle. It was the story Hansol told him to stick to. Josh wasn’t stupid or dense but he would most likely believe it if it were Seungkwan that said it. But again, Junhui seemed utterly amused by it all. So amused that Hansol had to glare at Jun as warning to _not_ be so obvious about the fact that he knew something.

“I hate that,” Josh grumbled. “It always happens during midterms and finals because everyone is so frantic.” Josh rounded the island to ruffle Seungkwan’s hair. He loved that. 

“Right,” Hansol answered, not knowing that Josh was talking more to Seungkwan and not him. 

“So for dinner I was thinking that we could-”

“Seokmin texted you,” Junhui said, his head craned over Josh’s phone that was lying on the countertop.

“For real?” Josh croaked. Seungkwan breathed out a laugh seeing the way Josh practically threw himself at his phone. 

“He wanted to know if you were free tonight,” Jun said. 

“Of course I am,” Josh laughed excitedly with a careless shrug. “I’m gonna call him.”

“What about dinner?” Hansol called after Josh who was already heading for the living room. 

“Yeah, I’m hungry!” Junhui contributed with a look of betrayal on his face.

“Order a pizza or something,” Josh shouted. “We’ll cook tomorrow. Promise.” 

When Josh was gone, Junhui took it as the perfect time to tease the two. 

“So Hansol, what did you spill on Seungkwan’s shirt?” Jun wiggled his eyebrows with  a cheesy grin. “I hope it isn’t what I think it is.”

“No, it’s not,” Seungkwan corrected, absently playing with  a random fork on the counter wanting to distract himself from the attention. 

“Jun, you’re disgusting,” Hansol sighed, leaning against the island. 

“Make a deal with me,” Jun proposed.

“No.”

“Then I’m gonna tell Josh that you fucked in the house,” Jun said, so blatantly and shamelessly. The fact that Hansol wasn’t as taken aback by it as Seungkwan was just showed that this bluntness wasn’t something new for Jun. 

“We didn’t-” Seungkwan tried but Hansol stopped him.

“No you wouldn’t,” Hansol said. “But what deal do you want to make?”

“I drank some of Josh’s alcohol,” Jun lowered his voice. “A lot of it actually. So I need you to help me think of a good lie before he notices that a lot is gone.”

Seungkwan watched the conversation between the two. This had to be a regular exchange between the brothers.

“Easy. Pour out the rest of the alcohol and then break the bottle and say you dropped it,” Hansol shrugged. Thinking of lies wasn’t something that was new for Hansol. It was how he kept himself out of trouble when he did something that could end badly. It was a skill he’d learned when he and Jun were in the orphanage and he wanted to avoid the harsh punishments. 

“Good idea. Alright, you’re off the hook. At least you locked the door this time,” Jun laughed before leaving the kitchen too, leaving Seungkwan and Hansol alone. From where Hansol was leaning on the island, Seungkwan smiled softly when their eyes met. Hansol only winked at him. 

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.” 

 

***

 

When Seungkwan made it home that evening, the sun was only just beginning to fall. That meant that everyone should be here by now. Chan’s dance practice should have ended by now and Jeonghan and Seungcheol should be home from work. Opening the front door, Seungkwan was met with Seungcheol sitting cross legged on the living room floor. 

“What’re you doing?” Seungkwan asked as he stood next to the door to remove his shoes. 

“Cleaning Chan’s hearing aids,” Seungcheol sighed, exasperated. He hated doing it because Jeonghan complained about it every single time. 

“Let me do it,” Seungkwan decided, feeling a little sorry for Seungcheol and wanting to save him from the inevitable scolding. 

“Thank you so much,” Seungcheol sighed, giving up the kit and the hearing aids with no hesitance. “I have a feeling Jeonghan just likes yelling at me.”

Seungkwan wasn’t given the proper chance to respond before Jeonghan was walking into the living room. “Seungkwannie,” Jeonghan sang. Seungkwan sighed, already knowing what was coming.

“Cheol or me,” Jeonghan asked, kneeling next to him on the floor and throwing his arms around his neck. “Answer me.” He even pressed a few kisses to the crown of Seungkwan’s head to butter him up. Jeonghan must be feeling overwhelmed and wanted the extra love.

“You can’t just make them pick like that,” Seungcheol frowned. “What if Chan asked you to pick between Seungkwan and him? What would you do?”

“That’s different.”

“It’s not,” Seungcheol and Seungkwan said. 

“Whatever. Just answer. If you pick me, I’ll make your favorite dinner,” Jeonghan bribed. With his back turned towards Seungcheol, Jeonghan wasn’t able to see Seungcheol gesture to Seungkwan to simply pick Jeonghan. He harbored no hard feelings with this little game like Jeonghan did.

“You, Hannie,” Seungkwan laughed, attempting to go back to cleaning Chan’s hearing aids. 

“Thanks, Kwannie. I’m gonna ask Chan now.” Jeonghan scrambled to his feet.

“He’s showering,” Seungcheol called after him but Jeonghan was already gone. Seungkwan chuckled as Seungcheol rolled his eyes.

“He’s extra clingy today,” Seungkwan observed. 

“I think it hits him really hard sometimes that you guys are growing up,” Seungcheol said. “You guys are his babies, you know.”

“If it makes him feel any better, tell him that we’ll always be his ‘babies’ technically. He’ll always be older than us and we’ll always rely on him.”

Seungcheol smiled. “I’ll tell him that.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I laughed the entire time I was writing this, lol. This got way more intense than I intended so I'm sorry if I made anyone uncomfortable. I made a tumblr too! 
> 
>  
> 
> [Tumblr](https://a-small-mochi.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  
> 
> I'll make a Twitter later too. But seriously, writing smut is the super fun and I'm gonna do it again one day because I laughed the entire time. I hoe you guys enjoy this chapter and enjoy the next two or three until the end. 
> 
> On Tumblr and Twitter, I'll ask you guys about my next fic idea and about some specifics.  
> Love you! 
> 
> Mochi


	19. Chapter 19

To put it simply, Seungkwan wanted food. So much, that he felt like he needed it despite the fact that he’d eaten breakfast not that long ago. The need was overwhelming and terrifyingly familiar as it was a response to this feeling.

It was like this every Sunday when he knew that he was going to have to go yet another five days avoiding Byungho. It was a torturous, exhausting cycle and his only break from it was on Saturday. 

On Sunday, Seungkwan would stay in his room and probably just throw a pity party for himself until Jihoon would call and Seungkwan would have to pretend as if he hadn’t been pitying himself all day. But this was the third week of this. He needed something to make him feel better. At least for the moment. And all he wanted was food. 

So he ate. 

Chan was at his academy brushing up on his performance that had (luckily) been postponed until tomorrow instead of Friday. Jeonghan and Seungcheol were somewhere in the house. Seungkwan had no definite answer, but he was grateful because he could eat in peace and without any distractions. 

It was noon when he first raided the pantry. He’d started with a few sweet things that were his usual comfort foods. Things such as cookies and such. He’d turned on the television in his room and just began to eat, allowing his mind to finally stop racing. Allowing himself to relax. 

But without him even fully noticing it, Seungkwan had continued to eat. His single box of cookies became two. He’d taken about five of the tiny packaged cupcakes that Seungcheol liked a lot and some candy from the stash under the sink that they weren’t supposed to touch without asking Jeonghan. Somehow when he was looking for something to drink in the fridge, he’d remembered the ice cream in the freezer, so he ended up eating a bowl of that too. And while he didn’t really like soda, he definitely indulged in that too.

He hadn’t realized any of it though. Only knew that he felt incredibly good and free eating like this while watching his favorite shows. 

“Kwannie, you’ve been in the room all day,” Jeonghan said softly from the other side of the closed door. His eyes glued to the t.v. screen, Seungkwan didn’t respond, absentmindedly shoveling another spoon of his second bowl of ice cream into his mouth and taking a bite of the tiny chocolate cupcake afterwards. He liked them together. 

“Kwannie?” Jeonghan called again. His voice was laced with worry as he turned around and frowned sadly at Seungcheol who was standing behind him. They didn’t want to just barge in on Seungkwan but they had to talk to him. With Chan gone, they both felt like it was the perfect time. They’d spent all morning trying to bring up the phone call they’d received the day before. 

It wasn’t until Seungcheol practically banged on Seungkwan’s door that the latter finally snapped out of his trance. 

“Yeah?” Seungkwan called. “You can come in.” He grabbed the television remote that was sitting on his bedside table and muted his show for the moment, expecting Jeonghan and Seungcheol to only be in his room for a second. 

Jeonghan opened the door with a soft smile, Seungcheol not even a step away when they entered the room. Seungkwan’s room was considerably clean, it was his bed that wasn’t. Littered in candy wrappings and crumbled packagings. 

“You okay, Seungkwan?” Seungcheol began. Unlike Jeonghan, Seungcheol thought that the best way to approach something was to ease into it. He wasn’t going to mention the fact that Seungkwan had just been binging. At least, not directly anyway. It would send Seungkwan into an immediate downward spiral and slaughter his confidence in just seconds. He didn’t want that. 

Jeonghan knew Seungcheol’s approach--despite not agreeing with it-- so for now, he let Seungcheol handle the situation. 

“I’m fine,” Seungkwan said shortly yet pleasantly as he watched Seungcheol and Jeonghan make themselves comfortable. Seungcheol kneeled on the floor and leaned on the side of the bed while Jeonghan sat next to Seungkwan. Both of them attempting to act as oblivious to the mess as Seungkwan was. 

“So… can I have one of those cupcakes?” Seungcheol asked. Yeah, they were technically his cupcakes, but he wanted Seungkwan to slowly realize what he was doing without them having to say it to him. 

“Um, sure,” Seungkwan chirped. A sense of happiness filled his chest as he wondered if the reason that they came was to watch t.v. and eat with him. It would be better if Chan were there, but Seungkwan always appreciated time with Seungcheol and Jeonghan. But as he placed his most empty bowl of ice cream next to him and reached for the cupcake box, he realized that it was empty. And the other boxes were also empty. 

Maybe he could give Seungcheol some candy… But he’d eaten all of that too. The cookies too. 

Matter of fact… he’d eaten all of the snacks he’d taken from the kitchen. 

The euphoric delight he was feeling before plummeted almost immediately as he looked around at all of the empty wrappings. Suddenly, Seungkwan felt utterly disgusting. 

“I-I’m sorry,” Seungkwan frowned, his voice struggling to make it past the horrid feeling of shame lodged in his throat. “I ate it… I ate it all… I binged…” Seungkwan’s face twisted, fighting the tears that really wanted to fall. He was humiliated. 

Absolutely humiliated.

“No, you didn’t,” Seungcheol began, grabbing for Seungkwan’s hand, but before he could finish his reassuring lies, Jeonghan stopped him. 

“Yes, you did,” Jeonghan corrected. “You binged.” 

Seungkwan cringed. Just hearing those words aloud made a few of the tears he had been holding back, fall. 

“But it’s nothing to be ashamed about. We all find unhealthy ways to get over our problems every once in a while. What’s important is that you find a way to compensate for it next time and you don’t make it a habit,” Jeonghan reassured, placing a comforting hand on Seungkwan’s back. 

Seungcheol sighed, happy that Jeonghan was here. It was better to tell Seungkwan the truth and reassure him that he wasn’t as disgusting as he felt rather than just lie to him blatantly. These were the times when Seungcheol was grateful that Jeonghan wasn’t one to beat around the bush like he was.

“Is there something bothering you?” Seungcheol inquired in a gentle voice. “Is there something in particular that’s making you want to eat so much?” 

Seungkwan inhaled sharply and pressed his tongue against his clenched teeth. “Just midterms,” Seungkwan said, balling his fists into his covers that were lying over his legs. The lie was obvious. But he was hoping that they’d just leave him alone and accept that he just didn’t want to talk about it.

And Seungcheol was going to. Seungkwan could tell because Seungcheol had looked to Jeonghan with pleading eyes. But Jeonghan wasn’t having that. He wasn’t Seungcheol. He couldn’t be Seungcheol no matter how much he knew that Chan and Seungkwan preferred talking to Seungcheol more than him sometimes. 

Knowing the situation, he couldn’t just walk away. Not again. 

“Yesterday, we got a phone call from your teacher,” Jeonghan stated. “Mr. Park…” Just as he expected, Seungkwan hid his face. 

Seungkwan didn’t know how many more times he would be able to deal with the humiliation of having someone find out what happened to him. He hated this. 

He didn’t want to cry. The tears gathering were mostly out of anger at the world. Anger at himself for even having to cry like this. He wished he wasn’t so weak. 

Sure, Jeonghan was the one who babied Seungkwan and Chan on a regular basis, but it was Seungcheol who struggled with seeing either one of them in emotional pain. That’s why now, all he could do was try to swallow and force back the tears that were threatening to fall as he squeezed Seungkwan’s hand. 

Jeonghan hated seeing them hurt too, but unlike Seungcheol, he hid it a lot better. He put on a strong demeanor until he was alone and could freely express his feelings. But for now, his tears won’t help. So he suppressed them and continued.

“Mr. Park called and said that he was worried about you. For the last few weeks, you’ve been really panicky and jumpy. You’ve also been hiding a lot. He has reason to believe that you are hiding from  _ someone _ . So that’s why we’re here to ask you…” Jeonghan paused to gingerly raise Seungkwan’s head. He didn’t want the younger to feel ashamed. “Is there someone you’re afraid of at school? Did anything happen?” 

“Please be honest with us,” Seungcheol pleaded in a whisper. 

“This guy…” Seungkwan reached up to quickly wipe the few tears that managed to fall. “Um… his name is Byungho.”

“Okay,” Jeonghan said, caressing Seungkwan’s arm now. “Are you scared of him?”

“Yeah…” Seungkwan sighed. He closed his eyes to somehow trick himself that he wasn’t the center of attention right now so he could say it. Admit this to the people who mattered most to him. Jeonghan and Seungcheol, who made their own lives one hundred times harder just so they could give Chan and Seungkwan a better life. Gave up their young adult lives to work harder than most people their age. 

Seungkwan remembered when they first moved in with Seungcheol and Jeonghan. Their mom had just been sent to rehab, and they had to live in the one bedroom apartment that Jeonghan and Seungcheol had already been living in. For months until they could afford the home they were staying in now, Chan and Seungkwan shared the bed while the two oldest slept on the floor in the living room. 

That went on for months… but they still got up every morning to bring Seungkwan and Chan to school, enrolled Chan in a dance academy, scraped up the money needed for academy fees, and all the while, somehow attended college and provided emotional support to them and each other.

Yet, Seungkwan never heard them complain. Only heard them constantly say how much they loved them. How they never would regret what they did. Because they were all happy.

They cared so much. The least Seungkwan could do to show them his appreciation for all of their sacrifices was to trust them. So, he started from the beginning. 

“It was during that New Year’s Party that you really wanted me to go to,” Seungkwan inhaled, slightly gesturing to Jeonghan. “Everything was fine at first. Wonwoo was with Mingyu so me, Minghao, and Jihoon were together. But Minghao left to go flirt with some girl and Jihoon got angry and needed to take a moment after someone dropped some juice on his pants. So I was by myself… That’s when Byungho came over and he talked to me. I was so excited…” Seungkwan sighed, feeling tears burn his eyes again out of shame. 

“I’m so stupid for thinking someone like him could like me.”

“What do you mean someone like him?” Seungcheol asked.

“He was on the basketball team. He was popular!” Seungkwan groaned, wanting nothing more than to slap himself. Comparing Seungkwan’s status to Byungho’s status, it was practically a no brainer… 

“Isn’t Hansol popular too?” Jeonghan asked matter of factly. That quickly caused Seungkwan’s thoughts to stop. “He’s on the basketball team too from what I heard. He likes you, doesn’t he? Enough to be your boyfriend.” 

“Boyfriend?” Seungcheol gasped lowly, letting his mouth hang open in a school girl manner. “Is that true?” 

“Yeah.” Seungkwan chuckled quietly and wiped his tears, glad that it wasn’t too tense. “I guess you’re right… Hansol likes me… I don’t even know how that happened.” 

“It doesn’t matter, how. Don’t blame yourself for believing that someone could be interested in you. It’s an amazing feeling, it really is,” Jeonghan said.

“It’s amazing when they  _ actually _ like you and aren’t just trying to set you up…” Seungkwan shook his head, remembering the dreadful turn of events. “He set me up making me think that he was interested in me. Then he brought me into the bathroom at the back of the building…” Seungkwan stopped again. 

Jeonghan and Seungcheol seemed to be holding their breaths. 

“Then his friends walked in a few minutes afterwards and jumped me. They took all of my clothes off and then beat me up… They called me names, punched me, kicked me, I’m sure someone even spit on me, and even wrapped my belt around my neck. I felt so disgusting and ugly… Then, as if that wasn’t enough, they took pictures of me and left me there.” 

Seungkwan was crying and laughing hysterically by the time he’d finished telling it. Nothing was funny or amusing. He was just laughing at himself, at his pitiful self. In Seungkwan’s mind, there was no denying that he was in fact as pitiful as they come. The several pity parties he threw himself all the time were proof of that. 

It wasn’t until there was a sniffle from on the side of him that Seungkwan gathered the strength to look up from his fingers that still held some traces of chocolate from the cupcakes. It was Seungcheol. He was crying. Despite the fact that he was trying to keep his face expressionless, it was no use because the tears running down his face were enough proof of his emotions. 

Seungkwan looked to Jeonghan next who was just barely succeeding in holding back his own. 

“I’m sorry, Kwannie,” Jeonghan said, his voice so small, trying to hide the inevitable cracks. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize that something was wrong sooner… No. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything about what I  _ did  _ see. I knew something was bothering you but I brushed it off as you just not having a good time. I saw how you locked yourself away everyday for weeks after that. But I kept forgetting to ask you about it. I hate that I just fucking  _ forgot. _ ”

“Don’t blame yourself,” Seungkwan said but Jeonghan was one step ahead of him.

“I don’t blame me. Did I make a decision that I wish I hadn’t, yeah, but I know that I didn’t do that to you. The only one to blame are those guys who thought they had a right to violate and probably even traumatize you.” 

This definitely was a new way to think about this and probably what everyone had been trying to tell him. That this was in no way his fault. Could he have made different choices, of course. Does he wish he  _ had _ made different choices, of course. But… he didn’t hurt himself. He didn’t ask for that. 

It… wasn’t his fault. 

“You did nothing wrong,” Seungcheol said through sniffles and tears. “Why didn’t you come to us?”

“I was embarrassed,” Seungkwan said simply.

Jeonghan had opened his mouth to say something but closed it soon after. He wanted to say the right thing. He could understand Seungkwan’s reasoning. And even though he wanted to shout from the rooftops that there was nothing to be embarrassed about, he knew that it wouldn’t change anything. His feelings were natural, so Jeonghan tried his best to understand them instead of trying to  _ fix  _ them. 

“Okay,” Jeonghan finally said, catching both Seungkwan and Seungcheol’s attention with the one word response. Jeonghan sighed once more and grabbed for Seungkwan’s hand, knowing that there was a large possibility that he won’t like what Jeonghan had to say next. They’d kept Seungkwan from having a panic attack for this long and he would like it to keep it that way, that being their biggest concern when he and Seungcheol decided to talk about this. 

A panic attack meant that they’d overwhelmed him. 

“Tomorrow, we’re going to-”

“No,” Seunkwan said, jerking his hand away and shaking his head furiously. 

“I know you’re scared but we have to tell someone at the school,” Jeonghan said softly. He wanted to reach for Seungkwan again, but it was clear that he would rather not be touched at the moment. Jeonghan had to respect that. 

“Why?!”

“Because it’s the only way we can protect you,” Seungcheol said, keeping his voice calm despite Seungkwan raising his own. 

Seungkwan remembered what Junghyun had said. How he wanted to be just as strong as her one day. But he couldn’t. The idea of having to repeat this stupid process  _ tomorrow _ and him having to actually gain the courage was terrifying. He couldn’t do it… 

“You don’t deserve to spend your days at school hiding and being paranoid. It’s your senior year. You deserve to be able to cherish this time with your friends and create some of your last memories of high school. The only way we can do that is to tell someone at the school.”

“What if he finds out that I told?” 

“We’ll ask the school to handle things discreetly so you aren’t put in any danger. That’s how it’s supposed to be handled.” 

Seungkwan was running out of excuses here. It was obvious that he wasn’t going to get out of this. 

“We love you,” Seungcheol uttered. “And we want to protect you.”

“That’s why, tomorrow,” Jeonghan continued with what he was saying before. “We’re going to go to the school and talk to Mr. Park, first thing in the morning. We both already told our bosses that we won’t be at work tomorrow so we can give you as much support you need. You aren’t gonna go to any classes either. We’ll explain the situation to him and discuss things and how to move forward.” 

Seungkwan didn’t say anything, hating the sound of this plan but knowing that it was what needed to be done. If not for himself, then for the other students that were victims like he and Junghyun were. 

“You’re gonna be there, right?” Seungkwan whispered.

“Every step,” Jeonghan promised. “Not just tomorrow but always.” 

“Trust us,” Seungcheol said. “Please trust us.” 

“I do…” 

At that, Seungcheol finally smiled. While Seungcheol was also crying, both he and Jeonghan reached over to wipe Seungkwan’s tears. Yet again, putting him before them. 

 

***

 

Seungkwan was sure that he would vomit before going into this school. The morning proved to be a long one due to his anxiousness and Chan, who was so upset that he wasn’t able to come with Seungkwan. He didn’t know exactly what was going on but he did notice that Jeonghan and Seungcheol weren’t dressed for work and immediately began questioning everything. 

His most asked question being “Why can’t I come?”

Jeonghan’s usual answers of “Because I said so” hadn’t succeeded in doing nothing more than irritating Chan even further. After ten minutes of back and forth, Chan broke down into tears and latched himself onto Seungkwan and wouldn’t let go.

“I-I just w-wanna be there for him,” Chan sobbed angrily and squeezed Seungkwan even tighter. “It’s not fair!”

“School is important, Chan,” Seungcheol tried when he noticed that Jeonghan’s patience was running rather thin. He needed to diffuse the situation before everyone’s day was ruined before it even officially started. 

“Not more important than Seungkwan! You guys are mean for making me go to school! I  _ hate _ you! So so much! I hate you both!” Chan screamed and ran off back to his room. He had his hearing aids in but they were soon out of his ear and thrown to the hallway floor before his bedroom door slammed shut. 

Seungkwan was frozen in his spot, never seeing Chan act like that before. Seungcheol looked hurt by Chan’s words but seemed to understand while Jeonghan was anything but. He was practically fuming with his fists balled by his sides and his eyes shining in anger. 

“He needs harsher discipline,” Jeonghan decided through clenched teeth. 

“No he doesn’t,” Seungcheol grimaced. “We a _ ren’t  _ hitting Chan, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Talking and reasoning with a ten year old, obviously isn’t working,” Jeonghan retorted with a scoff. Seungkwan slowly sat on the couch, wanting to shrink within himself. Jeonghan wouldn’t… 

“Did you like when your parents hit you? Did that do anything for you when you were younger other than make you afraid of them?” Seungcheol said, his voice raising somewhat which was quite a rare occurrence. “From my own experiences, I  _ hated _ being hit.”

Jeonghan wouldn’t say it, but Seungkwan could definitely confirm that Jeonghan hated it too. Seungkwan was pretty young at the time but he remembered when their mother would hit Jeonghan too. Whatever the reason may be, he could tell that it hurt Jeonghan to ever really be hit like that. The last time Jeonghan had been hit was when he took Chan and Seungkwan away from their mother. 

“He’s being defiant,” Jeonghan growled. “On purpose.”

Their mom thought Jeonghan was being defiant by taking her children away too. But he was only doing what he thought was right. Like Chan.

“He’s being passionate and standing for what he thinks is right. He’s not being defiant for nothing. He’s defying us because he cares about Seungkwan. We taught him that! We taught him to fight for whatever he believed was right and that’s what he’s doing.” 

Before their fight could get any worse, Seungkwan purposefully stood and walked between their conversation and made his way to Chan’s room. On the way, he picked up the hearing aids that Chan had thrown. Luckily, they weren’t broken.

He knocked twice on Chan’s door, knowing that Chan would be able to hear at least vaguely. Seungkwan waited for the confirming hum on the other side of the door before he turned the doorknob and entered. He found Chan sitting on his bed trying to stop himself from crying but was too upset to actually stop. 

“Why won’t they let me come with you?” Chan whimpered. 

_ ‘You know school is important’  _ Seungkwan signed, sitting on the bed with him. 

“I don’t care. If you’re sad then I want to be there!”

_ ‘You said you hated them.’ _

“I don’t hate them,” Chan whispered, his initial vigor disipitting after remembering that he said something so mean to Cheollie and Hannie. “But they don’t listen to me. Ever!”

_ ‘They’re just trying to do the best for you.’ _

“I hate school anyway,” Chan grumbled. That made Seungkwan laugh. 

“Me too,” he said, sure that Chan would be able to hear it. 

It was quiet for the next few minutes as Chan laid his head on Seungkwan’s lap. Seungkwan could tell that he was thinking so all he did was run his hands through Chan’s hair as comfort. 

“My dance performance is tonight,” Chan uttered absently. 

“Yeah.” 

“Are you gonna be there?”

“Of course… I wouldn’t miss it. I think it’ll make me feel a lot better too because you worked so hard to practice for it,” Seungkwan said. 

“Do you want me to go to school?” Chan asked next. 

“Somewhat,” Seungkwan answered truthfully. He was flattered that Chan was so adamant about giving him support but Chan also had tests to take and work to stay caught up on. He didn’t want to cause Chan any unnecessary trouble. “If you go to school, I promise that tomorrow after school, we’re gonna hang out together. I’ll get Wonwoo to drive wherever you wanna go. We’ll all go together. Plus… I’ll buy ice cream.” It was a bargain that Seungkwan knew Chan would never turn down. 

“Really?”

“Yup. Promise.” 

“Deal.”

 

Jeonghan and Seungcheol most likely just decided to put the differences aside that morning and speak about it later because when Chan and Seungkwan came out of the room, they both were smiling. Their emotions more focused on the fact that Seungkwan and Chan were okay. And getting verbal confirmation that Chan didn’t hate them. 

The drive to school was when the nauseous feeling began. When Chan had gotten out of the car--he demanded kisses from all of them-- Jeonghan had left the passenger seat and sat in the back with Seungkwan, ensuring that he wasn;t even the least bit alone with his thoughts. 

They got to the school pretty early so not many students were there and the ones that were there were too occupied by their phones to notice Seungkwan. It was a good thing and helped him feel just the slightest motivation to not be too embarrassed but it did nothing to stop the twisting feeling. He felt like everyone he walked by somehow had an idea for what he was here for. 

Seungcheol and Jeonghan walked separately so they wouldn’t give off the vibe that they were actually a couple. Like Jeonghan told everyone, Seungcheol was just his childhood friend that also was his roommate that helped him care for his brothers. 

“What classroom is it?” Jeonghan asked, Seungkwan as they made it to the literature corridor of the building where all of the literature and language classrooms were. 

“That one,” Seungkwan croaked, his throat dry and his skin prickling with goosebumps. The classroom door was slightly opened, a sign that Mr. Park was definitely there. 

Seungkwan hesitated a bit. Now he really felt like he had to vomit. 

“Wait,” Seungkwan tried, his eyebrows worrying. Or was that a panic attack that was coming on? “I need a moment.”

“Do you need a second?” Seungcheol asked, running comforting hands up and down Seungkwan’s shivering arms. 

“Yeah. You can… go in before me.” 

They looked like they wanted to object but they instead obeyed and walked into the classroom. Seungkwan listened to them greet Mr. Park and thank him for letting him know of the problem.

Seungkwan wanted to run. This was his chance. But someone called him. It nearly made him faint.

“Seungkwan!” A familiar voice yelled from down the empty hallway, the voice bouncing off of the walls it seemed. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” 

The loudness of the words and the choice of wording itself frightened Seungkwan so badly that when Mingyu finally caught up to him, his grin melted into a frown at seeing Seungkwan stilled in shock. As if he was a threat.

“Don’t do that again,” Seungkwan hissed. “I thought you were someone else.” He didn’t know what caused him to punch Mingyu in the arm but he did and it felt great. Mingyu whimpered and caressed his arm, his lip jutted out in a pout. 

“I’m sorry. But that’s what I wanted to talk to you about actually.” Mingyu lowered his voice despite the fact that hallways were empty. Plus, if Mingyu of all people were lowering their voice, then this must be important. 

And Seungkwan didn’t like the sound of it. 

“What?”

Mingyu took a deep breath. 

“I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you that in person. That I’m so fucking sorry for not saying anything. That I plan on fixing it by telling Mr. Park right now,” Mingyu said. The genuineness in his voice was… uplifting to say the least. 

“I’ll tell Wonwoo so-”

“What? No,” Mingyu scoffed. “This apology wasn’t so I could get Wonwoo back. It was me actually apologizing because I’m  _ sorry.  _ I don’t know how I’m going to get Wonwoo back or if he would ever wanna be with me again. But this is about  _ you _ . My apology to you. I’m going to tell Mr. Park because I want to make it up to you and those other students. That’s it. No ulterior motives or anything.”

Seungkwan could have done anything. He could see by the way Mingyu was looking that Mingyu was aware that this could turn out several ways. Good, bad, bittersweet, anything. But what he wasn’t expecting was for Seungkwan to hug him. Mingyu hadn’t prepared himself for this outcome; only prepared for the possibility of being slapped or yelled at. 

“Thank you,” Seungkwan murmured into Mingyu’s shirt. “You have no idea how much that means to me.”

“You’re worth it. Plus, you’re kind of like my brother in law now so I kind of need you to like me,” Mingyu laughed, eventually wrapping Seungkwan in a hug that matched Seungkwan’s strength. 

“I never disliked you,” Seungkwan reassured. He still hadn’t let go of Mingyu but actually tried to squeeze tighter as he remembered what Jeonghan had said the day before. “It’s not your fault.”

“I… I really needed to hear that.” Mingyu settled his chin on Seungkwan’s head with a sigh. “Thanks…”

“So…” Seungkwan finally pulled away, feeling infinitely better. “Are you gonna come in here with me?”

“I was nervous as hell, but you’re here. So, I guess we can do this together,” Mingyu said. Seungkwan smiled brightly. He could see why Mingyu and Hansol were such good friends. They resemble each other’s personalities. Both optimistic, honest, and similar to a single flicker of light in the middle of a suffocating darkness. Bringing hope that one day, things will be brighter.

Mingyu presented his hand to Seungkwan so he could take it. 

“You’re my best friend’s boyfriend, but I don’t think he’d mind if I held your hand for support,” Mingyu said. Seungkwan chuckled as he interlocked his hand with Mingyu’s. 

“I don’t think he’d mind either.” 

Both entered Mr. Park’s classroom together. Neither felt the need to throw up anymore.

 

***

 

“Yeah, I’m going. My parents have been suffocating me with all of this attention,” Jihoon drawled as they made their way to the dance academy where the Christmas performance was about to begin. On the way here, Seungkwan had told Minghao, Wonwoo, and Jihoon about his promise to Chan. 

It never took much convincing for Minghao or Wonwoo to agree but usually Jihoon complained about how Chan liked to spend all of his money whenever they were together. But this time, Jihoon was the first to agree. 

“I thought you wanted attention from them?” Seungkwan hummed. 

“I do want attention. But I like my personal space,” Jihoon said matter of factly. His tone of voice was more to warn Minghao who had his arm thrown around Jihoon’s shoulder, but the indirect complaint flew right over Minghao’s head. Instead of moving, he pressed kisses to the crown of Jihoon’s head. 

“I understand,” Minghao laughed. 

“No. You obviously don’t,” Jihoon grumbled. “Seriously, I wonder how I haven’t died from suffocation because I swear all of the people in my life seem to want to invade my space.” 

“Because we-” 

“Shut up,” Jihoon said before Wonwoo could finish his infamous line of “because we love you.” 

Chuckling, they waited where they always do right in front of the doors to the stage area. The doors hadn’t opened yet so they just waited. 

They were laughing at something stupid when Soonyoung had walked by and Jihoon practically hid behind Wonwoo. It had proven to be easy too, but Minghao being Minghao completely ruined that for him. 

“Soonyoung!” He called. “Hey!” 

Soonyoung, who hadn’t noticed them before, had perked up at seeing them. Deeming his cover completely blown (he’d get back at Minghao later), Jihoon stepped from behind Wonwoo and greeted the taller. 

Seungkwan had not been only vaguely listening to their conversation before a pair of hands covered his eyes and a lovely warmth pressed against his back. “It’s the person who misses you the most,” the voice laughed. 

“Hansol, it doesn’t work if I know your voice,” Seungkwan chuckled, as the hands fell from his face and his turned around. 

“Oh yeah,” Hansol snorted, like it was something that he hadn’t really thought about before. “I’ll remember that next time.” 

“I’ll pretend to be surprised,” he promised. 

Upon seeing Hansol, Minghao grew excited, immediately looking around for Junhui. “There he is!” He exclaimed. “Jun!” 

Seungkwan giggled at Minghao but it quickly turned into a gasp as Minghao went falling to the floor when he started to run. The familiar “Oops,” that followed was all he needed to know who it was. 

“Jihoon, that was mean,” Seungkwan heard Soonyoung say, a hint of amusement in his voice as he watched Wonwoo help Minghao up off the floor. A few people around had turned to look too. 

“That’s my revenge. He deserves it, trust me,” Jihoon said. “Sorry, Hao. It was a mistake, I was stretching my leg.” 

“You’re a liar,” Minghao retorted. “I’ll get you back, asshole.” And that was all Minghao said before joining Junhui who was busy laughing at him.. 

“So… how are you?” Hansol asked, his laughing dying down and his tone taking on a much more serious aura. “Mingyu told me about earlier.”

“Oh.” Seungkwan hadn’t talked about it earlier because none of his friends had asked, most likely waiting for Seungkwan to bring it up himself. He appreciated them for that. Jeonghan and Seungcheol also entrusted Seungkwan in their care since they had to make a quick stop at the store to buy a gift for Chan. They’d forgotten to do it when they’d treated Seungkwan to ice cream after talking to Mr. Park. 

“It was… a lot. But I don’t wanna talk about it right now,” Seungkwan said gently, hoping Hansol would understand. Knowing he’d understand. 

“Okay!” Hansol said, perking up again. “I’m okay with that. If you’re fine then I’m happy.”

“What if I’m happy?”

“Then I’m about to explode for euphoria. Our hearts are connected now, you know.”

Seungkwan rolled his eyes and laughed. “Shut up.”

“Please, because that was cheesy as hell,” Soonyoung said, cutting his conversation with Jihoon short to say that. 

“I know you aren’t talking. You’ve said worse things,” Jihoon reprimanded. 

“Ha,” Wonwoo scoffed loudly from the side. 

“You’re supposed to be on my side,” Soonyoung whined. Jihoon only shrugged. 

“Shouldn’t you be with the kids getting ready for the performance?” Hansol asked. “Why are you bothering me?”

“Because it’s fun. And plus, I was waiting for you and Mingyu. Where is he?”

Hiding was what he was doing. Hansol actually got here with Mingyu and Jun but he didn’t want to come in until the doors opened so he didn’t have to Wonwoo. Something about wanting to respect the space Wonwoo asked for. 

“He’s coming,” Hansol said vaguely, but everyone seemed to know what that meant. Especially Wonwoo who only sighed and seemed to wilt. Maybe that was who he was looking for this entire time. Seungkwan felt bad for him.

With the stage area about to open any minute now, Soonyoung went to give his usual pep talk to his students before they went on for the show. Telling them that no matter what happened, they did their best and their best was what made the performance a great one. 

So he wasn’t able to see when Mingyu actually did come in with Jeonghan and Seungcheol right behind him. 

“That’s what took you guys so long,” Seungkwan smiled. 

That morning after talking to Mr. Park, Jeonghan and Seungcheol took a special liking to Mingyu. So most likely, after seeing Mingyu stand around outside, they talked to him. Helping him gain the courage to walk inside and at least talk to Wonwoo.

But that would have to wait. 

The doors to the stage area had just opened. Chan’s performance was about to start and that meant their full attention would be on him and his efforts. It was a nice distraction for all of them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff! Even though I know this chapter isn't all fluff. But I still love fluff, lol.
> 
> The last two or three (I think two, i don't know yet) chapters won't take too long. This chapter took a while because the school year is about to start again and my second year of college is about to start. I should be excited but I'm not. If you are on Tumblr then you probably already know that though bc I put it up there too. Lol. I just spent so much money renting books too. It's the worst. 
> 
> But I'm sorry for the wait and as always, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I love all of your comments, by the way. They make me so happy! I will link the Twitter in the next chapter when I finish setting it up because I appreciate all of you and want to connect with you in other places too! 
> 
> Until then, love you! ^^


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Physical assault and panic attacks

Another day of hiding. 

Seungkwan could say that he felt a bit more at ease because Mr. Park promised that he would do all he could to handle the situation. He had no doubt that Mr. Park was going to fulfill his promise but what would he do until then? That was what was causing him the worst amount of worry. 

However, he tried to stay optimistic. It didn’t come to him as naturally as it came to Hansol but he tried. 

His attempts at optimism hadn’t failed him; he’d gotten through half the day with it. During lunch, Seungkwan spent time with Mr. Park. He even gave Seungkwan a few meringue cookies that his wife made the other night. They were light, sweet, and one of the high points of Seungkwan’s day.  

Mr. Park admitted that he was tired of eating them though since his wife had developed a recent obsession with them and couldn’t--more like wouldn’t-- stop baking them. 

“We just have to get through this week and then it’ll be winter break. We can do it,” Mr. Park said, sliding the rest of the cookies in front of Seungkwan. 

“Then you have to spend all day with your wife. All day, every day,” Seungkwan snickered. He was sure Mr. Park loved his wife, but the antics that Mr. Park told him about sounded like they got exhausting sometimes. But there was no doubt that the antics were part of the reason Mr. Park loved her so much. 

“I won’t mind. Maybe I could try to get her to obsess over something else. Ugh, and I thought her popcorn phase was bad,” Mr. Park huffed as he remembered when Baekhyun obsessed over popcorn constantly for about two months. He’d somehow ordered several tins of popcorn, forcing Chanyeol to eat it too. Cheddar, kettle, butter, caramel, and several more flavors that Chanyeol didn’t even know existed with popcorn just showed up at the door one day. Luckily, that was the climax of that phase and no more popcorn was bought after that. 

As they continued talking, the bell signaling the end of lunch rang throughout the school. Seungkwan pouted while Mr. Park smiled hopefully. 

“I’ll bring lunch for the both of us tomorrow,” Mr. Park said, moving to erase the dry erase board in preparation for the class that was about to start. 

“You don’t have to,” Seungkwan sighed. 

“It’s my treat,” Mr. Park said. “I am trying my best to get the situation resolved as quickly as possible. I know you’re still panicked, so the least I could do is get you some lunch.”

“Thank you…” Seungkwan bowed. 

“No problem. Now get to class. Remember, just a few days left before winter break,” Mr. Park called after Seungkwan when he was heading towards the door. 

“I’ll be counting the days,” Seungkwan promised and slipped out of the classroom. Unknowingly, he was still holding one last meringue cookie in his hand. As he strolled down the hallway to briefly meet his friends, he smiled, no longer feeling like something was weighing down on him.

Optimism truly was contagious in some instances. Mr. Park and Hansol were proof of that. 

 

***

 

It lasted for the rest of the day too. Wonwoo even commented on it when they were doing their daily meet up at one of their lockers before they parted ways to go home for the day. All of them assumed it had something to do with Hansol, but when Seungkwan said it was Mr. Park, they all had different reactions. 

“Oh, that’s expected. Mr. Park is a literal happy virus,” Wonwoo nodded. He was just happy that Seungkwan was happy. 

“Ugh, he’s just another Hansol,” Jihoon huffed.

“Mr. Park is so hot,” Minghao sighed dreamily. Seungkwan giggled, not expecting anything less than that from Minghao. The latter had been crushing stupidly on Mr. Park since their first year. 

When they did go their separate ways, Seungkwan had went out back to wait for Jeonghan or Seungcheol in the parking lot. It was cold but that was okay. He was sure they’d be here soon, so he didn’t bother going back inside the school building. Well not yet at least. 

He had been focused solely on his phone for a while, laughing at a funny video as he waited. He’d sent Hansol a brief text out on a whim too. Every once in a while, a teacher would come out of the building, on their way home. They’d stop for a moment to ask if Seungkwan needed a ride home, but he only thanked them and declined and they’d leave with one more goodbye. 

Seungcheol must have been picking him up today; Jeonghan wasn’t one to ever be late. 

When the door opened this time, Seungkwan didn’t wait to be addressed and raised his head, ready to smile at whatever teacher it was coming through the door this time. But it wasn’t a teacher. As soon as that registered in Seungkwan’s mind, his body was moving off of pure instinct. 

_ Danger. Danger.  _

_ Run.  _

And that’s what he tried to do. Almost dropping his phone, Seungkwan tried to get away as fast as he could, but Byungho hadn’t even given him the chance to go very far. Grabbing Seungkwan tightly by the collar of his jacket, he clasped a hand over Seungkwan’s mouth when he tried to cry out for some type of help. 

“Walk,” Byungho demanded quietly in his ear. “Now. Walk that way.” 

Seungkwan hadn’t obeyed immediately, too shaken to listen to his words, let alone follow the order. It wasn’t until the hand clasped over his mouth tightened around his face, fingers digging into the extra skin of face and pressing hard into his jaws, that Seungkwan actually registered that he had been told to do something.

He cried out his muffled pleas and began quickly walking towards the side of the school, Byungho close behind him, his hand still suffocating him. 

From there, no one would be able to see them, except if someone parked on the far side of the parking lot which never happened unless the parking lot was crowded. Which it wasn’t. It was mostly vacant save for about five cars so Seungkwan had no hope that a teacher would see him. 

When they were on the side of the school and out of sight, Byungho finally let go of Seungkwan and instead, caged him against the hard wall of the school building. Seungkwan’s blood ran cold, shivering harshly. He couldn’t take too much more of this; it was like his body was going into overdrive. 

“Did you tell anyone?” Byungho asked, pointing an accusatory finger at his face. 

“No,” Seungkwan gasped. “N-No, I didn’t.”

“You’re fucking lying.” Byungho hadn’t even finished his words yet when he pressed a hand around Seungkwan’s neck. His fingers firm on the heated yet chilled skin as a warning, a promise of him pressing even harder onto his neck. 

“I’m n-not,” Seungkwan said, practically sobbing. There was no way he found out. Byungho must have been trying to provoke him. He had to… 

“I p-promise,” Seungkwan tried again.

“I don’t wanna hear that shit.” 

When the hand around his neck did tighten, Seungkwan tried to fight, reaching with shaky, trembling hands to push Byungho away. But it only got him a really hard punch to the left side of his face. 

Terrified, overwhelmed, and now in pain, Seungkwan crumbled, crying freely now. He didn’t care if he was loud but Byungho was having none of it as he clamped a hand over Seungkwan’s mouth again.

“You told. That’s why your friends are helping you hide. That’s why you’re all of a sudden close Junghyun. You think I’m fucking stupid, you fat, piece of shit?”

Seungkwan shook his head to the best of his ability with Byungho’s broad hand on his face like this. When he did remove his hand, it pointed his finger in his face again and somehow crowded even closer into Seungkwan’s face. Sniffling and hiccuping, Seungkwan could barely see him clearly through his tears. 

“I d-didn’t,” he insisted.

“What’d I tell you if you told someone?” 

“P-Please,” Seungkwan begged. But the plea was blown away with the chilled wind whirling past them. 

He didn’t  _ know _ what Byungho said. He couldn’t remember because his mind was close to breaking down into a million pieces. All he could think about was this panic attack that was itching its way under his skin. 

“That’s not an answer.”

But there was no other answer Seungkwan could give other than his small, shaky pleas, but of course they didn’t work. It did nothing more than get him another punch to the face that sent him falling to the ground. With help from the fact that Seungkwan’s legs felt numb.

Too many things were going on at once. Too many emotions were running through his mind. Too much pain was throbbing in his face. All of this was just too much. His mind truly seemed to break, no longer able to hear the warnings nor feel the kicks and hits. He just balled into himself and waited for this nightmare to be over. 

 

***

 

Hansol had stayed after school to finish his math midterm that he hadn’t finished last time. He hated math and wasn’t very good at it, but when he gave it to the teacher, he could proudly say that he did his absolute best. Hopefully he got at least a C. 

His boyfriend would be so proud of him. Speaking of Seungkwan, Hansol had received a text from him during his test that he was only able to check just now. 

**_Kwann <3_ **

_ Seungcheol is taking forever :(  _

 

Hansol grinned, feeling hopeful when he saw that the text was only sent about fifteen minutes ago. There was a chance that he was gone now, but Hansol figured it was worth a shot to go out back towards the parking lot and see if Seungkwan was still waiting. If he was, then the least he could do is warm his boyfriend up with some really tight hugs and discreet kisses. 

Going to the backdoors of the school that led to the parking lot, Hansol shivered immediately at the chill of cold air. Seungkwan wasn’t on the bench he had told him he was sitting earlier so Hansol assumed he’d gone home. 

“I’ll call him later,” Hansol uttered, stuffing his already numbing hands into his pockets to get his earbuds. When he began walking again, deciding that he’d just take the back streets to get home, there was a voice cautiously calling his name before he could turn up the volume of his music. 

Turning to look to the right, Hansol recognized Baekhyun running up to him, a worried look plaguing his face. 

“Hey,” Hansol said, returning the look of worry as a way of asking if the older needed something from him. 

“Do you know if Mr. Park is finishing up inside?” Baekhyun asked hurriedly, turning to look back at something. When Hansol followed his line of sight, he didn’t see anything though. Taking out his headphones, he didn’t exactly hear anything besides the wind anyway. 

“He should be,” Hansol shrugged. 

“There’s a boy being beat up over there on the side of the school,” Baekhyun said with wide eyes. “I want to interfere but I don’t know if I should just yet and-” There was the faint sound of a phone ringing. Baekhyun immediately answered the phone that he was clutching in his pale fingers. 

“Who’s getting beat up?” Hansol questioned but it went unanswered as Baekhyun frantically began talking. 

“Chanyeol! Where are you? There’s someone getting beat up on the side of the school. You have to come downstairs.” Baekhyun ran a hand through his hair and clutched a handful of it in frustration. “You’re in your classroom? Isn’t that on the third floor? Whatever. I’m interfering. Just hurry up.” 

Hansol was already practically sprinting to the side of the school before Baekhyun even hang up the phone with Mr. Park. He had a feeling who it was. 

And it was. 

Hansol couldn’t fight, he knew that, but he could throw a punch if anything and that was all he wanted to do when he saw Byungho beating Seungkwan so ruthlessly. Even with him curled in a ball and crying like that, Byungho was still merciless and angry. It was evident in Byungho’s insults and by the strength of his hits. And Hansol couldn’t let this go. 

It was too late to let it go even if he wanted to because he had already thrown himself at Byungho, using all of his weight to push Byungho away.

“You’re a son of bitch, you know that,” Hansol growled. “You do something fucked up and then beat up the victim. You’re so pathetic.” He was ready to charge at Byungho again but there was a hand on his shoulder and someone stepping in front of him, blocking him from when Byungho stood once again. 

“This half breed,” Byungho scoffed at Hansol. “Go mind your damn business.”

“This is my business-”

“We didn’t come here to fight,” Baekhyun insisted when Hansol tried to get past him again. “I don’t know who you are, and I don’t know why you’re beating up this kid but I’m not gonna let you do this.” 

Byungho looked as if he was actually considering throwing a punch at Baekhyun next, but Baekhyun hadn’t budged a bit, standing firmly in front of Hansol and Seungkwan, who was still lying on the ground, crying and shaking. 

Hansol was next to him in seconds, trying to soothe him. It wasn’t a surprise that his first efforts hadn’t worked much. This wasn’t the start of a panic attack nor was it the end. Seungkwan was in the worst part where one felt like they were pummeling head-first into darkness and like you were going to be dead by the end of it. 

“I suggest you leave,” Baekhyun continued. 

“Don’t let him leave,” Hansol gritted as he failed to calm Seungkwan.. 

“I’m not scared of you,” Byungho scoffed, completely ignoring Hansol and directing all of his attention to Baekhyun. “I don’t even know who you are, why the fuck would I listen to you. You don’t look a day older than me, so just fuck off.”

“I suggest you leave…” Baekhyun repeated, his calm tone not wavering at all. 

It was when Mr. Park showed up that Hansol felt that the situation was under control. Well enough for him to devote all of his attention to Seungkwan. 

“Hey, I’m here. I’m here,” Hansol chanted in hushed whispers he tried to get Seungkwan out of his selfmade ball. “You’re okay. It’s me, sweetheart. Please, listen to me.” It wasn’t the easiest task but Hansol found a way to grab ahold of Seungkwan’s hands and squeeze them tightly in his. What bothered him though was that even though he squeezed, Seungkwan didn’t respond. He hadn’t responded, physically or verbally, to anything he was doing.

“Feel me? Do you feel my hands?” Hansol asked. “Please, answer me. Just one word to let me know you’re okay.” 

But all Seungkwan did was continue trembling and crying. 

He couldn’t push the words through his throat. He only vaguely heard Hansol but he heard him. He only barely felt Hansol but he felt him. But it was impossible for him to do anything other than cry and tremble right now. His mind slowly picking up the pieces. 

“Hansol, do you think you can get Seungkwan to come to the car?” Mr. Park asked, his voice soft, not wanting to startle Seungkwan more than he already was. “It’s warmer in the car and sitting out here in the cold isn’t good for him or you.”

Looking around, Hansol saw that Byungho was gone. 

“I’ll try,” Hansol hummed, his annoyance clear Baekhyun and Mr. Park kept their distance, as Hansol took what felt like forever to pull Seungkwan to his feet. Supporting most of his weight on him, Hansol slowly managed to trek through the cold and following Baekhyun and Mr. Park. With their help, they were able to settle Seungkwan into the backseat. They all followed and sat in the heated, toasty car. 

In silence. 

Hansol had positioned Seungkwan’s head on his thigh and had been softly caressing his hair. As he looked down at Seungkwan’s face, Hansol noticed his blackening eye and the blood smeared on his nose. But he was sure that most of the damage was on his body.

The panic attack had luckily passed and now Seungkwan was presumably sleeping. Hansol couldn’t really tell if he was sleeping or if he was just lying there with his eyes closed, but he hoped that Seungkwan was sleeping. Hansol could only imagine how worn out his mind must have been. 

He wanted to call Seungkwan’s name but the silence was too heavy and was somehow making him hesitant. Baekhyun looked the exact same as he absently ran his fingers along the length of the steering wheel and biting on his bottom lip. Mr. Park had been scrolling through his phone for some time before he put it up to his ear. 

It caught both, Hansol’s and Baekhyun’s attention.

“Hello? Principal Song?” Mr. Park said, his voice neutral. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything too important. I would just like to report that a student was assaulted a few moments ago… Yes, it was Boo Seungkwan, one of the students that reported assault also. I’m sure it was in retaliation to that… I’m afraid if we don’t take care of it now than other students will be in danger…” 

“He needs to be reported to the police,” Baekhyun whispered, glancing back at Seungkwan. What he’d witnessed a few moments ago wasn’t something to be taken lightly. 

Mr. Park looked to Baekhyun for a moment before sighing. “Should we call the police? Byungho is a threat to students’ safety and we can’t have that… Yes… Yes. Thank you. I’ll be there first thing in the morning. Thank you again, Principal Song.”

As Mr. Park hang up the phone, he let out a deep sigh before looking back at Seungkwan then to Hansol. 

“You’re a good friend, Hansol,” Mr. Park said, trying to show something of a reassuring smile. 

“He’s my boyfriend.”

“Oh,” Mr. Park hummed. The confession made both of them smile. “I’m glad to hear that everything worked out with you two.”

“Me too. But look at him now…” Hansol swallowed thickly, trying to force himself not to cry. 

“I can guarantee you that Byungho will be taken care of now. I will do everything in my power to ensure that he doesn’t come back to this school after tomorrow.”

“I just keep thinking about what would have happened if I hadn’t decided to park far away and surprise you in your classroom…” Baekhyun sighed. His hands were gripping the steering wheel now as he lowered his forehead to rest against it. 

“Don’t think about that,” Mr. Park said. “Let’s think about Seungkwan-” 

The sound of a phone ringing caught them off guard. It was coming from the backseat. From Hansol’s pocket. As quickly and stiffly as he could, Hansol fished his phone from his pocket, not wanting to wake Seungkwan to the sound and too much movement. But Seungkwan didn’t budge even a bit. 

He was definitely sleeping. 

“It’s Soonyoung,” Hansol mumbled. As soon as he answered the phone and put the phone to his ear, a voice booming through the speaker. 

“Where the hell is Seungkwan and why isn’t he answering the phone?” That was definitely Jihoon. “Seungcheol said he isn’t answering his phone and he’s not at the school either because Seungcheol said that no other students are at the school. Is he with you?”

“I-”

“If he’s not with you, I’m gonna throw this phone,” Jihoon growled. 

“That’s my phone…” Soonyoung’s voice faintly whined in the background but Hansol didn’t have what it took to laugh. 

“He’s with me… Byungho beat him up,” Hansol uttered, awaiting some more yelling but it never came. It was silent on the line before Soonyoung’s distant voice uttered, “Is everything alright, Jihoon?”

“How is he?” Jihoon said a really low whisper. “How bad did he beat him?”

“Pretty bad,” Hansol admitted. There was no use in trying to sugar coat it. 

Jihoon sighed. “I’m gonna call Seungcheol. Where are you?”

“We’re in the school parking lot in Mr. Park’s car. We are the only car in the parking lot so he won’t be able to miss us.” 

“Okay… Take care of him.”

“Of course.” 

Jihoon ended the call immediately after that. 

“Seungkwan’s brother is about to come for him,” Hansol said.

“That’s good. I think it’s best if he goes home and gets rest, right?” Baekhyun uttered in a soft voice turning to Mr. Park and grabbing his hand. Even without seeing his face, Hansol could tell that Mr. Park was incredibly upset and was trying to hide it. It wasn’t like him to be so tense. 

“Right,” Mr. Park echoed, squeezing his hand in return. “Hey, Hansol. Before I bring you home, I’ll stop and get you something from the cafe. Something to make you feel a bit better about all of this.” 

“What about you and Baekhyun? You guys are probably just as upset as me,” Hansol lightly snickered under his breath.

“I’ll take care of that,” Baekhyun said suggestively before he burst into a giggling fit at the way Mr. Park hit him hard on the arm. 

“What??” Baekhyun gasped, feigning innocence and ignorance. “I meant that I was gonna bake you more meringue cookies.”

“That’s a lie,” Mr. Park insisted, voice a lot more uplifting than before. "You knew what you meant."  Hansol smiled, the energy between them was contagious. 

“How many times do I have to remind you that Hansol is my student?” 

“As many times as you want,” Baekhyun shrugged. He stopped talking when a car practically whipped into the parking space next to them and Seungcheol jumped out of the car looking more worried than ever. Baekhyun unlocked the car doors and both he and Mr. Park exited the car.

“What happened? He got beat up?” Hansol heard Seungcheol shout as he already was trying to wrench open the backseat door. 

“I’m sure it was in retaliation to Seungkwan and a few other students opening up about what happened,” Mr. Park said. Seungcheol didn’t offer another response as he opened the door. 

“Hansol,” Seungcheol inhaled sharply. “Did he get beat until he passed out?”

“No. He just fell asleep. He had a pretty intense panic attack.” Hansol caressed Seungkwan’s hair once more before moving his hand to squeeze at his arm while Seungcheol reached for his leg. 

“Wake up, Kwannie,” Seungcheol begged softly. A look of relief washed over Seungcheol face when Seungkwan woke up almost instantly. His eyes opened yet his face twisted horribly in pain. 

“It hurts,” Seungkwan whimpered. 

“I know. But we’re gonna get home and tend to every single wound. I promise,” Seungcheol smiled as he helped Seungkwan sit up slowly in the seat. Behind him, Baekhyun and Mr. Park sweetly grinned at the lightness in Seungcheol tone. 

Hansol grabbed for Seungkwan’s slightly scraped hand and squeezed it. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

Seungkwan weakly chuckled. “I’m not dead guys… Thank you for being so worried about me though.”

Hansol chuckled and kissed his hand. “Like I said. Whatever you’re feeling, I’m feeling it too. If you’re hurting, baby, then I’m close to death.”

“I’m gonna say that to Jeonghan one day,” Seungcheol uttered with a somewhat forced chuckle. "I think he'll blush at something like that."

“He’s gonna freak,” Seungkwan sighed, securing an arm around Seungcheol’s neck to begin to get out of the car. Mr. Park was quick to help out. 

As Seungcheol and Mr. Park helped Seungkwan get into the other car, Baekhyun returned to the driver’s seat, joining Hansol in the car again. “I see why you like him.”

“How?” Hansol asked. Baekhyun chuckled shortly and nodded. 

“I don’t know. He just gives this really pleasant vibe,” Baekhyun sighed. “It’s familiar.”

“Yourself. You’re just like that,” Hansol smiled. 

“Hm… I guess I am.” Both of them shared a short, sweet laugh. 

 

***

 

“Chan, I think he’s had enough cookies,” Jeonghan said as he lathered more soap onto the loofah sponge. Just as Seungkwan expected he would, Jeonghan had freaked out when Seungcheol and Seungkwan pulled up in front of the house. 

Even before they made it into the house, Jeonghan was protectively trying to get Seungkwan out of his clothes to check his bruises, already shocked by his face. Seungkwan had no say in much because Jeonghan immediately ordered Seungcheol to run a bubble bath for Seungkwan to soak in. 

Even though Seungkwan only wanted to sleep right now, he followed Jeonghan into the bathroom. Chan had been watching t.v. when it all happened and he insisted on getting Seungkwan’s favorite comfort food which were the cookies. 

While Jeonghan gently washed Seungkwan’s body, Chan fed him cookies, pressing kisses to Seungkwan’s swollen and bruised eye whenever he felt it necessary. 

“It’s never enough cookies,” Chan said, forcing another cookie into Seungkwan’s mouth. Jeonghan glared at Chan for a moment before the youngest huffed and set the cookies on his lap. 

“Fine.”

“You’re gonna ruin Seungkwan’s appetite if you keep feeding him,” Jeonghan tried instead which seemed to make a lot more sense to Chan. After their small fight the other day, Seungcheol and Jeonghan had a much needed talk about disciplining Chan. 

Jeonghan’s usual reasoning of “because I said so” was actually really unfair when Seungcheol had explained it. Saying something like that and expecting Chan to respect that, did nothing more than make Chan feel like he was less and that his opinions and wants didn’t matter. Even though Chan was only ten, he deserved to be talked to like he was a growing boy with feelings and wants like the rest of them. So, in the end, Jeonghan promised that he’d actually began talking and reasoning with Chan instead of just demanding that he listens to what he tells him. 

This was Jeonghan’s first attempt and it had worked quite well. 

“Oh, I didn’t think about that,” Chan said hopefully.

“Yeah, don’t you think he’s gonna want some dinner first?”

“You’re so smart, Hannie.” 

Seungkwan smiled vaguely at the interaction, glad that Jeonghan was attempting to be just a bit more fair when it came to Chan. He exhaled carefully--his body hurt with every movement-- and allowed his head to relax on the edge of the tub. The position was uncomfortable and hurt his neck but his head was hurting even worse so it was all he could do. 

“Hey, Chan, can you go check on Seungcheol for me? I don’t want him to burn dinner,” Jeonghan asked softly. It was mostly an attempt to get Chan out of the bathroom for the moment. He wanted to talk to Seungkwan alone. 

“Okay! Cheollie does usually burn dinner, huh,” Chan agreed, quickly standing to his feet and dashing out of the door. When the bathroom door clicked shut, Jeonghan set the sponge to the side and folding his arms along the edge of the tub and rested against them. 

“So… How are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve been dragged through hell and back,” Seungkwan sighed trying his best to sound as neutral as he felt. After that panic attack earlier taking most of his energy and this really relaxing bubble bath, Seungkwan wasn’t exactly feeling anything emotionally. He was most definitely in pain though. 

“Do I look like it too?” Seungkwan asked with a smirk adorning his beat up, bruised face. But a smile still spread across Jeonghan’s face at the forced gesture. 

“Not too much. Just a black eye and once we clean off all that blood, I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Jeonghan moved to stand and get a small towel from the closet and wet it in the sink. 

“You know that we’re pressing every single charge possible on him,” Jeonghan said with a raised brow. He kneeled down once against next to the tub and gently took Seungkwan’s chin in one of his hands and used his other to lightly wipe the blood from his lip first. Seungkwan winced harshly but Jeonghan quietly cooed to him, soothing him with soft hums and even gentler caresses with his thumb. 

“Really?”

“Yup,” Jeonghan chirped, standing again to rinse the towel of the blood before he was at Seungkwan's side again. “There needs to be consequences for what he did. Teaches him a lesson that should have been taught a long time ago.” 

Seungkwan opened his good eye as wide as he could and uttered, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Jeonghan giggled and placed the towel over Seungkwan’s left eye. “It sounds like your friends are here.”

Almost as if on cue, there was yelling and consistent knocking on the bathroom door. “We’re here!”

“Open up unless we’re bursting in!”

“I broke way too much traffic laws to get here.” 

Jeonghan and Seungkwan chuckled to each other. “Let me get him out of the bath and into some clothes and he’s all yours,” Jeonghan promised. 

There was a chorus of groans in response, but they all walked away obediently. 

“So much for sleep,” Seungkwan sighed. 

“You chose them as friends, didn’t you?” Jeonghan said. “Alright, on the count of three, you’ll stand up.” Grabbing onto Jeonghan for support, Seungkwan nodded.

“One, two, three-”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! I have a question ask you guys, would you guys like an epilogue chapter for each couple or just one really long epilogue chapter that just wraps everything up? The story itself is pretty much coming to a close but I was wondering if I should write a chapter for each so everyone has their happy ending (or to an extent) and all the readers can leave feeling happy. That's all I ever want for you guys.^^ 
> 
> I tried making a Twitter but it's irritating me and I'm impatient. Can someone come to tumblr and tell me how to do it in an easier way. Or maybe I'm just dumb and am going about this in the wrong way. I'm mad at Twitter until further notice. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys liked this chapter!  
> (I'm sorry about what happened to Seungkwan)


	21. Chapter 21

“Fuck it,” Seungkwan growled under his breath as he practically threw the toothpaste tub and his toothbrush into the sink and stormed out of the bathroom. He had clumsily been trying to uncap the toothpaste for about three whole minutes but that proved to be a difficult task since he was only able to use one of his hands at the moment.

“What’s wrong?” Seungcheol asked as Seungkwan stormed past him with a small limp in his step as he headed back to his room. 

“This stupid cast is what’s wrong,” Seungkwan fumed. 

Last night-- after the bath and being bombarded by his friends’ worries and questions-- Jeonghan demanded that they take a quick trip to the hospital. Seungkwan had already told Seungcheol earlier on the way home that he really didn’t need to go. He was feeling fine… Well as fine as he was going to feel after being beat up. 

Seungkwan repeated several times that he would  _ much  _ rather just go to his room and sleep the pain away. Understanding his plea, Jeonghan actually looked like he was contemplating it, but when Seungkwan groaned in utter pain when he simply leaned down to pick something up off the floor, Jeonghan was hauling the younger out of the house before he could complain any more.. 

It was the right call too because even though he had no internal injuries, Seungkwan’s left wrist was fractured. That explained why Seungkwan could barely move his hand without wanting to remove it entirely. But luckily, that was the worst of his injuries. The doctor also gave him some ointment to put on his black eye and his bruises. It was sort of like damage control because after telling Seungkwan that the cast would have to be on for about a month at the least, Dr. Wang wanted to make sure Seungkwan was leaving in a good mood. 

So Seungkwan left the hospital with his hand in a bulky cast. The pain was almost nonexistent now since he couldn’t move it at all, but it proved to be incredibly annoying when he realized that he couldn’t use his left hand. At all. He could stretch his fingers enough to peek out of the cast sometimes but not enough to really help him do anything.

Which is why he couldn’t even get the toothpaste open this morning. 

“You could always just ask for some help, you know,” Seungcheol said as he walked into Seungkwan’s room after him. Seungkwan had already climbed back under his covers and decided that he would rather pout in the comfort of his bed than fight with a stupid tube of toothpaste. 

“I know it’s annoying but it’s just for a month. Give it a week and you’ll figure out how to do everything and more with a cast. I had a boot on when I was in high school and somehow I found out how to walk without crutches and somehow even run,” Seungcheol reminisced with a laugh. “I mean think about people with braces. They figure out a way to eat all of the things the dentist tells them not to.”

Seungkwan chuckled and shifted around in bed. He had a point. Minghao had braces at one point during middle school yet found a way to eat almost anything after about two months of having them. Seungkwan hadn’t even been in the cast for a full twenty four hours and he was complaining already. 

“Cheollie, Jeonghan said that it’s time to go,” Chan said as he peeked his head into the room. 

“I’ll be right there,” Seungcheol said. 

“Bye, Seungkwan! I’ll miss you,” Chan whimpered with an overenthusiastic, contrasting wave before he was darting off down the hallway again. Seungkwan hadn’t been able to respond ut he was sure that Chan knew that he would miss him just as much. 

“Alright. Just be patient with yourself today and make sure you get a lot of rest. Don’t move too much either. Okay?” 

“Got it,” Seungkwan said, snuggling up further under his covers, ready to fall back into slumber as soon as Seungcheol left his room. 

“Love you.”

“Love you more.” 

Seungcheol left the room, leaving Seungkwan in silence. From his room, Seungkwan listened for when the front door opened and closed and the faint noises of his family’s conversation slowly dissipated into nothing. As silence engulfed Seungkwan, he allowed his eyes to close once more and in no time, he’d fallen into a deep sleep.  

 

***

 

Sleeping, eating, and resting were the only three things Seungkwan had on his to-do list for the day. All in that order. He’d sleep, eat, and then rest until his eyes began to close and he began to fall asleep again. Then the cycle would repeat.

For breakfast, Seungkwan had eaten a few cups of yogurt because he truly didn’t feel like standing long enough to cook a proper breakfast for himself. He interrupted his constant cycle when Jeonghan sent him a text telling him that he should apply the ointment at a certain time. Even though he kept resting for about fifteen minutes after he read the text, Seungkwan eventually got up and did it. 

Then immediately slept some more. 

By the time 1 o’clock had come about so suddenly, Seungkwan had taken about three short naps and was in his bed for the entire morning. But now he was incredibly hungry. Despite the fact that he didn’t want to, Seungkwan hauled himself out of bed for an actual meal that wasn’t yogurt and one side of a bagel. 

A bowl of ramyeon sounded ideal and there were several instant packs of it in the cabinets too. But of course Seungkwan forgot that he only had access to one hand. After a while of trying to get a good grip on the plastic packaging with just the tips of his fingers, Seungkwan had grown just as aggravated as he had that morning. 

With an annoyed growl, he tried to open it with the help of his teeth instead. He almost got it open until there was an unexpected, loud knocking on the front door that scared him and the package went falling to the floor.

Seungkwan almost screamed.

It better not had been his friends. He told them not to skip school for him. He won the game of rock, paper, scissors fair and square, so they should be in school right now. Already upset and infuriated with the pack of ramyeon, Seungkwan was ready to blow up in his friends’ faces. Especially Wonwoo. Wasn’t he the ‘mom’ of their group?

When he did wrench the door open, Seungkwan was instead met with that bright, familiar smile that could only belong to Hansol. No one smiled like that. 

“Hey!” Hansol chirped. One of his backpack straps on his shoulder and pretty much bundled up in jackets and cloth. It was pretty cold outside that day. Seungkwan only noticed that when he opened the door, so he pulled Hansol inside instead of making him stand in the cold.

“What are you doing here?” Seungkwan huffed, his voice cracked and groggy from its disuse all morning long. “Did you leave school? Are you stupid?” His voice rising as he shut the door behind Hansol. 

“I missed you. Plus, I really wanted to check on you and see if you were okay,” Hansol explained. In contrast to Seungkwan’s, his voice was low and soft as if he truly couldn’t understand why Seungkwan was upset. In his mind, all Hansol could think about was the fact that he snuck out of school during lunch and took a bus to get to Seungkwan’s house. He thought it was quite romantic… 

“Hansol…”

“Seungkwan.” Hansol uttered in same strict yet gentle tone as he finished removing his shoes and jackets. 

Seungkwan rolled his eyes and sighed. “I’m fine. You shouldn’t have left school-”

“It’s senior year. For the last three years, I’ve followed all the rules. This year, I wanna skip school to have  _ unrealistically _ amazing sex with my boyfriend while we do illegal things and somehow get away with it in the end. Like they do in those movies.” 

“Seriously?” Seungkwan uttered, trying to hold back his laugh and maintain his seriousness but he failed and laughed anyway. “What. You wanna fake our deaths and run away together too?”

“Sounds fun,” Hansol shrugged as he moved closer to Seungkwan and quickly kissed his lips in greeting. Short, soft, and sweet.

Even when he pulled away from Seungkwan’s lips, Hansol stayed close in Seungkwan’s personal space. “We still have to have the incredible sex first though,” Hansol chuckled. Seungkwan frowned but laughed nonetheless. He was going to push him away but Hansol caught his hand that was confined in the cast.

“Is your hand broken?” Hansol asked, the initial playfulness in his voice gone now and replaced with soft, genuine worry to his tone. 

“Go back to school please,” Seungkwan said, trying to pull away but Hansol only held on tighter. “I’m fine. It’s just fractured.” 

“Okay… How’s your eye? Is it doing okay?” Hansol completely ignored Seungkwan’s orders to go back to school.

“Does it look like it’s doing okay?” Seungkwan retorted with his nose upturned and face twisted into a grimace. He honestly didn’t want to think about his black eye right now. He was reminded of it every time that side of his face hit the pillow or when he walked past the mirror. Seungkwan had been able to forget about it until Hansol brought it up again. 

“I’m sorry,” Hansol said, immediately realizing Seungkwan’s change in tone and demeanor. “Anyway, what are you up to?” 

“About to throw a fit because I can’t open the pack of ramyeon that I really wanna eat,” Seungkwan sighed. He turned around and led Hansol into the kitchen where the stupid pack ramyeon was just lying on the floor. “Matter of fact, I can’t do half the things I want to do because my hand is in this cast.” 

Hansol chuckled under his breath and as quietly as possible. He was sure Seungkwan noticed it anyway. Knowing that Seungkwan was probably actually in a bad mood and not just over exaggerating, Hansol grabbed the ramyeon and easily opened them. 

“There you go.”

“Alright, you can stay for a little longer. I need you to do some other stuff for me,” Seungkwan bargained as he eagerly reached to get a bowl from the cabinet and a pot from another.

“You just want me around,” Hansol laughed, coming up behind Seungkwan to wrap him in his arms and let his head lounge on his shoulder. 

Seungkwan didn’t say anything, just giggled shortly. Hansol proved that he was in fact very useful so Seungkwan had to keep him around for just a bit longer. He was still incredibly hungry after all, and Hansol had free hands so he could open everything he needed. 

But he’ll let Hansol believe that it’s because he wanted him around, even though a part of him actually wanted Hansol to leave. But that cute, content smile of his was nice to look at and was a mood maker. 

 

After a quick fight about how to make the ramyeon, they reluctantly had come up with a compromise--to make it Seungkwan’s way-- and finally put it on the stove. Seungkwan’s moodiness and short temper was quite evident so Hansol showered him in kisses to get him to stop with all the frowning and grimacing he had been doing.

It was mostly because of the feeling rising in Seungkwan’s chest, but he didn’t know how to explain it. So he didn’t mention it and begrudgingly allowed Hansol to pepper kisses all over his face, neck, and shoulders.

After a few minutes though, they’d ended up making out against the kitchen counters somehow. It was slow and languid because Seungkwan couldn’t deny that this was actually causing his face to throb in pain but he didn’t want to admit that. 

Hansol pulled away when Seungkwan winced. Despite Seungkwan’s sounds of disapproval, Hansol still avoided Seungkwan’s attempts to kiss him again and looked at him closely. 

Seungkwan didn’t  _ want  _ him to do that. He hated that Hansol kept  _ looking _ at him like this. So  _ closely. _

“It hurts? You could’ve told me.” Hansol reached up to cradle Seungkwan’s face but the latter jerked away, inhaling sharply. 

“You know what, leave me alone.” 

“What’s wrong?” 

“You’re annoying the hell out of me,” Seungkwan spat. Hansol’s eyes softened, filling with hurt. It made Seungkwan feel bad at first but when Hansol made eye contact with him again, Seungkwan just wanted to throw something. 

“Stop looking at me! Damn it!”

“What did I do, Seungkwan?” Hansol asked, finally beginning to back away. 

“You- Ugh!” Seungkwan wanted to yell but he kept his voice low and small. “Do you not see my face?” 

He finally could understand what was wrong. He hated that Hansol was looking at him in such a state. He looked ugly. A beaten up mess. And when Hansol examined him so closely, Seungkwan couldn’t help but feel even more horrid under such circumstances. 

Hansol seemed to understand without much more explanation though. 

“That’s what’s bothering you?” Hansol said, forcing out a deep exhale of relief. “I thought I did something wrong or you were uncomfortable.” 

Seungkwan sighed. “So what…” 

“I’m not gonna lie, Kwannie, your face looks pretty bad.”

“Thanks, Hansol,” Seungkwan spat sarcastically and folded his arms--his cast making the movement a bit awkward--across his chest. “How sweet of you…” 

“But, it’s not ugly. Please don’t be embarrassed. What else would I expect? It’s not like you’re any less attractive because of it.”

“Then why do you keep staring at my eye like that?” 

“Because I’m worried about you,” Hansol said as if it were obvious. And it actually was, just not to Seungkwan because he was always clouded by his own insecurities to see exactly what Hansol thought of him. 

Hansol finally neared Seungkwan again and pulled him into a light hug as to not hurt him. “Your eye will heal. But until then, I still think you look just as great as you always have. Cute. I love everything about you. You should too. Got it?” 

“Yeah,” Seungkwan uttered before he yawned briefly. 

“You go lay down down and I’ll put the ramyeon into a bowl and bring it to you,” Hansol said, pushing his boyfriend towards the hallway. 

Seungkwan would usually insist that he could make it himself but he was tired and wanted to rest. Plus, Hansol was here for a reason. 

 

***

 

“I’m sorry for how I acted in there…” Seungkwan sighed when Hansol entered the room with a bowl and a pair of chopsticks.

“It’s fine,” Hansol placed the hot bowl on the bedside table carefully to allow it to cool down. “I know you’re probably feeling a lot of things and just don’t know how to express it yet. You just needed a little reassurance that you’re still the cutest. Which you are, by the way.” Hansol set the chopsticks down next and leaned over Seungkwan to place a soft, barely there kiss on Seungkwan’s black eye. They both smiled. 

“Come lie down with me,” Seungkwan said. Even though he was ready to move over and make space for Hansol next to him, the latter simply moved the blankets Seungkwan was snuggled in and climbed on top of him instead and made himself comfortable there. 

“I said with me, not on me,” Seungkwan laughed. 

“This is better though. You’re better.” Hansol dismissed in a sultry whisper and quickly caught his lips in another kiss just because he felt like it. 

“Stop being horny,” Seungkwan hummed between chuckles. “I know what you’re trying to do.” 

“I told you earlier what I was trying to do,” Hansol whispered. Balancing himself on one of his forearms, he allowed his other hand to languidly trail down Seungkwan’s body. He didn’t want to rush this. 

Seungkwan appreciated how careful Hansol was being and wanted to show just how appreciative he was somehow. He’d need a few minutes to think of how, so for now, he basked in the pleasure of kissing Hansol’s experienced lips. Seungkwan brought a hand up to card his fingers through Hansol’s hair, keeping his bandaged hand on Hansol’s back. Enjoying the wet softness of his tongue against his own and the light touch of Hansol’s hand as toyed with the hem of his shirt.

Overly focused on how Seungkwan’s skin felt in his hand when he finally snaked his hand under the other’s shirt, Hansol had gotten too invested in this amazing feeling. The feelings of his growing erection against the restricting fabric of his uniform pants and something hot coiling in his stomach were so distracting that he completely forgot that he  _ shouldn’t _ bite Seungkwan’s lip that was still swollen and painful. But he remembered just a second too late. 

“Ouch!” Seungkwan whined. He brought his casted hand up to his face as a reflex but wound up hitting himself in the face with the heavy cast by mistake. “Hansol!”

“I’m so sorry! I forgot.” Hansol cursed himself for forgetting so easily and hurting his boyfriend. “Let me kiss it better.”

“No.” Seungkwan turned his face away with a quiet chuckle. He wasn’t angry at Hansol, just didn’t want any kisses at the moment. “Is it bleeding?” Seungkwan pursed his lips.

“No… fortunately,” Hansol reassured. He repositioned himself to lie next to Seungkwan instead, still feeling guilty for hurting Seungkwan and ruining the moment. Seungkwan laughed at the silly, childish pout on Hansol’s face and cuddled up to his side. 

“It’s fine, babe.”

“No, it’s not. I hurt you! I forgot so quickly.” Hansol turned to lie on his side so he and Seungkwan were facing each other, bodies mostly covered by the blankets. Still pouting.

“You were just horny, it’s okay. We can do all you like when I get better,” Seungkwan teased with a sweet laugh but it still earned him a kick to his leg. 

“This is how I get treated after leaving school and taking a bus all the way here to see you?” Hansol questioned. “I deserve better than that.”

“You sound like Seungcheol now.” Seungkwan snorted and Hansol couldn’t help but laugh along at the way Seungkwan laughed. It was too cute. “I should eat before the ramyeon gets cold.”

“Wait,” Hansol said when Seungkwan was about to turn around. “I wanna look at you a little more.” 

“You’re so cheesy and I hate it.” Seungkwan rolled his eyes but still laid down again, moving closer to Hansol’s face. 

“Kwannie.”

“Hmm?” 

“How are you feeling? Like emotionally?”

“I don’t know…” Seungkwan mumbled into the small space between them. “It’s like I’m happy. But at the same time I’m not…”

“So… you’re content?” Hansol whispered. When he looked in Seungkwan’s eyes, he could see that there was something bothering him. 

“Yeah… I think that’s what we should call true happiness instead,” Seungkwan chuckled. Under the confines of the blankets on top of them, Seungkwan reached to grab Hansol’s hand with his good hand, interlocking their fingers. 

“I guess, we should call it being content. I don’t wanna smile and laugh like people do when they’re happy. But I do feel… nice. I’m proud. I’m satisfied. I’m content with things even though I got beat up pretty badly. Happiness is too complex sometimes… But I know having to wear this stupid cast definitely isn’t making me happy. I hate this thing.” 

“Look at the bright side of it.” 

“Now I see what Jihoon says about you being too optimistic,” Seungkwan said feigning annoyance but still breaking out into a smile at the end. “So can I eat my food now?”

“Let me feed you since you only have one hand,” Hansol decided as he reached for the bowl and the pair of chopsticks before Seungkwan could. 

“Thank you because if I fight with one more inanimate object today, I’m going to go insane.” 

 

***

 

Seungkwan had ended up falling asleep after Hansol had finished feeding him. The latter actually didn’t want to go to sleep, but he could barely keep his eyes open. Hansol noticed this and aided Seungkwan in being swept away into slumber again by caressing his hair softly while he laid on his chest. In the process, Hansol had fallen asleep too. 

Despite their seemingly bad luck on any other day, Seungkwan and Hansol were quite lucky that day. There was no telling how angry Jeonghan would have been if he came home first and found Hansol in the house without his permission. So Seungkwan was glad when he dragged himself from his bed and realized that the knocking on the front door had actually been Wonwoo. 

“I bought you some comfort food,” Wonwoo smiled already letting himself in the house. “I can’t stay for too long. I have to study for my last midterm tomorrow. But I just wanted to see how you were doing all by yourself in here.”  

Even though Seungkwan was still half asleep himself, he hoped that Hansol would just stay asleep. He didn’t want to have to explain this to Wonwoo and endure the teasing that came along with it. 

“I’m fine. Just been fighting objects all day,” Seungkwan chuckled raising his casted hand up. 

“So you were hurt?” Wonwoo asked. Making his way into the kitchen, Seungkwan followed closely and watched Wonwoo begin to put the food into the fridge. 

“Yeah. My wrist was fractured.”

“So, Jeonghan was right when he said go to the hospital?” Wonwoo teased. 

“Shut up. I heard enough ‘I told you so’ from him,” Seungkwan drawled.

“You know Yong Sool was looking for you at school today? Looks like he’s finally decided to stop being a bully. But he’s still just as much of an ass.”

“I think he enjoys other people’s discomfort… which isn’t a good thing,” Seungkwan hummed, leaning against the countertop. 

“I’ll give him credit for the small progress he did make. I still don’t like him very much.” 

Seungkwan agreed personally. Yong Sool never crossed a certain line and probably didn’t even see what he was doing as bullying but it didn’t make it right. 

His hope that Hansol wouldn’t wake up until Wonwoo left was immediately put to rest when Hansol groggily waddled into the kitchen rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Wonwoo looked shocked at first-- mostly because he was caught completely off guard--but that quickly shifted into a sneaky smirk.

“Seungkwan.” 

“Wonwoo,” he huffed. Hansol dropped his hands from his face and returned that stupid smirk Wonwoo was giving him. Seungkwan seemed to be the only one that was embarrassed here. The fact that Hansol didn’t even seem the least bit humiliated by being caught in his house just made Seungkwan wonder just how many times this happened.

“ _ Seungkwan, _ ” Wonwoo scoffed again, dropping the plastic grocery bag onto the counter and nodding at Hansol and then Seungkwan. The latter face palmed. He wasn’t looking at Wonwoo but he could clearly hear the grin playing on his lips. “Sneaking your boyfriend into the house? Where’d my obedient best friend go?”

“He just showed up,” Seungkwan defended. He was still the good, obedient teen, he’s always been! Or at least Seungkwan thought so. “I told him to go back to school.”

“He told me to leave one time. After that, he was all over me. You should’ve seen him, Wonwoo,” Hansol bantered, even pointing an accusatorial finger at his boyfriend while his voice was still husky from sleeping. Seungkwan gasped at the lie. 

“You’re such a liar.” 

“Alright. Well, it’s a good thing that I showed up before Jeonghan did,” Wonwoo said. Seungkwan nodded, knowing how bad that would have turned out. “So come on, Hansol. I’m taking you home.”

“You’d do that for me, Wonwoo?” Hansol asked, pressing a hand to his own chest at the compassion. 

“You better hurry before I change my mind.” 

 

***

 

“We have exciting news,” Jeonghan announced as they all helped set the table for dinner that night. They wound up ordering take out because Chan asked for it. Jeonghan was too tired to cook and Seungcheol definitely wasn’t about to try to cook alone so take out it was. 

“Did Seungcheol actually remember to get me a new leotard for class?” Chan asked as he kneeled in his chair and was the first to begin scraping large amounts of food onto his plate. Seungcheol didn’t say anything when Jeonghan looked to him for an answer. 

“Looks like he forgot.  _ Again, _ ” Seungkwan laughed. 

“Not surprised,” Chan sang, not-so quietly. Seungkwan and Chan continued snickering together as Chan distributed food onto their plates--Seungkwan couldn’t do it-- while Jeonghan just sighed. 

“Cheol, I love you, but why does everything I ask you to do go in one ear and out the other?” Jeonghan asked. He didn’t even bother getting annoyed at Seungcheol this time, just sort of accepted that he fell in love with this man and could only blame himself. 

“I don’t know. But I promise, I’ll get it tomorrow after work,” Seungcheol said. He reached for Jeonghan’s hand across the table and smiled. Jeonghan returned the smile with a tired one of his own. 

“You better.” Despite the smile, Jeonghan’s voice was somewhat threatening. Seungcheol nodded and moved to split the rest of the food that was left over for him and Jeonghan. The kids always ate first. 

“Anyway,” Jeonghan said as they all began eating. “The exciting news is that we have started saving up to pay for Chan’s ear surgery.” They all looked to Chan, anticipating his reaction. But instead… 

“Why?” Chan asked, his gaze fixated on his plate of food as he shoveled more food into his mouth. There was a moment of silence at the table, beside from the faint sound of Chan chewing. 

Jeonghan and Seungcheol definitely weren’t happy with the reaction, expecting so much more. Maybe a hug, a smile, or even just a simple, “thanks.” But instead, Chan did nothing. Almost like they just told him that they’d gone outside and seen that the moon was in the sky tonight. 

“What’s wrong?” Seungkwan took it upon himself to ask, feeling somewhat sorry for Seungcheol and Jeonghan. “You aren’t excited?”

“No,” Chan answered bluntly. He finally looked up to look at Seungkwan and then to Seungcheol and lastly, Jeonghan, who was probably having the strongest reaction. 

“Are you scared of the surgery?” Seungcheol asked curiously. But Chan shook his head again. 

“No.”

“You don’t want to hear all on your own?” 

“I can hear fine with my hearing aids,” Chan explained, finally dropping his fork for the time being. “You guys have always told me that I wasn’t any different for needing hearing aids. Especially Hannie. You even paid extra to put decorations and flowers on them even though you told me they didn’t cost anything.” 

Jeonghan’s eyes softened. 

“I used to hate learning sign language too because no one else knew it at school,” Chan admitted. “But you made me feel good about it. Seungkwan practiced every day with me, and Cheol even taught me how to make jokes in sign language.” 

Seungkwan recalled the days Seungcheol would dedicatedly search the internet to find jokes in sign language to tell Chan while they taught him. In the end, it seemed to work. Chan still told those same jokes these days. 

“I don’t feel weird just because I can’t hear. So it would be  _ silly _ if I got surgery to fix it when I don’t need anything to be fixed.” Chan’s blank expression turned into a smile. “You should spend the money on something else.” 

“Chan…” Jeonghan sighed, letting his eyes close for a moment before opening them again. “You should’ve led with that. I was ready to fight you, you know.” 

They all laughed, Seungkwan affectionately running a hand through Chan’s hair. 

“Seriously!” Jeonghan insisted, face much brighter now. “I was about to fight a ten year old.” 

“I just wanted to see how you would react. I would never be ungrateful like that, Hannie. I appreciate everything you do for me.”

“Good. Because I don’t think I was gonna be able to save you,” Seungcheol said, taking a cautious slip of his drink. 

“Me either,” Seungkwan agreed. “I feared for your safety.” 

Chan snickered and proceeded to blow kisses to Jeonghan as an apology. Jeonghan took them willingly. They all finished dinner happy and with no one fighting a ten year old.

 

Just before bed, Seungkwan and Chan brushed their teeth together in the mirror. Chan took the liberty of squeezing toothpaste on Seungkwan’s toothbrush. Even if it was a little too much and some of it got in the sink, Seungkwan was grateful. 

As they brushed their teeth, Seungkwan couldn’t help but feel oddly proud of Chan. His confidence was stable and Seungkwan hoped it stayed that even though it was quite inevitable that he would face some challenges with them in future. 

He just didn’t want Chan in his position where he could barely look at himself in the mirror sometimes. 

As Seungkwan’s thoughts wandered, him and Chan somehow caught each other’s gaze in the reflection of the mirror. And even though Seungkwan didn’t look his best today, Chan still smiled brightly at his older brother. 

He always did. Chan looked at him like this all the time. His friends looked at him like this. His family looked at him like this. All the time. He should be as fond of himself as they were of him. 

That realization in itself was a step in the right direction. 

And it made him happy. He knew that he said just earlier that day that happiness was just too complex for him to understand sometimes. And it was true. It was a scary thing that seemed so scarce at certain times and some people even feel like they’ll never find it. But it’s times like these when he realizes that happiness could be simple.

As simple as smiling at his younger brother in the mirror and watching him sign the words,  _ I love you _ .

Seungkwan didn’t bother signing it back, just pulled Chan into his side and held him tight. They stayed that way until they finished brushing their teeth and smiling at the other in the mirror. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! That's the end of the main storyline of the book! Usually, I would put "The end" and throw a small party in my mind lol, but I promised you some epilogue chapters. Each chapter will be dedicated to a certain couple. If some chapters are too small, I might combine them or update twice in one day. I don't know yet. 
> 
> My favorite part of writing about Seungkwan and Hansol is that they aren't perfect. They are only teenagers and I wanted them to be the two playful teenagers they are. Even when they are trying to be romantic. It's cute.
> 
> Also, in Chan's situation, I just wanted to say that people getting surgery to fix something about themselves that they want to be fixed is not a bad thing whatsoever. It's all about what you want. But you also shouldn't feel like it is something you NEED to do because you feel like you're the only one with the problem. Chan is comfortable with his hearing aids and doesn't want the surgery. However, that's just personal preference.
> 
> Okay, so the first epilouge chapter will be Mingyu and Wonwoo of course because we miss them! I miss them! Every other chapter will be a surprise though. 
> 
> To everyone who has started school again, I hope you have a fantastic year and you do awesomely. You can and you will do it. 
> 
> Love you!!


	22. Epilogue 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mingyu x Wonwoo!

“Smile.”

“No.”

“I want you to smile.”

“Nooo.”

“Jeon Wonwoo.”

“Daddd! I don’t feel like smiling,” Wonwoo drawled, burying his face in his mother’s neck as she snuggled him close. “Mama, tell dad to leave me alone.”

“Leave him alone, love. He’s hurting.

After the break up, Wonwoo had set into a routine of his own. He’d get up, go to school, force himself to smile throughout the day, drive his friends home, and then go back home and lounge around sadly. 

Only his younger brother, Bohyuk, knew that he had a boyfriend, but his parents knew at the very least that he had gone through a breakup. The fact that his mom and dad thought that it was a girl that was causing him all this pain didn’t really matter to Wonwoo. He was hurting and wanted comfort.  

Wonwoo planned to tell his parents about his sexuality one day, but he simply wasn’t ready to have that discussion. Bohyuk only knew because he saw Mingyu and Wonwoo kiss the handful of times Mingyu had been over to his house. 

His parents knew that Wonwoo was in a relationship because they overheard Wonwoo practically gushing over the phone, telling the person that he loved them, and even blowing kisses through the phone. Now that Wonwoo thought back on the beginning of their relationship, him and Mingyu were no better than what Seungkwan and Hansol were doing now. 

His mom and dad just assumed that he had a girlfriend and Wonwoo just agreed that he did. The next day after they’d found out, his dad unexpectedly asked what his girlfriend’s name was.

He had a friend named Mina… Mingyu’s sister’s name was Minah… and it sounded close enough to Mingyu so that’s what he said his girlfriend’s name was. Mina. So if he ever had to bring home is “girlfriend,” he could always ask Mina to be his cover up. 

“I know you’re upset but a simple smile might make things just a bit better,” his father tried, placing a comforting hand on Wonwoo’s back. 

Wonwoo was in his mom and dad’s room, snuggled up in between them. He woke up early this morning feeling utterly lonely. This had to have been the worst he’s felt since the break up. Waking up with his heart feeling like it was in shambles, he practically ran into his parents room and jumped in between them and cried. 

They didn’t hesitate to comfort him either, allowing him to cry as much as he needed. When Wonwoo had fully calmed down, his father tried to get him to smile by prodding at his sides, but Wonwoo was begrudgingly resisting. Even going as far as to climb on top of his small mother to get away from his dad. 

“I think it’s best if we just let him hurt for now,” his mother sighed as she held her son tightly, pressing kisses to the crown of his head. And just like any motherly hug, Wonwoo couldn’t stop the tears from falling as his entire body tensed up again and began to cry, just as hard as he had been before. 

Most guys Wonwoo knew would be embarrassed to cry to their mother like this, but Wonwoo never had room to feel mortified. His mom and dad took mental health seriously and would never denounce his feelings or tell him to “man up.” Instead, they comforted him like the child he was. He would  _ always _ be their child. 

His father stopped his attempts to tickle Wonwoo and just sighed and looked on, realizing just how serious this was.

“It’s normal to hurt after a break up. Even if you’re the one who ended the relationship, it’s okay to hurt,” his mom reassured.

“Give us a number,” Wonwoo’s father said. He moved to lay closer to his wife and oldest son. Glancing at the clock, there was no doubt that Bohyuk was still fast asleep with it being this early in the morning. 

“Eight…” Wonwoo muttered in between sniffles. His mom, who was a pediatric nurse, used this system on the children she treated, and began using it with her own kids when they were very young. They’d gently ask the boys to give them a number of how much it hurt. Whether that be physically or emotionally, the pain was always measured from one to ten.

So when Wonwoo muttered eight, his mom and dad couldn’t help but feel sorry. 

They held him like that until Wonwoo stopped crying and fell asleep on top of his mother. 

“Our poor boy,” his mother whimpered when she heard a soft snore from where Wonwoo lied on her chest. His dad sighed and tried to smile. 

“He’s strong. He’ll be fine,” he sighed. He leaned over his wife and pressed a lingering kiss to her lips. “Let’s try to get a little bit more sleep until we have to get up and get ready for our day. I’ll even make breakfast.”

  
  


“Can we stop and check on Seungkwan?” Minghao asked as he slid into the passenger seat of the car.

“I checked yesterday. He’s fine,” Wonwoo said, starting the car again and beginning on the memorized route to Jihoon’s house. “His wrist is fractured, that’s all. But we have to get to school, it’s the last day of class before the break. My last midterm is today too, so I can’t be late. We’ll go after school.” 

“Promise?” Minghao hummed. 

“Promise.” Wonwoo smiled, reaching over to lightly squeeze Minghao’s hand out of reassurance. But as it had been for the last several days, the smile was mostly forced. He was the ‘protector’ of their small friend group, so he didn’t expect them to be able to see through his facade as easily as he would be able to see through theirs. 

When Jihoon finally left his house and got into the car, he demanded that they check on Seungkwan too so Wonwoo had to promise him the same thing. 

Both were satisfied for now. 

But what Wonwoo didn’t know was that Jihoon and Minghao knew him as well as Wonwoo knew them. They knew that he was hurting, but neither said anything. Not because they didn’t know what to say but they knew that it wouldn’t do much. 

That was the horrible thing about emotional pain. There was no way to ease it or numb it. You just had to let it pass. 

And Minghao and Jihoon--and even Seungkwan from his home-- would just have to wait it out with him. 

 

***

 

Wonwoo wasn’t alone. He never was alone. He had his friends and family. So losing Mingyu shouldn’t make him as empty as it did.

But it was because he felt so alone with his feelings. 

That was because he  _ was _ alone with his feelings. 

No one else could feel his feelings but him. His friends could smother him in their arms and love. His parents could coddle him and let him cry all the tears he wanted until he couldn’t cry anymore. 

But the feelings in his chest will always be something he would feel by himself. 

And only by himself. 

 

*** 

 

But when comparing Mingyu’s and Wonwoo’s situations, some might say that Wonwoo had it a tad bit easier. 

Mingyu hadn’t told anyone that they were dating. Hansol and Soonyoung knew now, but Mingyu didn’t want to rely so heavily on them. They didn’t know how much this relationship meant to him. He didn’t want to cry, despite the fact that he actually  _ really  _ wanted to cry. He had too much pride to do that anyway. How ironic.

His mom and dad were the type of parents to tell him to “Man up.” He wasn’t given the freedom to  _ feel _ like Wonwoo was, which is why he was dumbfounded when trying to sort out this feeling in his chest. All he wanted to do was curl up in a corner by himself. But men don’t do that… 

So after school that day, Mingyu asked his coach if it would be okay if he could just shoot a few hoops by himself for a while. While he seemed concerned and hesitant, the coach agreed that Mingyu could practice until it was time for him to close the auditorium. Mingyu thanked him and was off. He just wanted to clear his mind right now and basketball was always his outlet. Something his father thought him. 

His thoughts swarming and his heart persistently aching all the while, Mingyu just dribbled the ball, jogged around the court, and weakly shot the ball. Most of his throws hadn’t even made it close to the net but Mingyu didn’t really care. Just listened to the echoing sound of the basketball hitting the court and forced himself to think about anything that wasn’t Wonwoo. But he was failing. 

Failing so hard, especially when he glanced up at the empty bleachers. Wonwoo always sat in the third row away from the court, a perfect seat for them to easily catch each other’s gaze when it was necessary. Sharing secret, loving glances that only they were able to know the meaning behind, despite there being more than a hundred people in the auditorium during their basketball games. 

Mingyu held the ball to his chest, staring at that one place in the bleachers where Wonwoo would usually be sitting. Smiling at him so hard that he’d hide his face. Winking at him and then giggling at his silly attempt to be flirtatious. 

And right there in the middle of the empty auditorium, Mingyu felt like something had finally cracked inside of him and for the first time… he cried. He laughed at himself too but he mostly cried. 

As hard as he could, Mingyu pitched the basketball at the wall, the sound reverberating off of the walls and the emptiness of the large building. But despite the vastness of the auditorium, Mingyu was here alone.

In the middle of the court, Mingyu did what he’d been wanting to do all this time: he brought his knees up to his chest, curled into himself and cried. Cried. Cried. And cried. And even when he heard the echoing of the double doors open. Heard the footsteps that could only belong to his two best friends. Felt hands on his back, comforting him. Mingyu still cried.

“I miss him,” Mingyu managed to say.

“We know,” Hansol said from Mingyu’s right. “It’s gotta hurt, man.” 

“I’ve never been through a heartbreak,” Soonyoung uttered. “But I’m sure it hurts like hell.” 

“It does. It hurts a lot,” Mingyu hiccuped. 

“You know, my mom said it feels like someone ripped your heart out of your chest when you get your heart broken. It hurts but you feel empty at the same time,” Soonyoung explained in a low, thoughtful voice. He recalled the talk his mother had with him. Crying her eyes out just like Mingyu was now about how hurt she was. Even though she was the one who called for the divorce, she was hurting like hell. 

He hated that Mingyu possibly related to that… even if it was just by a small percentage. No one deserved to hurt so badly. 

Mingyu inhaled sharply at the explanation. 

Because it was exactly how he was feeling. Feeling overwhelmed yet empty all at the same time. 

Not knowing how long he had been here crying on the floor, Mingyu decided that he should probably get up and go home. The last thing he wanted was for coach to walk in and see him waddling in his own tears and pity. A small part of him didn’t think that would be that much of a bad thing. Letting someone see him hurting. 

But that thought was chased out of his mind as quickly as it had formed. What would Coach Kim think of him. He needed to be the man everyone expected him to be. It was also why he would rather die than tell any adult that he wasn’t straight. 

Mingyu chuckled briefly at himself and finally raised his head, wiping the tears from his eyes so he could see his best friends’ faces clearly. With reddened, puffy eyes and while sniggling through and through, he tried to grin. 

It was a forced, feigned smile, but it quickly became one that was real and genuine when Hansol and Soonyoung smiled at him in return. Those stupid smiles… Mingyu really needed to see them. See that no one was judging him for hurting and not being “manly” about the situation.

“What can we do for you, bro? Anything at all,” Hansol promised, pressing his hand to his own heart. 

“With a few exceptions of course,” Soonyoung added. “Because you’ll ask us to carry you or something knowing that we can’t.” 

Mingyu sniffed and laughed. It was true. He was actually going to teasingly ask them to carry him out of the auditorium. But they knew him too well. 

“I just wanna go home.” Mingyu initially wanted to be alone for the rest of the day, realizing that his energy to fake as if he were happy for just another moment was completely depleted. But there was no need to do so anymore. 

“Can you guys come with me?” 

“No problem!” Hansol was the first one to his feet. Soonyoung was close behind him but it turned out that, in actuality, Mingyu’s energy to do  _ anything  _ was completely depleted. So he reached his hands out to his two friends so they could pull him up from the ground. 

As they grabbed their bags and made their way to the double doors of the auditorium, Mingyu could honestly say that it felt like they were carrying him. And while they didn’t sweep him off of his feet or let Mingyu ride on one off their backs like he had once wanted, just having them there was enough stability to keep him standing. 

 

Mingyu usually took the bus to get home since it shortened the twenty minute walk to only five minutes but he didn’t mind walking that day since Soonyoung and Hansol were there with him. The saying that ‘time passes quickly when you’re having fun’ was always true when they were together. So true that their twenty minute walk felt like it had only taken half the time even though they were walking in the  _ freezing cold  _ of the beginning of December, as they walked up the concrete path to the door of Mingyu’s house. 

Mingyu wasn’t in the best mood. He wasn’t telling any jokes or doing any of his usual antics but he was laughing and responding, and for now, Soonyoung and Hansol were okay with it and didn’t mention it. 

But Mingyu’s dad definitely did, as soon as he saw Mingyu enter the house. 

“You still upset over that girl?” His dad frowned when he had come to greet them at the door. He briefly hugged Soonyoung and Hansol but when he stopped in front of Mingyu, his smile twisted into a somewhat annoyed frown. 

“I told you that crying isn’t gonna get you anywhere. You just gotta take it like a man and get over it.” 

Hansol and Soonyoung awkwardly stood there. Mingyu’s dad obviously had good intentions with his words; they just weren’t the right ones. No one wanted to be told to stop feeling something, almost as if it were as easy as flicking a switch. Because if it were that easy, Mingyu would have done it already. 

“Alright, dad,” Mingyu mumbled, somehow feeling infinitely worse. 

“Go play some video games with your friends. I’ll make something good for dinner since your mom is working late tonight. Your sister was going to cook but she’s taking too long. You can invite Wonwoo over too. You can throw yourself a whole pity party,” Mingyu’s dad gave a wide grin as he laughed at his own banter. He patted his son on the shoulder twice for good measure and was off towards the kitchen. 

“Sorry about that, man.” 

“It’s nothing I’m not used to,” Mingyu sighed. Both out of exhaustion and relief. He was so happy to finally be home. 

“What game are we gonna play?” 

“Let Hansol pick.”

“I wanna play the street racing game. You know which one I’m-”

“No. Soonyoung, you pick.” Mingyu didn’t want to play street racing. He sucked at those types of games and any other day he wouldn’t laughing at his lack of skill but not today. He wanted to feel accomplished at something at the moment. 

They played only the games that Mingyu was good at until dinner was ready. It was no secret that Hansol hated losing, but as soon as Soonyoung decided on playing Tekken, Hansol already knew that he was about to lose. Every. Single. Round. 

And he did. Because Mingyu was just too good at it. And when they played Mortal Kombat… well, he lost at that too. But he didn’t feel too bad because Soonyoung lost too. When there was a light knock on the door, they expected it to be Mingyu’s dad but instead, it was his older sister, Minah. 

She was in her last year of college, getting ready to graduate with a degree in electrical engineering. She was currently staying at home because during her second year of college, she had seemed to hit a brick wall and her mental state plummeted. Living at home for the rest of her college career was a good call though and now here she was, approaching her last semester. 

“Hey, guys. Dad said Mingyu was still upset about everything so I came to check on you.”

“He probably said I’m still ‘overreacting about some girl,’” Mingyu scoffed in mocking tone, his attention still fixated on the television screen as he attempted to beat Soonyoung. To make it fair, Mingyu was using his least favorite character and it looked like Soonyoung was actually going to win this. 

“You know he means well.” Minah closed the door behind her and sat on the edge of Mingyu’s bed. “Dad didn’t really grow up with anyone caring about his feelings either…” 

“So,” Mingyu dismissed with a shrug of his shoulders. He quite frankly was too aggravated with his dad to try to give him any credit at the moment. “Fuck,” he growled when Soonyoung landed his final hit on his character and the game ended like that. 

Soonyoung was cheering happily now and Hansol was right along with him as if he had done anything other than sit and watch. 

 “You wanna talk about what happened with your girlfriend?” Minah questioned hesitantly and quietly. The question had caused Soonyoung and Hansol to stop their own cheering. 

“Why would I talk to you about it?” Mingyu answered. He hadn’t meant to sound so rude-- he actually didn't mean to say it at all--but it was a genuine question. 

“Because I know about heartbreak,” Minah hummed gingerly. “Talking about it through and through makes you feel better. Even if just by a tiny bit.” 

Minah wasn't just sugar coating it or over exerting the truth to make Mingyu feel better. Her parents didn't know because, just like they were doing to Mingyu now, she knew that she would only be told “stop crying like a baby” and act like the grown woman they had raised her to be. It was the epitome of twisted that their parents believed that those words were considered to be a pep talk.

Minah hated to admit it but the start of her college downfall was finding out that her boyfriend was cheating on her with her best friend. Along with her heartbreak, the stress from college just continued to grow before one day, she lacked the mental ability and capacity to do anything and even wished at times that she would just die. 

However, Minah wished, now, that she would have talked through her problems though. Would anything have changed? No. Her boyfriend still cheated on her. Her best friend still betrayed her. But Minah knew that bottling everything inside was the worse option.

Having emotions wasn’t a sign of weakness. Hurting and crying wasn’t ‘being a baby.’ Minah actually considered it to be a sign of strength and self awareness.

So if she could make Mingyu feel an ounce better with her advice or even just to lend a hand and listen to his pain, then she would. 

And even though Mingyu really would rather not talk about it, the idea of feeling somewhat better, even if only a little, sounded too tempting to pass up. 

So, as vaguely as he possibly could to cover up the fact that his girlfriend was actually a boyfriend, Mingyu poured his heart out to his sister. 

His best friends were there the entire time, proud that Mingyu was finally opening up. 

 

***

 

“What’s up, Captain Kwan,” Jihoon bantered when he saw Seungkwan’s eyepatch as soon as the latter opened up the front door of his house. As promised, Wonwoo drove Jihoon and Minghao straight to Seungkwan’s house after school. Honestly, he was tired. 

“Shut up,” Seungkwan said, giving a warning look with just his one eye as he stepped to the side to let them all in. Jeonghan and Seungcheol were here but it wasn’t like he needed permission to let them in. 

“What’s with the eye patch anyway? Did your eye get worse or something?” Minghao asked as he led the way to the living room where the yelling was coming from. Chan was playing video games with Jeonghan; both of them were incredibly competitive so neither wanted to lose. But the screaming and yelling was mostly because of Chan. 

Seungcheol was just indulging in a few pieces of candy while sitting on the sofa. Wonwoo chuckled, brushing off everything as just a typical day in Seungkwan’s household. 

“The doctor checked my eye today. It’s doing fine. I just thought putting an eyepatch over it would be a better alternative to putting on makeup to cover it.”

“Not really. You just look like a pirate now,” Jihoon continued his playful banter that Minghao quickly joined in on. 

“Yeah, and you can only use one hand like a pirate too,” Minghao teased while pointing at Seungkwan’s casted hand. Seungkwan just flipped the both of them off, using the same hand that was in the cast. Wonwoo only began chuckling when somehow Jeonghan saw the gesture and scolded Seungkwan for doing that in a place where Chan could see him. 

Sure, Seungkwan’s annoyed expression was funny but most of Wonwoo’s amusement came from how Jeonghan loved to think of Chan as this innocent boy that did nothing wrong when he was anything but that. But Wonwoo couldn’t deny that Chan was way too good at playing the cute role. 

In the middle of another scolding--Seungcheol had started laughing causing him to get nagged at too-- Wonwoo had wandered into the kitchen. Just looking for a moment of solitude. Sliding into the barstool, Wonwoo folded his arms on top of the island top and laid his head on top of his crossed arms. He tuned out all of the faint sounds from the living room and closed his eyes. 

Wonwoo had only intended on taking a short break from his friends but he actually had managed to almost fall asleep. Just a few more moments of silence and he would have been fast asleep in one of his best friends’ kitchen. 

What woke him up and abruptly put a stop to him crossing the threshold into unconsciousness was the obnoxious sound of something scraping against the tile floors. Eyes blinking open, Wonwoo was immediately filled with annoyance. Until he saw that it was Seungcheol, who was sympathetically smiling at him for causing said sound. Turns out he was just trying to sit in the bar stool next to Wonwoo, so the latter couldn’t find it within himself to get angry. 

“What’s up, Wonwoo?” Seungcheol asked, finally sitting in the bar stool next to him. Sitting up and stretching, Wonwoo groaned lowly. 

“Nothing. Just tired.”

“You know…” Seungcheol paused for a split second. He wasn’t used to  _ not  _ beating around the bush. But when Seungkwan, Jihoon, and Minghao expressed how worried they were for Wonwoo, Jeonghan somehow recruited him to come talk to him. Saying that Seungcheol was sometimes more easily approachable. He’d asked Jeonghan to come with him, but he just gave him a look so Seungcheol was alone on this one. 

He would just have to attempt to channel his inner Jeonghan. 

“I heard about your breakup,” Seungcheol inhaled. It felt somewhat out of order to just lead with the problem at hand instead of leading up with some pointless talking.

“I’m sure you did,” Wonwoo sighed, eyes still low with the desire to sleep. “But I’m fine.”

“Jihoon and Minghao don’t think you’re fine. They’re worried.”

“There’s nothing to worry about.”

“Do you really think that they won’t notice that you’re not okay?” Seungcheol asked. Wonwoo was sure it was meant to be rhetorical but the older actually sounded curious. “I notice that you aren’t okay either. We can see right through your facade, Wonwoo.” 

Wonwoo held back a grimace. Being so vulnerable in the home of the person that  _ he  _ was supposed to be caring for. Seungkwan experienced something traumatic. Had a fractured wrist and a black eye. His job in their friend group was to nurture, but when it was his turn to be cared for, Wonwoo couldn’t allow it.

“I don’t want them to worry about me.”

“If your friends aren’t worried about you, Wonwoo, then you need new friends.” Seungcheol grinned. “That’s what they do.” Wonwoo returned the smirk with a weak one of his own and looked down at the countertop of the island. But he didn’t say anything because Seungcheol was right. 

“Okay,” Seungcheol said determinedly. Pressing his hands flat on the countertop, Seungcheol pushed himself up and out of the barstool. Wonwoo thought he would leave but instead Seungcheol made his way to the pantry. 

“We’re gonna talk about it. Tell me everything that you don’t want to tell them,” Seungcheol decided as he reached to the very top shelf of the pantry and pulled down a box. “And while we do it, we can eat some of my favorite snack.”

Oh, those chocolate cupcakes that Seungcheol loved so much. Wonwoo let out a cough of a laugh as Seungcheol excitedly tore the box open. 

“The best comfort snack. And, lucky for you, you get the first one.” Seungcheol held the box out to Wonwoo, who took one with another laugh bubbling in the back of his throat. Taking one for himself, Seungcheol didn’t even put the box back. Just rounded the kitchen once again and sat back down in the bar stool. 

“Alright. Start from the beginning.”

 

***

 

In the end, Minah and Seungcheol had something similar to say about the situation at hand. 

“You made a mistake,” Minah had said to Mingyu who refused to look anyone in the eye. He was ashamed. “You’re still a kid. Growing and maturing and learning from everything. What matters is that you learned… That’s no guarantee that Wonwoo would want to be with you, but it’s important for you to know that. Mingyu… You’re a kid. Trust me, this isn’t the last time you’ll do something immature.” 

 

“Now I’m not excusing what Mingyu did, but can you say you expected anything more?” Seungcheol had said with a raised eyebrow. “You’re kids. Immature and stupid decisions are  _ supposed  _ to be made. That doesn’t define us though… Wonwoo, your feelings are yours and only you can decide whether or not you want to be with Mingyu again. But… kids make selfish decisions and make mistakes. They’re immature. You’re immature too. Hell, I’m twenty five and I can’t remember to pick up a simple leotard from the store… What’s important is that I’m slowly learning. So are you and Mingyu and all of your other friends. And so is everyone in this damn world.” 

 

Minah and Seungcheol had a similar way of thinking it seemed. One could even argue that they were thinking the  _ same  _ thing. Especially because the last thing they uttered to both boys was a simple phrase that left Mingyu and Wonwoo confused and wondering what to do: 

“Talk to him, please.”

 

***

 

And he was. Mingyu was going to talk to Wonwoo. It was the last day before winter break so if he wanted to talk to Wonwoo in person then today was the day to do so. 

Even when Hansol and Soonyoung were around at breakfast and in between his first two classes, Mingyu hadn’t stopped looking for Wonwoo. Maybe, Wonwoo was avoiding him… 

The thought made Mingyu’s stomach twist and heart ache but he pushed on. 

In the middle of his third class of the day, Mingyu felt overwhelmed and excused himself to the bathroom to regroup his thoughts. 

In the quiet hallways, Mingyu leveled his breathing and filled his head with positive thoughts. He was good at that. Pushing negative feelings under so he could find the energy to force a smile for a few hours. By the time he’d gotten to the bathroom, it had seemed to work, the lingering feeling in his chest somewhat fainter now. 

But it crashed into him like a wall of bricks once again when he did open the bathroom door. 

“Wonwoo,” Mingyu croaked when he saw the boy standing in front of the sink, washing his hands. Startled by his name being called, Wonwoo looked up with curious eyes, but they soon turned cold upon noticing it was Mingyu.

So much for his positive thoughts… the thought that Wonwoo didn’t want to see him… hurt. 

“Can I talk to you?”

“No.” Wonwoo quickly shut the water off in the sink and moved to dry his hands under the air dryer. It was almost like it was purposeful because over the loud sound of the dryer blowing, Mingyu’s low whisper would probably be drowned out.

“Wonwoo,” Mingyu said a bit louder. “I just need you to listen to me.”

“And I just need you to leave me alone,” Wonwoo said, voice low and toneless. Mingyu knew Wonwoo well enough to see that he was feeling something despite him trying to come off as nonchalant. 

Mingyu sighed.

“Alright, I’ll leave.” 

Wonwoo blinked and removed his hands from under the air dryer. Silence engulfed the space between them.

“But…” Mingyu continued. “Can you please meet me in the auditorium after school… I just wanted to talk to you.”

Wonwoo didn’t respond immediately. Just started walking towards the bathroom door. 

“I’ll come if I have time…” 

 

Mingyu didn’t really know what Wonwoo meant. Was it just a drawn out way of saying no? Or would Wonwoo actually come if he had the time? 

Even with all the questions swarming his mind, Mingyu still immediately went to the auditorium after the last class. It usually was open for about thirty minutes after the school ended before coach locked up and left. So he hoped Wonwoo would actually show up. 

Mingyu had sat in the spot on the bleachers where Wonwoo usually sat during his games. It was a perfect view. It was like he was sitting in Wonwoo’s shoes for the moment. And it made him realize something that he hadn’t before… 

He wasn’t sure how long he had been sitting there but he knew that his hope was slowly fading. 

… What the hell was he doing?. 

Just by the way Wonwoo had acted earlier, it wasn’t really a secret that Wonwoo didn’t want to speak to him and didn’t even want to look at him. So why the hell was Mingyu sitting here in this auditorium like Wonwoo would show up?

Okay… He’d give it another minute. 

And he did… But still Wonwoo hadn’t shown up. 

So Mingyu just decided to give up for the day. Standing up, Mingyu grabbed his bag and swung it over his shoulder. He’d just like to go home and just stuff his face with some of his mom’s really good ice cream and-

As Mingyu neared the double doors, they suddenly burst open. The person responsible for it, completely out of breath. 

“Wonwoo?” Mingyu gasped. He would have laughed out of relief but he held back, knowing that this wasn’t the time. 

“I forgot,” Wonwoo huffed between deep breaths. He was shivering, from the lack of jackets to protect him from the cold weather outside. 

Wonwoo left his in his car because he had already drove a few blocks away from school when he remembered that he was supposed to meet Mingyu. So when he turned the car around and finally pulled back into the school parking lot, the last thing he was worried about was his jacket.

“T-That’s okay,” Mingyu gulped. 

“You were about to leave?”

“Coach is about to close the auditorium,” Mingyu said. “He should be here any minute.”

“Oh.”

“We can talk in your car… if you want,” Mingyu suggested. It was just a last desperate attempt to talk to Wonwoo. He’d even talk to him in the freezing cold if that’s what it meant he had to do. 

“Sure.” Wonwoo shivered again. As much as Mingyu wanted to offer him his jacket, he was sure Wonwoo would deny it. They weren’t boyfriends. Leaving the auditorium, Mingyu avoided looking at Wonwoo, not wanting to give into the temptation to give him his jacket. It would no doubt, annoy Wonwoo. 

“So… I heard Byungho is going to military school. A few of his older friends are going to some correctional facility too…” Mingyu said, trying to make small talk as they crossed the lot. 

“He should’ve went to jail.” Wonwoo let the words fall from his lips out of malice and anger, but deep down he didn’t know if he meant it. He didn’t wish that upon anyone.

“I think it’s a good alternative.” 

Wonwoo grunted his response. Finally making it to the car, they both slid in, Wonwoo immediately turned on the heater to warm his chilled skin. “I hate the cold.”

“I know…” Mingyu muttered as he made himself comfortable in the passenger seat. Staling time by waving his glove covered hands in front of the car vents. 

“What did you want to talk about?” Wonwoo asked in a low voice, letting his head recline against the headrest of his seat. His pale fingers lightly tapping at the steering wheel. Mingyu wanted to hold his hands, rub the numbness from them and replace them with his own warmth. Wanted to kiss his blotchy cheeks and stuffy nose. 

“I’m sorry…” Mingyu started. “I realized that I apologized to everyone except you. I apologized to Junghyun. I apologized to Seungkwan. And to the other students it happened to. That’s why I told Mr. Park about what I saw. So even though I apologized to everyone else. I didn’t apologize to you for breaking your trust.”

“You did?” Wonwoo asked, finally turning to look at Mingyu. It was a look of shock. “You told Mr. Park too…”

“Of course. I couldn’t apologize to all of them and then not try to protect them,” Mingyu said wistfully. “It was the least I could do.”

Wonwoo hummed before bringing his hands up to his mouth to blow his breath on them to speed up the warming process. 

“Here. Take my gloves,” Mingyu finally decided. He was already peeling off his gloves and giving them to Wonwoo before he could deny. Luckily, Wonwoo didn’t try to reject them. 

“Thank you,” Wonwoo uttered, sighing at even the small bit of relief to his incredibly numb fingers. 

“Do you hate me?” Mingyu questioned. 

“Of course not,” Wonwoo scoffed. He gave Mingyu a look of disgust. “I could never hate you.”

“I was questioning that thought after earlier.” 

“I just didn’t want to talk to you because I was still thinking.”

“About what?”

“If I truly wanted to be in a relationship with you again,” Wonwoo whispered. He absentmindedly played with loose string of the black gloves Mingyu gave him. They were so warm. 

“Oh…” Mingyu coughed and looked out of the window. Mingyu caught a glimpse of his coach leaving the school building and walking towards his car. He looked like he was in a good mood. 

“Well I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t…” 

Wonwoo chuckled when Mingyu said that. It caught Mingyu’s attention because he honestly wasn’t being funny. 

“You’re still the same Mingyu. So awkward and self deprecating at times,” Wonwoo continued to chuckle. It was so contagious that Mingyu genuinely couldn’t help but laugh despite being the one being laughed at. 

“I’ve always been the same…” Mingyu laughed timidly.

“I didn’t think you were. When you told me that you knew what happened… I couldn’t help but think that you were just like Byungho. I felt like you had lied to me about who you were. That you weren’t that… stupid and silly  _ puppy _ that I fell so hard for. The idea that it was all a facade was… heartbreaking. I could accept a mistake but I can’t accept a lie.” 

“I know that I lie a lot about who I am because I’m scared of what people think of me… But I wouldn’t lie to you. Besides Hansol, Minah, and Soonyoung, you’re the only person that I’ve been so open with. I wouldn’t have been caught dead slipping cheesy notes in someone’s locker but I do it for you…”

“You’re still a sap.” Wonwoo faked a gag. 

“A sap that made a stupid, immature choice. I hurt your best friend and some other students that didn’t deserve what happened to them.”

“I can’t deny that it was stupid,” Wonwoo said. Mingyu didn’t bother responding because he honestly didn’t know how. It was the truth. It was quiet in the car. Mingyu was so tense yet Wonwoo seemed calmer than ever. 

“Mingyu.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you love me?” 

“Yes.” Mingyu answered almost immediately. They rarely said that they loved each other, both wondering if it was ever too early to say. Or if they were too young to know what real love really was. But Mingyu would swear to whatever entity that what he felt for Wonwoo was definitely love. Wonwoo would do the same.

“I love you too. This Mingyu that’s sitting right here.” Wonwoo reached over and grabbed Mingyu’s hand. “I love you.”

“But I’m gonna change,” Mingyu answered sheepishly. “I’m not always gonna be this Mingyu.”

“I’ll love you as long as you grow. I’ll love the mature, grown Mingyu as much as I love you now. But if you change for the worst… then I can’t say that I’ll be there,” Wonwoo answered truthfully. “But I don’t think that’ll be a problem.”

“Wonwoo.”

“What?”

“Give me a kiss,” Mingyu smiled. 

“No. You give me a kiss.” 

“No. You.”

“I’m not moving this car until you give me a kiss,” Wonwoo said, dropping the keys back into the cupholder after he had picked them up. “I was gonna drive to our ramen place too.” 

Mingyu practically launched himself at Wonwoo. He had been craving ramen for the last week but couldn’t bring himself to get any knowing that it would remind him of his numerous ramen dates with Wonwoo.

Luckily, Wonwoo wasn’t caught off guard. This was still Mingyu of course and he knew what to expect by now. The familiarity of Mingyu’s lips only made Wonwoo that much more happy. Something of another reminder that Mingyu was the one he loved. 

The way their lips locked perfectly was all the proof he needed. 

“We have to go,” Wonwoo giggled. “If a teacher finds us, we’re dead.”

“Alright. Ramen then my house.”

“Why yours?”

“Pretty sure my parents aren’t home.” 

“I’ll think about it.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! I hope you liked this chapter a lot! I quite enjoyed writing it. I wanna spoil the future epilogue chapters because I'm so excited for them but I'm not gonna do that! Let's give lots of love to Mingyu and Wonwoo. 
> 
> Also, I want to give love to those who comment and I don't get to respond all the time. I appreciate every single comment because they motivate me to write, but sometimes I see them while I'm in class and then forget to respond when I leave. I'll do better. I'm sorry to that one person who told me on tumblr and everyone else who I don't get to respond too. I'll start adding it to my to-do lists lol. ^^
> 
> Anyway, I'll see you next time!
> 
> (As always, sorry for typos. I got homework to do lol.)


	23. Epilogue 2

“Be my boyfriend… please…” 

“Nope.” 

“Why not?!” Soonyoung whined, throwing himself back onto his bed and groaned loudly. “I think that’s pretty good!”

Mingyu and Hansol were in his room helping him figure out the best way for him to ask Jihoon to be his boyfriend. He thought his initial approach of just being straight forward was enough, but Mingyu and Hansol didn’t seem to think so. He was starting to regret asking them to come over.

“Would you agree if someone asked you like that?” Mingyu asked finally looking up from the laptop screen. “‘Hey, yo. Be my man.’” Mingyu mocked in a deep voice, making Hansol laugh. “It’s like you put no thought into it.”

“ _ Did  _ you put any thought into it?” Hansol asked. He raised his head from looking at the bundle of movies that he had in his lap. He was in charge of picking the first movie to watch for the day. School was out for break and they were going to celebrate it with Christmas movies and way too many meringue cookies that Mr. Park had given to them. Apparently, Baekhyun was moving onto his next obsession and Mr. Park was more than happy to get rid of the remaining cookies. 

“I don’t want to put too much thought into it. Jihoon doesn’t like cheesy stuff,” Soonyoung complained. Just because Wonwoo and Seungkwan were fond of the cliche romantic things--well to a certain extent-- didn’t mean that Jihoon was. In fact, he seemed to like things that were natural and unplanned, and Soonyoung wasn’t good at ‘natural and unplanned.’ 

Hansol and Mingyu had it way easier than he did. 

Soonyoung didn’t mind having to figure out what Jihoon liked and attempt to cater to him. It’s just that he didn’t have too many options either. Jihoon liked his personal space and preferred that Soonyoung didn’t do anything ‘extra’ in order to please him.

So when Soonyoung began considering how he should ask Jihoon to officially be his boyfriend, he planned it step by step. How ironic…

He paid special attention to every small thing that Soonyoung even decided to run his ideas by his best friends. Which proved to be a pretty bad idea. 

“You know him better than we do,” Mingyu said with a shrug. “But I personally would like if someone did something sweet for me.”

Hansol rolled his eyes while Soonyoung scoffed. 

“Yeah, something sweet and cheesy like slipping love letters into his locker,” Soonyoung teased. Hansol whipped his head around to look at Mingyu with an all too amused grin. The red rising on the tanned skin of Mingyu’s face was enough confirmation for Hansol to burst into laughter, forgetting all about picking a movie.

“You write love letters?” Hansol snickered. 

“Yup,” Soonyoung answered for him. “Jihoon told me all about them.”

“Shut up!” Mingyu pitched one of Soonyoung’s throw pillows at Hansol’s face. It was initially meant to be thrown at Soonyoung, but Hansol was the one laughing the loudest. “Wonwoo likes them. So fuck the both you guys.”

“Oh, Jihoon told me about you too, Hansol,” Soonyoung said, diverting the attention away from Mingyu after realizing that the taller was close to practically bursting out of embarrassment. 

“What?” Hansol said, his laughter quickly coming to an end as he looked to Soonyoung curiously. “I haven’t done anything.”

“You sure?” Soonyoung hummed, bringing a finger to his bottom lip and feigning curiosity. “So you don’t remember being okay with dying from Seungkwan’s kisses? Or sharing Seungkwan’s feelings? Or the billions of other things cheesy things you’ve said.”

“Oh…” was all Hansol said. His attention settling on the movies again, as it was Mingyu’s turn to laugh now. 

“You know what,” Soonyoung said. “I think I know what to do now. I just have to  _ not _ do what you two do and I’ll be fine.” 

Mingyu and Hansol only grunted, still recovering from the mortification and embarrassment of the sudden exposure of their love lives. They’d get Soonyoung back for it someday, he was sure of it because that’s how they were. He knew his best friends well.

But for now, Soonyoung basked in it and found it quite amusing too. 

 

***

 

Jihoon’s parents had a surprise for him apparently. And even though on any regular day, Jihoon hated surprises, he couldn’t deny that he would accept anything from his parents. Expecting it to be money or some other tangible gift, Jihoon was bewildered when he entered the kitchen and his parents were sitting at the dining table with a full cooked meal prepared. That was rare.

“Come eat with us,” his mom smiled, gesturing to the bowl of kimchi that was already at the table. Jihoon wondered when was the last time they had a family dinner at the dining table. The only time they ate dinner together was when they ordered take out and wound up eating it in the car together. 

Jihoon stood in the archway for a moment before making eye contact with his dad. “What are you guys up to?” Jihoon questioned, his eyes narrowing at the two of them. They hadn’t even started eating yet, almost like they were waiting for Jihoon. It looked kind of creepy too. 

“We told you that we wanted to surprise you with something,” his dad said. Seeing that Jihoon was still not moving from the archway, he stood and neared his son with a soft smile hoping to reassure Jihoon. “I know this is weird since we don’t do this enough. And me and your mom are so sorry for that.” 

Jihoon was still hesitant but slowly followed his dad to the table. 

His mom’s smile had faltered a bit but when he sat down in the chair across from her and she saw his beautiful face, she couldn’t help but smile. Jihoon looked so much like her husband, Hyuk, and also herself. He was the perfect combination of them both and she quickly wonders why they didn’t have any more children. 

Then she recalled that it was because they didn’t have time to care for any more children. They barely had time for the one child they did have.

“It’s fine,” Jihoon finally uttered. “So, what did you guys want to surprise me with?” 

His mother cleared her throat and finally picked up her chopsticks. “Well, you know that Christmas is coming.” 

Just as his parents expected, Jihoon gave a very slight roll of his eyes. He was expecting to be like the other several times when they had a surprise for Jihoon during Christmas. They’d give him something that would make him happy and then drop the bad news right afterwards. It was usually that they wouldn’t be able to be home for Christmas. 

So Jihoon wondered why they were taking all this effort to tell him that they wouldn’t be home when they’d done it one too many times in the past. Maybe this was just a different approach, and since they obviously tried so hard, Jihoon would play along. Like he always did. 

“Yup,” Jihoon hummed, shoveling food into his mouth. His father must have made dinner. It tasted like his father’s famous kimchi. Jihoon’s favorite. They must have worked harder than Jihoon thought. If his parents were going to start making his favorite food and desert whenever they had to deliver bad news, Jihoon thinks he could get used to that too. 

“We’re going to go on a trip to China,” his dad stated, looking expectantly at their son. 

“Okay, so when are you leaving?” Jihoon asked, following his usual routine or asking the necessary questions and then having to brush off all of his parents apologies and lie, saying that it wasn’t that big of a deal. He could spend Christmas with one of his friends, but even he couldn’t pretend that he didn’t want to spend it with his own parents. 

“We  _ all  _ are going to be leaving in a week.” His dad cleared his throat to refrain from smiling just yet. He was excited to see how Jihoon would react. While both his mom and dad stopped eating to watch Jihoon, the latter just continued to eating, but still attempted to look at them. 

“Whuh?” He tried to talk with a mouthful of food but failed, almost choking on his food, causing his parents to laugh at him. Well more so his dad while his mom was actually a bit worried at first before he handled it himself. His mom reached grabbed a napkin from the middle of the table and stood to wipe the smeared sauce of Jihoon’s lip. Oddly, he let her.

“Yup,” his dad continued. “We’re taking you to China with us this Christmas.”

“Is this for a business trip or something?” Jihoon questioned gruffly when he finally swallowed. “I don’t want to be in the middle of China by myself while it’s freezing cold and probably snowing. I’d rather be myself here at home.”

“Well, we do have a meeting with a few of the business under the company  _ but  _ that will only be for the first two days. The last five days, we will be all yours,” his mom giggled apprehensively. “Like a little family vacation.” She added the last part as more of a way to make herself feel better. She always wanted to go on a family vacation one day.

“You excited?” 

Jihoon let his gaze alternate between his mom and dad. He knew that his face was showing nothing but nonchalance, but his heart was racing. He was ecstatic.

“Promise that you have to do work for the first two days?” Jihoon mumbled, folding his arms across his chest and leaning back in his chair. He didn’t want to get his hopes up.

“Of course, son.” A bright smile from his dad.

“We promise.” A sweet, reassuring one from his mom. 

Both were so genuine that Jihoon couldn’t  _ not  _ believe them. 

“Then I can’t wait.” 

His mom and dad looked utterly pleased by the reaction as they picked up their own utensils and finally began eating the cooling food. None of them were too fond of showing too much emotion. To any outsiders, they might seem inept at socializing and awkward. But they knew each other well and the pleasant atmosphere was enough to the, 

It meant so much to his parents to see Jihoon satisfied. 

This time, they would work harder than ever to make Jihoon happy. Before dinner, the couple had made an agreement that if they got any last minute calls from their CEO that they would deny it. 

Their son was more important. It was about time they started showing him that. 

 

***

 

Jihoon was much better at dancing than Soonyoung initially thought. Maybe they were better for each other than he initially thought.

After hearing that Jihoon was going to be leaving for China in under a week, Soonyoung gave himself a reassuring push and gathered up all of the confidence he had hidden  _ somewhere  _ inside him. He needed to ask him to be his boyfriend. He couldn’t miss out on this chance. Refused to. 

So he thought of the perfect date that would make him seem irresistible. In Soonyoung’s opinion, there was no better way to get Jihoon more interested than inviting him to watch him do what he loved to do. Dance. 

After a great therapy session, Soonyoung invited Jihoon to the dance academy where he was going to get a head start on choreographing the dance for the spring performance in a couple of months. He didn’t ask Mingyu and Hansol for their approval this time. He felt like he had this all under control. Soonyoung knew Jihoon pretty well…

At least he hoped he did. 

“You liar,” Soonyoung coughed, practically collapsing onto the hard floor off the practice room after turning off the music blaring through the radio speakers. 

“When… did I… lie?” Jihoon said between deep breaths and inhales of his asthma inhaler. His eyes fluttered shut and Soonyoung couldn’t help but look closely at the soft features of Jihoon’s face that were dripping and shining with the sweat from pushing himself so hard to keep up with the choreography. It didn’t look like he had that much of a hard time though.

“You didn’t tell me you could dance,” Soonyoung chuckled. “You aren’t a first timer, for sure.”

“I used to dance a lot,” Jihoon said, slowly and carefully lying back to lie down, spread eagle, on the wooden floor with Soonyoung. “But I had my first asthma attack and my mom panicked and I had to quit.” 

Soonyoung hummed his response. He could see the reason behind that choice. “When you said you wanted to have a dance battle, I didn’t know you were serious,” Soonyoung laughed. He turned his head slightly to get a good look at Jihoon’s face. His chest was steadily rising and falling with his arms thrown out on side of him. If that smile of his hadn’t spread across his face, Soonyoung could have believed that he had probably fallen asleep since he looked so peaceful.

“Of course,” Jihoon scoffed, his eyes sliding open as he turned his head to look at Soonyoung. Now, they were face to face. “I like being underestimated and then blowing people’s minds with my skills.”

Soonyoung considered moving away, knowing that Jihoon liked his personal space, but Jihoon didn’t seem to mind one bit as his smile seemed to widen and his eyes seemed to soften. “What else can you do?”

“I can write lyrics for songs. Compose, that’s what I want to do as a career. I can sing. Play a couple instruments. Oh, I’m pretty intimidating too. You should see me threaten someone with a guitar.”

“That’s not a skill,” Soonyoung laughed. 

“It’s definitely a skill when you look like me.” Jihoon said delicately. 

When did Soonyoung become so beautiful?… Jihoon really didn’t know. Maybe it was the butterflies in his stomach messing up his vision. 

“What? You mean cute?” Soonyoung questioned, taking his chances and moving just a little bit closer to Jihoon’s face. Jihoon didn’t pull back, didn’t move at all. That was a good sign to Soonyoung. 

“You do know that calling me cute was the reason I threatened to beat that person with that guitar, right?” Jihoon stated matter of factly. 

Soonyoung was in the middle of huffing out another tired breath of laughter before he tried to imagine tiny Jihoon swinging a guitar like it was a baseball bat. But then he remembered that he didn’t have to imagine because he  _ was  _ there. 

“Wasn’t that Mingyu?” Soonyoung asked. Mingyu had commented about how cute Jihoon was and Jihoon just sprang into action, chasing Mingyu into a corner with the guitar gripped tight in his small palms and ready to swing. 

Both of them breaking out into bright smiles, Jihoon nodded ecstatically as if this was quite an achievement. 

“Yup,” Jihoon said reminiscently. “First year of high school.”

“You were so small.”

“I’m still small. Wish I could grow a few inches.”

“But you’re so-”

Jihoon glared at Soonyoung before he could finish what he was saying. 

“Handsome…” Soonyoung corrected himself. “You’re so handsome like this.”

“Thanks,” Jihoon uttered. They stayed lying on the floor, staring at each other for what felt like forever, but in actuality had only been about a minute. “Say it.”

“What?”

“You wanna say something. I can tell,” Jihoon inhaled slowly and almost apprehensively. His heart was racing too. 

“I like you.”

“I already know that… I like you too.”

“For real?”

“No, I’m just letting you invade my personal space because I hate you,” Jihoon stated sarcastically. How ironic and weird it was that he was still whispering into the small space between them as if he had uttered the sweetest words known to mankind. But that was Jihoon’s charm that Soonyoung appreciated so much.

“Can you be my boyfriend then… Please?” 

Jihoon smiled wider than Soonyoung had ever seen before. But then Jihoon moved to sit up, and oddly enough, he started laughing.

“What?” Soonyoung asked quietly, a little disappointed that the moment was ruined and wondering if Jihoon was laughing at him and his attempt. Soonyoung also sat up and pathetically brought his legs up to his chest.

“Aren’t we already dating?”

“Huh?”

“I thought you were gonna ask to kiss me or something,” Jihoon admitted, still recovering from his fit of laughter. 

“I didn’t know… we were dating.”

“I just assumed,” Jihoon shrugged but turned to look at Soonyoung again who no longer looked as sad as he did moments ago. “But yeah. I’ll be your boyfriend and all.”

“You’re blushing,” Soonyoung pointed out, gushingly. “A lot. Your face is really red right now. So cute!”

“You do know that you have a guitar in the corner over there and I’m not afraid to use it on my own boyfriend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Hope everyone is doing well! I hope you also enjoyed this chapter. 
> 
> As always, I'm sorry for taking so long. Who knew taking Spanish was so hard. Maybe I should have done French instead but I'm trying my hardest as always. Because this took a while, I'll also upload a small chapter in the next few hours after I proofread that too. It's probably still gonna have typos knowing me. 
> 
> I'm in the process of creating the plot for my next fic! Because I love you so much, I was wondering if you guys could help me choose who the main couple would be. I was thinking either Jeongcheol, Meanie (Minwon, whichever you prefer), or the China line (I can't remember what their ship name is, I'm sorry lol). Do you guys want a little summary of the next fic or should I just keep it secret for now?
> 
> Okay, back to this story. I don't know how many more epilogue chapters they have because I keep making more and more. But it's not to many, I promise! Lol, love you!!!


	24. Epilogue 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really short Chanbaek fluff!

“Long day?” Baekhyun said with a sympathetic pout on his lips as he watched his husband enter the house and practically drag himself to the living room where Baekhyun was nursing a cup of tea and watching television. He’d just finished sketching a few designs for his clothing line’s next release and was relaxing now.

As Chanyeol collapsed onto the sofa next to him, Baekhyun quickly snuggled up to his husband, nose nuzzling the taller’s neck. 

Even though winter break had officially started yesterday, Chanyeol’s care and love for his students was a year-round task. 

“That’s an understatement,” Chanyeol groaned, twisting his neck to get the lingering kinks out and relaxing into his husband. “It was chaotic, hectic, and emotionally draining… But I did it.”

“You got through the day. That’s all that matters,” Baekhyun repeated as a way of reassurance and a reminder. Chanyeol was home now and with him. Baekhyun ran a hand up Chanyeol’s arm and squeezed at his biceps. “When I’m done my tea, I’ll run a bath for us. Sounds good?”

“That sounds great.” Chanyeol let out a pleased groan as Baekhyun began pressing his thumb into the tense muscles of his biceps. 

“Tell me something good that happened today. Take your mind off of all of the stress.” 

“I convinced them.” A small smile began materializing across his face. 

“Really?” Baekhyun gaped. 

“Yup.” After a lot of pleading, Chanyeol managed to get Byungho and a few other students to be sent to a strict military school instead of being sent to a juvenile detention center. What Byungho did was wrong, but as his teacher, Chanyeol knew Byungho had potential to be a better person and learn from his wrongdoings. He wanted to give Byungho a chance to turn his life around before it officially got started. 

Hopefully, he did. And if he didn’t, Chanyeol would at the very least be able to say that he did whatever he could to give Byungho and his friends an attempt at a better future. 

“I’m so proud of you,” Baekhyun smiled, pressing some kisses to the expanse of Chanyeol’s neck until the latter was chuckling quietly. Setting his cup of tea onto the coffee table, Baekhyun climbed on top of Chanyeol, straddling him with a suggestive smirk playing on his lips as he chuckled. 

“Give me a moment, love,” Chanyeol sighed as Baekhyun nibbled at his earlobe, shivering when the smaller softly blew on the shell of his ear. 

“I just wanted to ask you something.”

“Mm, what?” 

Chanyeol was so absorbed in the feeling of Baekhyun mouthing and biting sweetly at that one spot below his ear that he almost missed what Baekhyun whispered. Almost. 

“You want  _ what _ ?” Chanyeol said, grabbing Baekhyun and pulling his face away from his neck so he was looking down at Chanyeol. His sensual smirk had turned into one of pleading. 

“I want kids,” Baekhyun reiterated louder. 

“Since when?” Chanyeol exclaimed, almost getting the urge to practically push Baekhyun off of him. At least he was awake fully now. 

“I don’t know. I just want kids. I’m lonely,” Baekhyun grumbled under his breath, his face twisting into a grimace out of annoyance. 

Baekhyun’s job wasn’t really demanding. He co-owned a clothing line and of course when it was first being created, it was a lot of work. Long nights with his co-director and pointless, excruciatingly long meetings with companies to get them to invest in his ideas had taken up most of his time just a few years before. 

But now that the company was doing pretty well and he had people working for him now, Baekhyun just had to continue to sketch and create designs for the clothes. Sometimes he’d do limited edition releases and sometimes he’d do seasonal designs to switch it up some times and make things more interesting. The annual fashion shows were Baekhyun’s favorite part of the job because he got to see all the models wear clothes that he designed, but that was only one week out of every year. 

It hadn’t bothered him before but then Baekhyun realized how lonely he was when he always had the desite to do something for Hansol.

He wanted to cook for Hansol. Buy gifts for Hansol. Pamper and spoil Hansol and invite him over to cook dinner together all the time. Even give Hansol some advice whenever he needed and wrapping him in the tightest of hugs whenever Hansol wanted one. He liked treating Hansol like his child. 

It made him realize that he would like some children of his own. 

Chanyeol on the other hand didn’t want any kids at the moment. Not when he had over two hundred children at school every day.  _ Those  _ were his kids.

“You don’t know what it’s like to be here for half of the day all by myself,” Baekhyun said, settling himself on Chanyeol’s lap. 

“Get some friends, honey,” Chanyeol suggested. 

“I have enough friends! Where would I get more from anyway?” Baekhyun frowned. 

“You don’t really go anywhere to occupy yourself either,” Chanyeol huffed.

“Why can’t we have kids, Chanyeol?”

“Because we’re twenty six,” Chanyeol said firmly. He hated the way Baekhyun was looking at him right now, but he wouldn’t give in this time. “I want to have kids with you one day, I really do, but it’s something that we have to talk about and prepare for. A lot. Plus, we’re in our twenties still. Think about all of the things we still haven’t done. There’s people out there who have given up their twenties or just can’t live out their twenties because they have responsibilities. We’re lucky, Baekhyun.” 

Baekhyun huffed out an annoyed breath and tried to move off of Chanyeol but strong arms around his hips held him there. 

“You know I’m right.”

“I know you are, which is why I’m mad at you now,” Baekhyun stated, tilting his head away so he could avoid the kisses Chanyeol was trying to give him. 

“How about when we’re thirty two? Then we can start thinking about having children. Maybe adopting or getting a surrogate.”

“Thirty,” Baekhyun bargained.

“Thirty one.”

“Deal,” Baekhyun smiled. “Let’s think of names!”

“Let’s think of names later,” Chanyeol said, cradling Baekhyun’s face in his hands and looking closely into his eyes. “You promised to take a bubble bath with me. I was looking forward to it.” 

Baekhyun hummed, instantly catching onto the hidden meaning of Chanyeol’s words. He leaned over to kiss Chanyeol, curling and weaving his nimble fingers through his hair. “I didn’t forget about that. Just wanna do something really quickly.” 

This was one of the things he enjoyed about living alone. He had Chanyeol all to himself. Maybe he should mature a little more before they had kids. He didn’t know if he was ready to share his husband. 

So for now, he’d just stick with babying Hansol like he was his own. He’d gotten used to doing that anyway. 

He’d even bought Hansol a ‘few’ gifts for Christmas when he’d gotten bored earlier. 

“Oh! That reminds me!” Baekhyun gasped jumping off of Chanyeol’s lap to run to the kitchen. “I had a cup of amazing bubble tea today! You have to try it! I already ordered a bunch of stuff so I can make it myself.” 

Chanyeol who was initially confused by Baekhyun’s sudden excitement, threw his head back onto the couch cushions and let out a loud huff. Baekhyun had been through this cycle enough for Chanyeol to know that this was the first stage of Baekhyun’s obsession. 

At least he decided to talk about it now and not just as Chanyeol was about to suck him off in the bedroom. Yeah, that’d happened before. 

“I just hope this obsession is just a week or two. I really don’t want to go months drinking only bubble tea,” Chanyeol mumbled to himself before joining his husband in the kitchen where he was still going on about the things he’d ordered. 

And because Chanyeol was hopelessly in love with Baekhyun, he listened intently to every word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, it's super short but I just wanted to let people get a small glimpse into their life. PLus, FLUFF!


	25. Epilogue 4

When Jeonghan was younger, he didn’t want to have kids until he was about thirty five. He liked kids… but at the same time, he couldn’t stand them. And Chan was the epitome of all of the reasons he loved and hated kids all at once. 

Chan was incredibly optimistic, like most children his age, putting a genuine smile on any face with his silly antics and kind words. In fact, Chan and Seungkwan were the reasons why Jeonghan was able to make it through some of the hardest times in his and Seungcheol’s lives. 

But Chan was also bratty, whiny, and not to mention spoiled behind anyone’s understanding. That was Seungcheol’s fault though. Chan was only five years old when Jeonghan and Seungcheol took them in and the latter desperately wanted Seungkwan and Chan to like him. 

Seungkwan, being older, didn’t take much time to get comfortable with Seungcheol, but Chan was much more fond of Jeonghan and even refused to acknowledge Seungcheol’s presence for a whole month. And i the little five year old did acknowledge him, it was to cry for Jeonghan or Seungkwan.

So Seungcheol spoiled him, giving Chan everything he wanted--especially when Jeonghan said no. It eventually did the trick and Chan had become completely fond of him, but Seungcheol had admittedly created a monster. 

“He’s so spoiled!” Jeonghan huffed as he shut the door to their bedroom and exhaustedly dragged himself to bed. Seungcheol chuckled shortly and pulled Jeonghan into his chest. He was already tired and ready for bed, but he was waiting for Jeonghan… Well, more like listening to Jeonghan try to get Chan to go to his room. 

Chan’s argument was that it was winter break and he should be able to stay up as long as he wanted to. Yeah, it was already one o’clock in the morning, but Chan wanted to stay awake. Seungkwan-- who never really stayed awake past midnight, prefering to get as much sleep as possible, typical teen behavior-- had been in his room and sleep for a few hours now. 

Jeonghan literally had to hold his tongue from saying “Because I said so” at first. Eventually, when Jeonghan finally got tired of trying to reason with the younger, he finally let the words fly from his mouth. 

“I said go to bed, so you’re going to go to bed. That’s that. If you don’t, I swear, Christmas won’t be great for you,” Jeonghan warned. Seungcheol heard nothing more after that, only a door softly closing just a few moments after hearing Jeonghan yell. 

“It’s okay,” Seungcheol sighed. “He’ll be at the door in the morning with an apology cookie.” 

Chan had cookies that he  _ never  _ shared with anyone, and since Jeonghan bought the cookies only when he deserved them, he never  _ had  _ to share either. But whenever he wanted to apologize to someone, he’d offer a cookie as a peace offering. They were his favorite, so they had to be everyone else’s favorite too.

“This is your fault, you know,” Jeonghan said, maneuvering his head on Seungcheol’s chest so he can look up at him. “You spoiled him too much and now he’s a brat.” 

“He’s ten.”

“Exactly. Which is why I shouldn’t have to fight with him like this anymore. He’s not five anymore.” Jeonghan narrowed his eyes at Seungcheol. “Talk to him. Please… He might be more willing to listen to you.”

Seungcheol knew it was true but it was saddening to hear the disappointment in Jeonghan’s voice. Adjusting Jeonghan’s head on his chest, Seungcheol lightly thread fingers in his boyfriend’s hair that he loved so much. He remembered how sad he had been when Jeonghan had cut his long, angelic hair for a shorter hairstyle that was easier to care for. ‘It takes up too much time,’ Jeonghan had said.

“He’s only willing to talk to me because he knows he has me wrapped around his finger,” Seungcheol chuckled. 

“You’re a lot less hot-headed than I am too. I feel like I’m too mean and strict sometimes,” Jeonghan uttered softly. The concern was even more evident now that he was beginning to relax. 

“And I feel like I’m too lenient and passive,” Seungcheol admitted in a quiet hum. “But that’s what makes us a good team. We’re both on two different sides of the spectrum but we make it work. If I was caring for them by myself, they probably wouldn’t even know what discipline was.” 

Jeonghan laughed weakly at that, agreeing that the scenario would most likely be true if Seungcheol were caring for Seungkwan and Chan alone. “They’d probably feel like the house was a prison if I was doing this alone.” 

“Hm,” Seungcheol grunted breathily. Jeonghan knew that it only meant that Seungcheol was only half awake. Without him even noticing it, Seungcheol’s eyes began to slowly close as he drifted in between sleep and consciousness. He hadn’t even known how tired he was. 

Any other day, Jeonghan might tease him and purposefully wake him up just to annoy him but he found himself suddenly out of energy too. He was just as tired. More tired than he had originally thought because he was falling asleep just minutes after hearing the leveled, even breaths from Seungcheol’s slightly parted lips as he slept. 

 

About thirty minutes, Chan had come with a cookie for Jeonghan. He knew that it was incredibly early in the morning and had expected them to be asleep by now, but the light seeping out from under the door made him think that they might actually be awake. Had to be! 

Jeonghan always told him to cut the lights off when they weren’t using them. So they must be awake if the lights were on.

Pressing his ear to the door, Chan was excited that he didn’t hear any of the disturbing noises coming from the room that he heard sometimes when he woke up at night for a snack. The lights were usually off when they did that too though… 

How do they see each other if the lights are off anyway? Chan usually wondered that and still had no answer to it, so just like he did every time he thought about it, he dismissed the thought quickly. 

Instead, he focused on slowly and silently opening the door so he could surprise them. He knew knocking was the right thing to do, but that would just ruin the surprise he had, right? 

But when he opened the door, both Seungcheol and Jeonghan were lying motionless in the middle of the bed, cuddling as they slept peacefully. Chan didn’t have his hearing aids in, but it was silent enough for him to very vaguely hear their steady breaths. 

Chan looked down at the single cookie in his hand, wondering what he should do with it now. Oh! 

“Table,” Chan uttered to himself. He wasn’t sure how loud his voice was by ear, but he mastered the art of whispering without his hearing aids by focusing on the vibrations in his chest. Following through with his plan, Chan carefully made his way to Jeonghan’s side of the bed and placed the cookie on the bedside table, right on top of Jeonghan’s phone so there was no doubt he would see it. 

Chan smiled to himself before he made his quick and silent escape, shutting the door and running back to his room. 

 

***

 

“What are you gonna buy him?” Chan asked for about the fourth time since they entered the mall. Seungcheol was beginning to regret bringing Seungkwan and Chan along to shop for a Christmas gift for Jeonghan. Seungkwan was complaining about being hungry-- Seungcheol had told him that he’d buy food  _ after  _ they found a gift-- and Chan was just being his usual annoying self and asking the same question over and over again. 

“I told you that I didn’t know,” Seungcheol reiterated as he glanced into one of the stores that looked to be full of things like suits, ties, dress shoes, and other stuff like that Seungcheol hated, but Jeonghan loved. 

He knew that Jeonghan was quite fond of things that were flashy and caught people's attention. And while Seungcheol would love to buy him something like that, it was simply too expensive. So he just kept on walking. 

“Give me some suggestions instead of complaining and being annoying,” Seungcheol said. “If you find something good, I might buy ice cream for the both of you.” And by ‘good,’ Seungcheol meant cheap and meaningful. If he wanted to fulfill his promise, Seungcheol would have to have enough money to actually buy the ice cream. He was on a tight budget after he and Jeonghan bought all of Seungkwan and Chan’s gifts just the week before. Speaking of that, he still needed to buy wrapping paper.

“I don’t know. Maybe, clothes or something,” Seungkwan said, gesturing towards the urban clothing shop. 

“Everything in there looks ugly,” Seungcheol snided, continuing to look forward, not even sparing the store a glance. 

“You mean it’s too expensive?” Chan corrected cheekily, scoffing when he saw the way Seungcheol pursed his lips at the comment. 

“Expensive clothes are usually ugly anyway,” Seungkwan chipped in after he’d stopped laughing. Seungcheol immediately agreed. 

“What about a ring?” Chan gasped. “We should get a ring, Cheol!”

“Jeonghan would love that,” Seungkwan said, as they all glanced into one of the stores. Seungcheol would’ve stopped them, but Seungkwan and Chan had already turned into the small jewelry store and were already sliding along the glass cases, looking at all of the rings on display. 

“Jeonghan would hate the amount of money I would have to spend on it though,” Seungcheol murmured as he reluctantly walked into the shop after the younger two. He really hated window shopping because it almost ended with him buying something even if they were on a tight budget. So he just kept Jeonghan’s nagging voice in his head as a constant reminder that “ _ We need this money. If you spend too much, I’m gonna cut you _ .”

Jeonghan was cooking when he told Seungcheol that, so that’s why he threatened the man with a knife. 

“Can I help you with something?” The jeweler behind the counter asked Seungcheol, assuming that the two roaming children belonged to him. The woman smiled at Seungcheol endearingly so Seungcheol sent one in return. 

“Um… No. I’m just looking for a gift for a special someone. Last minute Christmas gift, you know? These two decided to run in here knowing we can’t afford a thing in here,” Seungcheol tried to laugh off his embarrassment. 

“That’s why we’re looking for the cheapest ones,” Chan said from across the quiet store. Seungkwan and Chan were both on their knees marveled at one of the most expensive rings in the place, so it didn’t look like Chan was telling the truth when he said he was looking at cheap ones. 

“Tight budget?” The woman asked, his eyes softening and thinning out as she smiled. 

“Yeah,” Seungcheol admitted sheepishly, stuffing his hands in his jacket, even though he wasn’t really cold anymore. They’d been in the mall long enough now for him to warm up completely. 

“Well, it’s Christmas so we have almost all of the jewelry on some type of sale. And I think it may be possible for you to get a small discount after that too,” the woman said. “So, what type of ring are you looking for? I suggest something from this area because it’s the cheapest in the store. But the quality is still amazing. And also, I can say from experience that it’s the meaning that matters more than how much you spend on it.”

“Um,” Seungcheol thought about just apologizing and leaving the store, but just answered the woman instead as he followed her to the designated case of much more simpler rings. “Something simple, I guess. Seungkwan and Chan could definitely help with this though.”

“With what?” Seungkwan’s voice sounding from right behind Seungcheol, almost scaring him. Seungcheol could have sworn Seungkwan had been across the store just seconds ago. 

“Picking a ring for… Yeah,” Seungcheol didn’t want to ruin his chances at getting this ring for as cheap as possible by saying that the ring was for another man.

“Oh! Lemme pick,” Seungkwan said, but Chan was right there with him. 

“I wanna help pick it out too. You can’t just do it by yourself.” 

“Shut up,” Seungkwan grumbled.

“Cheol, did you just hear Seungkwan tell me to shut up?” Chan whined. 

“Seungkwan…” 

“Don’t you hear him being a brat?” Seungkwan retorted as soon as Seungcheol even finished the younger’s name.

“Chan, please-” Seungcheol tried again.

“No, I’m not,” Chan frowned, pushing Seungkwan. 

“Don’t hit each other. And watch Seungkwan’s cast please-” 

“Yeah, you are. You’re being a brat right now,” Seungkwan huffed, pointing his casted hand in Chan’s face.

Seungcheol inhaled and closed his eyes for a moment, wishing he could disappear. The jeweler however seemed to find it funny. 

“How about we pick a few and narrow it down from there?” She asked, her question mostly directed at Seungcheol but definitely catching the bickering boys’ attention too. 

“That sounds like a plan,” Seungcheol said. With a friendly nod of her head, she kneeled to open some of the glass cases and pick a few rings out for herself.

“Cheol is going to pick the cheapest one,” Chan muttered, his voice loud enough for Seungcheol to hear which was his actual intention in the first place. And just like that Seungkwan and Chan went from bickering to laughing together. The jeweler too, failing to contain her laughter.

“There’s nothing wrong with cheap,”

Even though the joke was about him, Seungcheol couldn’t help but laugh at it too.

 

***

 

Kicking off his shoes by the door, Jeonghan pursed his lips when he was met with silence in their usually loud home. “Seungcheol?” He called out as he carried his bags through the house and to his room. Seungcheol was supposed to be spending “quality time” with the boys so he wasn’t surprised when there was still no noise anywhere around the house, confirming his initial thought that no one was home. 

“Thank God,” Jeonghan sighed, letting all of his tension leave his body as he flopped back on his bed, spreading his arms and legs out on the softness of the mattress. “I’ve been needing alone time for  _ months _ .” He closed his eyes and basked in the soothing sound of… nothing. The most beautiful sound when you lived with two rowdy boys and a silly, clueless boyfriend was silence. 

Jeonghan was so tired that he was simply ready to go to sleep in his work uniform, but then his parental instincts kicked him awake again. He needed to  _ at least _ find out where they were and what they were doing. And maybe even ask them to bring home food tonight so he didn’t have to get up and cook. 

Pushing himself up off of the bed, Jeonghan dug through the pockets of the backpack he carried to work everyday and pulled out his cellphone with a tired yawn. Was he really this tired?

As he went through his notifications, he saw that he had a few emails from work, an old text message from a friend he never opened, and a message from his bank that he’d gotten about an hour ago. Like he tells himself everyday, Jeonghan does trust Seungcheol. He trusts Seungkwan too. He just didn’t believe that things would get done correctly-- ‘correctly’ meaning the way he wanted them to be done-- if he wasn’t watching over the both of them. 

And watching over them included keeping a close eye on how much money was being spent. Jeonghan didn’t get notified  _ everytime  _ they spent money, just when a large amount was spent. 

“What the hell?” Jeonghan grumbled, practically beginning to fume when seeing exactly how much was being spent. They’d  _ talked _ about this. Several times actually. 

Just as Jeonghan had his thumb hovering over the green button to call Seungcheol, there was the loud sound of yelling. 

“Hannie!!!” Of course it was Chan. That’s what he had expected to hear when he entered the house the first time. 

“Coming!” Jeonghan shouted back, trying to keep his voice sweet despite his anger. Chan sounded excited so he didn’t want to ruin that with his own bad mood. It was something that needed to be handled in private. 

“You look like you had fun,” Jeonghan grinned as he entered the living room seeing all three of them eating ice cream cones. “And why’re you guys eating ice cream in the winter?” Jeonghan chuckled weakly, purposefully avoiding meeting Seungcheol’s gaze. 

“We did. And ice cream is good anytime of the year,” Seungkwan said, carefully moving further into the house, mostly focused on trying to eat his ice cream cone with just one hand before it melted.

“I got to ride the public bus for the first time today,” Chan said, proudly. “It’s not as scary as you said.” 

“Jeonghan is just a paranoid, overprotective brother,” Seungcheol chuckled, locking the front door and proceeding to pat Chan’s head gingerly before he saw Jeonghan give him that deadly glare of his. What had he done this time? Did he forget to pick up something from the store again? Well… he did forget the wrapping paper so maybe that’s what was wrong.

Even though the glare went unnoticed by Chan who had continued to talk about all the things he saw while they were on the bus, Seungkwan noticed immediately. 

“Chan, come on. I need help getting my clothes off,” Seungkwan said, wanting to leave the room before the pleasant atmosphere was permeated by Jeonghan’s own anger. 

“Okay. I’ll tell you the rest tonight,” Chan hummed, quickly following Seungkwan to his room, leaving the two oldest of the house alone in the living room. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t pick up the wrapping paper,” Seungcheol said immediately. 

“That’s not what I’m upset about.”

“If you’re mad because I didn’t get any ice cream, I bought some of your favorite candy instead. I didn’t know if you’d be home to eat ice cream or not,” Seungcheol said nonchalantly as he waved the plastic bag in front of Jeonghan as proof. He continued to lick at his ice cream and made his way towards their bedroom, not paying much attention to Jeonghan.

“Do you think I’m that petty to be mad about some freaking ice cream and wrapping paper?” Jeonghan snorted out of annoyance. 

“No,” Seungcheol tossed the bag onto their bed and sat on the foot of the bed next, taking a quick bite of the cone. The fact that Seungcheol looked so unbothered was just pissing Jeonghan off, as if he didn’t know that he’d just spent so much money. 

“So what are you mad about then?” Seungcheol asked leniently. Jeonghan kicked their bedroom door shut behind him. 

“What did you spend so much money on?” 

“What?”

“You heard me, Seungcheol.” 

Seungcheol’s face was twisted in confusion before it fell and he inhaled sharply, a more annoyed look materializing on his face. “You still get notifications from the bank, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do. Seems like I needed it too unless I wouldn’t have known you went and just spent money like we don’t need it,” Jeonghan spat, beginning to pace around the room. 

“I thought we agreed that you wouldn’t treat me like one of the kids. I can handle money,” Seungcheol said, more than just a bit hurt that Jeonghan didn’t trust him. Yeah, he was forgetful but he considered himself responsible enough to handle money. 

“Don’t try to turn this around on me!” Jeonghan yelled, but quickly took a deep breath and lowered his voice again. “What did you even buy?  
“Nothing.” Seungcheol rolled his eyes and stood up, not even interested in hearing Jeonghan any longer. Especially while he was trying to eat his favorite part of the ice cream which was cone that was sadly beginning to soften and become messy. But as Seungcheol started making his way to their bathroom, Jeonghan stepped in front of him, the skin of his face an angry red and tears lining his eyes. He must’ve truly been fuming.

“Did you let Seungkwan and Chan convince you to buy them more gifts? You know how much we spent on them already for Christmas! Why would you buy them anything else? What is wrong with you? Are you really-”

“Jeonghan-”

“Seungcheol!”

“It’s for you, okay.”

“I don’t need anything!”

Seungcheol threw his ice cream cone into their trash can with a loud groan and shoved his hand into his pocket. “I bought you a ring for Christmas.”

“You did?” Jeonghan asked in a quiet voice, eyes lowering to look at the small velvet box in Seungcheol’s hand that he pulled from his pocket.

“Yes,” Seungcheol said, his own annoyance waning at seeing Jeonghan soften. “It was supposed to be a Christmas gift since you always get one for me and I don’t get you one.”

“No, I don’t…” 

“You do. Even if you don’t buy it, it’s still a gift. And I wanted to repay you at least once with something that… shows how grateful I am. But you don’t even trust me and you ruined it…”

“Are you gonna… take it back now?” Jeonghan said, swallowing thickly and using the back of his hand to wipe away the tears that had welled in his eyes. 

“What?” Seungcheol scoffed. “Of course not! It’s for you. Just because you’re being your overbearing, paranoid self doesn’t mean I’m gonna bring it back. I fell in love with that part of you too. Even if it is annoying as hell.”

“Gosh… I feel so stupid,” Jeonghan chuckled to himself and attempted to hide his face. “I’m yelling at you and you just proposed to me… Can we do it over?” 

Seungcheol laughed and slowly put the small box back into his pocket. “I guess we can since you haven’t seen the ring yet. It’s nothing special.” 

Jeonghan giggled and softly pushed his boyfriend towards their bedroom door. “Hurry. I’m gonna act like I’m busy.” 

“Okay, okay.” 

Once Seungcheol was on the other side of the door, Jeonghan began to change out of his uniform just to occupy himself. The shriek he let out when there was soft knocking could come off as just his bad acting, but it wasn’t. It was more that he was more excited than anything. 

“I’m home, stupid,” Seungcheol snickered, not being able to hide his amusement from Jeonghan’s obvious excitement. “I have a surprise for you.”

Jeonghan couldn’t even respond properly with words since he was giggling so much as he pulled on his pajama shirt. “Reallyy?”

Pulling the small box out of his pocket once again, Seungcheol held it out to his boyfriend. “I’m not gonna get on one knee because I remember you said that you didn’t want me to do that.” 

“You remembered.”

“Of course I did. I know that I can’t remember half the shit you tell me to do but I promise, I’m working on it.” They both shared a laugh as Seungcheol neared Jeonghan until he was standing directly in front of the other, opening the small box with shaky hands. “Now I know we can’t get married by the law but that doesn’t mean that I can’t get you a ring that will symbolize everything I feel. No matter what happens in the future, Hannie, I’ll love you, Seungkwan, and Chan for as long as my heart allows. I don’t know what else to say, so-”

“So…” Jeonghan teased, still looking at the simple, silver ring in the box. 

Jeonghan always imagined being able to afford the most extravagant things which is why he worked so hard to get a job that would be able to give him a steady income. But this was just enough because Seungcheol and his brothers picked it out just for him. Simple and sweet, just like their little family. 

“Just put the ring on, dumbass,” Seungcheol teasingly chuckled, rolling his eyes and shoving the box into Jeonghan’s chest.

“Be romantic!” Jeonghan demanded, still giggling.

“Fine. Jeonghan, would you please do me the honor… of putting on the freaking ring,” Seungcheol said, earning him a soft punch to his arm as they both broke down in laughter uncontrollably. When they finally did stop laughing at each other, Seungcheol finally found the confidence within himself when he took one long, good look at his boyfriend’s face and uttered the words, “Please, be my husband.”

“How could I say no?” Jeonghan hummed. He raised his left hand and spread his fingers. “Of course, I’ll be your husband. Now hurry before Chan comes and ruins the moment.”

They both chuckled but they knew it was a true and valid concern. Chan was known for ruining a good moment. And their worries seemed to be true and well predicted because just as Seungcheol had sweetly slid the band on Jeonghan’s finger he heard loud laughing pass by their door and Seungkwan’s yelling.

So they’d have to save all of the romance for the night, instead, opting to just press a few soft kisses on each other’s lips and get changed out of their clothes. Then there was a knock on the door.

“Guys, I told Chan to clean his room. But then he took his hearing aids off and is hiding again.” Seungkwan said from the other side of the door with a tired sigh, already used to Chan doing this. “I need help finding him.”

“We’re coming,” the two yelled back. 

It took quite some time to find Chan because apparently the boy had found a new hiding place in the kitchen cabinets under the sink. They hadn’t found him until Chan sneezed, startling Seungkwan who was in the refrigerator looking for yogurt. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I feel like I just started school and my mid terms are next week so my studying has been taking up most of my time. But I promise after next week, I'll have more time to write. And while I have the plot for my next fic, I have too many lol. I have no idea which one to pick so I guess I'll just have to do it randomly. Or you guys can pick, but I'll do something on tumblr for that. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter! The next one will be Seokmin and Joshua! It'll probably be a bit long since one commenter said the wanted to know a little bit more about Hansol and Junhui's time while they were in the orphanage. But a little warning: It'll be kind of depressing but I'll try to keep it a bit hopeful. And add some fluff because Seokmin and Josh are cute with all the cute pining after each other and stuff. Love you!


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